help!

[zoomer]

OMG, I'm shaking so bad right now! I just got into a huge fight with my sons. One boy wanted to go be with his dad this Christmas and the other was to come here. Now ond boy said hes not coming. For years my husband and I had to put up with my ex's poisan through my sons and have them treat this family here like crap. I went to go pick up my son from wrestling tonight and I had bought gifts for his Dad and grandma and the people he is staying with. he told me he hates when I buy gifts for people because it's not him buying them. Then he goes on to say how Christmas is bull **** and it's all but a bunch of cermishal stuff. I worked my ass off this afternoon wrapping his gifts and theirs not to mention shopping. So I'm saying to myself "it's an age thing". OK, I get home and the other son wants me to call him. he wants to stay up their for Christmas only to party really! I then told my other son there is no real reason for my husband to drive 9 hours just to bring him up to his dads,so he has to ask his dad to either meet my husband half way. He starts cussing at me, flipping me off I start in on him too. Then I call back my other son to tell him Merry Christmas and your gifts will be here when you want to come down. Then I get real pissed and callt he dad and he says it's between you guys. So I go and hand the phone to my son, he gets off the phone and says his dad is picking him up, then he will come back until school ends then leave and never see me again. So I say "why don't you cut the middle stuff and not see me any more now. Then I get pissed and go down to his room and tell him what I really think of him. last year when my mother was dying he would not even say hit to me at Christmas and called me a ******* *****. He says I'm not a real mother and he has tried hard to forgive me! Me the person who has done nothing but love his ass and protect him from his fathers bull ****. So then he says If you don't get out of my room I'm going to hit you! i say you do buddy and you'll be spending Christmas in jail. I said I'm sick of you treating me and this family here like we are **** on your shoes. he does not work, never does a thing around the house, yells at me if I'm late picking up up from practice. He says no wonder all your kids are ****** up it's because of you. I said no buddy, it's you and your brother from your dads poisand coming here and beating on these kids, yelling at them and treating them like dirt. Him and his brother a very long time ago touched my one daughter,so I had to keep them away for a long time to protect her. It's all so sick and I know that when he was 8 years old he could not help it for what ever reason,but I told him he needs to get help and fast and put on some kind of medication. They never did it again but can you emajion how hard i worked to make sure they were never alone with my girls and to try and to forgive them. ya, i called someone to help them a long time ago, many times,but no one did. i'm just so sick of pretending and walking on egg shells aroudn an exsploding bomb. Now i feel like he is going to hate women for the rest of his life and **** up in school if I'm not there to help him. God, I'm so sorry for getting angry,but how much does a mother have to take?

[phoenix]

((((((((((((((((((zoomer))))))))))))))))))))))

phoenix

[Anna]

Gosh Zoom, I'm sorry for your troubles. I hope you can relax a bit, maybe take a bubble bath and listen to some nice music. I will pray for you and your sons to work things out.

Hugs and love,
anna

[LJessL]

Parenting is the hardest job I've ever ever ever had to do in my life. I'm completely exhausted from it and wiped out!!!!! My sons are 19 and 17 and I have a daughter 12 1/2. Everday I pray for the strength to hold on till my daughter is raised and not break down before that.

I feel for you.


Laurie

[2stop]

((((((Zoomer)))))) I am so sorry for the troubles you are dealing with it. I wish I knew what to say to make it better, but ((((HUGS))) will have to work, and of course (((((prayers))))). Domsomething relxing for YOU my friend, as Anna said.....you really need some time to calm down and relax..........

Hang in there, we love ya girl!!:mj

[zoomer]

LOL guys I took my girls out to shop. I was going to go to the movies,but I could not sit down that long. It was ugly out and it seems the whole world is in a bad mood. I got flipped off in the parking lot just because I was waiting for a space. Get this too, I have a dent in my bumper. i just got it fixed last year and someone rammed into it,so i did't bother to get it fixed again because it was a hit and run. I had this man and woman walk in front of my car and actually stare at it and laugh! it's not that bad,but here God forbid if your car has a dent! OK, then i go into the mall and watched these security guards yelll at a kid and act like they were going to beat him up and kick him out! I then go into the store with my daughter, her coat gets caught on a little glass figure and it breaks! my daughter was doing nothing wrong and they wanted me to pay for it. I said I'm not paying for the stupid thing and the shop keeper started screaming at me and my kids! I got out of that mall fast! man what a night! I did however calm down and called my other son and say I loved him and will miss him this Christmas and will send his gifts with my husband that will take my other son to his Dads. After thinking a bit, I realized my son is depressed and will try and take him into see someone to help him. I'm not rational when one of my kids flips me off. And i'm also tired of walking on egg shells. I hate too when things that are not real or true are shoved in my face time and time again. He is a good boy that needs some help. he really does not want to live here and feels forced. He misses his old school and friends. O'well I pay the price again and again for his father's follies. Thanks for your support and kind words. It makes me feel less worthless.

