Getting better

[lizw]

Over the last 24 hours I have been reminded about how soberity is not just dependent on 'not drinking' but rather on walking my spiritual talk.

Despite being 10 years clean and sober (and of course being grateful for this) sick relationships with men have plagued me in soberity. So much so that last year I ended up in SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous). That's a long story so in brief I will just say, my solution to a traumatic event in my life was 'get into a relationship.'

My entire life, I have had the same relationship with many different guys. The dance goes: the relationship begins in a full on 'can't get enough of each other' obsession. The men are usually end up being irresponsible, violent, have over bearing mothers and are very self centred. I end up being overly responsible, tell them what to do and continually try to 'help them' improve themselves then get mad when they are not grateful for the 'sacrifices' I make for them!!

But I must be getting better as over the last few weeks I've found myself attracted to a guy who belongs to a social group I go to and 'fate' would have it that we got to spend the day together on Monday.

He seems like a very nice man BUT all the signs are there for it to be a disaster. For a man his age, he is what I would call irresponsible and he has an overbearing Mother. He also appears to be obssessed with us 'getting together' and keeps sending me texts about how nice and beautiful I am etc...

I am meeting him this morning to say thanks, but no thanks. I am even surprised by this myself and can only assume I can do this because of the time I've spent in SLAA and the 4th and 5th step I did. I know how these kinds of relationships go and I know how they end. It's a bit like how I felt about drinking when I got to AA, I knew it was no longer working.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't feeling abit frightened about talking to him but I'd rather feel uncomfortable for 30mins than end up in a sick relationship with him and be uncomfortable for at least 6 months!

I am also surprised that while I am flattered by his compliments, I am not dependent on them nor do I feel in debted to him which is bizzare for me since I am the type of girl that guys just have to smile at me and I'd sleep with them. Lol.

Dunno if anyone else can relate but I thought I'd share this.

:ghug2

[Anna]

Good for you, Liz!

I can relate, but in a kind of different way. I have been married forever, but I have always tended to want to get lost in the relationship when I feel anxious. It was so much easier to deal with the 'us' rather than the 'me'. And, dealing with 'us' is useful, of course, but neglecting 'me' is not good. I have had to set boundaries for myself and to be aware of when I am sliding.

It's so great that you see the patterns in your life and are dealing with them.

[vegibean]

Congrats Liz!!!!! Sounds familiar to me right now as well. The thing I have learned this past year is looking at my behavior and how I am with things all the way around in my life and that sounds a lot like the guy I just recently met. Walking as if on eggshells, mainly because of my eight year marriage and how that ended up. I really don't want to go through that again...........way too much going for me to screw it up now. And over a man no less, EW!!!!!!!!!

No way!!!!! I've been thinking to myself that within a month I'll be asking myself "what was I thinking" and being thankful that at least I knew to watch myself. Good luck with all that.