Fear

[Paulie]

Last night we went with some friends to a special seminar being held at their church. the speaker was from out of town and he was speaking on Fear!

WOW - it was amazing. He spoke for 2 hours on how when we are in fear we are not in God's grace.

When we fear things as simple as snakes or spiders to leaving our home, the loss of our life or a loved ones life. The fear itself does not matter. Any kind of fear like that is fear of creation, not of the creator. Of course the main focus was faith instead of fear. It was a very moving experience I thought of several of you when I was listening wishing that you could be there to hear it.

So I thought a good thing for us to talk about if you are interested is fear.

what are you afraid of?

I have the disease of addiction and my disease if a fear based disease. But the longer I stay sober and work my program the less fear I really have. At least it is different if that makes sense. The biggest fear I have today is that everything I have been given will be taken away. That was actaully a subject he talked about last night, he said alot of people feel that way. That alone made me feel better, knowing I am not alone always make sme feel better.

So anyone want to talk about fear?

Hi Paulie,

This is a great topic for me now...thank-you!
Having my relationship just end,I am afraid of never falling in love like that again and of being alone...Not for a lack of friends,I'm greatful to have many wonderful friends...But I am so afraid of never finding someone that I love and trust like that again.
I feel like the rug was just pulled out from under me and that I have no stable ground under my feet.
It makes me very sad.

Vampgirl

[Justme57]

Good Morning Paulie ! WOW! is this a timely post for me ! God must have been listening

My whole life , since childhood has been based on fear, a long story , wont go into it , but of course , due to my long drinking history , it has been compounded over the years , and had become a " nameless fear". it has improved a bit during my sobriety, but the last 2 days, has reurned , and even tho I have been praying about it , I do not feel as " at peace ' as I did .

It certainly colours all aspects , doesnt it ? my biggest fear, is the fear of rejection, so I suppose it is tied up with self worth, which I am trying to work on just now . Suddenly, I am not comfortable sharing, niether on here , or at AA, for fear people will think I am trying to start a pity party, which I'm not , but just at this time , I feel quite worthless, and that makes me fearful

HUGX
Lee

[2stop]

I have always had a fear one or all of my family members will die, and it will be because I did not do enough to help them, codependency I know, but watching parents and siblings attempt suicide over and over, and then attempting it yourself....it leaves me a lot of fear. I also fear being able to work again, being able to drive my kids to the store, the mall, being a good parent, I fear I fail in this repeatedly. I fear this damn addiction, that it will kill me and leave my kids without a mother, I fear losing all hope one day, in humanity and in myself, watched some documantaries today and the number of children dying from starvation and torture in other countries is so abominable, I wept, actually sobbed. I fear we really have forgotten the children, the elderly, and the suffering in this world. I see so much greed and corruption and want desperately to help allieve the suffering in this world, I fear not being able to do enough, not being enough at anything.....and I fear success, for the exact reason I just stated probably, I never feel like I am "enough". fear is a great and powerful enemy, and will kill the soul long before the body.....Fear is crippling, paralyzing, demoralizing, and leaves the door wide open for all kinds of addictions.....yes,we MUST work on fear...there sure is a lot of in this world. My life is heavenly compared to how some are forced to live.........and I am going to DO something about my fears...have a lil talk with my HP and tell him...these fears I hold within me, hinder me from my purpose..please help me let it go. I am going to have a special meditation tonight, candles, quiet time, and meditating.
Thanks for this post Paulie, it really has me to thinking.
***hugs***

[12 Step Girl]

1. last week - fear of the dark
2. week before - fear of being alone (not for rest of my life, just alone in a room)
3. few days ago -I will relapse in my codie-recovery


every day its a new fear,,,i like to think of it as another gift to give to god to take care of for me.

When Im in Faith, im NOT in fear!

[Paulie]

this is great ladies. Isn't it great to know we are not alone. And the speaker last nigth also talked about that, how we are never alone if we believe in an HP. I know this is not the exact forum for this but I wanted to share it with you ladies.

The bottom line last night was that giving our fears to HP opens the door to have faith. Yes we loose someone we love to death, but how do we know that is bad? we don't. And having a fear actally is not being true to HP because that is saying we don't have faith that he will take care of us.

Fear, I work on this everyday, I am afraid of alot of things to. Practice makes better!!!!

[51anna]

As others have said, fear determined my life for me. It's the first emotion I remember feeling as a toddler and all my life was decided by fear, even the major things, such as university programs, jobs, children. Fear totally distorts what a person really wants to do. Fear helped me to lose myself. It still plays a role in my day to day life, but I challenge it every chance I get.

