relapse

[historyteach]

Well, I fell.
I've been smoking for 3 days now.
As you know, I was having a reaction to the meds. Doc said I was having a nicotine overdose. However, my neighbor is a shrink. She has done much research on smoke cessation and meds associated with it. (Wish I had know that long time ago, LOL!)
Guess what?
Zyban, (welbutron), CAUSES panic attacks in some people!!!
I was having panic attacks.
ARGHHH!!!!!
Not only that, but, years ago, I went through a horrible time. I was having panic attacks, went to doctor, put on anti-anxiety meds and more. Due to stuff with my son, both the doctor and I figured it was a reaction to the BS of my son's heroin addiction that was causing these panic attacks. Anyway, I ended up in hospital, wanted to die, on MEGA medications, was told to go on permanent disability and stay on meds the rest of my life..... I was STONED out of my mind! Thankfully, I had the fortitude to bag up all the meds, and hand them to my doctor, saying I don't want them - keep them. The psychiatric community warned me I was doomed; I would end up in the hospital again - or worse; that I NEEDED this medication to live and function.
I had never had any prior psychiatric condition at all! Even one of the shrinks commented on that, saying it was very unusual for someone in their 40s to start having these types of problems.
Well, figure this. I was trying to quit smoking when it all happened! Yep, on zyban! And, yep, same panic attacks precipitated all of the above!
I cannot believe this!
I do not blame my doctor or anyone else. I just want to share what happened.
And, I know I have to quit smoking again. Right now, I am reeling a bit over this whole thing.
So, folks, please be aware. Zyban may help some people, but, for me, it almost took my life - literally and figuratively. I attempted suicide once as a result of everything that was happening to me. I thought I was loosing my mind! And I was - medicinally. And, I was told to give up my life and become "disabled" or suffer serious consequences.
I am on the path of ridding my system of zyban now.
I fully intend to quit smoking once again, but, I feel like I need to stabalize myself from this poison.
This was a learning experience for me. And that, is a good thing.
Thanks for listening.

[Iceberg]

I commend you for not hiding and posting your relapse; it's a small setback for now so I wish you the strength from today forward to not use.

In your post you mentioned your son's addiction. I don't know you or your family so if I am off-base please ignore the rest of this. Have you and your family tried a cognitive/behavioral approach to addiction? I am in a c/b rehab program for alcohol and well... alcohol, as it turns out is not the real problem. It is my ability to cope with life's stresses primarily my relationship with my family. Alcoholism and drug addiction has been a problem in my family for many generations, I just want to break the cycle.

I suffer from anxiety and depression and since I quit drinking and have really tried to understand my many mal-adjusted coping skills (like: fighting, shutting down, napping, eating, smoking, drinking, drugs, needless risk taking etc...) I also am aware of "co-conspirators" those things we do to avoid drinking, smoking etc that may turn addictive if we don't kept them in check (like: exercising too much, becoming dependent on therapy when we have the skills, avoiding stress, etc...) In this program I have found I have no cravings at 24 days and I am responding to stresses big and small much better.

Also, I would be VERY leery of anyone suggesting "permanent disability" and would opt for second, third or more opinions.

Peace, Iceberg

[51anna]

I agree with Iceberg, that you would definitely need more than one opinion before you accepted a final diagnosis of 'permanent disability'. I'm sorry you had such a hard time with Wellbutrin. Obviously you were affected by one of the side-effects and it's great that you were aware you needed to question the prescription. I've heard stories of people who became suicidal after beginning to take anti-depressant meds. It seems there needs to be close monitoring in the early phase, at least in some cases. Some people think that mood-altering meds are handed out too frequently.

My point of view is different. I began taking anti-depressants about 4 years ago, after decades of depression, not properly diagnosed or treated. It took trying 3 different meds, but within 3 weeks, my life had changed so much. I was no longer depressed, able to function normally and had no side effects whatsoever. If I stop taking the med, I return to the depression with a couple of weeks.

I do think people need to be more aware of potential harmful side effects from antidepressants, but I hope that they won't be discouraged from trying them if it's possible that it could improve their quality of life considerably.

When you regain your equilibrium I'm sure that the quitting smoking will go well.

