I'm in pain...

[kleengal]

So I went to a 12 step meeting for the first time in several months. Actually I haven't been going to meetings regularly for at least 5 years. By the grace of God, I'll acknowledge 7 years clean in November.

Anyway, my real motive for going to the meeting was to escape the pain of a relationship that has gone pretty sour. I still love the jerk... (familiar sounding story, huh?) I suspect but can't be sure that he has cheated on me. Just being suspicious drives me nuts. Of course, he totally denies doing anything wrong.

My bf is pretty low key and up until a few weeks ago had been pretty wonderful. We've been together about a year and a half. He's always home or at work. He always answers my calls. We spend every weekend together. So when things started happening out of the ordinary... like him telling me he was going out with his buddies on a Friday night, but being vague about WHO he was going to be with... I started getting suspicious. There were a couple other signs that I don't want to spend time going into right now.

So yesterday I acted out. I headed to his house, uninvited. When I was almost there I called him. We had been fighting so he was still upset and said he didn't want me to come over. Boy did that hurt. I turned my car around. But I called him back, we argued some more, we hung up and he turned on his answering machine. I left some very ugly messages on his voicemail. I was angry! He has also said a couple of ugly things to me in the past when he was mad, but I forgave him.

You guys don't know me, but please believe me... ranting and raving is very out of character for me. I am not a suspicious and jealous woman unless someone gives me reason to be. We spoke today, but the bottom line is, I guess we have broken up. I need to let him go, but I don't want to. I want him and love him anyway. There's more to our story, but it's too long.

So I went to the meeting hoping to get some relief and 90 minutes of NOT thinking about my relationship. It actually felt pretty good to be in a meeting, and I did get a little help after the meeting from an old-timer who gave me the number of a woman who has about 20 years and who he said is going through similar relationship troubles. I guess I'll call her. I also plan to go to more meetings all the rest of this week.

Anyway, I just wanted to vent a bit. Thanks for listening. And this looks like a great recovery site.

[historyteach]

Kleengal;
Welcome to SR! You are right, this is a great site! You will find many people here with whom to share, identify with and commiserate.
Congratulations on 7 years! WOW! Keep up that good work!
Glad you came and vented. Hope things work out with your b/f. And, I hope to see you here often as we grow in our recovery.
Shalom!

[Iceberg]

A wise woman once said to me "Rejection is God's protection." Make yourself as busy as possible and time will heal this wound for you... that's for sure!
-IcebergXX
Congrats on 7 years! You are truly an inspiration.

[zoomer]

Sounds like to me he wanted to either cool things down or break them off. It does not matter the reason, he is saying "I need my space and back off". The best thing to do is to stay busy like other's have suggested. You need to mourn to get over him if this is indeed the end. Your doing the best thing right now by talking about it and your feelings with other women.

[Ann25]

Hang in ther Kleen!!
I know it hurts...........I dont have any advice on getting over a relationship but you said you felt better after going to a meeting. That is awesome. Shows your higherpower is working!! Keep going to those meetings. Stay strong. Keep busy!! And pray pray pray.

[Rowan]

Hi, I'm Rowan and I'm an alcoholic. It's good to have you here. Do you know what I could identify with in your post? Going to a meeting when things were not going well in my life, whether with a relationship or something else that was creating strife. Today, I have learned that I need to go to meetings at least 4-5 times a week (but I only have 10 months in this time) in order to stay spiritually fit, and to get out of myself. Left to my own devices, I think way too much, and that's not a good place for this alcoholic to be. I think it is wonderful that you have 7 years! No small accomplishment!
Why don't you let go of the outcome of your relationship. I'm sure your b/f knows how you feel. Why don't you focus on you, and just accept what happens? Acceptance for me is one of the hardest lessons, but one that almost always pays off in the end. Please keep posting in here and let us know how you are doing, there are wonderful people in here. Keep coming back.

[bubblze30]

I hate to say it and hated it being said to me. Someone once told me "ya know the icky feeling you get in the pit of your stomach" trust that feeling nine times outa ten its true. I think going to meetings is a good idea. Not just for the week but regularlly just make sure you don't rebound. I hope you feel better soon and I know its hard when you get used to something and it shifts its very uncomfortable. Howeva change always is.

[kleengal]

Wow, thank you all for your words of welcome, encouragement and understanding. You make me remember how awesome and nonjudgmental recovering addicts and alcoholics can be! And God is working, because even before I read your posts, I prayed -- all last night til I went to sleep, and again this morning. And this morning, I feel more at peace because I had turned the outcome of this relationship over to Him. Then I log on here and, lo and behold, the message is so clear!

I especially want to thank the young lady with 10 months. You go girl! You sound like you are doing wonderfully, and you really helped me. And I will keep going to meetings. I need the help, and I also believe I have some wisdom and experience to share to other recovering addicts.

I am also grateful that I found this site. I'll keep coming back. Thanks again, everyone.

[Ann25]

Glad to hear you are a little better!! Praying always makes me feel a little better. And going to meetings is the key. Keep it up! You need to take care of yourself first!!!!!!

[Chy]

Hi and welcome!

I'm glad you found some ease in a meeting. Us AAers know where to go to get out of ourselves, if it's just for a bit aye? As mentioned, trust your instincts. If it's meant to be he'll be back. But I'm sure it's a terrible feeling your going through now. Know we're here for you and we're glad you found us!

[kleengal]

We have reconciled. We had several long, serious talks over the past couple of days... all initiated by him. I believe that since I put this relationship in God's hands, it must be God that guided my BF back to me (I promise you... I did not meddle in it at all!) And I also trust that He is leading my BF to try to make things right with me.

He continued to deny any cheating, and without proof, all I can do is put my suspicions away and go forward from here. I will keep my eyes open, of course, and he knows that whatever he was doing, he won't be able to do it anymore and have me too! He also apologized for being insensitive. He said he loves me (several times) and wants to work through our problems, together. Along with God, I talked to all of my girlfriends A LOT about all of this. In the end, everyone (and me) believes this relationship is worth another chance.

So thank you all, again, for your support. I'll continue to keep coming back!

[bubblze30]

It sounds great that you are back together. However remember to keep your eyes open. You don't want to be hurt again. I am sure the feelings you had in the first breakup were enough to last a life time. If it is meant to be it will survive any storm. So continue to be in a close relationship with your higher power and continue to work on yourself and you will be stronger and healthier. I pray for you to enjoy happiness.

[Rowan]

Thank you for letting us know what had happened. I'm glad you're happy. You deserve it. Don't ever let go of your recovery. For me it's real easy to get distracted from my program and put my focus on my s/o. God Bless. Keep coming back!