Flying to Indiana

[liveweyerd]

Sis and I booked tickets to go see daughter and grandson mid-May. First time I have been "home" in 18 months! :band

[liveweyerd]

Well, where is everybody???? hahahahahahha

Really I am feeling very tired, sad and discouraged today.
I called an attny in Indiana to initiate a lawsuit for just compensation on my lease back in IN and he says they have me over the barrell, I just lose it all.
I want to go home, crawl back in bed, stick my nose in a book, sleep and stay there for a few days.
Just got to make it through the day, and cuddle myself up at 5pm....which seems like it is over the rainbow....the end of the day, that is.

[Paulie]

I'm sorry to hear that Live. Sometimes things just are not fair. It is okay to feel bad for a few days. Curl up with your book tonight!!!!

[liveweyerd]

Thanks, Paulie! That felt like a hug!!!!!

[Paulie]

It was!!!!!!!!

[liveweyerd]

You know my favorite comfort; blush; that is love. Thank you.
First I am going to pay the bills. I am GRATEFUL that I have the financial independence to do that. Ten years of touch and go; I think I have turned this corner......hug myself!!

[Paulie]

Isn't that a great feeling? Good for you Live.

[Alongtimegone]

So glad you get to visit your grandbaby. Mine will be coming down here in mid-May. I can't wait.

How are you with "going home?"

I miss my hometown and get terribly homesick, but going back is sometimes painful as well.

Hope you have a wonderful time.

[liveweyerd]

Well, I will enjoy the visit but I will NEVER live there again.

I have had an opportunity to see over the forest and look at the trees. That means I have talked to A, and that has been alot of resolution for me. What a mess he, his partner and his life is, the same cycle of destruction spiraling downward. But I am not in in. THANK YOU!!!!!!

Talking to him let me know I wouldn't want any part of that relationship again.
That's a great feeling, unstuck some stuff for me!

I moved daughter to a different home for Christmas...so even that is different.
She still owes me an apology. I give it ....oh 20 years. hahahahahahaha

Sis will be with me. That is cool.

[Alongtimegone]

I haven't had contact with my ex-A in over two months. He has spent months calling and emailing to try to get me to see him again. He uses bribes like new cars, large sums of money, or whatever lie he thinks might work in an attempt to make me have contact. He is certain I will "fall in love all over again," the moment I lay eyes on him.

He even attempted to use the anniversary date of my son's death as a way to manipulate me into seeing him. I have seen him progress to a lot of new lows with this disease of his, but using an event like that made it way easier to detach and not respond to his ploys.

I have often longed for some sort of formal closure, but know that contact and response just seems to keep the cycle going.

It has certainly been a long, strange trip.

Regardless, I am glad you were able to find closure on your former relationship. I remember the torment it caused you. There is a line from an old movie called "labyrinth" that often sticks with me. It is: "You have no power over me." Reaching that point and realization has helped me a lot.


As far as daughter's apologizing, I know exactly what you mean. 20 years might be optimistic!!!!

[myles1]

The last contact with my ex was six months ago.

What made you talk to him Live :lumpy ?

Ngaire

[liveweyerd]

Okay, I am also talking about this in the thread, seeing is believing.

Alongtime gone, I found a great book, that translates what they are doing. It is way cool....by Lundy Bancroft called Inside the minds of angry and controlling men.

I hadn't spoken to him in 18 months, you missed the Big News, Myles, it was all over hometown about attempted murder between A and his new fiance.

[myles1]

Yes I remember you mentioned something about that, I've forgotten the details though.

What was it like talking to him again? I can't picture talking to my ex again, probably more of the same crap.

Ngaire

[liveweyerd]

It has been pretty interesting for me Myles. No, it isn't the same because I am not "the chosen one" anymore.
I have benefited from chatting with him and watching the progression of him creating his modus operandi.
It clears things up for me.

And what I haven't said to him was....."okay, that is your story...but I wouldn't really know anything about what has/is really happening unless she told me."
That Lundy Bancroft book has been really useful in shining the light on the way they twist and distort things.

And I get to see the cycle from a distance and that helps me integrate what happened with me.

I also feel so freed, because there has not been an instance of attraction..and it was my own attraction to him that was my second worst enemy. It is very gratifying to know that it can't be provoked anymore. I have emotional distance and I am not vulnerable to him. That is very powerful for me to know.

[Paulie]

I think what you are experiencing is wonderful. I believe that we all have a part in what happens in our lives. Let me stop someone before they get upset with me, that does not mean that it is someones fault when they are abused, I know I have been there myself. But Live by you saying that your attraction to him was your second worse enemy, that is huge, it is that kind of awareness that can stop us from being attracted to that kind of person/relationship again.

I hope that makes sense.

[myles1]

Paulie,

That is the best thing to see.............then we are empowered to stop our cycle.

Good for you Live :tongue3:

Ngaire