[True Blue]

Wow Zoomer what a day you had. Rest dear girl. You are in my thoughts & prayers.

[zoomer]

Thank you Janet. It's after 12 and he is not home yet. I'm not worried about his safty,but I did want to talk to him before he left. maybe I'll write him a note, but he does throw them out when I write to him. This should not hang over us this Christmas. If anything I want peace of mind during this season and it's not healthy for him to hold a grudge over his vacation. I guess I try so hard to make his life nice and his dreams come true. My husband and I bend over backwards for him and come up with the money to make things happen for him. I knew it would take tame for him to settle down,but it's been six months. It seems the more I give, the more he wants and nothing I have done is worth anything. I do feel guilt in not going to his concert the other night,but my girl had a party to go to and my son does not want the little ones to go see him play,so I'm kind of stuck. I did go to one just a month ago and went to some of his foot ball games,but could not go 4 hours away to watch his last game. We take him to school just about everyday and pick him up everyday after his practice with his sports. I was once involved in his foot ball booster club,but got snubbed by the other mothers, so I said forget it. And now I'm involved in his wrestling booster club. I try to give him what I give the other children,but he says he is embarrassed with me helping out. hey, I'm not hard on the eyes at all and dress nice. Actually, i'm a bit younger than most of the mothers in this aria and I'm much prettier, I think that is why I get snubbed sometimes. LOL, I don't have a big head because I don't go around strutting my stuff,but I get sick of the cats sometimes. TY for letting me vent some more. I don't know what I'd do without you all!

[dotcom]

hi zoomer,

im sorry your day was so rough. take care of yourself!

dotcom

[zoomer]

TY dotcom! I wish my son was like you It's so wonderful to talk to a younger person with out a chip on the sholder. With more young adults like you in this world, us older folks might have a chance of smiling more often!

[Chy]

Zoomer dear.. take a deep breath. Tomorrow is another day, and once you get some sleep things will calm down a bit. Unfortunatly teens now day's think they are owed more than they deserve. Once everyone cools off, you need to sit that boy down and tell him in no uncertain circumstances will he ever speak to you that way again. THAT has to be done or it will only get worse, if he doesn't like it, hit the road and see if he can make it on his own.. bet he'll threaten to leave and be back in a jiffy. No parent has to or should tolerate being spoken to that way. My 13 year old was starting to get a little smart mouth on him and he know's better now.. he try's to get away with it every now and then but the evil eye and cold shoulder for the rest of the day put him back in his little teen place!

Hoping tomorrow is a better day. ... oh when I get flipped off, I just wave back at them with a big old smile on my face!

[zoomer]

LOL, Chy! I did better than a cold sholder, I made him open his Christmas gifts! After he opened them, he got all choaked up and said "you have to understand that I can't show joy at this moment,but thank you!" For him to show emotion other than anger, is a wonderful thing. Ha, I bought him a sports watch and it was his last gift he opened. It actually started to beep when he opened it and it made us bouth laugh! Now if that is not God's handy work I don't know what is! You have to understand that I did not program the watch and it's not midnight,so for it to act all goofy when we needed a laugh,was just the ice breaker. Ofcourse we can all say maybe he accidently touched a button,but that would make things too logical.

[2stop]

(((Zoomer)))) You are such a dear, you handle so much, and always find some humor in it...love you for that girl!! Hang in there. ^^^^HUGS^^^^

[indigo]

Oh Zoomer,

Life can be such an uphill way. Sometimes when I am all angry and know there is not a dam thing I can say I take myself out and punch the hell out of a pillow, gets some of the frustration out of me ready for the next round (and I don't mean round of drinks anymore!!!)

Keep fighting girl we're there right along side of you/

TCHAO annie

[zoomer]

Today is another day and I feel horrible! An emotinal hangover I guess! It means so much to be able to come here and vent! My son is gone off to his Dads. I could sure use this break from him. I'm still pissed,but I know I did not let the clouds of stupidness hang over this holiday. I'v been thinking about how I really need to get out of the house more and do something for myself. I can't do it now,but will make it my New years resalution to carve in a nitch for me in my life. I just cannot live my whole entier life by waiting on my children hand and foot. As much as I love them,they will drive me mad if I don't have an outlet to build up my insides. I did try to take a class,but had to quit because my family made it too hard on me to go and to study. I'm not going to let them this time around! Also, after wrestling, my son is getting a job!

