loitering

[zoomer]

Gee wiz, I can't stand bullies or discrmination even if the a-holes wear a badge. Iwas at the mall last night and saw how the teens were being harrassed by the security gaurds. Mostly the goth kids. They could not stop for a second without the guards yelling at them. I wet outside to have a smoke and some teens came out to sit down. The big a-- ugly looking gaurd came out in less than 30 seconds and told the kids they had to get off the property or go inside. I guess I should have kept my mouth shut,but after about a minute of seeing this security gaurd up to the kids like he was going to hit them and get in their face,I said "he needed to leave the kids alone or he was looking at a law suit". This is personal because they kicke my dauhter outfor an unjust infractionand did not let her get a hold of anyone and she walked 6 miles home in a town with no sidewalks an it was getting dark. She could have been killed by taffic or abducted or something. Anyway I was threateed with arrest and loitering! Ha, I was not done shopping yet and just too a minute to have asmoke and rest my feet and found t disturbing to have these gaurds harrasing the kids in front of me for no reason what so ever! I'm looking up loitering laws and such and I just might help these kids who get harrassed all the time. I just can't stand dicrimination or bullying done by anyone. Ilive in a place that if you are not white,rich or do not fit in then it's passive aggressive violence until the "in people" can move you out! I'd love to leave this hell hole,but stuck for a few more years due to my mortgage. I do need I think to keep my mouth closed because I have enough on my plate,but ugh who else can help these kids. A lot to think about

[Paulie]

Follow your heart zoom.

[zoomer]

Hey Pauline,my heart is tired! LOL!!! I'll just go to a diffrent mall to shop,no big deal. I just feel so sorry for the kids that have no place to go. My son however did go to the mall for about 15 minutes and then went to a Christian group that is ran by the school. My girl you now know is with her dad for the time being,so really have no beef any more. I for one did not like the way she was heading and she was grounded from the mall for being part of anything that had to do with being kicked out weather or not she did anythig only to show her "you hang wih dogs,you get fleas type of thing". I think she is too young to have opinions and to try and make a stand because she has no grounds for any support. If she is ging to support a cause,then she needs to understand the cause ad work within the laws and not become a mouthy teen just for the heck of it. It'slike when they made that guy Rodney King a sort of icon for police burtality. The guy was wrong being on PCP andout running the cops,then when people tried to "help him", he made an ass out of himself. My girl is ADHD and whenever i do try to stick up for her,she does something against the whole perpose and it goes around and around. That is why I'm burned out and needed her Dad to step in! After 13 years,he needed to do something for her. My girl could not help herself being different and loud,but it was peoples reactions to her that made her act out even more thus made her a scape goat for peoples need to kick a dog when they are down. She is what these people here wanted her to be an outcast. Only I thank God I have the resources and the means to help her. Ha, asking her Dad for help was like selling my soul to the devil. Iv raised her for 13 years without him because of child supprt issues. (I always gave him every oppertunity to be a part of her life,so it was not me),but if it will help my girl, I'd kiss the devil's toes! Life goes on,but eating humble pie weather I asked for it or not is gagging me

[Chy]

Hey Zoom I teach high school and it really pisses me off to see administration disrespect some of the kids "out of the norm" ya know the goth kids are my smartest, most creative, they never get the credit they deserve. I too have a hard time with people abusing the badge they wear and take it out on kids. I love teenagers for many reasons and life now days is extremly difficult for a vast majority of them, if people like you and me don't stick up for them who will... in some case not even their parents do! *hugs* thanks for letting vent my view on this. I am with you on this one!

[zoomer]

