Defenses 8/14/03

[DolphinBlue]

Often when we're being tough and strong, we're scared. It takes a lot of courage to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, to be soft.

- Dudley Martineau

We've developed defenses for protection because we have felt the need for protection from the abuses of others, parents on occasion, bosses, spouses, even strangers. And in certain situations, our defenses served us well for a time. However, they have taken their toll. Hiding behind them for long makes them habitual, and we move farther and farther away from our center, from the woman each of us needs and wants to be.

Exposing who we really are invites judgment, sometimes rejection, oftentimes discounting. It's a terribly hard risk to take, and the rewards are seldom immediate. But with time, others respect us for our vulnerability and begin to imitate our example. We are served well by our integrity, in due time.

Letting others see who we really are alleviates confusion, theirs and ours. We no longer need to decide who we should be; we simply are who we are. Our choices are simplified. There is only one appropriate choice to every situation--the one that is honest and wholly reflective of who we are at that moment.

Rewards will be forthcoming when I am honest.

[2stop]

Honesty is always the best policy for sure...great post again Amy!! I really like to get up read these each morning, they are very helpful!~

[Paulie]

Exposing who we really are invites judgment, sometimes rejection, oftentimes discounting.

This was HUGE for me in early recovery (and still sometimes is). I remember in rehab, I had been there about 2 weeks and never said anyting during meetings, just listened. And then during one morning meeting we were going around the circle to see if anyone had anything to say, got to me...and it was all over, I think I must have talked for 20 or 30 minutes. One of the other girls started to say something and I remember the house parent stopping her from interupting me. It was at the time in that meeting that I understood what it was to share my feelings and be vulnerable. A different kind of vulnerability from when I was using and hanging out with others that used. I was sharing me, after I was done talking and crying all the other girls hugged me. It was an awesome moment in my recovery, after that they couldn't shut me up LOL

And even now when I share something in meetings about what is going on with me face to face with otehrs, it is scary, but ALWAYS feels better!!!

thanks again for a great way to start my day. Thinking recovery!

[Ann]

I read these every day and just want to thank you for making me think!!

It wasn't until I learned to like myself, that I could trust sharing my real self with others, At some point in my 30's, I stopped being my husbands wife, my mother's daughter, my employers employee, and I became ME. It was scary at first, because I thought nobody would like ME, but in fact people did like me and the side of me that they had never seen - the totally honest and free me.

It's many years since that revalation, but I have truly found that the more honest I am with myself and others about who I am, the happier I am.

Hugs
Ann