How do you know? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

shelby05 · 07-07-2004, 01:56 PM

Hi all,
I am new to the board. How did all of you know it was time to get off, whatever you were on? I am an occasional drinker. I think my friends and I abuse alcohol. I wouldn't say I am addicted, because I don't crave it or drink all the time. The last time I drank I was in a mood. I drank way to much just to drink. I barely remember much, and woke up sicker than I have ever been. I truely never want to get to that point again. I don't know if alcohol is becoming a problem for me. How do you know. If I am asking this question, is it a sign. I don't know, I have 2 kids and a husband. My life isn't perfect but I have no right to complain about it. I just feel so bla sometimes and I wish I had the sense when I feel like that, I shouldn't drink. I am sure I made a fool out of myself the last time I drank, and I do care....Maybe I am getting too old for drinking for fun, cause Saturday night now, didn't seem like any fun to me....any advice will be appreciated...

Iceberg · 07-07-2004, 02:35 PM

Well, it's hard to say but I commend you for questioning your reasons for drinking and the amount you drink. You have a family and alcohol can hide from the user and others in very sneaky ways...try not to let that happen.

Most people wait to get help when they so-to-speak hit bottom. Yet, other people believe that "hitting bottom" doesn't have to be when you have lost everything to a drug (alcohol) and your life is a mess. "Hitting bottom" can be your own personal revelation that a problem exists for you.... and it's different for everyone.

Defining yourself as an alcoholic is yet another issue. For me, I KNOW alcohol is not the real problem; it is a terrible tool I used to deal with stress. I drank too much and it crept up on me from a drink now and then to relax... to an occasional binge at a party or to cope with stress... to full blown drinking everyday. I didn't have a classic "hitting bottom" but I did find myself questioning my drinking more and more. I also found myself wanting to cut back and not being able to. I am now in an outpatient rehab program learning to identify "triggers" and developing healthy tools to cope with stress.

Alcohol is a drug and should be closely watched, as you are doing.
Good Luck!

Paulie · 07-07-2004, 02:45 PM

Hi and welcome. I was told that if you have to ask, you probalby have a problem. In my opinion if drinking is affecting your life in a negative way, than you shouldn't be drinking. I have friends and family that drink, it does not affect their life to have wine with dinner or something like that.

We are all different and things affect us differently. Hop on over to the AA and Alcohalism boards and do some reading, that may help you understand more the effects of drinking can have.

But to keep it simple, if you don't like the way you feel when or after you drink, that should tell you something.

Again, welcome and I am glad you found us.

**51anna** · 07-07-2004, 03:04 PM

Hi Shelby,

Welcome and I'm glad you found us.

You could try not drinking at all for a period of two months and see how it goes. That should give you a pretty good answer to your question. And, since I stopped drinking, I've found lots of ways to have fun! Hang around and get to know us.

Love, Anna

shelby05 · 07-07-2004, 04:33 PM

Thank you for your responses. You have made me feel better. I already have "rules" for myself when it comes to drinking. I am going to see how that goes, we all probably know how it will turn out...Hopefully I am stronger than I know..If not phase 2 will be Anna's suggestion of no drinking.....I have stopped for long periods, I just hate when I go nuts and I think I don't care, but then the remorse over drinking way too much eats away at me. I always want to be a positive example for my kids. I guess I am growing up, even if I don't want to admit it....I am going to stick around. I will not comment on anyone's posts, seeing that I have no right to help anyone, right now...Thank you for caring, I am glad I found this board...

zoomer · 07-07-2004, 07:07 PM

(((((((huggys shelby))))))) and welcome!

bubblze30 · 07-08-2004, 08:19 AM

I am thinking if you are asking there might be a problem. When we black out this is a sign that we are drinking to much. Occasional drinkers don't black out. Do you drink to have a drink or to get a buzz? Have you found yourself lieing about it? Have you chose drinking over something else? I think even if you think you are an accasional drinker you are welcome here. You may hear someone elses story similar to yours.

shelby05 · 07-08-2004, 01:52 PM

Thank you bubbles, I agree with you that having a black out isn't normal drinking. I am still trying to define "normal" drinking. I am pretty sure mine is not...I just have to get to the point of stopping. I think I am close. I keep track of bad drinking nights. This year there have been 2. Once at a bar, I have now banned myself from bars, and last Saturday night. I was very stressed out and yes, drank to drink, not to be social. I just have to figure this out, and thank you for your help. I am going to stick around and hear stories....Sunday through Friday, I am a good person, its those occasional Saturday nights that are making me second guess myself. we will just have to see.....once again thanks

KelKel · 07-08-2004, 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shelby05

....I am going to stick around. I will not comment on anyone's posts, seeing that I have no right to help anyone, right now...Thank you for caring, I am glad I found this board...