Love, Anna

[arizonadeb]

Hi all -

This topic seems to be tailor made for me to intoduce myself. I've been "cruising" these boards for a month now, fear has kept me from posting. Fear of rejection from you all...how silly is that?!

It seems that you are all such good friends and I've never been good at friends. I have been sober for 18 months with the grace of God and AA. However, in the past 6 weeks or so, I have stopped going to my "regular" AA meetings (3/week). I've used the holidays, company, and illness as excuses, but now I am afraid to go back ater missing so many meetings.

It really is true that with faith there is no fear...and I've been around the rooms enough to know when I live the Steps I am a much better (and happier) person. How is it that even when I know that I'm losing my connection with my HP and I know how to get back, I still fight it and end up living in fear instead?

Great topic, Paulie. I look forward to getting to know you all.

Deb

[Justme57]

Deb, that is exactly how I feel!

Although you have been sober a lot longer than me, I am feeling the same. I am even finding it more difficult to ring my AA contacts. I havent stopped going to meetings.........yet , but can feel it creeping up


HUGX
Lee

[DolphinBlue]

Great topic Paulie.

I have that nameless fear following me around still at times and didn't make the connection to my childhood until I read this thread. This is big for me as I'm learning to comfort myself through those kind of emotions, with help from my HP.

Anyway, apart from that kind of fear, I am mostly afraid of drinking again. Specifically, I am scared that I will gradually take back control of my life and abandon those things most healthy and helpful to me like AA, sponsor etc because I don't trust myself when it comes to deciding whats best for me. I'm afraid of becoming cocky and drifting away from recovery.

I'm ok with the hard times, its the good times that I can see as my potential downfall and this is where I think I need to be careful. The only way I get any comfort from this fear is to live one day at a time and let HP do the rest, trusting that as long as I show up I will be ok.

Amy

[51anna]

Welcome and so glad that you posted. We are good friends here - we really care for each other. But, we love to welcome newcomers into our fold. I think many of us experience fear to some degree and I'm glad you posted about the topic. When you said you'd rather avoid your meetings after missing so many - I react that way to things like that too. It's just easier to avoid a situation like that. Never mind, that you're losing out on something you wanted! Oh well, I'm definitely a work-in-progress. Keep posting Deb.

Love, Anna

[Paulie]

This is great ladies.

AZ Deb - welcome and I am glad you joined us.

listen, one I stopped going to meetings too, for like a couple years I only when maybe once every 3 or 4 months. My life got progressively worse, I was miserable without using, and that is real misery when you can't numb it with something. dont' be afriad, the people in those rooms will welcome you back with open arms, I promise you that. They need you as much as you need them.

[robifr]

Wow Ladies Great Topic...When I did my step 4 and then on the the wonderful Character Defects . To my utmost surprise FEAR was number one on the list....not good enough, rejection, fear of smothering , trust the list can go on and on. When I feel the butterflies and the old behavior coming thats my biggest clue to get back to the meetings and to talk to my HP whom I chose to call God. Thanks again for the great topic. I am glad I am finally getting use to this and getting over my fear to type. God Bless

[clancy]

owwww, fear! i guess fear is what spoils our lives really......

I got so many fears, but the latest ones.........

I will be lonely when im old....my partner has had a vasectomy so im never going to have children if i stay with him

I fear that my ADD will cause me to screw up with my nursing school, that they will find out about my addiction, that i will steal drugs..(please no...)

I really fear aging,illness, debility and death. I think id shoot myself if had to have someone to put me on the toilet....the very thought....

Being Fat....

Cancer...

Not falling in love again...

I dont really in my heart of hearts think there is a God.I think that mankinds survival instinct is so strong that we just cannot bear to consider the anihilation of the ego, So people everywhere believe in Gods who will save them from death and thats how they get thru life,and cope with the idea of it ending. I dont really want to believe this but i just cant find anything that convinces me otherwise.I know that people who' believe ' are happier and stuff but when i run the idea thru my personal bullshitometer it comes out with...who are you tryin to kid!!

Dammit, I should never have studied philosophy!

Also im afraid of relapsing and od'ing

Woah....thats quite enough fears to be getting on with....anyone share em?

Clancy xx

[zoomer]

I guess fear for me helped keep me alive and also kept me trapped. I have stepped out a little to face some of my fears. I personally don't care any more too much if I lose my material things, only for my children I do. I think fear can work both ways in a healthy way and unhealthy way. Accept the things i cannot change and the courage to change the things I can and "well, you know the rest"... God is always with me,but I don't talk about it much. I don't have to.