Love, Anna

[zoomer]

Wow Teach, that's some story! I'm so very proud of you any way for tying as long as you did with not smoking! I know you'll quit again soon! For 2 years i was on some medication that made my head hurt. I kept telling the doctors,but they thought it was all in my "mind". Well, I just stopped one day and have not had that wierd sensation in my head sence. I was told too that I'd be on medication for the rest of my life. perhaps, perhaps not. I'm OK when I'm not on it,but I do have my breakdowns. Hey I just had a mini one and I'm on medication, so I think I need to learn ride with them just as well as being medicated. Thank you for telling your story! (((((((huggys)))))))))

[historyteach]

The "diagnosis" of permanent disability was over 4 years ago. Needless to say, it was unfounded. I am successfully employed; receive excellent reviews and LOVE my kiddies. They even can tolerate their history teacher! LOL!
So, obviously, that prediction was faulty. I am pissed off that they would attempt such scare tactics, however. NO ONE ever looked at the meds that I WAS on; they just prescribed stronger ones and different ones. It scares the sh*t out of me to think of what MIGHT have happened, had I not been a hard nosed b*tch who said, "NO!" (And believe me, some of them DID consider me a b*tch or worse. F*CK them! They might TRY listening!)
Bottom line, listen to your body. It ususally knows far more than someone else.
Thank you so much for your support. I really appreciate it.
Ice, I am aware of C/B therapy. In fact, I teach it as a behavioral tool to my students, LOL! But, you sound far more advanced than I am. Can you give me some links to learn more? Would appreciate it.
Take good care of yourselves, everyone!

[bubblze30]

Yes teach some meds actually work for some but can really hurt others. A friend of mine was on depakote so I told my doc I wanted to try it. Well it poisoned my blood and made me insane. In the hospitol a week and found out I was poisoned by it. Your body is just allergic(one might say) to this medicine. You can quit again as you did before. You have proven yourself to have the power to quit so you know it is possible. Don't beat yourself up. You will get it.

[bubblze30]

Yes teach some meds actually work for some but can really hurt others. A friend of mine was on depakote so I told my doc I wanted to try it. Well it poisoned my blood and made me insane. In the hospitol a week and found out I was poisoned by it. Your body is just allergic(one might say) to this medicine. You can quit again as you did before. You have proven yourself to have the power to quit so you know it is possible. Don't beat yourself up. You will get it.

[bubblze30]

Yes teach some meds actually work for some but can really hurt others. A friend of mine was on depakote so I told my doc I wanted to try it. Well it poisoned my blood and made me insane. In the hospitol a week and found out I was poisoned by it. Your body is just allergic(one might say) to this medicine. You can quit again as you did before. You have proven yourself to have the power to quit so you know it is possible. Don't beat yourself up. You will get it.

[namommy]

Teach,

It's OK that you started smoking again. You will try to quit again. Don't beat yourself up over it. I am no stranger to being mis-diagnosed and I did go out on permanent disability at the suggestion of my doctors. I finally found out that I had been mis-diagnosed and put on meds that I didn't need that were actually making me sicker, and now I am getting the proper help and I am back to work.

I admire the fact that you even want to quit smoking. I haven't even considered it for a long time now. I don't understand myself some days, I work in a non-smoking environment, we can't even smell like cigarettes, so I have to work any where from 8 to 14 hour shifts without smoking and it doesn't bother me, not even a craving. Yet, when I am not at work I lose my mind if I run out of cigarettes and chain smoke. Go figure.

[historyteach]

thanks, bubblze. I am not beating myself up - well, not too bad, lol!
namommie, I appreciate hearing your story. WOW! I am certainly glad you are ok now. I appreciate everyone's support. I will get back on that bandwagon. I'm already sick of smoking, sinuses a mess and I'm coughing again! Now THAT is an incentive!
Take care of yourselves all!

[bubblze30]

Glad to hear. I am not sure why my reply posted 3 times. LOL. I am close to quitting myself I am so sick of the taste the heartburn. I don't cough or anything but I truly am sick of nicotine. Someday real soon I will jump on the wagon with you.
Being in the mental ward for a week sure scared me. To think a doctor was poisoning me. The same person you goto to get fixed up was killing me. Scary Aye! Remember to keep a list of all meds that do that for the future.

[Iceberg]

Hi teach,
A website where you can find more info on the cognitive behavioral approach:

http://www.4therapy.com/consumer/lif...categoryid=534

Please note this theory came out of the cocaine epidemic of the 80s because coke users were not succeeding in 28-day programs. Their addiction was more complex. Since then they have found this approach is VERY effective with all forms of addiction - DUH.