Any words of sup(port) in a storm please!

[indigo]

Salut everyone it's day ten, my son's been drinking he's bad mood and I feel like I am walking on quicksand I want to stay dry what do I do.....i AM SO STUCK it's like being in a room with no light on or doors, I could scream feel all crazy tonight....any help?
lOVE Aspire xx

[Justme57]

Oh ! ((((( Annie)))))) HUGS TO YOU !

Just remember , " just for today " DONT pick up! I find , remembering my last drink, and how I was unable to stop after 1...2...3............. after the 3rd, I remember thinking, well, I have blown it now , so may as well keep on, " stinkin thinkin"

I also remember the guilt and remorse I felt the next morning , so not worth it ! I also found that drinking with a concience was worse than just drinking , before I had the knowledge of " the first drink".

Can you hop in a bubble bath, with candles ? read a good book, or put your favorite music on?

Just remember my dear friend .....this too will pass

You have been thru so much lately , and made it , this si just a little speed bump


Hang in there Annie, will be thinking of you

HUGX
Lee

[indigo]

Oh Lee thank you so much, I am hanging on by the skin of my teeth, I feel so sad and bereft even, Y es I will take a bath and listen to music I went into panic mode and I am feeling all confused thankyou dear friend safe hugs, I remember my child abuse and abusive relationships when I am sober and sometimes it is very heavy to carry thank you for hearing me Annie/Aspiring with love and hope

[51anna]

Annie, I find exactly what you do - when I am sober all the negative stuff tends to enter my mind (uninvited) and allowing it to enter my thoughts and to stay there led me drink again and again. I try very hard every day to stay focused on positive things and shut out the bad stuff. I have to tell you, there are days when that's darn near impossible, but I simply do have the luxury of wallowing in the junk. I can't. You can do it!

Hugs and love,
Anna

[zoomer]

Hi A, I too get to thinking about the "bad old days" I ask myself why in the hell am I thinking about it for? I guess it is accepting that the memories will always be there and not fighting them any more that gets me through. Can't you tell your son to go drink away from you and your house? Just a thought!

[indigo]

Hey Zoomer,
thanks for the support, in fact I did just that, told him to go drink somewhere else he knows I am trying to dry out, he left.....good advice. I have not taken a drink and now I am going to have hot chocolat and go to bed. thanks for coming to the rest. You on SR are the best. aNNIE tchao

[Justme57]

You know girls, that has been the hardest thing i have had to cope with since I got sober . The uninvited entrance of thoughts which caused me to pick up that first drink, and how to cope with them sober !
But my Sponser has been great, and I have been able to share many thoughts , and emotions with her , that i have never shard with anyone, and this has helped BIG TIME!


Never mind , we are women, we can do anything ! lol

HUGX
Lee

[Chy]

Aspire.. call you local AA and AT LEAST.. you'll have the times and locations when the demon comes knocking again.. and again.. and again.. it's the best call you'll ever make.

[spirit]

hi annie, (and all)

mmm yucky thoughts when sober. drinking did take away some of our memories, but remember only for a time and then we had the new memories of drunken behaviour and hangovers to deal with as well.

the bad thoughts are just that, thoughts, we can control our minds to think of something else. sometimes it is hard, but we can choose to think about or allow horrible history effect us today, or we can say to ourselves "oh that popped up again, i can put that somewhere else for the moment and concentrate on what I want to do" etc. counselling might help if the memories get really bad.

but remember you mind is a wonderful thing, and you control it, not the other way round.

hugs all
kath

[2stop]

~Annie~ So sorry for the struggle you are going through.

"You see, there is no more purpose or meaning in the world than you put into it."~Hans Reichenbach

You are on a mission of recovery, the purpose is to obtain sanity for YOU...Whatever it takes, detach(lovingly, but firmly) and reaffirm that you are 100% committed to learning to live drink free...and that no person, place, or thing can stop you on your mission..unless you give them permission to rent a room in your head and drive you insane. YOU deserve peace and sobriety and all the god things in life. Say aprayer, take some deep breathes, soak in a hot bath for a long while and then get out a pretty stationary set and start writing a gratitude list. Light you a candle, dab on some aromatherapy type parfum or lotion...and just meditate on all the awesome things the world has..just waiting for us to enjoy. We can't truly enjoy them drunk or stoned. So just get comfy, get relaxed, detach with love..and spend some time loving YOU, taking care of #1....

((((((((((Hugs across the Ocean!)))))))))))):redrose

[zoomer]

Annie,the best thing I ever did was when I got those memories was to write them out here on SRF. Whew, I was a nut case and some memories where distorted,but I got them all out! I'v spent years with shrinks and groups on medcation and off,but they never helped. Something about writing things and having someone reply back (instead of waiting for the next appointment) does wonders for the soul. I also made peace with my mother with the help of SRF before,during and after her death. I went to take care of her during her last days and SRF was right there with me. I was far from home,but I was able to jump on SRF and let them know how I was doing and got lots of support. Glad your son left the house. I tell my one son who is 16,not to come home if he has been getting high or drinking. I can't control what he does,but I can make my home a safe place.

