newbilicious - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

rachelbrittany · 07-24-2009, 07:10 AM

hey ladies! this is the 1st time i've entered the woman's only part of this forum - i haven't made it much further then the newcomers section.

TGIF to all

Just wanted to write a little something to see if anyone can relate because i haven't really met anyone in AA yet who is going/went through my situation.

I'm 46 days sober

hangin in there. My bf and I have used together for our whole relationship ( 3 1/2 yrs) minus these 46 days (cocaine being our primary, then switched to alcohol before we got sober). Hmm, well i'm working the program, he is not (yet, hopefully one day), just remaining sober which im grateful for that believe me, things would be so much harder if not.

Well my thing is, it's just kind of weird sometimes, were learning to like each other again almost? Both being so new in sobriety, we are just like hmm, so this is it - this is our life now. A part of me fell in love with well, that he was sick like me, always down for the crazy ride of drugs and alcohol. We had a crazZzZY ride, but I know there was love, there always was. I'm hoping that keeps us together and strong, and I do still feel the love even while being sober, we care a lot for each other.

Hmm, what else, intimacy. Of course, drinking makes that wild child of us come out, the sex kitten per say..i feel like that's lost, in both of us - i don't know, its crazy just trying to adjust in a relationship being sober, living sober.

Just reaching out to any woman who have gone through something like this, getting sober with someone you used with? I'm not sure even how to ask it, but hopefully someone maybe can help - thanks!!

freya · 07-24-2009, 08:22 AM

Congratulations on your 46 days!

Can't help with your "problem," because I'm not an A -- but I can tell you that great sex does not depend on using (and true intimacy -- sexual or otherwise -- definitely depends on not using!) I'm sure you have lots of great stuff in store for you if you keep walking the path you're on.

There's a woman on SR here who seems like she might be perfect for you to "talk" to. There is a post of hers (post #3) in this thread:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2247988 (Where is his sex drive?)

If she doesn't see your thread here, maybe you could PM her -- she usually has good stuff to say.

Welcome to SR and the Women's Forum!

freya

Gypsy Feet · 07-24-2009, 07:50 PM

My husband and I met on booze, had great sex. Got hooked on meth, had insane sex. Quit meth and had so so sex. But we also had children and bills and stuff, which tends to slow you down. Our marriage went through a ton of ups and downs where we had to relearn intimacy. I believe as long as you are both open to it and communicate you can put the spice back and have fun again, but first comes the work of learning to live YOUR life sober, and hopefully he will be doing the same.

***indigo*** · 07-25-2009, 12:43 AM

Welcome to the women's forum & a huge congratulations on 46 days, sobriety really does rock.

SCRedhead · 07-25-2009, 01:17 AM

Just wanted to say Congrats on the 46 days!

rachelbrittany · 07-27-2009, 10:50 AM

thanks for the congrats - its just so overwhelming sometimes! I secretly hate that he isn't going to meetings, and isn't talking to anyone. I don't know, i guess that's selfishness on my part? I know he must be going through some things because he isn't drinking, like he barely sees his friends now cus all they do on the weekends is go to bars, and im not around a lot of nights cus i get my ass to meetings. I just feel for him, i recently did let it get to me and stopped talking to my peeps from the program, didn't go to meetings, nothing - for 6 days. I was honestly going insane. Relying on myself was horrible, and being alone was even worse.

But then i look @ it, well maybe he's not 'as sick' as me? Is that possible? I'm assuming yes. I feel like he has more anger (keep inside issues) where as me, all i want to do is talk to ppl and ask for help, its really really tough being sober like this, watching him, i know he's struggling but won't admit it.

Once again, i am grateful that he isn't drinking even though he is not going to meetings, working the program, etc.

BLAH, my head is going crazy today

rachelbrittany · 07-27-2009, 10:52 AM

i also feel selfish sometimes going to all these meetings, he gets upset he has to be alone all the time. He said it gets in the way, but honestly when i do sit there we just watch tv...its boring...and all i'm thinking about is how i should be @ a meeting. It such a crazy circle.

rachelbrittany · 07-27-2009, 10:55 AM

all i can think about it me like ending up not loving him because he wont get help for himself, like i know im so early in sobriety to even be making these decisions, but they are thoughts for now. i am going to be changed and getting stronger, and im slowly making progress, i'm learning each day about things, and just seeing him, his unhappiness, and him trying to cover it up..it honestly makes me cringe, i hate seeing his unhappiness, it kills me inside, and to think its always going to be like that?

THATS SCARY!!1

ugh sorry for all these posts, i needed just to ramble on, and i'm @ work so i can't really call anyone @ the moment.

