How Can I Get Him Back?

[Chakaido]

I decided to separate for a while, yet my ex decided to totally pull the plug and break up after 10+ years of being together. No children involved. In doing so he also made the decision to lose our home in the process. Wow he must have really wanted out! But why do it in that way! I was not horrible.

I brought home the bacon (double his salary). I cooked great meals. I was sexually available and initiated. I was funny, TOTALLY FAITHFUL, affectionate and wanting us to have a full social life. I shared all his hobbies....my whole life was about him. And also the drink. Nobody is perfect right? We didn't have legal issues. We had a great life. Besides the drink. Which wasn't over board but was constant. I know that.

I wonder what I can do to win him back? Even if I'm 'recovered" totally will it matter?

I was the alcoholic in the relationship. Daily drinking 4-5/night (beer or cider), most nights for the 10 years we knew eachother. He ...well his father was an alcoholic.

He never had a drinking problem. But at about 6 years into our relationship he decided to stop drinking. Not a drop. I'm not sure if it was to try to get me to stop or being afraid his drinking would progress.

Throughout the relationship I wanted us to get counselling. He never wanted to. I never knew if it was me- him or my drinking or us that was the issue. But communication was a biggie. He always made me feel that if I'd just stop drinking everything would be ok. When I did on occasion it didn't make a difference. He didn't change how he related to me. So I figured it was less about the drinking and more about our interaction.

He pulled away further and further and we became roommates. I became very resentful and less likely to stop. I gave up hope and felt totally stuck. So I decided to travel abroad for a period (6 months) to get perspective, a great job and we could reconnect. He turned the tables and decided to leave in the end. He won't connect with me at all.

What could I say, or do that would inspire you to want to re-establish our relationship in a healthy way?

And if not, how can I move on to be open to love again?

[sugarbear1]

Hun, it just doesn't sound like an open and honest relationship. Are you sure you want this kind of person back in your life?

[hypochondriac]

Early sobriety probably isn't the best time to try and answer these questions Chakaido.

I thought I was perfectly rational before I stopped drinking...now I think that AA has it right when they discourage dating for a year.

Just concentrate on yourself for now x