A good reminder for me...

[Paulie]

As some of you know from pasts posts of mine, on Monday nights I volunteer on my local NA hotline. It is very convenient, the phone is forwarded to my house, I just stay home and answer it.

Well, last night I got a call, I have not had one like this in a while. It was almost 11 pm and I was already asleep.

The woman on the other end said she was struggling and needed to talk. I got out of bed and said I was there to talk with her.

Well as the conversation went on and I was listening to some very strange things coming out of her mouth. Things that made me think 'well maybe that could happen' didn't want to think she was lieing to me. She proceeded to tell me that I don't understand how hard it is to stop using and drinking. I explained that I do know how hard it is, cause I did it and work on it everyday of my life. but nope, she was convinced that I had no clue, that somehow it is harder for her than it ever was for me.

To make a long story short, remember now, I was asleep when she called, after about 20 minutes I realized the woman was on something, drinking I think and that was the end of our conversation.

But as I got back in bed and lay there saying a prayer for her I realized that is how I thought in the beginning also. I thought no one understood, that it was much harder for me to stop than anyone else on the face of the earth.

Well today, blessed to not have used for a while, I KNOW that is not true. It is thinking like that that separates us from the unity of the group, it is thinking like that that keeps people out there thinking they are different from others.

I just wanted to share this story to remind myself and everyone else that the journey we are on is the same for everyone. We may all be on different paths on the journey, but the journey is the same. So lets look for the similarities and the not the differences.

[dotcom]

Good stuff Paulie! I thought I was unique while I was using. No one understood and it was not my fault that I was always getting arrested. I built up a lot of blame. I think it sheilded me from seeing that I had to do things on my own instead of always running away from me. Darn me! LOL... I was chatting with a friend who says she is clean, but then she says she takes vicodins to sleep. I have invited her to NA and she is not interested. And that is fine. All her life, like me, she has been looking for someone to take care of her. Dropping out of school, marrying and having babies at a young age. Then marrying again... never working. I had thought for a minute, that since we had both been through the same s*** at the same times that I would be able to help her! Nope, she does not want to stop blaming. She says since she moved that I should move because it is impossible to stay away from the connect. My reply, "I live 15 minutes away in all directions from a connect and I am still clean." It just amazes me... But, now I can see from your reminder to look at similarities... that I was just the same as her. And I can only pray that she soon moves forward for her baby's and husband's sake. I swear, when I heard from her that she had found a new husband, I got the chills. Not that she is a bad person, just she is so steeped in the drama that I know so well. Ok, sorry for rambling! Thanks Paulie!

[Paulie]

The drama, yep that is what I was hearing last night on the phone. So being the addict I am, I had a total 'drama' dream. It is crazy this disease that we have Dot. It is always telling me how different I am, how no one understands, how no one wants to be my friend. That is why I come here and talk about it, go to meetings and talk, work with my sponsor.
Thanks Dot!!! you inspire me.
As for your friend, just pray for her that is all we can do. And be an example of sobriety so she knows you are there if she reaches out.

[True Blue]

Pauli

Thanks for sharing that with us. That sounded just like me, no one understood, it was harder for me to stop than anyone else.
Let us all pray for the addict who still suffers.
Paulie thanks for being here for all of us.

Dot, sending prayers to your friend and her children & husband.

[Anna]

That was me too Paulie. Funny, isn't it! I think we all think we're so special at the beginning of this journey and we come to realize how much we all have in common, which is why we're able to help each other. I think at the beginning, I was so afraid, that I wanted to believe that it was harder for me than for all the other people who were doing it. After all, if they could do it, what was stopping me??

Love, Anna

[dotcom]

Wow! I inspire you?! Never did I think I would ever inspire someone. haha. You inspire me! I will send up some prayers for my friend. I try not to have contact with her though because of all the drama... she comes down to SD once a month and I know she comes down to see the old playgrounds/playmates. I actually told her I moved... bad dot!

I too feel like people do not want to be my friend. It does help to come here and go to meetings! Or even talk about it with my best bud. Thanks for the reminder Paulie and True. I will send up some prayers for the addict that still suffers!

[weeblow]

Thank you Paulie,
What a great post. When I first got clean I thought I was the only one who had a S/O that abused, that I was the only one who had ever given a child up for adoption and that surely no one could understand the pain I was feeling. What a great suprise when I walked into my first NA meeting and a woman walked up to me and said,"I see alot of pain in your eyes."

Thank God for NA and for this site and a new way of life, one that I had no idea exsisted.

Your sister in recovery,
Linda

[Paulie]

I am feeling really grateful today ladies. Thank you.

[bubblze30]

I just read your post and wow that is the way I felt in the begining myself. NOONE knew what I was going through my life was the worst and noone could possibly understand. I could also remember the last time I wanted sobriety I was on something. I think it is great that you got out of bed to talk to this person. You just may have saved her from "who knows what" It took 20 minutes and you never know where she might have been if not on the phone with you.

[Chy]

Good stuff Paulie! I remember those nights, litteraly crying in my beer thinking no one understood, it was all about me and I was beyond repair or hope. Because of my SR family, my home group, and my real life family I've been proven wrong. We're all worth saving and we all have the ability as hard as it may be to find our way. Some doors just have to be held open longer then others.

[Paulie]

Originally Posted by Chy

Some doors just have to be held open longer then others.

Yep that is so true.