im sorry dont feel right comin here right now

[wastedtime4me]

Hi ladies
I still come here and read.I just dont feel right posting.even now!!!
My only option right now is to take pills.Yet me being me i feel it just isnt living a clean and just life!! I always wonder whart dot is up to...Always happy to see she still around and wonder where is indingo and trooth??
O ki have no right to be here,,I am about to go through sugery and am going to an ms specialistMORE PillS!!!I must go i will always lurk but really dont belong here anymore!!!Thank you for always being here for me...
Wasted

[Paulie]

First of all never think you cannot post. SR is here for everyone!! Second, IMO there is nothing wrong with taken medication as perscribed. If you are in pain and your dr has given you a perscription, take them as you are instructed to, that is fine.

I have been blessed to be clean and sober for over 8 years now. There have been several times for different reasons that I have taken medication. I take them as perscribed, and toss the rest if I don't need them. That is okay. Don't feel you have done something wrong.

Part of being sober is learning how to take care of ourselves, treating ourselves with love and respect.

Give your self a break.

[51anna]

Hi Wasted,

I agree totally with Paulie! I'm glad you're here and I hope you keep posting anytime you feel like it. Hang in there.

Love, Anna

[zoomer]

Hi wasted, I don't think I know you,but everyone belongs no matter what! Post away. I'v been in the dumps the past week and have been posting like crazy just to get the feelings out. I take antidepressents as prescribed,so what! Remember "everyone counts and everyone is important"!

[dotcom]

always!!

i hope you come back and post! shoot, if i was having surgery i would take the pills too. do not be ashamed to post! we all love you. like the others said, i hope you feel free to post all the time! vent, whine, do what youve got to do. it might make you feel better! and plus, we all are here for ya. im rocking on and will be sure to pray for your surgery. hang in there! ok? and please please please post soon!

hugs and love,

dot

[LettingGo]

Always,

I know that feeling of "unworthy to post". I have been around SR for a little while now, and there have been sober and unsober times (pills, alcohol, whatever.... ) Anyways, I guess that is when you have to tell yourself that it is the disease of addiction that whispers these things to you. Many times SR has kept me clean & sober. A couple of times it helped get me that way... Don't be afraid to post. It may be one of the few places you can do so without judgement.

Take care,

[namommy]

Please don't beat yourself up for something you are powerless over. I have been clean for over 7 years and have had to take medication in the past. I once had a problem with thinking that I couldn't take anything. Then, a very wise woman from my area (who has passed and I miss her very much) told me "we came into recovery to stop suffering". As long as you take it as prescribed for the reason it is prescribed, it's OK. Taking care of ourselves is the best way for us to make amends to ourselves.

[Chy]

Don't let a means of support slip by the wayside. Please continue to post, express your feelings, and allow us to be there to hold your hand. We're all in this together!

[bubblze30]

Wastedtime4me You do belong as well as us all. You must not feel that way. You have a desire this is why you came here to post. So stick and stay. Without you my recovery would not be. I need each and every individual in this site to help me with me. I know you may feel you dont have anything to contribute or you dont belong the truth is you do belong. We all belong. Please stay we can help each other.
Also if you are perscribed med for a ailment and taking them as perscribed it is valid, and if not you sound like you want to stop and this is the place to be. In time you will see.

[wastedtime4me]