Hi Chy, ugh I'm all teary missing my girl! I don't have a problem with teens, I do try and understand them. If they cross the line though and do something illigal such as drugs,ditruction of property and so on and so forth,then they need to have conciquences. Most of the kids here do things out of bordom and truly are not bad kids,but are made to be that way only because it is soooooooooooo strait laced here. I come from an inner city where it was truly dangerous to go out at night because of crime. heavy duty crime! I laugh at the way how these people here think of "crime" when it's just actually kids being kids,but they treat these kids like harden criminals. I read in the local paper how the sheriff called these kids roaches! Here if ya don't have money to go pay for every organized group activity,the kids have nothing to do. Some families have both parents who work who can't take the time to drive their kids from here to there,so the kids are left with nothing to do. One of the big reasons I don't work is to be here for my kids,but even that's not enough by these standards here! I read to my kids, we take them to the park, they have soccer, I'm in the PTA... and still people think I spend enough time with them! The kids here really don't have time to actually "play" and if they do, it's all play dates. If the kid has the nerve to go and see if a child can play then they are rude for not calling ahead. I had dreams of my kids running and playing with other kids in the neighborhood. My one daughter was 9 years old before she could ride her bike around the block and I was considered a neglectful parent! Ha, parents walk their 4th grade kids to the bus stop that is right in front of thier house. I watch from my porch and I'm a neglectful parent! I think we now live in a world of extreams and there is no room for creativity or indipendance. On a personal note, I really do not like the goth look,but I also do not like the real preppy look either. I think the kids now days need an outlet and they are doing it by anyway they can. I guess in every generation there is the look that sets people off. It's just where I live there is no room for being different unless you have the money to pull it off. Trust me though, if i was on top of the food chain here, I would not be complaining. I'm not really an idealist or a rebel,but if anyone messes with my kids then ofcourse there will be hell to pay. Actually, If I do see an injustice I do have to say something and it always gets me into trouble! I just can't stand seeing the little guy get beaten down! Thanks Chy, you made me feel lots better! I did print out some things against the anti loitering laws and showed it to one of the goth kids that my son knows. If the kids want to learn more, I'd be happy to teach them,but I also told the goth kid that if they do dumb things,they are going to get harrassed. I think I did more in just a small amount of time than most people do for these kids in years by looking up laws to give them a leg to stand on.

[Chy]

Hiya Zoom,

Well said! Your so correct in everything you said, seems to me like your doing an awesome job with your kids given the neighborhood you describe. It's not easy for kids now days, and your right if they are wrong then they need to be responsible for their actions. Boredom is a number one reason kids get into trouble. We all have done our share I'm sure, and we can only lead by example.

In my book you get an A+! *hugs*

[Juls]

Hi Zoomer,

Long time no talk. I agree with you about police harassing kids. My son who is racially mixed (looks black) used to work at a movie theatre downtown. He would ride his bike back and forth to work. On the weekends he wouldn't get off until 2 or 3 a.m. Many times he was just randomly pulled over by the police and searched. His person, and his backpack. Of course they asked if they could search him, but the fact the they were doing this made me furious when he told me about it.

However, I guess my son has more maturity than I, or is just more calm. I wanted to call them up and give them what for, but his attitude was "Mom, don't get excited about it - they're just doing their job."

Juls

[zoomer]

Hi Chy and Juls! Ha, Juls your son reminds me of my son. It's sad that the kids are so "use" or excepting now days. I got stopped for curfue at age 17 and just about wet my pants! I got arrested too only because my friend questioned the cops motives! LOL! We were not doing anything wronge,but the cops were scard for two teenage girls being out so late. I wanted to go home,but my friend had a mouth,so we ended up spending the night in jail. Now I do believe in a curfue law. No kid needs to be out running around after 10 at night (unless they are coming home from work). Sure they can be at a friends or movies or out to eat or what ever,but roaming around the hood is just not acceptable in my book. I guess lots of things popped in my mind after my ordeal at the mall. Ha, we just plain old white trash moved in a well to do middle class suburb and god forbid we should actually florish! Nope, there will always be bashing (in a passive agressive way) to try and keep people down. We did't know the social rules here and actuall thought we could be friends with our nieghbors! You know go over for coffee,have our kids play with their kids... It did work for awhile, but my ADHD daughter had issues and did not know how to deal with snot kids. Mind you my children (my girls at least) have never ever gotten in a fight at school,but were hit by other kids. My daughter who is now 7 just got slaped on the bus while she was ganged up by two girls. She did't fight back,nor tell the bus driver,but came home and cried. Ofcourse I called the school and it was taken care of by the girls having to write notes to my girl. But still! I blame the parents teaching their kids how to be snobs because kids learn by example and ofcourse the kids have ears and listion when the "mommy's" gossip. I was walking with my 2 year old at the pool and one little boy about 4 pointed at my son and I and said "O no not another smith" (names have been changed to protect the innocent). Now where would the boy here such a thing! I must say that my son Nick hung out with troubled kids (he is now 16). It was a lot of his friends doing that did petty stuff to provoke the anger of the nieghbors. If anything was done wrong in the nieghborhood, my son got balmed even if he was not here and at his Dad's 250 miles away! I have yet to see my son in over a year only because I just do not want him to be blamed for what goes on here. I will see him however this Thanksgiving and I do hope that nothing goes wrong! I'm bad,but when one of my neighbors get thier house trashed by the teens that they provoke, I laugh inside. I think it's wrong for the kids to vandilize,but I can see why they do it. The kids get the cops called on them for doing nothing,or yelled at walking down the street. One woman went so far as to call the school and give the school a list of the "trouble makers" and say they were all drug dealers! The school called in the kids and threaten them that if they did not tell them who the drug dealers are, then they would get in to big trouble at school! I thank God my son was not around then! Anyway, that is why I refuse to have my daughter go to this school. The school looks for trouble and uses methods like that of the FBI! The families that don't fit in are interigated or harrassed until they move or the child drops out of school. I got a letter from the school physcoligist actually shaming me because i sent my daughter to a private school one time because her couslor said "my daughter has to fail in order to learn her lession"! Ha, nope,now way. I feel a child should be helped before they fail and failing should never pass the lips of an educator! My daughter was having a hard time adjusting to middle school with all the work and here it is 3 years later and after all the phone calls begging for help from me and mettings with teachers who scard the hell out of me,my daughter fell through the cracks. Nope, I could not give that school another chance,nor be blamed for thier administrative problems. I was afraid ending up like those other families who got SS called on them when they actually dared to say how they feel! On a good note however, my daughter is doing much better at her new school. Not great,but an improvement! It's ashame that i had to let her go inorder for her to do better.

