Our lives...

[SkyIsFalling42]

I just wondered if anyone else feels that they have lived their lives too fast. Or just wondered in a basic way how everyone feels about this??
These are my basics:

1. I feel like I have been an adult for my whole life, no childhood

2. I raced to marry to get away from my home(the wrong reason)

3. I married the worse copy of my mother and father I could have found.

4. I had all 3 of my children by the time I was 23, the first one at 19.

5. At 30, I had almost a total head of grey hair.

6. At 35, I was a grandma.

7. And now at 42, I feel like my life has been a whirlwind, a kind of race.

[Paulie]

Sky -

I am just the opposite. But I am an A in recovery. I am just now starting to grow up and live like and adult if you know what I mean.

But I understand your questions and again I say in my opinion even more reason to make this time for yourself. And when I say that I don't say it lightly. As I have said before I don't know what it is like to have a child, raise him/her to an adult and go through all that. I am a part time step mom, totally different. But I do know that where you are in your life right now is a kinda crossroads. Take the road that leads to doing what makes you happy inside. That does not mean that you are any less a mom or a grandma, it just means that for once in your life you try to learn how to put yourself first.

And in my opinion, that is a really good thing!!

[SkyIsFalling42]

Paulie
I have heard you talk of your step children. And I beieve they are yours in your heart. I believe that you have done more for them than some parents are able to do for their own children. That makes you a mother in my eyes. You are a very important part of their lives. It is just so hard for me to go on about my business..I am sure I will get there some day. I feel so lost in a way, like now what? Well gosh im gonna do what I want, wow how different and wonderful!! Just what I want! But then it almost feels as though I am doing something forein, illegal!! Dispicable, here comes the egg suckin dog syndrome!! I know its irrational..as I truly have paid my dues. Just trying to come to terms with myself.
Putting myself first just seems so selfish to me...like, wow i realy need to do some work on this one!! starting to ramble. Maybe every time i think or say this I should wash my mouth out with soap:p ! Me and my son were just talking about this the other day. One time when my mom was babysitting my kids, she washed his mouth out with soap. This is something that I never did to my kids. He could not believe she had done that to him. I could not either and she was really inpopular around our house for a while.
Anyways, thank you Paulie..you are very good at helping people get back on the road. Sometimes I want to linger in the tall weeds instead, and the only time that is allowed is when you pee on your shoes and everyone knows when that happens..cause you make these noises when you come walking back...like swish, squish, squash kinda noise.

[Chy]

She took the words right out of my mouth!
Time to get selfish... and sometimes I too wish I could do it all over and differently. But then again .. the end result wouldn't really be me and who I am.

Hang in there dear friend!

[Paulie]

Well gosh im gonna do what I want, wow how different and wonderful!!

Practice, this is all new to you, just practice. Each day do something nice for yourself, something small at first and who knows where it will lead to.

Thank you for your kind words about the wicked step mom - just kidding. I am a mom to them, but I know that it is not the same as a biological mom, not when they have one of those anyway.
But I do have a pretty good relationship with them. My 13 year old even called me last night (she never does that) to tell me that the boy she liked, she had told me about him last weekend asked her to be his girlfriend. I think I was more excited that she called to tell me - LOL!

I saw my aunt was my cousins mouth out with soap once...yuck!!!

Squish, squish - you crack me up!!

[SkyIsFalling42]

See!! You have the perfect place in their lives!! Better than a mother, less competitive than a sister, more understanding than a father, and more of a friend than a biological mother can hope to be. It really brightens my day when you talk about this.

Oh with all of the fishing, I have the peeing in the weeds down to a fine art and never pee on my shoes anymore. first, I start circling an area that is preinspected and approved. little circles at first and then out a little broader. Dont want the grass to tickle my butt, or for bugs to bite me!! I then stomp around to smush down the grass..kind of like a bull does..I just dont make those noises though then i check to make sure no one can see me..dont want anyone to see THAT! Then I pretend I am a chicken laying an egg Then I just shake the dew from my lilly and walk out of the weeds like i was really interested in looking at something.
Fishing is the only thing that has ever made me wish I had a doo dad, what a nice quick peeing device!!