[clancy]

Well I wish he was with me! Zoom, HOW COME you feel this with such conviction? Is it upbringing? Has he appeared to you? Id really like it if you talked about it, why does it need to be secret?

Im always hearing y'all go on about God and faith and it drives me crazy with frustration, How the hell do you know? and please dont say 'i just do' because thats no answer at all. I want to know why you all think this, what you base it on,how you can be so damn confident about it!

I can only think you must have all been brought up religious? To me theres nothing but an empty space there, Ive tried , believe me, Ive tried. Ive been to church,ive prayed, Ive read the bible, but still, I feel scepticism leaking in all the time.

I think that the U.S is a more religious country than the UK?

I really would love answers to this, hope my comments dont offend, but please ladies, talk to me!!!!!

Clancy (feeling cross and left out)

[zoomer]

Clancy, I still question, it's normal. One day I feel close to God, then another day I think about the the same thingsyou about being human and we are micro organizms based on servivle instincs. Clancy, I'v seen miricals, Iv been part of them. Scarry! God, can be the image of man (in which I chose) and can be interpited by different ways such as churches. I for one went to Sunday school everyso often. I'v been to all kinds of churches and talked to diffferent people. One time when I was about 18. In the bible they say ask God with a sencere heart to come into your life and he will speak true to you. Well, me being me, I did not go through the middle man (Christ), I went directly to God himself and he gave me an answer in my mind. I did not hear voices, I did not get a strike of lightening... Bla, Bla... I was a hurting soul I was scard. I turn to God when I'm scard like a child running to their parent. Ofcourse we could go talking pyscology and say I was talking to myself in 3D. Who cares, it's knowing that there is someone or something out there bigger and badder than yourself. I use to talk to God as a child, I use to pray to my Daddy who I thought was dead to come save me. LOL, I use to have this Cathoilic couple upstairs and they took me to church. I loved the Saints and asked how could I be a Saint! The woman replyed that the makings of a Saint means you have to be a s good as you possibly can be. I thought to myself O'boy this will be easy. LOL, I'v faild many times in my persuit of Sainthood. I'v had abortions and the Church is against Abortions,so I lost baibies figuring that God was punishing me for taking away his child from this earth. What ever, me and God are even now. It's all what you believe in Calncy. Go Looking around and keep an open mind ask questions. Look inside ask God with an open heart and tell me what you hear in your mind and you can PM Pernell Jonsons on that subject. he seems to be the exspert, or e-mail me if you want. I'm no exspert and not very religoused being I like the terrot cards too and I don't know the bible that much. What I did read scard the pants off me! Hell fire and **** like that,but I do understand that in every generation or even in your life time you replay the bible because the bible is like a fairy tail so people can understand it. It just tells us stories and we can relate to eveyone putting our exspericances to each story. I hope that helps

[daisey35]

Hi Clancy,
In answer to your question: How do I know? WHere does my faith come from? Well, honestly, I believe it comes from God Himself. The Bible says that (and I paraphrase) no one can even come to the Lord unless the Holy Spirit draw Him. It also says that each and every person is given a measure of faith. I was brought up Catholic. I learned all the basic Bible stories; Noah and the Ark, Sampson and Delilah, Jonah and the whale, etc. But I never really learned the Bible itself, and therefore, never really "got it," or understood. When I became a teenager, I was introduced to witchcraft and was a practicing Wiccan for several years. Life sucked. I was always sad, depressed, or scared. In my early 20's, I was invited to church with a friend, and feeling I was at my lowest point and needed any help I could get, I went. I was looking for answers. I went to a Protestant, Bible teaching church, and I learned A LOT. I came to believe in and know Jesus Christ. From there, I found another Bible believing church and got saved. Really, I just started reading the Bible a lot. I started in the New Testament, and then the Old. When I didn't understand something, I asked my pastor, or someone in the church. I went to Bible Studies. The most important thing I did was, I opened myself up to God. I was at point where I knew my life was out of my control, and I figured, what do I have to lose? I had never tried things "His way," so why not give it a shot. I was willing to open my heart and believe, and just take a chance on Him. The Bible tells us that it only takes the faith the size of a grain of mustard seed, and you can move mountains. Mustard seed in incredibly small! I just prayed and told Him I was opening my heart to Him. I chose to believe. And when I did, He began showing Himself to me. Not as a vision or anything, but just in my life. All of a sudden, what the preacher said started to make sense. What I read in the Bible made sense. And as I started living for Him, my life made sense. THe more I read His word, the more I got to know Him. And the closer I got to Him. I have a personal relationship with Him, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I FINALLY have real peace, something I had never experienced before. I can still feel joy, even when things go wrong, because I know He'll take care of me. WHy? Because He always has. He has never let me down. God has given me many blessings; most of the time it is little things. But He has, on occasion, given me outright miracles. Incredible ones. I have seen His work in other people's lives. Really, the more you surround yourself with Him, the more you will come to learn and understand. But it's up to you. God loves you and wants a relationship with you. That is why He created us. But you have to look for Him. When you do, He will always come. Just don't give up looking. He has never failed me yet; never.
Well, I hope this helped you some. These are just my thoughts and what I believe to be true. If you would like to talk some more, fell free to post me or PM me. I'll help the best I can.
Hang in there!