[Anna]

Zoomer, you are so right about your belief that you need to do something for you. I was aware of that when my kids were growing up, but I always found an excuse - too busy with kids, not enough money, etc. I completely lost myself. If I had taken care of myself I might not be here to day. It's absolutely essential my friend!

Hugs and love,
Anna

[Vevo]

(((Zoomer)))
Glad you plan on doing something for yourself. We always put our family first - and set ourselves up to get ***t on. Hey, anyways I do.
My husband told me recently to get a life. Geez - my family is my life - it's all I think about is everyone else! LOL
I have FINALLY have been going to night school for the last three semesters. The family has to feed themselves the evenings that I go. If the laundry piles up, or there is no food in the house - so what! (there is a place called the grocery store that has food!)
Anyway hon - take care of you - it will make you feel better because you are accomplishing something for you!

[zoomer]

TY Vevo! I worry about my younger children. The dad takes good care of them,but lets them go wild and I have to clean up the mess. Lots to think aobut!

[SkyIsFalling42]

Zoomer
this post just brought back a lot of heartache and memories for me. Your relationship with your son sounds similiar to my past relationship with my daughter. She blames me for everything, period. When I would confront her about something, she would personally attack me, and I would personally attack back. After some time, I could not stand myself for the personal attacks I was making on her, and realized that I was playing into the game she was playing. The initial problem was being avoided, and the attacks only added fuel to the fire so to speak. It is so very easy to be pulled into this, when there are such strong emotions behind it all.
I started conducting myself sort of like a robot with her. Kept repeating every now and then.."I want to know what you are going to do about comming in at 3 am last night and puking all over my bathroom." (or whatever the initial problem was) I just kept re-directing her, and did not allow myself to be pulled into the game. The first time that I acted this way her mouth literally dropped to the floor. It was different, and kept her in a spot of accountability, where she would do anything not to be.
This is something that really helped and worked for me in dealing with my daughter.

[zoomer]

Hey Sky, yes I know what you mean. I get a break from him for 2 weeks and when He comes back I'm posting rules around my house and one is going to be "do not talk to me unless you have something nice to say. I do not want to hear "I want or I need"! "your basic needs are being met,so I don't want to hear it". Also, "No work, no money"! "doors are lock after 12:00" and so on and so forth. I'm ashamed of myself for acting like i did and being sucked right into it because alls it did was give him something else to hold over my head. He did not even acknolage not one hurtful thing he said and I don't think he ever will. I'll also say that when a kid is 17 almost 18 they can be tried as an adult for certain things, same goes for tantrums. He's at an age where somethings cannot be forgivin no matter if he is my son or not. I did't back down so much as I saved a holiday from being ruined by a little punk. Ha, I'm still pissed and I hurt all over from the stress of my feelings. It's getting better though!

[SkyIsFalling42]

A woman with a plan..gotta love it!

Sadly, I do know that our children can hurt us enough to overpower our love for them in most ways. I have not talked to my daughter since she gave her kids to the state, I think in June. I have seen her around town, but have not spoke. This hurts me more than I can express, but being around her would hurt me 3 times more. I think of her often, miss her giggle which only she has.

[Anna]

Sky, I'm not sure how you manage to cope with the feelings that you must have about your daughter and grandkids. I guess you have no choice but to carry on, but you do it so well!!

Hugs and love,
Anna

[zoomer]

(((((((((((((sky)))))))))))! ya, that's very bad what she did to you! I would not speak to my kid either if they did that! She robbed you of a whole life with your Grandkids. I know what you mean about missing the giggles. ((((((((((huggys)))))))))

[SkyIsFalling42]

Anna, Some days I have to cope one minute at a time. It hurts me more that she hurt her own children in this way, she knows that they loved me, and that I did nothing to hurt them in any way. Zoomer, I hope that you are given a better path with your children than the one that I have had to take with one of mine. It is a painful path for sure. My oldest daughter is 22, my weiner daughter, Jenna, is 20, and my son is 18.
I know how hard dealing with our children as teenagers can be, and I truly know what you are feeling in this.

[zoomer]

Gee on top of all this I have an ear infection. Maybe I was getting sick and that triggered me flipping out. Ugh, got to go to the doctors and get medication. LOL, My husband said I need to get back on my prozac. He maybe right only for the sake of me having to deal with this crap so soon after my mother died. He is not much help as far an emotional support goes as a matter of fact he adds to it. Although I must say he did do some work around the house yesterday and for that I'm very greatful.