He did it again!!!! - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

ButterflyChaser · 08-09-2003, 08:55 PM

My bf was on dope again! I told him to get out!! I meant it this time! How can he do that? I mean I understand when you wanna get high, but why even come around me he knows I'm trying to stay sober. I told him when he's high around me, it just makes me want to use! He could care less about my well being. he could care less that I'm on probATION! hE COULD CARE LESS ABOUT MY DAUGHTER, i TOLD HIM TO GO BE HIGH SOMEWHERE ELSE! That's not love! He's not on my side! He's against me, he's never protected me! I don't even feel safe in my own home with him here!!

I'm just glad I have ya'll here for me! Thanks for hearing me vent!

Love,
Denise

SkyIsFalling42 · 08-09-2003, 09:33 PM

Chaser!!!
Breathe, girl!!
Oh I am so sorry you bf lack of respect for you and your daugter. This must be so very hard for you..having to choose.
You are right, we are here for you. I hope that you are able to take care of you through this..you are the most important to us and to you.
Sending you Hugs and warm wishes.

JT · 08-10-2003, 07:07 AM

Hon,

I hope you got a good nite's sleep and the sun is shining this morning.

You deserve a sober Sunday being extra good to yourself.

Hugs,
JT

bubblze30 · 08-10-2003, 07:22 AM

I was in a useing relationship before . Oh how much I thought I loved him ya know I believe I did. He would get clean I would use, And I would get clean he would use. The relatioonship got so bad that if I smelled his cologne I would want to use. It all comes down to either you want to stay clean or you want to use. It was the hardest decision I have ever made in my life. If I could do it again I would do it the same way.I left him and chose to be alone with my daughter. You have to way your options sure hes a nice guy but misery loves company. How does this affect your daughter.. And more impotantly your recovery..We never (or should I say I never) want to be alone it is scary, but I tell you its been well over a year and I am much stronger.Being alone made me work on myself again. I hope you are feeling better and you are working through this. Please just tell yourself what is worth it and what is not..

Paulie · 08-10-2003, 10:10 AM

butterfly -

You come first, that is what you have to remember, his addiction has nothing to do with you. Take care of you and your daughter.

My home is my 'safe place' and yours should be to. You are powerless over him, but not over your actions. You said leave, that is great....mean it!

Have a great Sunday!

ButterflyChaser · 08-10-2003, 01:09 PM

what can I say...I love you guys!!!! Don't know where I'd be if it hadn't been for ya'll & these boards!!!

Chy · 08-10-2003, 10:40 PM

I hope your better today! I agree with you 100%. Time to start taking action on what this relationship is doing for you. You have to think of you and your child as the number one priority!

wishIsedNO · 08-12-2003, 09:57 PM

im in a using relationship now..and many times i feel as if i wanna leave him...its like hes a baby sometimes..he has this imaginary life he thinks were living...he thinks he gives me all this money(which he dont he forgets he spends it on pills),,he thinks he buys me all these wonderful things..okay he brought me this 200 dollar ring yea it sweet..and i love it but its the only thing hes got me in 7 months...the only thing besides that is fast food...and dont think im a gold digger i am far from that...im just saying dont make it seem a way when it aint....for a year i was clean from dope and proud of it...when i left him a year and half ago and moved back in with my parents...i meant it when i told him i had to get clean not only for my sanity and well being but for my health too,,,i suffered from endocarditis..he made the decision to come to nyc and live with his grandparents till we saved money and stayed clean to get our own place again....year and a half later we only got 300 hundred saved...cause of all hes craziness with the pills,,,,hes been good with the dope he hasnt touched it for like 9 months...but he just replaced it with xanax...which to me is no different i believe its worse...hes been hospitalized more times with this crap then he has ever been with dope....but anyways...this weekend was a breaking point for me..i hadnt seen him all weekend and he know how hard weekend are for me cause my dad stays home all weekend drunk as a skunk and yelling at anything that moves...if i dont got no where to go i gotta deal with it all weekend...he sed he was with his dad...but i dont i think he saw hes dad on saturday probably to pick some money up and then he probably went on a spree of getting all F'ed up....then he promised me since i was home all weekend and stressed outta my ears by monday that we'd go out,,,when i get to his house monday afternoon is he ready to take me somewhere nope..of course not he answers the door with his boxers on hes eyes all droppy the same with his mouth and hes all like what with that stupid look on his face i just wanted to scream...if he still was doing dope i think i would of wrestled him till he gave me bag..and i hate that im getting like that,..i really wanna have a good life..i choose the wrong life in the past but now i got a secound chance..im still young only 22..i can still live a good life and everything thats happen these past 8 yrs can be absolete,,,Jackie

bubblze30 · 08-13-2003, 07:11 AM

Wow WISHIsedno you have alot on your plate but take it from me you will not stay clean for long if you keep hanging around with active people.. Sometime people go months even years but it catches up with them then they are caught in the strings of addiction again...Take care of yourself you can't change him or cure him.. He needs to want it himself.. Take care of you and pray for him to find the road to recovery....It is so good to have you here on these boards

2stop · 08-13-2003, 08:11 AM

~Butterfly~ How are you today?