Honey you are definately helping someone, right this second someone somewhere read your words and were reassured that they were not alone in their predicament...

So please post away.

vegancat · 07-08-2004, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KelKel

Honey you are definately helping someone, right this second someone somewhere read your words and were reassured that they were not alone in their predicament...

So please post away.

LOL...too funny! Shelby, this is MY first post and it is to tell you I completely, totally relate to everything you wrote. Now, see, if you hadn't posted, then *I* probably would have just lurked, too, and possibly not actually DO anything about my problems. Anyway, keep posting

.

madmag · 07-08-2004, 02:58 PM

I am new to the board also, but not new to your question. All I can say is, you sound just like I did a few years ago. Unfortuntely, it took awhile for me to get to the right answer, but it took almost ruining my marriage, losing friends, losing a job, and most of all losing my self respect. The fact your asking the question is a good though, the sooner you find the answers, the better off you will be. But I guess that won't be until you are ready.
I guess all I want to tell you is your not alone....in your feelings, in your concerns, in your worries. Read this forum, it helps. It has helped me.

bubblze30 · 07-09-2004, 06:58 AM

Instead of waiting for something drastic to happen. Waiting until you hit bottem. Start now. Stop drinking for a while see if your life changes. See if you can enjoy life without a drink. If you find it hard to quit you are addicted. If the earge is strong you are an alchoholic. Something happend for you to think you belong here. I think you belong here with us. I think trying to figure out the why's,whats,whens and where's just brings us to the same answer we have a problem. Stink around and give yourself a chance. Quit drinking see how it feels. Keep posting too and listening always helps. I came here because my life was unmanageable without a substance. Because I could not go a day without using. Maybe you can but there is only one way to find out and that is to stop. We are all here to support you so what do ya got to lose. If but only an ugly addiction.

shelby05 · 07-09-2004, 07:43 AM

Bubblze, thank you for your post. Something did happen. I drank way too much, couldn't remember, and couldn't take care of kids until 1p.m. To me, that is a problem, even if it is 2 times a year. It should never happen. I am a grown women, and I need to stop acting like an out of control kid....I know all of this, I just have to do it. I am going on vacation this week, so I will be gone. I will let all of you know how it goes. We go fishing with friends every year, kids and all. Lots of fishing, and bonfires. I will try my hardest to keep myself in check. If I do not, I am going to need advice on how to start changing my life. thanks again........

lulu70 · 07-09-2004, 10:32 AM

We are all here for you. I hope your vacation went well. If not, it is okay. You can do anything you want if you are willing to go to any lengths. I have 138 days clean and sober, and if I can do it anyone can! Hang in there and let us know how you are!

twoboys · 07-09-2004, 08:25 PM

... or some sort of "a equals b" formula to know if you have a problem? I've spent so much time worrying about whether I have a problem drinking (i do!); or whether I drink more than this friend or that (sometimes yes, sometimes no); or whether what I thought was "coyly flirtatious" at my dh's office party might actually have cost him a promotion (probably). I realized that "normal" drinkers don't even see that stuff on their radar screens. It wasn't the drinking per se that flicked that light switch for me, it was the wondering about it.

I really wish I had an answer and frankly I don't know why I'm responding; all I know is that I need to not drink the next time I want to drink. If I keep doing that, my kids will continue to have a sober, more competent, albeit a-teeny-bit-grouchier-sometimes Mom. They deserve that much, no?

