Hate what I have become

[tuesdaysgone]

I want to start off by saying that I know my life is getting more and more out of control. I also hope no one will judge me.

Im new here and I am a 25 yr old student. The man who supports me is married and we have been seeing each other for a little over 2 yrs. He gives me everything...condo, car, cash, vacations, pays for school...everything. But I know its wrong. I am basically just a *****. I hate myself for this. My drinking is out of control and Im sure alot of it has to do with this whole relationship. I feel trapped in so many ways. I know I cant get a job right now to support myself because drinking is just way too important to me. My friends think Im crazy for wanting to end it. I just know something has to change I hate myself and what I am doing. I would love some suggestions or whatever from anyone who has been in a similar situation.

[kittycat3]

Hi tuesday, sorry for your pain but I'm not sure I can tell you anything but to stop doing things that you know are wrong. It's the only way to stop hating yourself and start LOVING yourself.

[Lilmssunshine]

Hi Tuesday. Im a 24 year old student. I understand completely how hard it is to be a student in this economy. Ive ended up in bad situations attempting to get my degree. Which has led me to spiral down more into the bottom of wine bottles. And left an abusive man a year ago who supported me. Today im 23 days sober. I still struggle today, I still lean on unhealthy people sometimes. What gives me hope everyday is the work study program I can start working in the fall since FASFA now sees me as an adult! Since I stopped leaning on men and working on my sobriety my self esteem, self respect, and self confidence has risen dramatically. You can do this. Its going to take you one day at a time but you can get to where you want to be. An independent, sober, self respected woman. My email is always open

[FlyerFan]

First of all I love your username. Second I too am a 24 year old part time student (online classes) and it is extremely difficult for people our age to accept the fact that we have a drinking problem. It was exceptionally hard for me to, but if you really feel that you have a problem do not wait to get help. You have your whole life ahead of you! I have 4 months sober and I couldn't be happier.

Please stick around these forums and talk to us girls here ANY TIME you need to. Day or night. My email is in my profile as well.

[Anna]

I think you can be sure no one here will judge you. We've all made mistakes due to drinking, and what we find here at SR is support.

I think you know you want to change and to regain control of your life. You have no financial worries at all and you are free to drink. But, you hate yourself. Can you take a leap of faith and know that you can give up the alcohol and open up the rest of your life. You can begin to love yourself.

[alaina742]

Originally Posted by anvilhead

might be time to think about a treatment center? i don't think there is a worse place to be than to KNOW everything you are doing is wrong, violates your own code of ethics, and then doing it anyway. it's soul murder......that's where your pain is coming from. you can change this...every bit of it....but you'll have to start with facing down the drink first....

WOW. Thank you!

[Veritas1]

It sounds like you have the gift of a conscience. You know right from wrong.

It is indeed when we go against our God given instincts, that we abuse what is good...that we get into the internal conflict of knowing what we are doing is wrong.

Sounds like you know what the right things is to do.

I would begin taking steps to be free of reliance on this man.

There are sober women members of AA that can help you create your life. Seek them. Ask God to help you break free from this relationship. Rely on Him, not the man.

[wow04]

No one is going to judge you.

Can you go to an AA meeting? There are people who can help you. I got sober at the age of 21, almost 22, and it is hard.

I would suggest a treatment center or AA.

[sable1]

I will turn 25 soon, and I'm a student... sort of. Well I decided to change my direction, so I had to stop the education I was on and take a year off. I live in Sweden, so we have the option to take loans for this, I'm sure it would be very difficult otherwise.

i'm not sure how to advice you on the other stuff, but as for the drinking, stop it now before it gets more out of hand. Better to decide what to do about your situation with a clear head. Maybe you have a relative or friend you can talk to? A councelor or something? It's good to get somebody elses perspective and maybe those who know you IRL can give more solid advice.

But trust me, the drinking will just make things worse, so better to stop that sooner rather than later. Go to AA or something if you need outside support.

[llastchance8]

Hi Tuesday, please do not worry about someone judging you here . No one Will judge you as we all have been through the hell. You will get lost of support, encouragement and love here. Regarding your current situation, it is good that you already know what is wrong and what is right. Yes , it does become difficult when we are compelled to do what is wrong and we keep doing it . That leads us to guilt and low self -esteem. And it is a downward spiral and vicious circle. Try to break the circle, starting with small steps.Success breeds success. All the best.

[Saliena]

Wow the wisdom out of you younger woman is awesome! That is so very encourage to me! Tuesday I have nothing to offer then what has already been said... seek treatment, go to AA, do what you have to do to give yourself a fighting chance.