Peekin around the corner at all you beautiful ladies...
Thank you sooo very much for all your kindness!!!!!!!
It sure as he!! is getting to be a heavy load for me lately i am so thankfull for you guys!!! I am not "in" the program right now and just dont feel right! about comin here regular as of yet!!
There are no excuses for what i have been doin only choices i have made!!!
Instead of facing adversity i let it knock me down!!!!
I lost my job due to not being able to work my behind off any longer!!!
I have moderate carpel tunnel..I am absolutely certain in "both" hands..Confirmed so far in one!!! I am going to an orthapedic surgeon tomorrow and will very likely be having surgery very soon!!!My hands are useless these days and hurt all the time!!! I also have in my right hand severe nerve damage up to the elbow /numbness in the ring/pinky finger.Also have pain and burning in my neck and shoulders that they cant figure out where its coming from yet!!!I have had many tests ..One in particular shows that i have spots on my brain<sigh>I held on and kept holdin and then finally i let this one take me down..I have no excuse just a bad choice i made!!! I am being sent to a specialist for Multiple sclerosis!!!! Can it really get any worse????????I shouldnt even be askin that friggin question !!! I have been going through all this for 2 months i tried to ignore it the first month then when i woke up with a completely numb hand one day i knew i could ignore it no longer!!! This last week my "wonderful" doc FINALLY gave me a pill that made the friggin burnin pain stop..Then i began to break out in hives and itch all over..I have been through so much crap and have been treated like i am enjoying my self so much ..I just didnt tell anyone!!Then 2 nights ago i woke up choking on my own fluid and couldnt get any air it seemed..I jumped out of bed feelin kinda unconcious and tried to get a drink thats when i realized i couldnt swallow!!Apparently i was having an allergic reaction to the only med that had helped me!!!!! As of the past 2 days i am taking nothing but benadryl to try and get this outta my system!!! Have been drinkin lots of waterI have been on many muscle relaxers this month and pain pills even though they dont stop this kind of pain.. so i said screw it all... once i was told it is very likely that i have MS..I just threw the towel in..I am right back to square one!!!
Only now i have my concious talkin real loud to me!!!! Even if my family dont know..I know!!!! If the doc doesnt tell some good news tomorrow i am very serious i just dont know what state of mind i am gonna be in...I am at the end of my rope.I went from being a hard working woman that went to work everyday and talked w/people and made people laugh and laughed with others to sittin in a recliner just about all day because it is terrible to burn all day long in your neck/shoulder area!!!with absolutely no money comin because the place i worked for only had 2 employees and wasnt required to carry workers comp..I was greedy and took most of my pay under tha table and now i must pay the piper!!!!!! I didnt submit enough hours to even qualify for unemployment according to the records i worked 12 hours a week when it was really 30 hrs a week..I will never do this again...Famlous last words i guess..hubby is on a complete control trip now that i am not bringin in any money.i am bein watched like a hawk and he asks me every day if i have any reciepts for him .If he thinks i didnt need to buy somethin then i hear about it!!! Thanks for listenin to my rambling Just thinkin about smokin pot today makes me sick...I dont want to go back and i know it isnt an answer to any of my problems!!!! It will soon become an immediate issue i will have to deal with if i play fire this time i will get burnt!!!!!!! Keep me in your prayers for the strength to not pick up again...its only been 24 hours as of now!!!

[zoomer]

(((((((((((((((((((huggys)))))))))))))))),wow that is a lot to deal with! I'll be thinking about you going to your doctor... Let us know the news!

[In memory of miracle]

Only 24 hrs???Congradulations! My heart goes out to you and I am sorry for your pain.I hope you are soon feelin better and continue to post :kisshug: Trish.

[indigo]

Hey Wasted,
Just saw your postings, I am here looking thru when I can. I am spending a lot of time at hospital (sleeping there) as my partner needed surgery and they found an heart problem I am also coping with five puppies visitors due for three weeks and my son has been in hospital for a month and is due out on monday so I am pretty busy, you are in my heart and I will be back when the chaos ends.
Love indigo x

[Jaguar0425]

I'm not a doctor but am familiar with everything your wrote about in your post. Has your doctor done an MRI of your neck? I had all of the same symptoms. I was being treated for CTS because my hands were going numb at night and they became so weak I couldn't open a jar. I was also sent to physical therapy for torn rotor cups because I had pain in my shoulders and neck. I hadn't slept thru the night for years. I had a problem with balance. I happened to ask my back surgeon if one of my symptoms were normal for CTS. He immediately ordered an MRI and found that I had a compression fracture at C5 & C6. All of those individual symptoms were caused by this problem. I had a simple surgery where they fused my spine with titanium plates and cadavor bone with 6 screws. Recovery was nearly painless. I was up and about in less tehn 2 weeks.

[bubblze30]

Sorry to hear the load you carry. This is tough to look at but you are taking care of it. This is a good thing I dont know about you but I never took care of myself. So thats one positive thing to look at, you are taking care of yourself.Please stick around if only for the support. You are welcome and a very important part of my recovery. You may not feel it but you are. My prayers are sent to you each night I lay down to rest.