07-07-2004, 01:56 PM	#1 (permalink)
shelby05 Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: shelbyville Posts: 11	How do you know? Hi all, I am new to the board. How did all of you know it was time to get off, whatever you were on? I am an occasional drinker. I think my friends and I abuse alcohol. I wouldn't say I am addicted, because I don't crave it or drink all the time. The last time I drank I was in a mood. I drank way to much just to drink. I barely remember much, and woke up sicker than I have ever been. I truely never want to get to that point again. I don't know if alcohol is becoming a problem for me. How do you know. If I am asking this question, is it a sign. I don't know, I have 2 kids and a husband. My life isn't perfect but I have no right to complain about it. I just feel so bla sometimes and I wish I had the sense when I feel like that, I shouldn't drink. I am sure I made a fool out of myself the last time I drank, and I do care....Maybe I am getting too old for drinking for fun, cause Saturday night now, didn't seem like any fun to me....any advice will be appreciated...

07-07-2004, 02:45 PM	#3 (permalink)
Paulie It is what it is!!! Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Sobriety Posts: 5,518	Hi and welcome. I was told that if you have to ask, you probalby have a problem. In my opinion if drinking is affecting your life in a negative way, than you shouldn't be drinking. I have friends and family that drink, it does not affect their life to have wine with dinner or something like that. We are all different and things affect us differently. Hop on over to the AA and Alcohalism boards and do some reading, that may help you understand more the effects of drinking can have. But to keep it simple, if you don't like the way you feel when or after you drink, that should tell you something. Again, welcome and I am glad you found us. __________________ I know more about how to live than I did yesterday, but not as much as I'll know tomorrow. Today, Ill learn something new~JFT, 1/27/06 The difference between a good day and a bad day, is about 2 days~Ann of SR

07-07-2004, 03:04 PM	#4 (permalink)
51anna Forum Leader Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 11,028	Hi Shelby, Welcome and I'm glad you found us. You could try not drinking at all for a period of two months and see how it goes. That should give you a pretty good answer to your question. And, since I stopped drinking, I've found lots of ways to have fun! Hang around and get to know us. Love, Anna __________________ Anna "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou

07-08-2004, 08:19 AM	#7 (permalink)
bubblze30 Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: mass Posts: 1,360	I am thinking if you are asking there might be a problem. When we black out this is a sign that we are drinking to much. Occasional drinkers don't black out. Do you drink to have a drink or to get a buzz? Have you found yourself lieing about it? Have you chose drinking over something else? I think even if you think you are an accasional drinker you are welcome here. You may hear someone elses story similar to yours. __________________ "What don't kill us. Will make us stronger"

07-08-2004, 02:58 PM	#11 (permalink)
madmag Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: someplace, somewhere Posts: 58	I am new to the board also, but not new to your question. All I can say is, you sound just like I did a few years ago. Unfortuntely, it took awhile for me to get to the right answer, but it took almost ruining my marriage, losing friends, losing a job, and most of all losing my self respect. The fact your asking the question is a good though, the sooner you find the answers, the better off you will be. But I guess that won't be until you are ready. I guess all I want to tell you is your not alone....in your feelings, in your concerns, in your worries. Read this forum, it helps. It has helped me. __________________ "This too shall pass"

07-07-2004, 02:35 PM	#2 (permalink)
Iceberg Iceberg Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 65	Well, it's hard to say but I commend you for questioning your reasons for drinking and the amount you drink. You have a family and alcohol can hide from the user and others in very sneaky ways...try not to let that happen. Most people wait to get help when they so-to-speak hit bottom. Yet, other people believe that "hitting bottom" doesn't have to be when you have lost everything to a drug (alcohol) and your life is a mess. "Hitting bottom" can be your own personal revelation that a problem exists for you.... and it's different for everyone. Defining yourself as an alcoholic is yet another issue. For me, I KNOW alcohol is not the real problem; it is a terrible tool I used to deal with stress. I drank too much and it crept up on me from a drink now and then to relax... to an occasional binge at a party or to cope with stress... to full blown drinking everyday. I didn't have a classic "hitting bottom" but I did find myself questioning my drinking more and more. I also found myself wanting to cut back and not being able to. I am now in an outpatient rehab program learning to identify "triggers" and developing healthy tools to cope with stress. Alcohol is a drug and should be closely watched, as you are doing. Good Luck!