[indigo]

Salut Zoomer,
I tink I will write some of my stuff down and get it off my chest do I start a new thread or do I put it somewhere else? tHANKS AGAIN FOR THE ADVICE AND SUPPORT. I'm still sober feel ok today I love that I can come post here. tHANKS about the death of Carol too I am positive she found peace, I talk to my mum too every day and it's been seven years!!!
tchao Annie (safe hug) if that's okay x

[zoomer]

LOL,safe huggs! All huggs are safe except for the old men who try and cop a feel,then they are just annoing! girls are girls Annie,strait,gay or bi (or in your case tri lol!!! I just had to put that in.) Huggys to you and glad your doing OK! I'm sick right now with a small bug and hope it stays small. I have too much to do to get sick! I did have a very long nap today and want to go back to bed. My 6 year old said "mommy you stink",so i had to force myself to take a bath today. It just made me more tired! About your memories,you could post them here when they pop up or go to the PTSD board here at SRF. The moderator is so cool there and helps you through the rough spots if your freaking out too much. It's a very safe place to be as well as here. Ugh, i need to go cook dinner. I hope I don't ralph smelling it!

[Laci]

Yes, those darn guilty thoughts of the past...kept me up last night and made what little sleep I had disturbing. I read somewhere we cannot close the door to the past but can't dwell on it. We learn from it and let go and continue on forward in our programs. Easier said than done. One has to just keep trying. My sponsor told me once replace your fear with faith, never forget where you came from but don't dwell on it.

Annie, you are a real trooper and I do hope your son stepped away from the house to do his drinking elsewhere. Keep strong as you are a very important part of this board. I am so proud of you on Day ten! Sending you hugs and strength from across the pond here!

Love,
Laci
(Trying the positive outlook!)

[Justme57]

Wow ! Annie 10 days ! thats terrific ! more power to you my friend

laci, i am having trouble dwelling on the past , too. Real or imagined slieghts to me, and also the misery I have inflicted on my family , and the subsequent estrangement , which is hurting like hell, pro tem, I suppose cos christmas is looming .

My Sponser tells me, that right now , there is nothing I can do to repair the lack of contact with my son and his family, until I have a bit more sobriety, and more tools ! I must say that I tend to agree with her, cos at the moment , it would only take one demeaning argument with my son, to undo what I have at the moment . OMG! where did that come from, ? sorry for rambling , it must be weighing on my mind

HUGX
Lee

[zoomer]

Annie huggys just thinking about you today ((((((((((((annie))))))))))).

[indigo]

Thank you thank you (if I could use those dam emoticon things I would take a abow) but I cannot . I feel great today, awash with mineral water!! notice how often you have to pee when you are sober? I will need a bathroom stuck to my cul soon. Ok Zoomer I do 'TRI' woops I mean try don't I? UH I don't know but it sounds cool. Annie's 'tri' you know? Yup I can live with that!!
Hugs and love tchao Annie/Tri......ing BIZZ

[2stop]

Your attitude is sooo awesome girl!!!! You are doing great. Keep up the good work. It will just keep getting better and better. The tough days will be better able to cope with the tools you learn in recovery.......YOU ROCK Annie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[zoomer]

LOL Annie! Gosh your so special and funny! We use to have a gal on here similare to you (except she was strait). There are only a few of you born every generation that can bring down the house with your personality. Not saying everyone eles is not fun... You have wonderful supporters here like 2stop and all the rest. We have all been through the mill by our own doings or others doings and trust me, it does not end either,but as long as you have support, you can get through anything! Me personally (no attacks please) use some tools I have learned and leave the rest to others. I'm not big on slogans or anything anymore. but ofcourse I could just be going though a faze in my life right now. I am a firm believer in people being people and everything is real no matter if they are on one side of recovery or not. It is much easier if your not using,but nothing you do is in vain. It's funny about your solgan at the end of your name. When I was young I use to have my purse always packed with make up and money and what ever eles I might need if I decided to go off someplace and have fun. I was always ready at a moments notice and left the rest behind. Today though I'm just the opposet and no makeup in my purse! I try to make a dream come true everyday being happy with what I have. Not an easy thing for me at all because I have itchy feet and want to be any where but here. maybe that will change someday too. I live by Saratoga the miniral watering hole and race track. i keep think Tri-fecta LOL !

[FOGBGONE]

Zoomer, I know how you feel. The town I live in is just not where I want to be. I have always felt like a city girl not a country bunkin!!! But I am learning to be happy where I am. I write poetry to help get my feelings out otherwise they stay bottled up and I feel like I will explode. Usually though I have to be in a very depressed state or drunk to write but I hope to learn to write sober. You guys are the best!!!!! xoxo Rhonda

[zoomer]

I write poerty too,but it's not very good. I go to poetry.com and post! I get a kick out of the letters they write me telling me I won something,but they really want me to buy a book LOL!!! I live in the suburbs,use to be a city girl,but would love now to be a country bumkin. I want a house a big farm house and a barn to put some animals in (no,not my kids). I would love to have my doggy beable to run free and my kids to run and play and scream without my nieghbors thinking I'm killing them LOL! I would not care if my paint was peeling on my house or the toys outside were not lined up in a neat row. It would be OK to have scarred wood floors and a truck or two with rust. it would be nice to say hi to the nieghbors without being snubbed. It would be nice to have an imperfect yard and to grow flowers like their wild instead of me being a land scape artest. Now my suburb is growing into a big city fast and it's getting too big for me. There are huge houses being built everyday,the next being more beautiful and bigger than the ones they just built. Even the churches around are building bigger and bigger adding on to what was once very sweet. It's all very clean and perfect here,but not for me.