ButterflyChaser · 08-15-2003, 01:35 AM

WOW Jackie!! I almost don't know what to say, because some of your story sounds a bit like mine, except we live together, or should I say he lives with me?
Don't take me there! lol

2stop~~ I feel ok, I mean, I don't wanna lie. I think I'm at the stage where I'm finally getting my head outta my butt & seeing this relationship for what it is!! HORRIBLE!!

as hard as it is to admitt, (cuz it's never happened to me before, at least not like this...in love) but he's been taking me on a free freakin' ride!!!!No respect!!! If I tell him what I'm hurting about, or try to communicate w/him, he gets irrate!! defensive, trys (but i'm smarter than that) to turn all the blame on me! ITo me...relationships 9if in love) you work on NOt hurting one another! I know that when I love & care about someone & if I had hurt them in some way, I'd want to know about it, so I can make damn sure I wouldn't do it again, or at least try not to! KWIM?? NoT my bf, it's like everything I've confided in him about, he uses as a weapon towards me, it's like he knows how & what that hurts me & bothers me, and he opposite from the norm...he doesn't go outta his way to make things better or try to, he uses it as a weapon, & hurts me even more!!! Kinda like getting a thrill out of it or something. I've said to him you'd rathert see me hurt & broken down cuz (to him) that gives you some sort of POWER feeling inside & makes you feel tough!!! It's sick & he's sad & sorry, & I can't believe I've put up with this for this long!! That's my co-dependency though, I get fixated (I guess) on beleiveing that things will change & he'll stap out of it & fall in love with me!! OMG!! it will NEVER happen!! There's been too much damage!!! He has never said sorry for a darn thing! NEVER!!! In fact, he believes he's done nothing wrong, I think now I see, he's a very unhappy person not happy with himself & his life, so in turns I was nice & funny & naive, and he took me for a ride, we've been together almost 3 yrs & I've never gotten anything from him, well roses, but a ring??? HELL NO! I would NEVER expect somwething like that!! I think something f**ked up was going on! Ya know?? He's never even gone shopping with me, never has taken me or my daughter to a movie, he says he's gotta work, work, work, work...ya, all that working he does supposivly...I hardly see any $$$ & everything is in my name!
I'm sooooooooooooo sorry for going on I can't believe I've said this much so far. I sometimes am glad that ya'll can't see my face, cuz then I'd be even more embarrest than I am right now!!

With counseling & all I'm seeing the light & it a slap in the face to me, cuz i gave & gave & gave in this relationship & nothing not even emotional support was givin' back to me, NOTHING! Just take take TAKEN..till I'm broke!! But I'm ok, I'll be ok, this (I have to somehow believe) was a learnign experience!@!!! God...the torcher we sometimes put ourselves through!!

I know I'm worth a helliva lot more than this!!!
Thanks for reading this if you made it this far!!

08-09-2003, 08:55 PM	#1 (permalink)
ButterflyChaser Meow! Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Somewhere Over the Rainbow Posts: 1,023	He did it again!!!! My bf was on dope again! I told him to get out!! I meant it this time! How can he do that? I mean I understand when you wanna get high, but why even come around me he knows I'm trying to stay sober. I told him when he's high around me, it just makes me want to use! He could care less about my well being. he could care less that I'm on probATION! hE COULD CARE LESS ABOUT MY DAUGHTER, i TOLD HIM TO GO BE HIGH SOMEWHERE ELSE! That's not love! He's not on my side! He's against me, he's never protected me! I don't even feel safe in my own home with him here!! I'm just glad I have ya'll here for me! Thanks for hearing me vent! Love, Denise __________________ "If a Child feels Safe, Wanted & Loved, You are a Successful Parent!" ~~"A relationship is like sand in your hand. If held loosely in the palm of your hand it stays there, but as soon as you close your hand tightly it slips through your fingers!!~~