[bubblze30]

Hi ZOOM I just read you original post and am on your side. People constintly judge people for how they dress it is so wrong. There are a few kids across from my house and they are some grunge and some a little gangster looking but are very intelligent and loveing kids. I can't believe that wouldn't you know the cops are constintly at there house just to hurass them it just gets under my skin. That is part of the reason kids sometimes say the hell with it you think I am so I will be. I wish someone would change the laws here as well.

[Chy]

Your a strong woman Zoom, remain firm in your convictions and continue to support and protect those little darlins. Your strength and courage are amazing and I wish some of those snobs could learn a lesson or two from you! *hugs*

Perhaps you and the kids can get all dolled up in fancy clothes rent a limo and drive around the neighborhood! That would have them eating crow! *LOL* ... in all seriousness, be glad your not like them... I bet their not as happy as they appear to be! *hugs*

[zoomer]

Hi Bubblez and Chy,it is very sad that not only kids get harrassed,but the families as well. Now I can understand trying to make sure this town is a nice place to live and such,but really some of the laws give people with power trips much more to grind other people down! My poor dog has been stabbed because he wondered off one day and I got harrassed several times from the dog police because our nieghbors with nothing better to do with their lives desided every time my dog barked,he was breaking the "no barking law"! Ofcourse my poor doggy broke the leash law too,so he is a hardened criminal as well. I even got notes in my mail box with people acting like the dog police telling me I was breaking such laws. Of course I called the dog police and asked them why did they put such a note in my mail box and they said they did not. So, I said you better catch the people who are putting notes in my mail box because they are breaking laws such as: impersinating an officer, harrassement and using the U.S. mail box without using stamps! It shut them up pretty quick! LOL!!! My two kitties got poisand by either on purpose or by people spraying chemicals on thier lawn. They died and we had to pay for creamation. Ha, one man got so pissed off at his nieghbor that he put a mail bomb in their mail box and someone blew up a Principals car. I'm not saying they were right in anyway,but this passive aggressiveness leads to true violence! I teach my kids not to be violent,but if they get hit (never throw the first punch),then kick thier ass twice as hard. My one son got sucker punched one day at school,so he slammed the kids head into plexy glass. My son got suspended,but the other kid got nothing! I guess if you finish what other people start and win,you get punished. I can be a true snobby b-itch,but it's not really me and I always feel bad afterwards. I got a limo donated and we rode in one when we took a girl with cancer to a concert. Ha, the people did not eat crow,they rented one too! LOL!!! I have doen a lot of work here as far as discimination,but it wears me out without back up. My one girl was not aloud in the brownie troop because they just did not want a girl with disabilities in the troop,so now there is no more brownies here (I think). My girl was not the only one snubbed from this thing. You had to have money too to get you child involved in scouts. It's all such stupid stuff! I might get my younger girls involved in 4-H,but we will see. Right now I'm taking a french course (I was going to take spanish,but wanted to be able to talk with my son because he is taking french),so not enough time in the day with soccer,football and now french!

