The Good and The Bad..... - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

2stop · 10-30-2003, 06:38 PM

I just had the most wonderful time trick or treating with my kids!! I really enjoyed myself, didn't want to come home!

But here at home I am.. and on the verge of crying buckets of tears. It's all hitting me so hard right now. The closing on our house not working out right, my mom being here and just not letting up on the emotional games and criticism and slams, the demands from her for attention from me I do not have, this Ultram business and getting of off that now....my brother is drinking and drugging himself to death, literally. He threatens bizarre stuff like saying he could hire someone to kill us, hubby was supposed to be home tonight, he's worked hard this week and is very tired and cranky, mistook something I said and nutted up..he isn't coming in tonight. He told me last week I should be embarrassed for having withdrawals from Ultram..it's not even a narcotic. I shouldn't let these things get me down, I know...but I am sooooo tired tonight. Am I just crazy for thinking I can do this? Stay clean and live in recovery? I don't know if it's really doubts I am feeling or just plain exhaustion..we've done a lot of moving. Helping my dad, moving our own stuff, moving my mom from TX. I don't want to give in to this feeling, so I thought I'd vent it out and see if it helps. Thanks so much for being here...you all mean the world to me, you honestly honestly do.(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

***Anna*** · 10-30-2003, 06:57 PM

My poor Tammie - it sounds like exhaustion to me. You have so much going on right now along with your recovery. I think it's normal to have doubts though, when you're going through everything that is going on with you right now. It's not easy staying sober and you must wonder at a time like this if it's worth the effort. Well, I think you know it is. I think you believe it's worth all the effort you're putting into it so that live each day with a clear conscience. And, then there's your kids. I bet they're pretty happy with the way you're living your life now. It will get better for you Tammie. The house thing will work out. You and your mother will adjust somehow. And when your husband doesn't understand the Ultram problem, you can come here and talk to us. We understand. Always.

Hang in there, girl.

Extra hugs and much love,
Anna

2stop · 10-30-2003, 07:03 PM

Yes, I still definitely believe it's worth it. i have just been getting scared when the tears start to come...I have to be strong, I can't break...and some days I really fear I will. I know it is "normal" to feel these things...it just doesn't make it any easier knowing that huh? I will persevere..I have got to start really finding time to relax, my quiet time again you know? there's so much more activity and expectations around me in my house right now..and it's intimidating me I guess. it will all work out. I have to make it so. I have to be okay no mattre what, because I know now I am free to choose, I am free to live..If I want to.

phoenix · 10-30-2003, 07:41 PM

(((((((((((Tammie)))))))))))

Of course you are exhausted.Be sure you are making time to take care of yourself.And if someone...anyone...is threatening to harm you,take steps to protect yourself.You are in my prayers.

phoenix

2stop · 10-30-2003, 07:50 PM

My brother is in Texas, and probably spent all his money on the booze or the drug dealer. He is upset because I am living up here now and he wants to but his son is in TX and a aprt of him wants to be a good dad..but he likes his rowdy frinds there too. When he was living up here with us and he got ready to go back to TX he said he went to a place to have a curse put on me and my husband..but the person said I was a gypsy and they couldn't. Who knows what he is up to. I pray for him but he really started to scare me this last time he stayed with us. And the time before that he did shoota shotgun in my house, almost hit a girl that was spending the night..so I know he is capable of being quite violent...he loves guns, teaches his young son all about em..I don't know..it really saddens me. But it is his choice, I just don't want him nutting up and coming up here and hurting my family....the saddest part is he is such a wonderful loving kind talented guy when cleaned up. He used to do so well in AA...I am so tired tonight though things are bothering me more than they should. It'll all be okay. Thanks for the prayers!

Helz · 10-30-2003, 08:04 PM

(((((((Tammie)))))))))

Big hugs for you girl.

You know we are all here for you when you need us.

Unfortunately it is your brothers problem, not yours and there is little you can do to help him til he wants to help himself.

Take care of yourself Tammie, you have so much love to give to other people, you need to give some love to you too!

Love Helen
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

2stop · 10-30-2003, 08:24 PM

Thank you so much Helz, I know you're right.
I am getting pretty pissed/hurt about my husband sleeping in his big truck 20 minutes away because he always always thinks our problems are MY FAULT, without fail!! Or he takes ALL the blame, in that martyrous tone of course..why can't they just look at the issue..one by one, it's not black and white, it's not all-or-nothing...there are always specific things that bother us and need addressed so that the bigger picture IS clearer..maybe I am nuts. But I don't think I am....I get lonely all week alone and I have too high expectations for what the weekend "should" be like. I want to show my husband I love him and participate in our marriage, and I want to be loved by him...I'm getting pathetic with this so will quit, Sometimes I need a real life hug so bad I ache inside. It took me years til I could hug and not feel more hurt...but I got my sweet kiddo's....and in that I am truly blessed. I must think of them before I let myself get all teary-eyed over this. I will tip-toe in and give each of my babies another precious hug while they're asleep, and remind myself of the joy they bring me......