08-09-2003, 09:33 PM	#2 (permalink)
SkyIsFalling42 Big kitty nose hugs Join Date: May 2003 Location: Center of The World Posts: 1,261	Chaser!!! Breathe, girl!! Oh I am so sorry you bf lack of respect for you and your daugter. This must be so very hard for you..having to choose. You are right, we are here for you. I hope that you are able to take care of you through this..you are the most important to us and to you. Sending you Hugs and warm wishes. __________________ Love In Spirit, Sky Where my heart is....... http://Writing.Com/authors/skyisfalling02 "Never Give In, Never Give In, Never Give In, Never, Never, Never." ~~Sir Winston Churchill~~

08-10-2003, 07:07 AM	#3 (permalink)
JT Supply Manager Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Cleaverville Posts: 2,913	Hon, I hope you got a good nite's sleep and the sun is shining this morning. You deserve a sober Sunday being extra good to yourself. Hugs, JT __________________ The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind~Wayne Dyer

08-10-2003, 07:22 AM	#4 (permalink)
bubblze30 Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: mass Posts: 1,360	I was in a useing relationship before . Oh how much I thought I loved him ya know I believe I did. He would get clean I would use, And I would get clean he would use. The relatioonship got so bad that if I smelled his cologne I would want to use. It all comes down to either you want to stay clean or you want to use. It was the hardest decision I have ever made in my life. If I could do it again I would do it the same way.I left him and chose to be alone with my daughter. You have to way your options sure hes a nice guy but misery loves company. How does this affect your daughter.. And more impotantly your recovery..We never (or should I say I never) want to be alone it is scary, but I tell you its been well over a year and I am much stronger.Being alone made me work on myself again. I hope you are feeling better and you are working through this. Please just tell yourself what is worth it and what is not.. __________________ "What don't kill us. Will make us stronger"

08-10-2003, 10:10 AM	#5 (permalink)
Paulie It is what it is!!! Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Sobriety Posts: 5,525	butterfly - You come first, that is what you have to remember, his addiction has nothing to do with you. Take care of you and your daughter. My home is my 'safe place' and yours should be to. You are powerless over him, but not over your actions. You said leave, that is great....mean it! Have a great Sunday! __________________ I know more about how to live than I did yesterday, but not as much as I'll know tomorrow. Today, Ill learn something new~JFT, 1/27/06 The difference between a good day and a bad day, is about 2 days~Ann of SR

08-10-2003, 01:09 PM	#6 (permalink)
ButterflyChaser Meow! Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Somewhere Over the Rainbow Posts: 1,023	what can I say...I love you guys!!!! Don't know where I'd be if it hadn't been for ya'll & these boards!!! __________________ "If a Child feels Safe, Wanted & Loved, You are a Successful Parent!" ~~"A relationship is like sand in your hand. If held loosely in the palm of your hand it stays there, but as soon as you close your hand tightly it slips through your fingers!!~~

08-10-2003, 10:40 PM	#7 (permalink)
Chy Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: El Paso, Tx Posts: 5,886	I hope your better today! I agree with you 100%. Time to start taking action on what this relationship is doing for you. You have to think of you and your child as the number one priority!

08-12-2003, 09:57 PM	#8 (permalink)
wishIsedNO Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: QUeeNz,NoOYaWk Posts: 210	im in a using relationship now..and many times i feel as if i wanna leave him...its like hes a baby sometimes..he has this imaginary life he thinks were living...he thinks he gives me all this money(which he dont he forgets he spends it on pills),,he thinks he buys me all these wonderful things..okay he brought me this 200 dollar ring yea it sweet..and i love it but its the only thing hes got me in 7 months...the only thing besides that is fast food...and dont think im a gold digger i am far from that...im just saying dont make it seem a way when it aint....for a year i was clean from dope and proud of it...when i left him a year and half ago and moved back in with my parents...i meant it when i told him i had to get clean not only for my sanity and well being but for my health too,,,i suffered from endocarditis..he made the decision to come to nyc and live with his grandparents till we saved money and stayed clean to get our own place again....year and a half later we only got 300 hundred saved...cause of all hes craziness with the pills,,,,hes been good with the dope he hasnt touched it for like 9 months...but he just replaced it with xanax...which to me is no different i believe its worse...hes been hospitalized more times with this crap then he has ever been with dope....but anyways...this weekend was a breaking point for me..i hadnt seen him all weekend and he know how hard weekend are for me cause my dad stays home all weekend drunk as a skunk and yelling at anything that moves...if i dont got no where to go i gotta deal with it all weekend...he sed he was with his dad...but i dont i think he saw hes dad on saturday probably to pick some money up and then he probably went on a spree of getting all F'ed up....then he promised me since i was home all weekend and stressed outta my ears by monday that we'd go out,,,when i get to his house monday afternoon is he ready to take me somewhere nope..of course not he answers the door with his boxers on hes eyes all droppy the same with his mouth and hes all like what with that stupid look on his face i just wanted to scream...if he still was doing dope i think i would of wrestled him till he gave me bag..and i hate that im getting like that,..i really wanna have a good life..i choose the wrong life in the past but now i got a secound chance..im still young only 22..i can still live a good life and everything thats happen these past 8 yrs can be absolete,,,Jackie

