Being too Sensitive

[LegalLady]

I'm kinda back around here.
I seem to get offended smetimes with the remarks I get. Especially from the guys. Men are on my 4th step, I'm sure I'm not unique in that area. But it's kinda like men in general. (which I have on my fourth step too) When they comment on anything I say I feel totally stupid. Can any of you relate to that. I'm sure its just my ego thinking they are picking on me and my low self esteem. My past with men was not the best. But whenever a guy tells me something like get over it. You aren't working the program, it offends me more than when a women does. Especially on this forum.

I was just wondering if any of you ever felt that. I find myself wanting to go off or just back away. I see a lot of good people on here.

Just wondering if you ever felt stupid or had your feelings hurt on here.
There is good, if not, I wouldn't be coming back.

Its just, I guess what I'm trying to ask is. If any of you had really bad pasts with men, do you let it effect you here on the forum or in lilfe in general. I'm working very hard on this.

This probaby makes no sense again. I don't want to cause a debate, I don't want to have any names of men who upset you on here. I just want to know if you were ever too sensitive or maybe, maybe were treated a little weird and how you built your confidence to ignore it.

I am an alcoholic people pleasing follower. Any one like that?

[Sugah]

lol...yup.

I have a horrible (pre-sobriety) past with men, but my past with women isn't so hot, either. Even the men who "made me feel" unlovable, ugly, stupid, objectified, etc., etc., though, seemed easier to manipulate than women. I felt like I was in competition with other women. If I felt this degraded, I at least had to prove to myself that I was better than them.

I don't know when it changed, but it did. Somewhere in the midst of that fourth step, I saw how much my resentments isolated me, how little love I was able to receive because I wasn't really willing to give it, not without expectation, anyway, and then it's not really love, is it? If I feel an individual, male or female, is deliberately disrespectful and granting them love and tolerance doesn't seem to make a difference, I love and tolerate them from a distance

Keep trudging on that 4th step. When you complete the next few, I can almost guarantee your heart will begin to change. When you begin making amends, even more incredible things will happen. Then one day, you'll realize that you're just as good as anyone else -- no better, no worse, but just as good.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[LegalLady]

I wish I was that secure in my self. I'm going on my second year sober and frankly the first one was hard but this second one is even more of a mind cluster. Not so much about the drinking but the thinking and worrying about my comments and stuff. Its like my EGO is totally on the negative. At first I had a hard time excepting I had an ego problem, until I realized EGO was just all about me. Negative or Not I was the negative one. It still creeps in my head that others are superior and I'm just a schmuck. You know that poor me poor me thing. I just wish I wouldn't worry so much about what others think. Sometimes when I go to meetings it seems like everyone has it so together. I know I shouldn't judge their outsides with my insides but frankly its hard for me to stop that. I've trained myself that way for 22 years and I just think I need longer than 18 months to change all that. I'm glad about the sometimes quickly sometimes slowly thing. It just seems that if you don't get stuff right off the bat, out comes the sarcasm, tough love or aloof and insensitive comments. I want them to roll off my back, but they never seem to do that. One of my character defects I presume.

[jamdls]

My past with men was awful, starting with being molested at 11, raped, "sold" for drugs..2 bad marriages..I had no self respect and when I stopped drinking I felt even worse for a while because I remembered what a drunken sl*t I was. I gave up men shortly before I gave up drinking and now 2 yrs into sobriety I'm just beginning to consider the possiblity of wanting a man in my life because only in the past 8-10 months have I felt confidence in myself, I respect myself now and I love myself now. Prior to the last few months my feelings got hurt very easily; when I first started posting on SR my feelings got hurt the first week by women and then by a few men--but now there is no way because I am comfortable with me. The way my confidence has grown has primarily been through my faith in God, and by reading the bible and praying.

[LegalLady]

Thanks, its good to know that people experience some of the same things I do. It helps a lot. Especially since no one criticised me. I have the ISM problem. I Self Me.
I just want to be comfortable in my own skin. JAMDLS if you can do it, then it gives me hope that I can. You are an inspiration. I do know that is what this program is all about.