I have a friend that has MS. They had also found Fibro myalgia not sure how to spell it but your symptoms reminded me of how she felt.

[ssindi]

Wasted you will be in my prayers!! Sorry for all the suffering your going through. I developed epilepsy 10years ago and had to stop work and sit home for four years. Now I'm back at work. Maybe things will get better, keep the faith and hang in there. I feel for you. Take care.

[Mazieks]

Originally Posted by wastedtime4me

Hi ladies
I still come here and read.I just dont feel right posting.even now!!!
My only option right now is to take pills.Yet me being me i feel it just isnt living a clean and just life!! I always wonder whart dot is up to...Always happy to see she still around and wonder where is indingo and trooth??
O ki have no right to be here,,I am about to go through sugery and am going to an ms specialistMORE PillS!!!I must go i will always lurk but really dont belong here anymore!!!Thank you for always being here for me...
Wasted

You are always welcome here we will never throw anyone out. We come here to share and get on with our lives with each other help.

[wastedtime4me]

this has got to be the best group of people i have ever met on the net!!
i have my rght arm in a cast so i am typing with my left index finger and thumbin the shifter..lol..doctor wants to immobilize my entire arm in hopes that the ulnar nerve will heal itself....i can tell by my fingers ,,it feels the same .but my neck isnt burnin as bad..time will tell.i have to wear this for 2 weeks...
its too hard to do caps and corrections.it takes me long enough to just type..period..so bear with me
thanks to all of you..i still havent smoked anymore since my last post.i am taking meds as prescribed though.i dont feel like i am clean because i wont lie.i do enjoy the feeling..enuf said..it is a must that i flexeril and topamax ..
i am not eating them like candy but taking them evry 4-5 hours..topamax is am and pm..
i havent drank in 5 months and dont plan on becoming a party gal again either..i am completely disgusted w/myself for takin some steps back...if i were to get caught tokin again...i will lose everything i care about...i love my family more than getting high for an hour...the burden i am carrying isnt worth it...i have enough to deal with already...thank you for sharing your info about yourselves or friends you have known going through this..i hope someday pretty soon to get back out there and find a job and start making some money again it seems eternal right now ...just typing that brings such sadness to my heart..i really miss the people at the diner where i worked and my sister..we used to laugh even when we were working hard...never a dull moment in that luil place...i hate change but have no choice in the matter now..the old saying god doin for me what i couldnt do for myself...well thank you again for lettin me know i am alwaya welcome..i am readin here every day even if i dont post..

[zoomer]

Hi WT4M,thank you for coming back to post. Ugh, we all have slips and slides (most of us anyway),so it's important to get back on track ASAP. Good for you typing and all,it shows that you are trying hard even though your in pain. As long as your doing what the doctor tells you to do about your medication,you are not cheeting although I do understand about liking the side effects Keep up the good work and keeping posting!

[51anna]

Hi Wasted,

I'm glad you're back posting too! I hope your arm heals in the time that you're resting it. I took Flexeril a couple of times for a week or so when I had muscle spasms in my back. It's medication for a purpose! Don't be so hard on yourself. You're doing great and you have a great attitude. Keep posting, if you can.

Love, Anna

[wastedtime4me]

Originally Posted by Indigo

Hey Wasted,
Just saw your postings, I am here looking thru when I can. I am spending a lot of time at hospital (sleeping there) as my partner needed surgery and they found an heart problem I am also coping with five puppies visitors due for three weeks and my son has been in hospital for a month and is due out on monday so I am pretty busy, you are in my heart and I will be back when the chaos ends.
Love indigo x

i am sorry to hear about your hubby and son...i was wondering why i hadnt seen you posting..i hope everything works out for the best..i used to be alwaysrunnin..just in case your wondering who is this person..lol
best of luck with everything indigo

[zoomer]

LOL, I'm sorry but I had to laugh WT4M Sue is not a hubby! LOL Indigo tell Sue and she'll get a kick out of it! (((((((((Huggys WT4M)))))) you just made my day and probibly Indigo's and Sue's too! Honest mistake for sure!

[wastedtime4me]

i went back and re read and then read it again and finally my pea brain understands..
sorry indigo and <cough................. sue .............cough> imbarrassed girl here..liol