Self Defense Class

[sfgirl]

I have a history of sexual abuse/assault over the years. Some of those were stranger incidents; others were more date rape type things with massive amounts of alcohol involved. I finally learned good boundaries with men only in the last few years, and only by myself, something that was never taught to me, and was in fact mistaught to me by abusive men.

This past weekend I took a self defense class (18 hours, 9 hrs each sat an sun) and it was much more than just learning to kick men in the groin. It was about learning boundaries and learning to be okay with standing up for them. And more than anything it was really about a group of women bonding over violence against women and sharing their histories of abuse and regaining a sense of power.

It was intense.

I highly recommend it though. I really recommend it for younger women. There were some 18 year olds in my class and if I had known the things they taught me then my life would have been a lot different (maybe I would have stopped drowning my life in alcohol). But I also recommend it if you feel like your recovery has become stagnant and you have issues around men that need healing. This could really jump start some new feelings. (I am not sure that I could have handled it in early recovery when my emotions were super raw)

I did it with an organization called impact which is a national program:

IMPACT Self Defense - Home

[sfgirl]

Oh, and I definitely felt by the end that I had had the feeling of "terminal uniqueness" about my abuse a bit. I always feel like I have a big X on my forehead because men get into my space all the time and cross my boundaries even when I am very clear. I always felt very alone.

By the end I really felt the shared experience of abuse amongst each and every one. Everybody had had a very different manifestation (domestic violence issues, parental issues, etc) but everyone had experienced very similar pain— the "terminal uniqueness" lifted a bit.

It is also scary how common violence against women is

[Anna]

It is scary, and it's scary how many women don't talk about it because they are ashamed.

I'm glad you feel empowered. It could save your life.

A book that I loved is "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin deBecker. Basically he talks about how we learn to not listen to the little voice in our head, that warns us of danger. For example, if you hear someone following you down the stairway in an office building, your little voice may tell you to run, but instead you tell yourself that you would look foolish if you did that.