07-07-2004, 04:33 PM	#5 (permalink)
shelby05 Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: shelbyville Posts: 11	Thank you for your responses. You have made me feel better. I already have "rules" for myself when it comes to drinking. I am going to see how that goes, we all probably know how it will turn out...Hopefully I am stronger than I know..If not phase 2 will be Anna's suggestion of no drinking.....I have stopped for long periods, I just hate when I go nuts and I think I don't care, but then the remorse over drinking way too much eats away at me. I always want to be a positive example for my kids. I guess I am growing up, even if I don't want to admit it....I am going to stick around. I will not comment on anyone's posts, seeing that I have no right to help anyone, right now...Thank you for caring, I am glad I found this board...

07-07-2004, 07:07 PM	#6 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,353	(((((((huggys shelby))))))) and welcome!

07-08-2004, 01:52 PM	#8 (permalink)
shelby05 Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: shelbyville Posts: 11	Thank you bubbles, I agree with you that having a black out isn't normal drinking. I am still trying to define "normal" drinking. I am pretty sure mine is not...I just have to get to the point of stopping. I think I am close. I keep track of bad drinking nights. This year there have been 2. Once at a bar, I have now banned myself from bars, and last Saturday night. I was very stressed out and yes, drank to drink, not to be social. I just have to figure this out, and thank you for your help. I am going to stick around and hear stories....Sunday through Friday, I am a good person, its those occasional Saturday nights that are making me second guess myself. we will just have to see.....once again thanks

07-09-2004, 06:58 AM	#12 (permalink)
bubblze30 Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: mass Posts: 1,360	Instead of waiting for something drastic to happen. Waiting until you hit bottem. Start now. Stop drinking for a while see if your life changes. See if you can enjoy life without a drink. If you find it hard to quit you are addicted. If the earge is strong you are an alchoholic. Something happend for you to think you belong here. I think you belong here with us. I think trying to figure out the why's,whats,whens and where's just brings us to the same answer we have a problem. Stink around and give yourself a chance. Quit drinking see how it feels. Keep posting too and listening always helps. I came here because my life was unmanageable without a substance. Because I could not go a day without using. Maybe you can but there is only one way to find out and that is to stop. We are all here to support you so what do ya got to lose. If but only an ugly addiction. __________________ "What don't kill us. Will make us stronger"

07-09-2004, 07:43 AM	#13 (permalink)
shelby05 Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: shelbyville Posts: 11	Bubblze, thank you for your post. Something did happen. I drank way too much, couldn't remember, and couldn't take care of kids until 1p.m. To me, that is a problem, even if it is 2 times a year. It should never happen. I am a grown women, and I need to stop acting like an out of control kid....I know all of this, I just have to do it. I am going on vacation this week, so I will be gone. I will let all of you know how it goes. We go fishing with friends every year, kids and all. Lots of fishing, and bonfires. I will try my hardest to keep myself in check. If I do not, I am going to need advice on how to start changing my life. thanks again........

07-09-2004, 10:32 AM	#14 (permalink)
lulu70 We all need each other. Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: The road of happy destiny. Posts: 2,223	Keep coming back! We are all here for you. I hope your vacation went well. If not, it is okay. You can do anything you want if you are willing to go to any lengths. I have 138 days clean and sober, and if I can do it anyone can! Hang in there and let us know how you are!

07-09-2004, 08:25 PM	#15 (permalink)
twoboys Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Eastern Massachusetts Posts: 55	Don't you wish there was a how-to book ... ... or some sort of "a equals b" formula to know if you have a problem? I've spent so much time worrying about whether I have a problem drinking (i do!); or whether I drink more than this friend or that (sometimes yes, sometimes no); or whether what I thought was "coyly flirtatious" at my dh's office party might actually have cost him a promotion (probably). I realized that "normal" drinkers don't even see that stuff on their radar screens. It wasn't the drinking per se that flicked that light switch for me, it was the wondering about it. I really wish I had an answer and frankly I don't know why I'm responding; all I know is that I need to not drink the next time I want to drink. If I keep doing that, my kids will continue to have a sober, more competent, albeit a-teeny-bit-grouchier-sometimes Mom. They deserve that much, no?

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