Peace to you,
Daisey

[liveweyerd]

Clancy,

I share your belief. Mine is agnosticism...meaning that I believe it is unknowable....and I don't worry over it, it is enough of a task to figure out how to be an ethical, happy human being who contributes to their world.

I would recommend an excellent book "Ethics for the New Millenium" by the Dalai Llama...and no, it is not a religous book, it is a human one....with incredible strength, compassion and challenge.

[liveweyerd]

oops, I sidetracked.

My biggest fear is to be unemployed...thus homeless and unable to take care of myself. I do not want to be dependent on anyone. As I have been in the past and it is a very vulnerable state and has not turned out well for me at all. I want to be able to take care of myself.

I freak out at the thought of being laid off. And that is the nature of my work. I contracted for a project and when the project doesn't need me, I am gone.
I pray desparately (to no one in particular) that the project gets extended.

[margo]

Great thread, Paulie. Toward the end of my using I developed a real fear of death and I don't seem to be able to shake it. Facing my own mortality was not an experience I'd ever had before, or at least not in a way that really impacted me. It's sudden death that scares me the most. I think about it a lot now and I don't know how to deal with it.

[51anna]

The fear of death is an interesting one, isn't it? It's the only thing we're guaranteed in life, the only thing, and yet, somehow we must have a feeling that maybe we can escape it! I find that if you try to take a step back and look at it from a spiritual perspective, some of the fear might ease. It is not the end of life, it is merely a part of life.

Love, Anna

[ssindi]

This is a great, great thread. I fear many things, and I tryed to control them all with drugs, I was wrong. Today I have fear of using again but know with my higher power I will overcome that fear. I fear of growing old, death and loss of friends.

I really fear for my children who are 21 and 23 and how they are living their lives. I also fear for my grandson, Jordan.

I fear most dear to my heart is losing my husband.

I know I shouldn't fear all these things and deep in my heart I trust God will see me through any catastrophies that happen in my life.

I think I took a lot for granted then when I was thirty I was struck with the disorder of epilepsy all of a sudden for no known reason at all. I suffered through brain surgery, which in the end didn't help but thank God for my health now daily.

Your life is in God's hands you never know what he will dish out whether you think it is fair or not. It took me a lot of years and a lot of drug overdoses to realize that life is not fair but there is always someone to see you through and how YOU react is how your life is going to be lived.

Good luck to everyone and God, forgive me for fearing.

[clancy]

Hey daisy,

Thats interesting that you used to be into wicca, I was too for quite a while. I thought it was a lovely gentle philosphy, respecting the earth and celebrating the seasons...I was happier then,it was before i got addicted. (I dont mean crazy stuff,satan and whatnot b.tw.,that has more to do with christianity) I too have investigated the christian church at quite some length....sadly I found mostly bigots and fanatics telling me i was on a one way trip to hell if i didnt do things their way. Really, I met the most bizarre folk,to be quite honest some of them seemed barking mad. Im sure you are lovely, and that there are sane christians about,but ive tried it alot of times, at school, at uni, at work.Barking. completely.

I found the wiccan people to be vert nice though,I love the way they thought about their lives, the impact that they had on the earth, by being vegan making sure no animal was harmed to fulfil their appetite, and using kind products,and not driving, even tho that was inconvienient.

I dont want to go on slating christians at all, but my views have been arrived at through sincere exploration, and i have been really scared of christians in the past.

Hmmm, maybe i should be shaving my head in search of a 666.

Life is just weird.I guess its true that there are many ways,and we each need to find the one that suits us best.

Im still searching,and i have not closed my mind to anything even christianity, to do that is dumb, i think.I regularly listen to christians on the street and stuff,im still interested. Im usually apalled, but I keep listening. I must add that I have met two nice sane christians as well!

I expect im going to have a pretty toasty afterlife....better get my order in now...

mines an ice water!

love an respect to all

clancy (still confused but o well.....