[bubblze30]

Wow what a ugly enviroment to be in. The hell with the better neiborhood these people are sick I would not like to live around people like that. I feel for you having to deal with such people as them.

[zoomer]

Hi Ya Bubbles, I feel bad for me too! Ha, I moved up only to be put down. There are a lot of good things too and trust me I do try to find them! I just that it's so hard to live in a place and have to spend a lot of money too! I keep telling my husband,we would be better off in a lower economy based place! Maybe we would not be any happier,but we could have more money to compensate our woes and could actually afford a good vacation!

[Anna]

Zoomer, I'm impressed with the way you stand up for your children. Life can be tough for kids and they shouldn't have to go it alone. They'll appreciate that you care.

Love and hugs,
Anna

[Juls]

Good Grief Zoomer,

If that's what it's like living with the upper class, I'll stay down here rooting in the mud, thank you very much.

Juls

[zoomer]

Hi 51 Anna and Juls,thank you for your support and kind words! I'm ashamed of myself but I skipped out on my first day of french class. I was just so exausted and my kids were too. if I wnet then they would be all keyed up and would not get to sleep until late. They need a down week (with no nightly intteruptions of open house and such things) to beable to function well in school and I just really need so peaceful times without thinking! ha, I'll go next week I'm looking forward to it! I'm not the best mother in the world,nor am I the worst,but I keep trying everyday to make a good life for my kids.

[Anna]

Hey Zoomer, being a mother is the toughest job there is. All we can do is try to do our best. You're doing great.

Hugs and love,
Anna

[zoomer]

TY Anna! There is a lot of things still yet to do! I have to say a long time ago I asked for help for my sons,but nooooooooo,noone would listion,they all thought I was just a hystarical woman. It's a very long story! I'v been going agaist the grain of first the ex,then dealing with the stupid schools here. I just found out last night that the cops are looking for my son (my 16 year old who lives up north with his dad's side of the family). Well, ex who tried to start his own company,failed and now has to go out of town to work left my son with his grandma. Well, because noone is at the house of the ex,my son has been throwing parties. I guess the cops got wind of it and came in the house when no one was there and found party supplies such as cases of empty beer and pipes and stems... I say good for the cops! But now I'm in a situation to where "now what do I do"! I think my son needs a rehab,but in order for him to be on our insurance, he needs to live here. Do I have enough strenth to deal with him and this town? I feel sorry in a way for his grandmother who lets him live with her for now. She does not need trouble,but then neither do I. Maybe I'll call his school and see how he is doing there. last I heard he was on the honor roll,but if he is slipping,then they need to intervine. Stupid kid I swear and stupid ex!

[Chy]

Must agree your doing awesome! I am sorry you live in such a spiteful place. You hang in there!

[bubblze30]

I am glad that you are blessed with money I am in lower class but get by just fine. I have met the most loving people who do not have money. See I grew up around money and they were just not the type of people for me. There are a few I still cherish however I would not change the friends I have now for all the money in the world. They are loving and caring and very helpful. Maybe you all could move to maybe the same class area with just different people surrounding you. There is good and bad in ev1 you just so happen to have got stuck with lots of bad. You seem like a great person who deserves to be around great people.

[zoomer]