Chy · 10-30-2003, 08:35 PM

Tammie.. you do seem exhausted. Take a deep breath.. go soak in the tub, light one of Sky's candles.. just relax and unwind.. do some Recovery reading. Things have been moving fast for you and it is just going to take some getting used to and......

well you know what's coming next... so I won't say it! *LOVE YA*

zoomer · 10-31-2003, 05:28 AM

((((((((((((Tammy))))))))), I hope your feeling better today! You have the world on top of you or so it seems! My brother is sober,but when my mother was dying he was acting so wierd! He really scard me and I could nto wait to get the hell away from him. We found a gun my Mother had from my grandfather and he was playing with it and got wierd with it and he card me soooooo bad. he was cracking up because his wife had just cheeted on him right when our mtoehr was dying... He became really mean to me and bossing me around and like he wanted to keep all my mothers stuff... Anyway, it turned out that he beat his wife,he got arrested and beat by the cops,now he is on probation for it all and can't see his girls. He wants the family to feel sorry for him,but I can't because I hate men beating women even if he is my brother. So, anyway, it's a good thing he lives 3,000 miles away from me and when i do talk to him on the phone, I agree with everything he says to keep the peace. It's a good thing Tammy your brother lives away from you and you can count your blessing with that!

***Anna*** · 10-31-2003, 05:49 AM

Tammie, I did the 'weekend marriage' thing for quite awhile too and it is really hard and you're right, it's all in the expectations. All during the week, dealing with kids, job, stuff, etc. I would fantasize about the weekend...and of course, it never turned out the way I hoped. I think I was angry at being left to do so much alone and because of the anger I couldn't and didn't behave the way I wanted to on the weekend. Looking back on it, I should have stepped out of the anger and looked at the whole situation more realistically. It's tough, but it will be worth it to try to make it work.

Hugs and love,
Anna

Paulie · 10-31-2003, 08:56 AM

Hope you are feeling better this morning. A new day, a new start, a new chance to practice the tools of the program that we learn.

Okay, so I tossed a little program lecture in there...but I made it real suttle

.

Chy · 10-31-2003, 09:52 AM

Paulie!

10-30-2003, 06:38 PM	#1 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,794	The Good and The Bad..... I just had the most wonderful time trick or treating with my kids!! I really enjoyed myself, didn't want to come home! But here at home I am.. and on the verge of crying buckets of tears. It's all hitting me so hard right now. The closing on our house not working out right, my mom being here and just not letting up on the emotional games and criticism and slams, the demands from her for attention from me I do not have, this Ultram business and getting of off that now....my brother is drinking and drugging himself to death, literally. He threatens bizarre stuff like saying he could hire someone to kill us, hubby was supposed to be home tonight, he's worked hard this week and is very tired and cranky, mistook something I said and nutted up..he isn't coming in tonight. He told me last week I should be embarrassed for having withdrawals from Ultram..it's not even a narcotic. I shouldn't let these things get me down, I know...but I am sooooo tired tonight. Am I just crazy for thinking I can do this? Stay clean and live in recovery? I don't know if it's really doubts I am feeling or just plain exhaustion..we've done a lot of moving. Helping my dad, moving our own stuff, moving my mom from TX. I don't want to give in to this feeling, so I thought I'd vent it out and see if it helps. Thanks so much for being here...you all mean the world to me, you honestly honestly do.(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

10-30-2003, 07:03 PM	#3 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,794	Yes, I still definitely believe it's worth it. i have just been getting scared when the tears start to come...I have to be strong, I can't break...and some days I really fear I will. I know it is "normal" to feel these things...it just doesn't make it any easier knowing that huh? I will persevere..I have got to start really finding time to relax, my quiet time again you know? there's so much more activity and expectations around me in my house right now..and it's intimidating me I guess. it will all work out. I have to make it so. I have to be okay no mattre what, because I know now I am free to choose, I am free to live..If I want to. __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

10-30-2003, 07:50 PM	#5 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,794	My brother is in Texas, and probably spent all his money on the booze or the drug dealer. He is upset because I am living up here now and he wants to but his son is in TX and a aprt of him wants to be a good dad..but he likes his rowdy frinds there too. When he was living up here with us and he got ready to go back to TX he said he went to a place to have a curse put on me and my husband..but the person said I was a gypsy and they couldn't. Who knows what he is up to. I pray for him but he really started to scare me this last time he stayed with us. And the time before that he did shoota shotgun in my house, almost hit a girl that was spending the night..so I know he is capable of being quite violent...he loves guns, teaches his young son all about em..I don't know..it really saddens me. But it is his choice, I just don't want him nutting up and coming up here and hurting my family....the saddest part is he is such a wonderful loving kind talented guy when cleaned up. He used to do so well in AA...I am so tired tonight though things are bothering me more than they should. It'll all be okay. Thanks for the prayers! __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