07-24-2009, 07:10 AM	#1 (permalink)
rachelbrittany Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Philadelphia, PA Posts: 35	newbilicious hey ladies! this is the 1st time i've entered the woman's only part of this forum - i haven't made it much further then the newcomers section. TGIF to all Just wanted to write a little something to see if anyone can relate because i haven't really met anyone in AA yet who is going/went through my situation. I'm 46 days sober hangin in there. My bf and I have used together for our whole relationship ( 3 1/2 yrs) minus these 46 days (cocaine being our primary, then switched to alcohol before we got sober). Hmm, well i'm working the program, he is not (yet, hopefully one day), just remaining sober which im grateful for that believe me, things would be so much harder if not. Well my thing is, it's just kind of weird sometimes, were learning to like each other again almost? Both being so new in sobriety, we are just like hmm, so this is it - this is our life now. A part of me fell in love with well, that he was sick like me, always down for the crazy ride of drugs and alcohol. We had a crazZzZY ride, but I know there was love, there always was. I'm hoping that keeps us together and strong, and I do still feel the love even while being sober, we care a lot for each other. Hmm, what else, intimacy. Of course, drinking makes that wild child of us come out, the sex kitten per say..i feel like that's lost, in both of us - i don't know, its crazy just trying to adjust in a relationship being sober, living sober. Just reaching out to any woman who have gone through something like this, getting sober with someone you used with? I'm not sure even how to ask it, but hopefully someone maybe can help - thanks!!

07-24-2009, 08:22 AM	#2 (permalink)
freya ...all this, and brains, too! Join Date: May 2004 Location: Rochester, NY Posts: 1,377	Congratulations on your 46 days! Can't help with your "problem," because I'm not an A -- but I can tell you that great sex does not depend on using (and true intimacy -- sexual or otherwise -- definitely depends on not using!) I'm sure you have lots of great stuff in store for you if you keep walking the path you're on. There's a woman on SR here who seems like she might be perfect for you to "talk" to. There is a post of hers (post #3) in this thread: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2247988 (Where is his sex drive?) If she doesn't see your thread here, maybe you could PM her -- she usually has good stuff to say. Welcome to SR and the Women's Forum! freya __________________ *Working the Steps isn't giving me power; working the Steps is removing the things that block me from living in the Light and Love of God's Power.*

07-24-2009, 07:50 PM	#3 (permalink)
Gypsy Feet mergirl Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Paradise Posts: 2,713 Blog Entries: 4	My husband and I met on booze, had great sex. Got hooked on meth, had insane sex. Quit meth and had so so sex. But we also had children and bills and stuff, which tends to slow you down. Our marriage went through a ton of ups and downs where we had to relearn intimacy. I believe as long as you are both open to it and communicate you can put the spice back and have fun again, but first comes the work of learning to live YOUR life sober, and hopefully he will be doing the same. __________________ ~Lisa~ ban the deed, not the breed~ one year of continuous sobriety and counting <3 (its a sideways heart!)

07-25-2009, 12:43 AM	#4 (permalink)
*indigo* Community Greeter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express Posts: 9,928	Welcome to the women's forum & a huge congratulations on 46 days, sobriety really does rock. __________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté

07-25-2009, 01:17 AM	#5 (permalink)
SCRedhead Enjoying Sobriety Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: South Carolina Posts: 101	Just wanted to say Congrats on the 46 days! __________________ "To the soul there is hardly anything more healing than friendship." ~ Thomas Moore "Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What, you too? I thought I was the only one." ~ C.S. Lewis

07-27-2009, 10:50 AM	#6 (permalink)
rachelbrittany Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Philadelphia, PA Posts: 35	thanks for the congrats - its just so overwhelming sometimes! I secretly hate that he isn't going to meetings, and isn't talking to anyone. I don't know, i guess that's selfishness on my part? I know he must be going through some things because he isn't drinking, like he barely sees his friends now cus all they do on the weekends is go to bars, and im not around a lot of nights cus i get my ass to meetings. I just feel for him, i recently did let it get to me and stopped talking to my peeps from the program, didn't go to meetings, nothing - for 6 days. I was honestly going insane. Relying on myself was horrible, and being alone was even worse. But then i look @ it, well maybe he's not 'as sick' as me? Is that possible? I'm assuming yes. I feel like he has more anger (keep inside issues) where as me, all i want to do is talk to ppl and ask for help, its really really tough being sober like this, watching him, i know he's struggling but won't admit it. Once again, i am grateful that he isn't drinking even though he is not going to meetings, working the program, etc. BLAH, my head is going crazy today

07-27-2009, 10:52 AM	#7 (permalink)
rachelbrittany Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Philadelphia, PA Posts: 35	i also feel selfish sometimes going to all these meetings, he gets upset he has to be alone all the time. He said it gets in the way, but honestly when i do sit there we just watch tv...its boring...and all i'm thinking about is how i should be @ a meeting. It such a crazy circle.

07-27-2009, 10:55 AM	#8 (permalink)
rachelbrittany Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Philadelphia, PA Posts: 35	all i can think about it me like ending up not loving him because he wont get help for himself, like i know im so early in sobriety to even be making these decisions, but they are thoughts for now. i am going to be changed and getting stronger, and im slowly making progress, i'm learning each day about things, and just seeing him, his unhappiness, and him trying to cover it up..it honestly makes me cringe, i hate seeing his unhappiness, it kills me inside, and to think its always going to be like that? THATS SCARY!!1 ugh sorry for all these posts, i needed just to ramble on, and i'm @ work so i can't really call anyone @ the moment.

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