I Can't seem to move on....

[LettingGo]

As many of you know my mom and closest friend has been diagnosed with lung cancer that has moved to her brain as well. The initial shock was intense of course. But everyone else seems to be able to hold it together and be strong around her and for her. I am usually the strong person out of our family to but not in this situation. I even see her and I cry. I see the scar from her scope surgery and get weak in the knees. I look at her when she coughs and just imagine that she is couging around this great big growth within her chest. I went to a movie Sun. with her and my daughter, and choked back tears the whole time.

I realize these are precious moments and I should cherish everyone of them, but I almost can't be around her. It hurts too much. That sounds strange but it is kind of how I feel. I can concentrate on anything, I want to sleep, I feel just overwhelmed with the kids and the baby..... but mostly I am just heartbroken over my mom. Any thoughts on this are welcome. Thanks.

[Paulie]

(((Jamie)))

If that is how you feel it is not wrong, you are allowed to feel that way you feel. You don't have to be like everyone else and handle things the way they are. Cry, it is okay. Maybe even sit with your mom alone and tell her what you are feeling, cry with her. I am sure she knows how much you love her and I am sure she understands the hurt that you are feeling. Share it with her. It may help you both more than you think.

[Bonni]

(((Jamie)))((hugs))
I'm so sorry about your mom, and that your having so much pain. I wish there was something I could say or do to help you.
The one thing I would suggest that might help you right now, is to maybe try grief counseling, with a therapist, or a minister. It sounds like you are in a real deep depression with this, which is understandable. Thats why I feel like it might help you if you went to a therapist, or someone professional who can help you deal with this. I wish there was something else I can say or do to help you. I lost my father to cancer so I can relate to how you feel. If you ever want to talk to me PM me or e-mail me, I'm always here for you. I'm sending some prayers your way. for you and your mom, and your friend. Love you, dear little sister. Love, Bonni ((big hugs))

[51anna]

Jamie,

I absolutely agree that there is no way you 'should' feel and try to take that burden off your shoulders. I think, in circumstances such as yours, you have a perceived image of how you should act and it seems like it's causing you a lot of pain. Just feel the way you do. And Paulie's suggestion to share your feelings with your mother is a really good one. Another thing, this is a time of overwhelming pain for you, and it's my experience that it is during such times, that we can really learn and grow. Open yourself to the experience and see what you can learn about yourself, your family and your life.

Love, Anna

[zoomer]

Hi jamie, they usally have grief counsling after the death,but I too was looking beforehand because i was hurting so much from the thought of losing my mom. I kept in contact with her everyday,but did't see her for almost 2 years. I chickened out a few times because I was afraid to fly from 9/11 and plue I did't want to face losing her or seeing her in so much pain. I took care of her at the end. make sure that you try and get some help with that. I was all alone and it was a big trama for me. Consentrait on trying to make all her wishes come true even dumb ones like BBQing hot dogs on the grill or eating strawberrys. A drive in the country, eating at her favorite fast food place. My mother and I lived it up in her last few weeks and she came alive again and lived a full life that she did't because no one was there to push her (she also did't want us there to see her sick) also take lots and lots of pictures and let her take pictures of you too. If you had a last journey to go on wouldent you make it the best possible. I knew she would not make it til the forth of july,so i hung 4th of july decorations up for her and she got a big kick out of it. It was hotter than hell and we went on a big shopping spree and she got all new clothes event hough we both knew she would never wear them,but she loved the ones she got to wear and she bought me some too! I felt weird accepting anything from her,down right guilty,but it made her happy and now I wear them all the time and remember her in her wheel chair running people over to get at some clothes. Also last but not least after I lost her I went to a chat room called Groww and got tons of support and being around others who just lost someone. Nothing but huggs all the time and nothing is too wierd or sad for them to hear about. Keep us posted and remember you are not alone.

[dotcom]

(((jaime))) i will keep you in my prayers. like the others said, what your feeling is not wrong, they are your feelings. hugs and prayers coming your way!

dot

[ButterflyChaser]

(((((((((((((((((((((Jamie))))))))))))))))))))) Ya'll are in my prayer!!!

[LettingGo]

Thanks to all. I am feeling better today. My mother who is brutally honest, told me that if I would get out of this funk and be available to her emotionally that it would be a lot less selfish of me! LOL God love her. She is one honest woman. Feeling better and trying to remain in the today of today!

[In memory of miracle]

(((jamie)) I feel for you..I took care of my Dad,I admire you for dealing as well as you are.Sometimes if we dig deep we find the strength we need.We all handle grief differently no one way is right.Be gentle with yourself right now.I am prayin for you and your family,love,Trish

[True Blue]

(((Jamie))) My thoughts & prayers are with you.

[Paulie]

(((Jamie)))

[Bonni]

(((((Jamie)))))
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mom. Enjoy your days together. Love you, Bonni ((hugs))

[wingsfree]

(((((Jamie))))) my prayers are with you too. You know what, don't even try to understand your feelings about this at all. You're doing what your body is telling you to do to cope with this. It's one heck of a shock, that's for sure. When we get the rug pulled out from under our feet, we never know how we'll react, and if you need to cry, you cry those tears, wash away the pain.

You just recently had that beautiful baby boy, so think about that too, your body has went through some major changes.

Sending tons of love, hugs, and extra prayers your way........Denise

[Chy]

Thinking and saying many prayers for you and your family Jamie!

[bubblze30]

Letting go. I am sending my prayers to your family and friends. This sounds like a very tough thing to handle strongly. You have feelings and no matter how hard you try they will still be there. It is unfortunate but the only thing you can do is accept what is going on. I know easier said then done. You have the right to grieve and to cry and to hurt and well to feel all of your feelings are valid. You can not always be a rock. I think you should feel your feelings no matter how tough they are for strength will come out of them. I send my prayers. Find a quiet place and cry and scream and get it out. Holding it in can hurt worse then feeling your feelings.