7/10/04 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

bubblze30 · 07-11-2004, 07:35 AM

Today's thought is:

Moving Forward

Much as we would like, we cannot bring everyone with us on this journey called recovery. We are not being disloyal by allowing ourselves to move forward. We don't have to wait for those we love to decide to change as well.

Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to grow, even though the people we love are not ready to change. We may even need to leave people behind in their dysfunction or suffering because we cannot recover for them. We don't need to suffer with them.

It doesn't help.

It doesn't help for us to stay stuck just because someone we love is stuck. The potential for helping others is far greater when we detach, work on ourselves, and stop trying to force others to change with us.

Changing ourselves, allowing ourselves to grow while others seek their own path, is how we have the most beneficial impact on people we love. We're accountable for ourselves. They're accountable for themselves. We let them go, and let ourselves grow.

Today, I will affirm that it is my right to grow and change, even though someone I love may not be growing and changing alongside me.

bubblze30 · 07-11-2004, 07:37 AM

Iceburg reading this brought me to think of you and your mom. Hope you get something out of this post as I thought of you when I read it.

Iceberg · 07-11-2004, 10:47 AM

This resonates like a mac truck plowing into me. I wish I could send it to my mom but she would only flip out and see it as an empty accusation.

I wrote a long letter to her yesterday and sent it. It had one ultimatum... We need to look for healthier ways to resolve differences and if we can't stop fighting I will have to distance myself from her for a while. I explained that recovery has left me very vulnerable both emotionally and physically. I need to be strong to move into the future. I also said I love her and want her to be a part of that future.

I guess I will have to wait and see what she does. She's a smart woman and has manipulated me over the years into feeling like a little child incapable of having mature responses and relationships... like I said we will have to see.

Thanks again for posting these words of wisdom!
-Iceberg

07-11-2004, 07:35 AM	#1 (permalink)
bubblze30 Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: mass Posts: 1,360	7/10/04 Today's thought is: Moving Forward Much as we would like, we cannot bring everyone with us on this journey called recovery. We are not being disloyal by allowing ourselves to move forward. We don't have to wait for those we love to decide to change as well. Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to grow, even though the people we love are not ready to change. We may even need to leave people behind in their dysfunction or suffering because we cannot recover for them. We don't need to suffer with them. It doesn't help. It doesn't help for us to stay stuck just because someone we love is stuck. The potential for helping others is far greater when we detach, work on ourselves, and stop trying to force others to change with us. Changing ourselves, allowing ourselves to grow while others seek their own path, is how we have the most beneficial impact on people we love. We're accountable for ourselves. They're accountable for themselves. We let them go, and let ourselves grow. Today, I will affirm that it is my right to grow and change, even though someone I love may not be growing and changing alongside me. __________________ "What don't kill us. Will make us stronger"

07-11-2004, 07:37 AM	#2 (permalink)
bubblze30 Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: mass Posts: 1,360	Iceburg reading this brought me to think of you and your mom. Hope you get something out of this post as I thought of you when I read it. __________________ "What don't kill us. Will make us stronger"

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07-11-2004, 10:47 AM	#3 (permalink)
Iceberg Iceberg Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 65	This resonates like a mac truck plowing into me. I wish I could send it to my mom but she would only flip out and see it as an empty accusation. I wrote a long letter to her yesterday and sent it. It had one ultimatum... We need to look for healthier ways to resolve differences and if we can't stop fighting I will have to distance myself from her for a while. I explained that recovery has left me very vulnerable both emotionally and physically. I need to be strong to move into the future. I also said I love her and want her to be a part of that future. I guess I will have to wait and see what she does. She's a smart woman and has manipulated me over the years into feeling like a little child incapable of having mature responses and relationships... like I said we will have to see. Thanks again for posting these words of wisdom! -Iceberg

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