10-30-2003, 08:24 PM	#7 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,794	Thank you so much Helz, I know you're right. I am getting pretty pissed/hurt about my husband sleeping in his big truck 20 minutes away because he always always thinks our problems are MY FAULT, without fail!! Or he takes ALL the blame, in that martyrous tone of course..why can't they just look at the issue..one by one, it's not black and white, it's not all-or-nothing...there are always specific things that bother us and need addressed so that the bigger picture IS clearer..maybe I am nuts. But I don't think I am....I get lonely all week alone and I have too high expectations for what the weekend "should" be like. I want to show my husband I love him and participate in our marriage, and I want to be loved by him...I'm getting pathetic with this so will quit, Sometimes I need a real life hug so bad I ache inside. It took me years til I could hug and not feel more hurt...but I got my sweet kiddo's....and in that I am truly blessed. I must think of them before I let myself get all teary-eyed over this. I will tip-toe in and give each of my babies another precious hug while they're asleep, and remind myself of the joy they bring me...... __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

10-31-2003, 08:56 AM	#11 (permalink)
Paulie It is what it is!!! Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Sobriety Posts: 5,785	Hope you are feeling better this morning. A new day, a new start, a new chance to practice the tools of the program that we learn. Okay, so I tossed a little program lecture in there...but I made it real suttle . __________________ I know more about how to live than I did yesterday, but not as much as I'll know tomorrow. Today, Ill learn something new~JFT, 1/27/06 The difference between a good day and a bad day, is about 2 days~Ann of SR

10-30-2003, 06:57 PM	#2 (permalink)
*Anna* Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 22,807	My poor Tammie - it sounds like exhaustion to me. You have so much going on right now along with your recovery. I think it's normal to have doubts though, when you're going through everything that is going on with you right now. It's not easy staying sober and you must wonder at a time like this if it's worth the effort. Well, I think you know it is. I think you believe it's worth all the effort you're putting into it so that live each day with a clear conscience. And, then there's your kids. I bet they're pretty happy with the way you're living your life now. It will get better for you Tammie. The house thing will work out. You and your mother will adjust somehow. And when your husband doesn't understand the Ultram problem, you can come here and talk to us. We understand. Always. Hang in there, girl. Extra hugs and much love, Anna

10-30-2003, 07:41 PM	#4 (permalink)
phoenix Paused Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Dreaming Summer Posts: 803	(((((((((((Tammie))))))))))) Of course you are exhausted.Be sure you are making time to take care of yourself.And if someone...anyone...is threatening to harm you,take steps to protect yourself.You are in my prayers. phoenix

10-30-2003, 08:04 PM	#6 (permalink)
Helz Member Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: in transit Posts: 78	(((((((Tammie))))))))) Big hugs for you girl. You know we are all here for you when you need us. Unfortunately it is your brothers problem, not yours and there is little you can do to help him til he wants to help himself. Take care of yourself Tammie, you have so much love to give to other people, you need to give some love to you too! Love Helen xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

10-30-2003, 08:35 PM	#8 (permalink)
Chy Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: El Paso, Tx Posts: 5,867	Tammie.. you do seem exhausted. Take a deep breath.. go soak in the tub, light one of Sky's candles.. just relax and unwind.. do some Recovery reading. Things have been moving fast for you and it is just going to take some getting used to and...... well you know what's coming next... so I won't say it! LOVE YA

10-31-2003, 05:28 AM	#9 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,495	((((((((((((Tammy))))))))), I hope your feeling better today! You have the world on top of you or so it seems! My brother is sober,but when my mother was dying he was acting so wierd! He really scard me and I could nto wait to get the hell away from him. We found a gun my Mother had from my grandfather and he was playing with it and got wierd with it and he card me soooooo bad. he was cracking up because his wife had just cheeted on him right when our mtoehr was dying... He became really mean to me and bossing me around and like he wanted to keep all my mothers stuff... Anyway, it turned out that he beat his wife,he got arrested and beat by the cops,now he is on probation for it all and can't see his girls. He wants the family to feel sorry for him,but I can't because I hate men beating women even if he is my brother. So, anyway, it's a good thing he lives 3,000 miles away from me and when i do talk to him on the phone, I agree with everything he says to keep the peace. It's a good thing Tammy your brother lives away from you and you can count your blessing with that!

10-31-2003, 05:49 AM	#10 (permalink)
*Anna* Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 22,807	Tammie, I did the 'weekend marriage' thing for quite awhile too and it is really hard and you're right, it's all in the expectations. All during the week, dealing with kids, job, stuff, etc. I would fantasize about the weekend...and of course, it never turned out the way I hoped. I think I was angry at being left to do so much alone and because of the anger I couldn't and didn't behave the way I wanted to on the weekend. Looking back on it, I should have stepped out of the anger and looked at the whole situation more realistically. It's tough, but it will be worth it to try to make it work. Hugs and love, Anna

10-31-2003, 09:52 AM	#12 (permalink)
Chy Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: El Paso, Tx Posts: 5,867	Paulie!

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