[Paulie]

Have you ever thought of stand up comedy???? You crack me up or writing maybe, you are so good with words, descriptive, I mean sometimes I can picture it - LOL!

thanks again for the kind words, it is a process and we work on when they are here. it is hard, but you know that.

[Pony]

Sky,

I agree with Paulie, you crack me up....great sense of humor. I was reading the posts and have felt some of what you are talking about. Sometimes I have felt that life has gone on too fast and passed right on by.....and then other times I think it's not moving fast enough. I think it really depends on what going on at that time in my life. Although I have had time one my own before I married I had a period from my teen years to young adult when I was taking care of my younger cousins because their mom was/is an alcoholic/drug addict. Then I married into a ready made family of four, three of which I raised to adulthood; and now at 39 I also am a grandmother. It's nice to know I am not the only young grandmother around! They just love to tease me at work and call me "granny" luckily I do not have any gray hairs, that show anyway...lol. I also have a 6 yr. old at home from my currant live in boyfriend (who is also my A in my life) .

The lost feeling I feel sometimes is that not knowing who I am or what I am about or even what it is I want out of life and my future. So this post touched me. Also gets me thinking about what I am going to do when my last daughter grows up and starts her own life. What then.....?......will be my questions!!

As Paulie keeps reminding me; You have to take care of yourself in order to able to take care of the others. Your needs are important as you deserve it!!!!
I know that when the kids grow up and move out it hard to all of a sudden know who you are now. Not really mommy anymore....still and always a mother, but hopefully they have learned all that you have wanted them to learn about being independant and on their own, but it's like...Ok....now what is my roll in life? I had to go throught that also. Wow it was hard. But I also had my little one at home, so of course it all shifted to her, but I still felt that loss-empty nest, or maybe I should call it emptying nest, beause it wasn't quite all empty. lol

I tell you I'm not much of a wilderness girl, peeing in the grass just gives me shivers. I have a hard time using the porta-potties they provide out there at our campsites and fishing areas.

[SkyIsFalling42]

KidPonyExpress
Thank you so much for sharing with me. Wow!! You sure have wrestled the pig in the poke in your life!! Oh please tell me your no gray secret!! I had to laugh when you said the people at work called you grannny!! same thing here! I was being good and minding my own business and got made a grandma!! It is just so weird not having babies around..I have always had one or two to love on and tell big tall tails to. And weird not having my learning young adult children around asking me this or that. I sometimes feel so lonesome. I think once I am able to get back to work this will get better for me. For the only time in my life I am directionless!!
Well, at least if you ever have to, now you know a way of going about peeing in the weeds! Its always nice to know!
Thanks again for your insight and caring words.

[SkyIsFalling42]

Paulie
If I had to even walk across a stage or something in front of people I would surely melt like the wicked witch in the wizard of oz!! Oh I cannot stand attention on me..the social phobia thing! If we met in person I would probably choke on almost every word and my tongue, my face would be red the whole time and I would scan constantly for a dark corner to hide in! When everyone seen the glowing eyes under the chair in the corner, they would just say..Oh thats Sky..she likes to hide! If I had to go to the bathroom, I would take the chair with me!

[51anna]

You know Sky, I have done the empty nest symdrome. In fact, both of my kids moved out the same day because my husband and I had to move 2 hrs away for his job and they were both in university and so had to stay put. It was awful because I felt like my world and my purpose in life was over. Now, I see that I still have a fairly important role in their lives. They still need a mother (in a different way) and I am glad and thankful that I am here to be their mother. They both like to know I care (and worry) sometimes about how they are doing. If they are sick I can be there to help them. Next weekend is Thanksgiving in Canada and both kids are coming for the weekend. They want to come here for holidays and birthdays and my role now is still important to them. Of course, I did also find that there are other things out there in the world, lots of things to do. You'll find that too. Just give yourself time and don't feel like you have to rush to make changes in your life. You're doing absolutely great.

