Work. Your experiences.

[Evanna]

When i came into recovery i was nearly 40yrs old, highly qualified academically & with no real work experience. I explored the idea of returning to work but didnt have a clue what to do and couldnt bear the idea of returning to work place at bottom of ladder being told what to do by people younger than me.

With these thoughts in mind i decided not to go to work & set up as self-employed instead and have been running a successful business on my own for last 4/5yrs. In many ways it is great....i set my own hours, take shopping days when i like & have a reasonable income.

But the flip side of it is that it is very isolated. I came into recovery with no friends & have made very few in the time i have been clean as i dont meet anyone often. As I work from home the opportunity for meeting people isnt great!

I live in the country with my hubs & son but there is not really anyone local that i would choose to spend time with. I go to the gym 4/5 days a week but have never made any friends there. I have made a few friends since cleaning up but they are nearly all miles away. The closest is 1 hour drive, the next nearest is 4 hour drive.

Recently i am getting to feel very unsatisfied with my life. It is beginning to feel that life is pretty pointless without friends. I hate how isolated my life is and i dont know how to fix that living in the country & working alone. My business has enough different facets to keep me from getting bored but isnt exactly fulfilling. So i have been considering dropping my business to part-time and going back to work.

However, I also wonder whether this might be a case of be careful what you wish for? Maybe you love your job & wouldnt be without it? But perhaps going to work for other people and working alongside people is no less isolating than being at home? Maybe the people you work with are not people you would choose to be with anyhow? Maybe it stinks being in the commuter grind and being told what to do all day? Maybe I am just not appreciating when i have a good thing going or just how priviledged i am to be able to work from home?

Would love to hear about the impact of work in your lives?

Thanks
Ev

[Rowan]

Hi Ev,

I don't have a lot of time here, but wanted to respond before I leave for work.

I used to isolate in my drinking and depression, so even though I worked alongside many people, I still felt very alone. I have worked for the same organization for 20 years, but 9months ago I moved to a new position within the department. Sure, there are personality conflicts to overcome some days, and one girl I work with doesn't have a great work ethic, but that's okay. I love the experience of going to work every day and seeing people. My office is very busy and I like it that way.

I've often thought what it would be like to work from home, and for me, it wouldn't work. I lack the discipline, and need a reason to get out of bed in the morning i.e. get to the office on time. I commute nearly 40 minutes each way, but I don't mind. It gives me time to listen to a book on CD, or to pray. Occasionally, I carpool with a co-worker.

For my social network at home, I have my sober friends who I met in AA. Life is so different today and I love it.

Ro

[Evanna]

Thanks for taking the time to reply before going out the door Ro. That is appreciated.

Sounds nice going into a busy office. Made me smile to hear that you love going everyday. Was also interesting to hear what you said about working alongside people in active drinking but still feeling alone. Made me think about gratitude somehow. Because like you my life is really different today and it is good.

So maybe it is about time i made a gratitude list and then take a look to see what baby steps i can take to improve areas that are perhaps a bit deficit. Interestingly one of the baby steps i took a while back was joining the gym. And while it didnt do anything to improve my social life I learned that i love lifting & it is now a thing i treasure.

Your reply helped a great deal.

Thanks again
Ev.

[readyforhelp]

Good Morning Ev,

I just wanted to express to you that my current job has been a life saver for me. However, the job I had before this one was (I think) contributing to my alcoholism.

Previously, I worked in a post office wharehouse moving the mail everyday, day in and day out. I would hear "Time to make the doughnuts" every day when I would wake up to go to work. It was an absolutely dreadful experience BUT (and this is how they get you) the money was incredible.

Then, my mom died and it made me think about my own mortality. So, I went on a quest to find work in the area that I knew I was designed for (mental health). I took a 50% pay cut and could not be happier in my current position. My clients and the interactions that we have is what got me through the holidays. A far cry from the post office days, thank god.

I hope this helps you a little and Good Luck!

[anvilhead]

i've worked for the same cancer research center for 17 years now. i started as a temp in an office located about 4 miles from where my office is today. i've been thru lots of life's ups and downs...got married, started drinking again, watched my daughter graduated from high school, then college, lost my mom, lost my first ex to cancer, lived in a lot of places in the area, got tangled up smoking crack for a few years and today my other half and i own a home together on a little lake. about the only thing that has been consistent in my life has been my place of employment.

do i wake up EVERY morning and bound out of bed with glee and delight and skip and dance my way into work? nope. never have, not even once. do i like my job? very much. am i good it? oh hell yeah. would i rather be running a B&B somewhere while my other half runs a fishing guide shop? YES. am i ok that we aren't? yup. do i like the people i work with? yes almost every one almost all the time.

