Moving

[HHButterfly]

Im moving and I have such mixed emotions. I havent been able to afford where I live and have gotten behind so Im moving in with my mom. I feel like such a loser and a complete failure. I havent lived with mom since I was 17 (about 15 years ago). I know she wouldnt even have asked me to if I was still using and drinking. Im gonna find my own place again after I get caught up. But I still feel bad.

My counselor said that its a good thing because my mom couldnt give me what I needed when I was young. She had serious mental health problems and was suicidal much of the time. She was always in and out of psych. wards. But now she does really well with my younger brothers and sisters.

Im trying to be positive. Ill be able to get closer with my mom and my brothers and sisters. But I just feel so guilty and disappointed in myself.

And I dont seem to handle change very well anymore. I handled change great when using. But I think it was probably because I just didnt care. Now I get so stressed. I dont know. Like I said Im having mixed emotions. Im just really uneasy.

Thanks for listening.
Heather

[zoomer]

(((((((((huggys Heather))))))), I did't get close to my mom until after I was an adult. And even then it was mixed emotions from the past and present. I did try at one point in my life to live with her,but her way of life was not my own. Then she too moved here with me and again it did not turn out all that great. We just had different mindsets. Anway, just know it's not forever and your lucky to have a place to turn to in your time of trouble. We all go through our ups and downs,just make the most of this opertunity to bond with your mom and sibs and to build on a new start for yourself.

[Paulie]

I agree with Zoomer, look at this as a gift. When I first got sober I lived with my mom for a year, I was 31 years old, it was really hard! but it was really good for us and having that constant support was awesome.

It is not forever, get caught up on things, a new start.

[51anna]

Hi Heather,

I'm sure you have mixed feelings about moving back in with your mother, but it sounds like it's a good decision. You can use some time to get back on your feet, maybe set a time limit for yourself so you have a goal. And try to see it as an opportunity to renew and reacquaint with your family members.

Love, Anna

[boop64132]

I agree with Zoomer,Paulie,and Anna!

I too did not have a good relationship with my Mom unti I was grown.
This could be great for you.Dont consider yourself to be a loser!!
You will have a chance to get things the way you want and need them to be.
Chin-Up!

[bubblze30]

Like you said your mom would have never let you move in if you were still using. I understand how you feel however. You are more then likly thinking " I am clean why cant I live on my own". Don't let yourself think like that because situations happen wheather we are addicts or not. Be greatful you have the oportunity to go home. Also like your counselor said it gives your mom the chance to make up for some lost time. So embrace the help. As my councelor says utilize don't antalize LOL. You will be back on your feet before you know it. Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes its hard to understand why. You will be OK though so enjoy this time you have with your mom and family.

[HHButterfly]

Thanks everyone! Im feeling better about things. I think this can be a new start for me. And Ill get to know my little brothers and sisters again. I think I need to have a new, better relationship with all of them. I have been very negligent about being a good big sister! Im really looking forward to it. And it will be good to spend some time with my mom now.

Thanks Again-
Heather

[bubblze30]

Ther ya go a positive thought always makes us feel better. You found the good in it. I wish I could do that with some or all of my situations I try. I am glad you found a positive thought.