[Aysha]

I have gotten my feelings hurt alot on here. And didnt like alot of things said to me.
I am still holding a resentment for 2 of those. One happened a long time ago and one recently.
Need to get rid of it cause I just feel disgusted even thinking about those comments.
But thats on me and me alone.
Of course I feel over sensitive at times. Especially on here. I am already going 100 different directions emotionally. So when I get a comment I dont like or think is mean or disrespectful. I go into fight mode. I dont ever feel stupid. Because I am too busy feeling angry.
Its not a good thing.
So I have to just step back and chill my thoughts for awhile. And def stay away from the ones who made me feel like that. Whether they were right or wrong. It still made me feel a certian way.

I have issues with men. But not in the way your talking about. Mine comes from my active addiction days. I just have certain disgust with them for certain reasons. That again are on me.
But I dont have to deal with them in that way anymore. And never will again. So I am getting over that.
Hang in there. No one can make you feel how you dont want to feel. I know sounds stupid. But its true.
Maybe I just have a F em attitude. Its a bad thing. But very helpful in times like those. I think..

[meditation]

Oh I am very sensitive that way. You aren't alone. I sometimes want to lash out and mete out arrogance for arrogance. Sort of forum road rage going on. But if I back away and log off, by the time I get back, maybe a day or two later I no longer feel compelled to even respond. I need that cool off period to not respond back.

I have been just as offended by what I would consider an insulting remark from a woman as much as a man. I am not always gender sensitive- it could be man woman or animal and I might feel the offense.
I also realize that noone on SR really knows me and I can't take everything personal because they are responding to the words and they don't have the whole entire picture, that's not their fault because SR doesn't have the data space for me to spell it all out.

I don't think I am "terminally unique" but I don't like to get back a pat cliche or I don't respond well to arrogance. It may not be arrogance but it feels like it sometimes. I especially hate it when people tell me to look at my part and I feel that's invalidating the emotion and feeling I am experiencing. It doesn't help me. I may be able to do that when I am not running high emotionally but at the time it feels trite.

You sound like you do what I do...... you back off and shut down when it feels uncomfortable. I do the same thing in meetings sometimes. I give them a rest when they start to work my nerves........ when meeting people start trying to take my inventory I go to my other home meetings and when I come back I have forgotten all the petty things that go on. Taking appropriate breathers is necessary and putting distance and time. Many hugs to you.

[meditation]

Oh and and something else I have started to do is buy those mind brain wave cd's. They work on the different brain waves alpha, theta and delta and it's subliminal and it supposedly helps me to think in a positive manner about things.. basically it's retraining the brain to think in a more healthy way. You can check them out- one that I like is Mind Body Toolkit by Andrew Weil. I picked it up at Borders.

I also go thru some positive affirmations daily that I tell myself something good about me like for example..... I am a good person, or I am a thoughtful person or I am a beautiful child of God. If I say something long enough I begin to believe nice things about myself. Also EMDR has helped me which is something my therapist does and it is for ingrained negative thinking. It supposedly gets to the root of the problem. These are suggestions and things I do to build up my self esteem along with doing something nice for myself without any guilt attached - something as simple as buying a couple of nice candles and nice bath salts or oils and relaxing with music. Just treating myself the way I want to be treated and really these things may sound silly but they do work if you keep at them daily.

[Ninsuna]

Originally Posted by LegalLady

I'm kinda back around here.
I seem to get offended smetimes with the remarks I get. Especially from the guys. Men are on my 4th step, I'm sure I'm not unique in that area. But it's kinda like men in general. (which I have on my fourth step too) When they comment on anything I say I feel totally stupid. Can any of you relate to that. I'm sure its just my ego thinking they are picking on me and my low self esteem. My past with men was not the best. But whenever a guy tells me something like get over it. You aren't working the program, it offends me more than when a women does. Especially on this forum.

I was just wondering if any of you ever felt that. I find myself wanting to go off or just back away. I see a lot of good people on here.

Just wondering if you ever felt stupid or had your feelings hurt on here.
There is good, if not, I wouldn't be coming back.

Its just, I guess what I'm trying to ask is. If any of you had really bad pasts with men, do you let it effect you here on the forum or in lilfe in general. I'm working very hard on this.

This probaby makes no sense again. I don't want to cause a debate, I don't want to have any names of men who upset you on here. I just want to know if you were ever too sensitive or maybe, maybe were treated a little weird and how you built your confidence to ignore it.

I am an alcoholic people pleasing follower. Any one like that?

Yes mam. I just wanted to tell you that reading your post made my day and I think it will give me a little more fortitude the next time I am facing this.