Thinking of you,
Hugs and love,
Anna

[wakowife]

I agree,sky, you crack me up, you have such a wonderful sense of humor. you know it's the 4 of us here and most times i feel like i'm all alone, as a matter of fact i just told hubby last night that he needs to find a day job. my son is either working or out with his new girl friend of friends, ( i swear i think he just drops in to eat and have me do his laundry) my daughter if she is home she is on ther computer or on the phone ( can never have a conversation with mom now that she has become a social butterfuly in JH school) and then ther is dear old hubby, he works nights ( 6) only has off on sundays but sleeps the day away anyhow, when he finally gets fed up with all the noise i make it's time to put on the tv( after all he never gets to watch it since he's either sleeping or working) i use to long for the days of just being left alone ( especially when i was using) now i hate the fact the i'm alone even when there are people in the same house. does this make any sense. are we ever truely happy with what we have?????i'm looking so forwqrd to starting school, maybe then i will have a social life again. some where between getting married and having kids and being an addict i lost complete control or reality and i feel like i'm just beginning to find out who i am. first i was someone daughter, then someone's sister, then someone's girlfriend, then wife then mother. but who am I...........?? that is the ultimate question!!!!
Bernadette

[SkyIsFalling42]

Bernadette
Oh girl you have read my mind!! I have always had a housefull of people around and have always felt so lonesome anyways. I think it is the self isolation. We do this to ourselves without really realizing it and then have a cow because we are so lonesome. And then the cow grows up and reminds us of why our mothers told us to keep our skirts down!! Always remembering these skills too late in life..darn.
I know what you mean my sister, I too always wanted some alone time..I had a child I swear outside the bathroom door knocking or peeking under the crack for at least 18 years. And now that I have a little peace and quiet, i feel like im about to be arrested for it. Maybe will do research and see if this IS legal..LOL.
I am so happy for your decision to go to school!! I really think it will help you alot.
I truly believe that the only way we will ever be happy with what we have is when all of our prize possessions come from inside. When we can lay our head down at night and know that we have come one step closer to being who we want to be. And we feel so good about that, that we have to smile, no matter what. And we can ask God each new morning for guidance without fail, and we thank him each night. What more could we want?

[Pony]

Sky, sorry it took me a while til I read your reply to my reply (to you) but m secret on no gray is "hair color". LOL

And yes, thanks for the peeing tip....who knows someday I might need it!

[wakowife]

sometimes i think too much, maybe that's the problem, when everyone is around all i want is peace and quiet and to be left alone, and when i'm alone all i do is complain that noone is around, Does that make any sense??????

Bernadette

[Ann]

So that was YOU in the weeds, Sky!!! LOL LOL LOL

You made me laugh and made my day!!

Hugs
Ann

[SkyIsFalling42]

I wasnt peeing!! I was checking out a really pretty bunch of wild flowers back there!!
For any female fisherwoman..peeing in the weeds becomes a priority::shades: actually, I would take that anyday to a gas station!! Usually by the time I get there, I open the door of the car and stand up on the ground..and look down to see my bladder laying there!! And like your toes curl up in that weird kinda way...and your butt cheeks tighten together..and then you are definately doing a very unique walk!! Of course, you always have to go inside to get the key. So you shuffle, slide, wobble in there and take your place in line. then..ahhh finally the key is in your hand..and has this big peice of wood which it hangs from. I have thought about standing that piece of wood up and peeing behind it...but have not done it.
P.S. If you sould ever come to visit...I know where all of the pee spots are!! They are pre-scoped!

[millionfree]

wow 1 thru 4 fit me perfectly I geuss I can look forward to 5,6and 7 hang in there