So Sad

[Chy]

For all the wonderful sisters I never thought I'd have!

I get so sad when a sister feels frightened.

So sad when I can't be there to hold her.

So sad when their pain is immeasuarable.

So sad when she's lost in the dark.

So sad when I don't see her laughter.

So sad when her tears won't stop flowing.

So sad when that demon keeps whispering.

So know I am here and am sad when your heart is breaking, the pain is to great, and you feel all alone.

The help I can offer will make me so glad!

[SkyIsFalling42]

Chy
That was so beautiful...you gave me some comfort..thank you. The togetherness here is so awesome..I am in love with it. There is so much strength in this...it will stand in the strongest of storms.

PS...is your butt still flat??

[Nancy Allegood]

Thanks Chy,

That is so sweet. Thank you. I know this is a comfort to all of us awake and troubled at this hour.

Love to you all,
Nancy

[Kathie]

:( Thank's Chy, i need encouring attitudes, i'm on ssd for panic and aniexty disorder. no meds seem to help. i am in recovery, in and out since 1987. i've managed to put some time together, then i go back out. i'm starting back into the fellowship, starting over again. if anyone will reply who has some knowledge, i truely would be greatful. thanks Kathie

[Nancy Allegood]

Dear Kathie,

Welcome back, Kathie! I want to encourage you to keep coming back. I found this quote this morning on my affirmation calendar that my nieces gave me for Christmas (They are survivors of my late brother and only brother and their mother's name is Kathy)!:

My friends are loving and supportive. I give myself permission to be a good friend. I am a friend to myself.

From the "I Can Do It! Calendar: 365 Daily Affirmations"
www.pageaday.com
Workman Publishing

I have suffered from anxiety disorder all of my life. I came from a home with both parents being alchoholics and domestic violence. Later, I was raped and married an alcoholic who was mildly violent. Then we divorced and I was with a boyfriend who almost killed me. So I understand anxiety. I am struggling with it now. We can help each other by listening to each other.

When I took interferon for hep C and they routinely prescribed an antidepressant, for the routine symptom of depression, I went into orbit and couldn't sleep for three days, so then they added manic depression or bi-polar to the mix. I never took any meds for the anxiety, but I don't believe in laypeople advising about meds anyway. The m.d. and you best do that. Not that you said you wanted that, I know. You were just looking for any knowledge that could help. I am just talking :.).

I can comment on the helpfulness of this forum and 12 step programs for recovery and support. They are very helpful. And people are very understanding of relapses and leaving and coming back -- acceptance is a part of it, and people just want to help. At ACA, we have a saying that "We ask you to accept us just as we accept you." I love that. I have found the about.com forums helpful, too, if you have time for two.

Keep coming back, it (the program [12 step]) works if you work it.

Love,
NAncy

[Kathie]

nancy, thank you for the words of encouragement. also your story. and your and your wisdom. in 1993 i lost all my parental rights to my 2 children, both boys. in the last year and a half my younger son, now 20 have reentered my life. i haven't seen them in over 11 years. all i could do is send letters and gifts and i received report cards, all i could do is analize the cards to see how they were doing. no photos. now when i see him, all i want to do is hug and kiss him and touch him in a mothering way, i even told him this and he's happy that i can restrain myself. my 24 year old still remembers the old days and hasen't come around yet, i have that some day he will, in GOD'S TIME. he gave his brother permission to have his home address and his e-mail address,that was a giant step. so i e-mail him and i tell him i'm never giving up hope, he never e-mails me back, but that's ok. my little son, 6ft 2 gave me a photo of him, they are so handsome. in 1993 i met my husband, biker bill, the next year we were married. he does the quotes from the big book every other day. he's comming up on 3 yrs. in sept. he has such good recovery. wwell i'm sorry for rambling on. thanks again for your strength and hope. kathie

[Nancy Allegood]

Dear Kathie,

Thank YOU for sharing your story and wisdom. It is wonderful!! that your younger son has reentered your life. I am so happy with you about that. You are so wise to never give up hope with the older son, too. The giving may be all one way, but you enjoy giving to him anyway, don't you? I can tell. The love comes through your letter. Keep up the good work! In ACA when we talk about the risks we say that loving is risking not being loved in return. That must be how it seems. But I know that deep down inside, that older son loves you. He may not be able to show it yet, but he does. You are so brave!
You sound like you are a lucky duck with your kind of new marriage, too. Thanks for sharing, Kathie. I needed it today.

Love,
Nancy

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbol>

I Cor. 13:1

[Chy]

Kathie what a great share! Keep up the hope your son will come around some day. Keep emailing him one day he'll get the nerve to respond. Never give up!

You gotta a great hubby, Bill is an awesome guy! He's so great around here on the boards always, always lending support.

[Chy]

Nancy,

That's a pretty cool link! I am gonna use it to write a new word a day for my Seniors this year! Thanks!

Hey better yet it will be their homework to do. Oh... just gave me some good ideas! Hard to make math class fun!

