had a real scare, a kick in the teeth, and a lot of support for this site

[dotcom]

tonight i lost it briefly. started dwelling on the sadnesses and went out looking. it all began when a friend of mine asked if i ever planned on getting back with my ex, satan. i replied, no are you crazy? that got the codie thing kicking. i realized how much of him i still carry with me. i decorate my room like him...listen to his kind of music...eat food he likes...

then i got a raise at work, so naturally my head swells up the size of a hot air balloon. i start thinking, oh i dont need this site! i can do this on my own! ill just pop in when i need to....

well, i went to my 12 step...and things were very sullen. so much sadness and im letting it latch on to my emotions and drag me down... then i got to thinking how i used to drive in circles after meetings fighting off the cravings...

so naturally i ended up driving around in circles...right to satan's house. i was planning on getting a sack and reliving the good ol times. well, he wasnt outside and i didnt want to catch him on one of his good days..lol..so i continued my mission. ran into a bum friend and realized i was out of control...inches from using...falling back into the lifestyle of the streets...

so i got home, not wanting to come to this site. just wanting to ease the cravings. and burntoutbill was on the chat room as well as bonni and molliga and robifr. they really helped me when i was ready to throw it all away.

i cant do this with out you guys. please kick me hard in the teeth. im desperate for a good ass woopin. im living second to second right now....just have to plead with God for another day. and thank him that i still have my clean time! one year on the 17th

dot

[Juls]

Dot,

You did good girl. You came close, but you didn't, and that's what it's all about. You did what you needed to do to take care of yourself. These moments come and when they do we have to hang on for dear life, and use any resource available to us to get through them. I'm proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself too. I don't think you need an ass whoopin, but a big hug instead.

Juls

[Justme57]

Hey ! .com!

Spotted says he knew you could do it , Auntie .com, and he says to tell you , you did very well!!!! and that he will share his icecream with you , and give you a BIG lick! he is very proud of you , and so am I !

LUV U girl!~

BIG HUGX

Lee

[indigo]

Salut Dotcom,

You must be soooo proud of yourself, awesome girl.

hUGS annie x

[51anna]

Dot, you did amazingly well. You got caught up in things, but managed to stop yourself before it was too late. When I have had a moment like that, I try to use it to remind myself how precious this sobriety is and how fragile. It takes daily tending if you want to keep it, it really does. Hang around here and take care of yourself.

Hugs and love,
Anna

[boop64132]

Dot,
Major hugs coming your way!!
I'm so proud of you.
Hang in there.You did good!

[2stop]

Oh dotster, bless your heart!! I am so proud of you!!! You did well. Just take it minute by minute, just like you are doing, keep reaching out....we love you and care about you.
I have to say I am ashamed of myself, had the ole crushing blues and sadness myself last night and medicated myself into oblivion...I should have been as strong as you and come on here and talked it out.
Keep reaching out to us Dotcom...we love ya girl! ***hugs***

[12 Step Girl]

Jessica,

You did it! The monkey was just doing his thing on you,,,youre not bad, youre just recovering. Keep HP close to you today,,he will protet you,,just surrender and then hols onto his coat tails....You can do it, baby, you can!!

Youre awesome!!!!

[Paulie]

(((Dot)))

I am proud of you too. You did good. I have been in that place several times myself. I have driven by the connections house to see if he is still there, just checking out my options. Our disease is strong and keeps getting stronger even when we are sober, it is still doing push ups as they say. You did good. Keep taking it slow one day at a tiem, one second at a time.

Big hugs to you.

[ButterflyChaser]

Love you girl! (((((((((((((((((((((((dotcom)))))))))))))))))) I'm glad you made the right decision!!

[KcCrystal]

Jessica,

Keep comeing here, we're all here to help you when you need it

[dotcom]

thank you all for your support. couldnt do it without you gurls. im keeping my bible, 12step book, and blue book close at hand today. lol... thats gonna look strange at work! but i need it. im feeling weak and vulnerable right now, just my disease trying to gain control again. you are all too kind. i was hoping for for an ass woopin! lol...thanks spotted for the ice cream. i will let you lick the bowl! heeheehee..

jess

[Chy]

I AM very proud of you! Hey you got my number, call me if ever you get in "that place" in your head again. Love ya kid!

[wakowife]

you did great, you didnt use and that's what counts the most. hang in there you can deffinately do this

Bernadette

[dotcom]

thanks chy and wakowife....wackawacka....lol...im feeling a bit better emotionally/mentally, but i think i got shook up physically by the whole incidence. i dont think my body likes to be teased like that. i just feel blah, but better blah than shot out right? i ate a healthy breakfast and lunch and it can only get better. i shared with my mom and dad my concerns about making it to the 17th, and they were very receptive. i didnt know how they would handle that. but it felt good to get it out. now i just have to email my sponsor and let her know how im feeling. rock on gurls

jess

[brknspirit]

OH THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!DOTCOM,

[brknspirit]

okay, i got cut off......just wanted to say your will gives me encouragement......your dedication gives me hope.......your humor gives me comfort.........i just want to thank you, thank you for not using, thankyou for BELIEVING.......I am so weak right now, i haven't even given myself a sobriety date, because it would include stuff like,,,,,my intravenous sobriety date is....12/18/03........my narcotic use by mouth sobriety date is....1/8/04...my alcohol sobriety date is.....1/14/04.........i am not comfortable in my current state of mind(not using when,how,how much i want).but it has to stop!!!!!!hang in there, you are an inspiration........

[spirit]

hey DOT, two more sleeps to the 17th and ONE YEAR.

dont you dare drop now - dont you dare let memories or thoughts of satan drag you back and destroy you again.

you have done so well, you are awesome, strong and better than any of that.

keep going mate come on, you can make it

hugs from down under
kath

[dotcom]

thanks brken and spirit, you gurls rock...one more day and counting!!!!!!

[robifr]

DotCom I actually was sitting like you were. I had the beer in sight I could taste and smell man it looked good. But I remebered the last week of hell I went thourgh after my last drunk coming down. I wanted to die. I also remebered in the 12x12 in Step 10 emotional soberity . I was exactly there so I got to talking My GOd (hp) and hit the meetings. Like you said I came in here and helped people. Now I finally understand when you are helping another drunk or addict you dont have time to think about yourself. Keep up the good work . I havent know you too long but you are worth the fight just rember that.

[dotcom]

thanks rob, keep at it. your an inspiration

[zoomer]

Huggys little sister! Waka wacka what? LOL!!! I have yet to eat another skittle after my breakfast of them the other day! Still doing my bloooooooooooow POPssssssssssssssss! I'm down to now maybe 8 smokes a day and 2 and a half cups of coffee. It sneaks up on me when I try to cut down,but I had more energy today. I'll try again tommorrow!