Hi and thank you both! I'm a mess right now! ugh, here I was telling everyone about what I do for my kids and my 17 year old acussed me of being the worst mother in the world and how I do not do a thing. He has real big issues,but does well in school and I encourge him to go the distance in any way i can. Well, unfortunatly we do not have the money like some of the kids here for him to have more or to do more things. I wanted to give him $10 a week for lunch because lunch is $1.60. He hates the lunches and wants to buy "snack food", now my husband gives him $20 a week. So we do $40 a week just for lunches! I buy all 6 kids their clothes and school supplies weather they are here or not. We run around like chickens with our heads cut off to try and make sure these kids get to where they want to go. Anyway, the point is I feel like we do a lot and yes sometimes I am bitchy about it only because it is stressful trying to meet all the kids demands. So now my 17 year old is on a pitty pot and how I make him feel like an inconvenence! Man O man his Dad sure messed with his head and now I have to pay the price. I do try and "talk to him, reason with him",but nooooooooo I'm the owrst mother in the world. How did this all start? Well, I was 5 minutes late picking him up from football practic because I was at the store buying groceries because the food was not good enough that was in the house. I also got him a car, but it needs to be fixed up. I did have some money from my Mom's estate, but it's gone now twards ll the kids and their needs. I should have saved it for his car like I said I would,but everone wanted something or other. Anyway,it's not the argument, families will have that, it's the way he puts me down and the manipulation is horrible. He is just like his Dad never taking a look at himself,but justifies his actions because "of poor him". I just do not know what to do any more or how much more I can take! I said "lets go talk to someone", no I'm the one with the problems he says. He is 17 and a half. 6 more months he is of legal age. I want him to suceed and I want to help him through collage and such,but not like this. I feel like I'm walking on egg shells in my own home. Ha, i asked for backup from my husband and he starts with his own issues like he is using this as an oppertunity to get back at me! To be honest, I just want to pack up my three youngest and get the hell out of here,but I have no place to go and no family to go to. Iv been out of the work force too long,so i have to retrain. I am trying to build myself back up to where I can get a job,but these things take time. To be honest if I sue for support and alimony I could get $30,000 a year,but it's the starting off that will be hard. I try and try to make this family (blended of course) to do well and to give them good values,but it's so hard when no one wants to work together. I have been in theripy for years and took medication,but to be honest I am resentful because it's coping with the impossible that I can't handle not that there is too much wrong with me. i don't know how to say it right,but it'sike if the woman gets hit all the time, is it her fault? It's her fault for staying sure,but what if she works hard to no avail? So, we have a messed up town I live in a difficult situation in the family that only I try and fix,so where do I go from here? Sorry to vent,but this is all so pointless. I'll be 40 in less than 2 weeks. I'm feeling the "middle itch" like I only have half my life left, and dam it I want some peace and happiness! LOL! Ya, I'm on a pitty pot,but gee wiz! O'ya I don't get hit. If I did I'd be out of here in a heart beat.

[Anna]

Hey Zoom, He's a teenager. It's his job to drive you crazy.

Seriously, hang in. It'll pay off in the long (long) term.

Love, Anna

[zoomer]

OOOOOOO and one more thing, I said to my husband "that this is getting way too much for me,there is so much stress" and he says "at least you are reconizing that things are getting too much for you" like he is my shrink or something! God forgive me,but really it's like when some one messes with you,and then they say "gee it looks like your stressed out, you better go see someone". I say well if you did not mess with me in the first place, then I would not be stresed out! I'b been with worse men other than my husband now,he has a lot of good things about him,but it just seems that the bad are outshining the good. I do try and talk to him, I do try and understand,but he needs a little help himself. i'v asked for years now,but he says lets do it together. I say work on yourself first. We go in to a shrink session for my daughter and he turns it around to talk about his woes. I just stared at him like he had two heads. We were in there for my girl,not for him. One of the reasons I sent my girl to go live with her dad other than the school here is that my husband and my girl have such a difficult relationship and I'v spend years as a refferee. I though that she needed a break from that too and yes i'm angry at him for being another kid that I had to deal with. He says I don't support him (that was our big thing last night),so why should he support me. When i'm put in a situation to where I feel like i have to chose sides,my children will always win because I should never and niether should a child be put in a situation like that. It's all so childish and I truly want an adult to be my partner,not a childish man.

[zoomer]

Ha, thanks Anna,I'm just venting I think,but then again I don't know. I have a hard time dealing with things that are not rational. I think my life is in an earth quake stage right now and I just need to get through it and hope there is not a lot of damage at the end.

[Chy]

Hey Zoom, you just vent away. You have a houseful of personalities to maintain and it doesn't seem like your taking time for yourself. You need to find away for you to just have some you time. No kid, no hubby, you and the park, or just a movie by yourself. I know it's probably difficult with all the running around you do with the kids and all but your gonna explode if you don't start taking care of you. Who is going to take care of them if you have a caniption fit? So Doc. Chy says to make some time for yourself this week, be it an hour, the afternoon, just enough time for you to enjoy doing something besides being mom, wife, finacier etc.

When your out doing something good for yourself stop by the nearest convienance store and pick-up a newspaper. Pull out the classified ads and had it to your son! There is no reason he can't work a little part time job to start learning about finances and how hard it is to earn a buck. Then you restablish what your going to cover for him and let him start pitching in by buying his own clothes, paying for his own car etc. I regret not doing this with my daughter who is now 21 and on her second divorce. She some how got the idea we were gonna be around to cover her ass for life and when we finally had to start saying enough, she married the first two guys who would buy into supporting her so she wouldn't have to work. She has learned financial responsibility the hard way which I in part blame myself because I never could say no to her.

On one last note.. didn't you know most 17 year olds consider us horrible parents, and hate us?