[Juls]

Kathie,

I have had problems with anxiety also, to the point of not being able to function much at all. Some days all I did was sit on the couch. I have been able to get past this with alot of help.

Part of the process is learning to hear the negative self-talk you are giving yourself, and learn how to give yourself positive self-talk.

I don't know about you, but I had alot of bad things happen to me as a kid, which I know contributed to my problems. Also my mom and brother both suffer from anxiety problems. Mine didn't hit until later in life, after I had started abusing drugs, so I'm sure that had something to do with it as well.

We have a depression/bi-polar forum where we talk about those issues if you ever want to stop by.

Juls

[Nancy Allegood]

Dear Chy,

It really picked me up to see that enthusiastic response from you. Thanks for letting me know the link was useful. I have enjoyed using it for over a year now. It is constantly being updated.

Love,
Nancy

[myss37]

Hi Everybody,

This has been an excellent post. Thanks for sharing. I've been
have a hard time in the last couple of days and this has really
helped.

myss377

[SkyIsFalling42]

Welcome Myss!
So glad you found us

[Chy]

Hi All,

Hoping everyone is well and doing great! I love the comfort of knowing I have such a real sisterhood here online. I have two wonderful brothers but always wanted a sister. You guys are the best!

[Nancy Allegood]

Thanks Chy! and welcome mss37!

I feel the same way about all of YOU! My sister and my brother (I had one of each) and my Daddy are all dead, so I relate, Chy! It is nice to have a recovery family. ACA and AA are members, too. Had a real nice dinner at The Mellow Mushroom last night with two ACA brothers. Got e-mail from a couple of folks at about.com alcoholism recovery forum. They are all good sources of recovery and family and support and 12 step recovery sharing. I need all the help I can get, don't you?

Today was good at work. Thanks to the support of the above, I made it through the day and am glad to be home resting and kicking back with you all.

Take care and please share,
Love,
Nancy

Writing is talking with your pen or your keyboard.

[Chy]

Nancy,

I am so sorry about your family. I can't imagine going through that! I lost my Dad 20 yeas ago and miss him terribly! I want you to know we/me am here for you.

I start back to work tomorrow and am having mixed emotions. I have really enjoyed this summer off as it's been my first one sober and I have been able to work on me. Now I have over a 100 incoming Seniors I'll have to take of for the rest of the year. But it's ok, I'll find time for me (crosses fingers). I rely on this place so much. I haven't made a meeting this week and am feeling it. Tomorrow I'll have 90 days! So I guess I should be grateful. But have so much to do getting ready for school again. Oh well... my HP is guiding me to do what I need to so I'll just trust for now.

Wishing you another good day!

[Nancy Allegood]

Dear Chy,

Thanks for the encouragement and support. It is nice to hear of another teacher to understand. I am very proud of your 90 days! Yes, you can do it, one day [or moment] at a time. And we will be here for you, too.

Love,

Nancy

I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

[Chy]

Nancy,

It is good to have a fellow collegue in the room! When do yo go back? I'm grateful I had a sober and hangoverless summer and won't have those " teachers not feeling good days" in the future. Cause I am detemined to never drink again!

[Nancy Allegood]

Dear Chy,

We teachers started back a week ago, but the kids come back Mon, the 11. This Monday. Two days away! I thought I had everything looking nice -- I had worked on it a week earlier than I was expected to come back, and now I look around at what everyone else has done, and I don't feel like I have done enough!
I know that is neurotic, but whatever. It's how I feel. I feel a little low. I think I am tired. When I rest, though, I think, if I don't feel like I did enough, maybe I should do a little more. But just a little! I am very anxious about the kids coming back, being in a new school at a higher grade level. I am afraid the older kids will be so harshly critical. I need to lighten up. I know that once I start thinking positive again, things will be fine.

Here's looking forward to the weekend to rest and re-charge!

Love,
Nancy

image credit goes to MSN homepage article on the Arthurian Legends

[Chy]

Hi Nancy,

I too have been very tired. Started the inservice meetings before the kids come and feel like I still ( and I do !) have a ton of stuff to do! Though 7th & 8th grade are starting out with the hormone thing they are pretty good and controlable! They do come with a bit of attitude as they are hitting their teen years and already think they know it all! Overall, I prefer the older kids to the younger ones as it takes an awful lot of patience in my opinion to be a good elementary school teacher. I have a great deal of respect for them. Your gonna be okay, we'll be okay together!

[Nancy Allegood]

Hi, Chy,

Thanks for your support. Yes, we are gonna be alright. And we will be here for support. Yes, I think once I get acclimated, I may actually prefer these older students to the younger ones. As I recall, sixth grade was the most hyper. Sixth grade is now a part of elementary school here. I rested yesterday, and today I am trying to get my house in order and make sure I have tomorrow planned out. It seems that planning and preparation are the keys to sanity, don't you think?

Love,
NAncy

Do not go gentle into that good night,

Old age should burn and rave at close of day;

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Dylan Thomas

photo credit to MSN news

[Chy]

Absolutly!

That is a great image Nancy. I was so sad to here of his death.