(((((Hi Ladies)))))

[Blazinglory]

!!!WOW!!! It's been toooo long since I've posted! These past few months have been a doozy to say the least and still today I don't know if I'm scratching my watch or winding my butt! LOL

Last summer I walked out of a very dysfunctional relationship of 7 years, in the hospital twice, changed jobs twice, moved three times, etc. I'm back in my hometown, the land of no opportunity, one 12 Step meeting and I work nights (The meeting is at night).

I left this town over 20 years ago on a Grey Hound Bus to be admitted into a recovery house which saved my life...today I feel so lost and alone because here I don't have the recovering friends and support system that I was used to. My Mom has been sick and if it wasn't for her I would leave this place...I feel bankrupt in all areas of my life; spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially, etc.

Yes, I want some cheese with my whining! Enough is enough...I've made some rotten choices and today the consequences are overwhelming. THANK GOD I'm clean & I know God will never give me more than I can handle...I know to count my blessings.

Ladies, I need your help. I would love for all of you to be here just to give hugs...I miss those too...the simple things of recovery...what I would give to have a shoulder to lean on and cry my heart out.

THANKS for letting me share and I am so open to your suggestions.

lovelovelove,
Patty

[sibilla86]

Hello Patty
Welcome Back
I'm sorry that in the town where you're living you can't go to meetings. Aren't there meetings you can attend in towns close to yours? Do you have phone numbers of the people who attend the 12 step meeting in your town. If you don't, you can get some phone numbers and hang with them during the day
Wish you the best
Hugs
Irene

[boop64132]

Patty,
Hi and glad you are back.It sounds like you have really had a long
tough time of it.
I am so sorry things have been so hard on you.
You have my prayers and love!
Congrats on staying sober.You should be very proud!!

[2stop]

(((Patty))) I so hear where you are coming from.....and I am so sorry for your strugles, aI ma facing some tough things right now also, and will be taking a break from the boards starting tomorrow, for a little while at least. I have secluded myself from f2f living for so long, and the time has come for me to get out and get things done, this internet business makes agoraphobia a bit hard to fight, such convenience from our computers, can do almost everything we need, but the f2f support and building a career, I have to get out more, anyways....I wanted to let you know I will definitely be praying for you..and am sending huge (((((((((HUGs)))))))))) your way...hang in there, so glad to hear you are sober..I slipped myself yesterday...but will stand back up and try my best to build alife.....Wish we could meet f2f and just talk, have coffee, it is so comforting to have someone to lean on, these ladies here have been a god send, they are my angels, and I love every one of them so much....you take good care of you, okay? be kind to yourself...

(((((((((More Hugs!)))))))))):redrose :yellowros

[Paulie]

THANK GOD I'm clean & I know God will never give me more than I can handle...I know to count my blessings.

Patty -

You said it right there yourself, you know what to do and you are doing it. You are reaching out. WE are here for you.

It must be lonely, what about calling the NA hotline in your area you could ask for a 12 step call and meet some other recoverying women that way. Tell the person on the phone line everything you just said here, they should have a list of women to choose from to come and visit you or talk with you. It is a great way to meet people in recovery since you can't get to the one meeting.

Journal your feelings, post here to us, and YES count your blessings. You are clean and sober today.

[Anna]

Patty, welcome back and hang around here and you can have lots of hugs. I'm sorry things have been hard and I hope that we can give you some support.

Tammie, I understand your desire to shape a future for yourself and your children and to get out more, but I hope you can still find time to chat with us here. Your presence here is very special to everyone at SR.

Hugs and love,
Anna

[2stop]

I will be checking in for sure, but I have to jump in with both feet, or else I am scred i won't get out and do all I need to. I am terrified. I panic the whole way walking to school with the kid that people will be on the street.....I just have to push myself out the door and do all I can to build a foundation. I have been writing my lists today. I won't be gone for that long, I will always consider this my home, and you all my family. I have been blessed because of all of you, I just don't want you to worry if you don't see me for a while...I am just out trying to live again. So I wanted to let eevryone know i haven't abandoned them and this site, I just ahve a ton of things to do, and time will be tight. I am very determined to build alife that includes employment, and driving again, and getting out f2f with people until I am comfortable again, I really miss being around people, and having them over to talk with and drink coffee, and laugh and share. I am so lonely I can hardly stand it sometimes. So I have to just get out the door, and do whatever it takes to conquer the agoraphobia. I don't want to live like I have been. I want my kids to know their mama can drive them places, and do more things with them, it is very hard on them. And it is a stress on my husband trying to take care of everything because his wife can't function and do what a wife does. I do not blame my husband for becoming discouraged and stressed. This afternoon he told me he will take on another job....and he means it, he would do anything to help me get well, but he doesn';t know hatto do anymore....i love him so much.....I just hope he can still love me.
Sorry, blazing glory to take over your thread.....I am rambling on.
***more hugs to you***

[Blazinglory]

(((((HUGS)))))

Thanks so much ladies for your wonderful feedback & suggestions! I am in the process of looking for phone numbers. The next county over has an AA clubhouse (I cleaned up in NA in 1983...meetings are 1 1/2 hours away from here) so hopefully they will have a # I can call...I know there are plenty of drunks & addicts in this area (clean) I need to put more effort into finding them WE'RE EVERYWHERE!!!!!

Due to my job situation ~ we're working 6 days a week...10-12 hours a day. THAT'S no excuse....I used 24 hours a day, non stop for years and I know I have allowed the disease to kick my ass. I haven't used only by the Grace of a very loving HP. I can hear my sponsor now that passed away several years ago, "be grateful you have a seat in NA...somebody died so you could recover from this disease...get GRATEFUL." Bless her heart, how I miss her pearls of wisdom.

I love you ladies! THANKS so much for you prayers, wisdom and blessings you give everyday!

lovelovelove,

Patty