08-13-2003, 07:11 AM	#9 (permalink)
bubblze30 Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: mass Posts: 1,360	Wow WISHIsedno you have alot on your plate but take it from me you will not stay clean for long if you keep hanging around with active people.. Sometime people go months even years but it catches up with them then they are caught in the strings of addiction again...Take care of yourself you can't change him or cure him.. He needs to want it himself.. Take care of you and pray for him to find the road to recovery....It is so good to have you here on these boards __________________ "What don't kill us. Will make us stronger" Last edited by bubblze30; 08-13-2003 at 07:17 AM.

08-13-2003, 08:11 AM	#10 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,666	~Butterfly~ How are you today? __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

08-15-2003, 01:35 AM	#11 (permalink)
ButterflyChaser Meow! Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Somewhere Over the Rainbow Posts: 1,023	WOW Jackie!! I almost don't know what to say, because some of your story sounds a bit like mine, except we live together, or should I say he lives with me? Don't take me there! lol 2stop~~ I feel ok, I mean, I don't wanna lie. I think I'm at the stage where I'm finally getting my head outta my butt & seeing this relationship for what it is!! HORRIBLE!! as hard as it is to admitt, (cuz it's never happened to me before, at least not like this...in love) but he's been taking me on a free freakin' ride!!!!No respect!!! If I tell him what I'm hurting about, or try to communicate w/him, he gets irrate!! defensive, trys (but i'm smarter than that) to turn all the blame on me! ITo me...relationships 9if in love) you work on NOt hurting one another! I know that when I love & care about someone & if I had hurt them in some way, I'd want to know about it, so I can make damn sure I wouldn't do it again, or at least try not to! KWIM?? NoT my bf, it's like everything I've confided in him about, he uses as a weapon towards me, it's like he knows how & what that hurts me & bothers me, and he opposite from the norm...he doesn't go outta his way to make things better or try to, he uses it as a weapon, & hurts me even more!!! Kinda like getting a thrill out of it or something. I've said to him you'd rathert see me hurt & broken down cuz (to him) that gives you some sort of POWER feeling inside & makes you feel tough!!! It's sick & he's sad & sorry, & I can't believe I've put up with this for this long!! That's my co-dependency though, I get fixated (I guess) on beleiveing that things will change & he'll stap out of it & fall in love with me!! OMG!! it will NEVER happen!! There's been too much damage!!! He has never said sorry for a darn thing! NEVER!!! In fact, he believes he's done nothing wrong, I think now I see, he's a very unhappy person not happy with himself & his life, so in turns I was nice & funny & naive, and he took me for a ride, we've been together almost 3 yrs & I've never gotten anything from him, well roses, but a ring??? HELL NO! I would NEVER expect somwething like that!! I think something f**ked up was going on! Ya know?? He's never even gone shopping with me, never has taken me or my daughter to a movie, he says he's gotta work, work, work, work...ya, all that working he does supposivly...I hardly see any $$$ & everything is in my name! I'm sooooooooooooo sorry for going on I can't believe I've said this much so far. I sometimes am glad that ya'll can't see my face, cuz then I'd be even more embarrest than I am right now!! With counseling & all I'm seeing the light & it a slap in the face to me, cuz i gave & gave & gave in this relationship & nothing not even emotional support was givin' back to me, NOTHING! Just take take TAKEN..till I'm broke!! But I'm ok, I'll be ok, this (I have to somehow believe) was a learnign experience!@!!! God...the torcher we sometimes put ourselves through!! I know I'm worth a helliva lot more than this!!! Thanks for reading this if you made it this far!! __________________ "If a Child feels Safe, Wanted & Loved, You are a Successful Parent!" ~~"A relationship is like sand in your hand. If held loosely in the palm of your hand it stays there, but as soon as you close your hand tightly it slips through your fingers!!~~

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