i am soooo fortunate to have this job. i could not go out in today's market at my age (49) without a formal college degree, even with two decades of experience in this field of work and replace THIS job and THIS comfort level and THIS income. i'm not here to be entertained, or to find friends. i come here, i do the best job i can, and they pay me, nicely, for it. i've got just enough clout to be a little wiggly on my arrival and departure times. i supervise exactly ONE person, cuz i told em i hate supervising people. i have no problem saying what's on my mind when it comes to how we do things and why, because i have a vested interest in both and have been around long enough to have some insight that is of value.

it's a job. it's not a vacation. it's not a social club. that's why they call it work!!!!

[Evanna]

Readyforhelp, that does help. What you seemed to describe is a vocation. Must be real good to have one and brave of you to have gone out there and got it. The freedom of working for myself is fantastic but it is not something i could see myself doing until a ripe old age. Reading your post made me start to think that maybe a vocation is what i am missing more than a social life, although it would still be nice to work with people I think. Thanks for helping me clarify my thinking.

Originally Posted by anvilhead

it's a job. it's not a vacation. it's not a social club. that's why they call it work!!!!

Good point. I guess feeling lonely isnt a great reason to go get a job.

[vegibean]

Until recently I went through a job.........mess? I guess you could call it. I am new at recovery but for me it was about finding some peace in my environments and that included work. I went through three jobs in about six months. Three's a charm because I have a great job with a wonderful boss and one of the best things? MY OWN OFFICE!!! I love it. I have my privacy, work quietly alone and really enjoy it. One of the reasons why I had quit one of those two other jobs was because of the major drama going on in there. It amazed me how the majority of the other employees just looked the other way as to what was going on and I really wanted no part of it, very unhealthy.

As I read the part about "be careful what you wish for", I had to giggle because it was what I was thinking as I read your post.

I think everyone gave you great insight. I hope all of it brings something to the table for you.

[Evanna]

Thanks for that Vegibean. Glad you found a great job and are enjoying the peace of your own office. When i think of going out to work i imagine being around other people with some longing. But i had forgotten that you can end up working in some awful environments. Reading your reply also reminded me that actually my experience tells me that i only have a limited tolerance of other people. So am probably best working on my own anyhows.

Readyforhelps post has made me think that it is time that i started thinking about what i would like to do when i grow up though. Dont want time to slip me by.

[Evanna]

ps., i also suspect that my opening post may have reflected a little PMS. Everytime I open the door to my courier who gets up very early to go collect parcels from the depot and is out delivering in all kinds of weather i remember how priviledged i am. Maybe i should ask him if he could call extra times during my monthly blues.

[Celebration1994]

Just for me, working was not enough socially. I like to isolate also. When I feel the lonliness of being isolated from being social is when I step up my volunteer work. I meet some great people and can make new friends. The last volunteer job I worked was a few hours a week for a homeless shelter, that was owned by a church. The staff and director were lay people and were just super to get to know and be friends with. I made a very dear friend who came to stay there 30 days to get on her feet. Volunteering allows me to still work, but be available to meet others.

[Evanna]

Thanks for that Celebration. Volunteering has been something i have been considering for around 3yrs now, haha. Your post hit the nail on the head with 'i like to isolate' because that is how I am. Most of the time i am happy pottering around on my own but every now & then i get lonely & think there must be more to life than this. Maybe it is about time i stopped pondering on idea of volunteering & took some action.

[Anna]

My background is as a military wife, so life for 22 years, involved moving every two or three years from one end of the country to the other. I worked on and off, but never had a chance to use my education or gather any real experience.

I went job-hunting this year, after moving to this city and it was brutal. I am older and I found that age-discrimination is alive and well. The job-market is verycompetitive here, and I am grateful to have this job. Eventually, I found a job in retail, working with books (which I LOVE) and it's great. The other employees are younger, but we get along great and I love getting out and being around other people. I love going to work. The only downside is that my schedule varies from week to week and I have to be available, so it hasn't allowed me to continue volunteer work yet, but I am hoping that will change.

Evanna, I think it's a good thing that you are looking at your situation and wondering if you can make it better. Let us know how things work out.

[Gypsy Feet]

I work with 25 kids my kids age haha, not much socializing but they are nice=) I was going to suggest volunteer work too, hospice is a great bunch of people (here anyway) I also signed up for this place once Use the Internet to get off the Internet! - Meetup.com
Its got categories for every hobby under the sun. My first one was to be a "meet up" the weekend before thanksgiving working at a food bank packaging dinners for the homeless, but the day of I chickened out!!!