For our kids - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

lizw · 12-02-2008, 12:59 PM

I have a 13 year old daughter who has weight challenges. She has struggled with these most of her life. Up until maybe 3 or 4 years ago I felt very guilty about this, as it was not something I could fix, but felt I had caused them for numerous reasons, including my alcoholism.

One of the ways I use to deal with it was tell her off for eating too much. I didn't care where we were when I did this until 3 or 4 years ago when we were out for dinner with some recovery people and I told her off in front of them. For what ever reason, for the first time ever I noticed how hurt and embarrassed she was by my comments. That was the last time I ever did that.

More recently she became upset about her weight (as she does from time to time) so she has started coming for walks with me and the dog. We also had long talks about feeling good about oneself and how to do this.

One of the things I do to feel good about myself and my life is to write gratitude lists. I shared this with her and she expressed a willingness to give it a try. I brought her a 'gratitude' journal the other day and yesterday I picked it up and had a read, and she has indeed been writing gratitude lists. I can hardly believe it!

Last night I went to sleep wondering how different her life will be in the future if I continue to equip her with these kinds of tools. She's a great kid and I love her dearly. I am very grateful to have her for a daughter.

KindBird · 12-02-2008, 01:14 PM

Hello Liz,
Your post is very moving to me. It is so hard to know what to do with our kids. Your loving encouragement about her weight seems so right on.

When I think about how many times I tried to control my drinking, I think about what other people go through controlling their problem habits. I am sure people try many times before they get it about where food fits in their lives. At least with alcohol you can just quit, with food you can't just quit. My daughter has had body image problems all of her adult life (she is now 22) and it breaks my heart to see her feel so bad about herself. She seems to be getting better self esteem as she ages.

I love the image of you two walking together. Walking is huge therapy and doing it together must be very binding.

I will hold your daughter's well being in my heart in the spot that holds all of us who are working on living a life that is not controlled by substances.

kindbird

Sugah · 12-02-2008, 01:57 PM

Isn't it great to see our kids use the tools that have been so very helpful to us? I see it in mine, too--four kids who've come together from two different families to make one. Their common bond, outside of each sharing a birth parent and the usual thing (like being human, adolescent/young adult) is that they spent time in the rooms and have seen both parents "practicing these principles." I've watched them have a disagreement, then come back together (after having 10th stepped it??), each admitting their wrongs. It's pretty amazing and beautiful, too.

Bless you, liz, for giving her the gifts of your program!

Peace & Love,
Sugah

zoomer · 12-03-2008, 06:02 AM

I too have a daughter that is 13 with weight problems. She use to cry and cry about her self, so we took her to see a therapist and a nutritionist at 10. She was too young to get the full benefit,but now she is losing weight slowly. I had to buy her some clothes for a concert she is having and we had to buy her a smaller size and she is exstatic (sp) and I'm so proud of her for doing this herself. We have learned to buy low fat things and I give her little reminders not to over do it. For Christmas I'm buying her a whole new wardrobe in a smaller size. It does hurt when our children have low self esteem. I'v always felt like it was my falt that she was overweight because I did not control what she ate when she was younger. I grew up where we where hungry at times,so i promised that I'd never let my kids go hungry and let them eat what they wanted. Live and learn I guess. My ex husband buys too much junk food and I hav eto get on his case becausenow my 7 year old is overweight too. I'm tipping the scales too and so is my ex,so they do not have very good role models,but I am learning from my 13 year old how to slow it down. Good thread! I think I'll get my 13 year old a journal for Christmas so she can write down a gratitude list too.

12-02-2008, 12:59 PM	#1 (permalink)
lizw God's Kid Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: New Zealand Posts: 1,561	For our kids I have a 13 year old daughter who has weight challenges. She has struggled with these most of her life. Up until maybe 3 or 4 years ago I felt very guilty about this, as it was not something I could fix, but felt I had caused them for numerous reasons, including my alcoholism. One of the ways I use to deal with it was tell her off for eating too much. I didn't care where we were when I did this until 3 or 4 years ago when we were out for dinner with some recovery people and I told her off in front of them. For what ever reason, for the first time ever I noticed how hurt and embarrassed she was by my comments. That was the last time I ever did that. More recently she became upset about her weight (as she does from time to time) so she has started coming for walks with me and the dog. We also had long talks about feeling good about oneself and how to do this. One of the things I do to feel good about myself and my life is to write gratitude lists. I shared this with her and she expressed a willingness to give it a try. I brought her a 'gratitude' journal the other day and yesterday I picked it up and had a read, and she has indeed been writing gratitude lists. I can hardly believe it! Last night I went to sleep wondering how different her life will be in the future if I continue to equip her with these kinds of tools. She's a great kid and I love her dearly. I am very grateful to have her for a daughter. __________________ ....blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God.

12-02-2008, 01:57 PM	#3 (permalink)
Sugah Om, Aum, Ohm... Mini Pool 2 Champion! Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh Posts: 4,597	Isn't it great to see our kids use the tools that have been so very helpful to us? I see it in mine, too--four kids who've come together from two different families to make one. Their common bond, outside of each sharing a birth parent and the usual thing (like being human, adolescent/young adult) is that they spent time in the rooms and have seen both parents "practicing these principles." I've watched them have a disagreement, then come back together (after having 10th stepped it??), each admitting their wrongs. It's pretty amazing and beautiful, too. Bless you, liz, for giving her the gifts of your program! Peace & Love, Sugah __________________ There's a train leaving nightly called when all is said and done Keep me in your heart for awhile ~WZ ANS 01/29/86 - 08/04/08

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12-02-2008, 01:14 PM	#2 (permalink)
KindBird Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: San Francisco, CA Posts: 753	Hello Liz, Your post is very moving to me. It is so hard to know what to do with our kids. Your loving encouragement about her weight seems so right on. When I think about how many times I tried to control my drinking, I think about what other people go through controlling their problem habits. I am sure people try many times before they get it about where food fits in their lives. At least with alcohol you can just quit, with food you can't just quit. My daughter has had body image problems all of her adult life (she is now 22) and it breaks my heart to see her feel so bad about herself. She seems to be getting better self esteem as she ages. I love the image of you two walking together. Walking is huge therapy and doing it together must be very binding. I will hold your daughter's well being in my heart in the spot that holds all of us who are working on living a life that is not controlled by substances. kindbird

12-03-2008, 06:02 AM	#4 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,495	I too have a daughter that is 13 with weight problems. She use to cry and cry about her self, so we took her to see a therapist and a nutritionist at 10. She was too young to get the full benefit,but now she is losing weight slowly. I had to buy her some clothes for a concert she is having and we had to buy her a smaller size and she is exstatic (sp) and I'm so proud of her for doing this herself. We have learned to buy low fat things and I give her little reminders not to over do it. For Christmas I'm buying her a whole new wardrobe in a smaller size. It does hurt when our children have low self esteem. I'v always felt like it was my falt that she was overweight because I did not control what she ate when she was younger. I grew up where we where hungry at times,so i promised that I'd never let my kids go hungry and let them eat what they wanted. Live and learn I guess. My ex husband buys too much junk food and I hav eto get on his case becausenow my 7 year old is overweight too. I'm tipping the scales too and so is my ex,so they do not have very good role models,but I am learning from my 13 year old how to slow it down. Good thread! I think I'll get my 13 year old a journal for Christmas so she can write down a gratitude list too.

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