Moving on... - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

LettingGo · 07-25-2003, 03:18 PM

Well, I moved out. I found a great little house and me and the kids moved this week. I feel good about the choice, really at peace. It was a huge mistake to get married and my ego is more bruised than my heart. I dont know that I can say the same for him. Now I just need to hang onto my sanity with the kids. My middle boy is tough to deal with as it is and it is getting worse fast. I am tempted to track his dad down and make him come and be a part of his life. He is the only one who has any control over my boy. That is sad cuz my boy is only 5. He really needs his dad, but I dont know that his dad has anything to offer, he is an addict who as far as I know is active. I just dont know, but I do know that I have made the right decision in getting my own place and deciding on divorce. Thanks to all for your support!

2stop · 07-25-2003, 04:18 PM

I'm glad you feel at peace with your decision, LG..sending {{BIG HUGS}} your way!!

Paulie · 07-25-2003, 05:30 PM

I know it must have been hard, but it sounds like you made the decision following your heart, and that is a good thing.

But this statement worries me....

Quote:

I am tempted to track his dad down and make him come and be a part of his life.

This is just my opinion, you can't make someone be a part of someones life, even their own childs. If you try and force this man to be a part of his son's life and he doesn't stick around for whatever reason, it could hurt your son more.

Just something to think about.

hang in there, you are doing great thinking of yourself and your kids first!!!

Chy · 07-25-2003, 08:41 PM

LG,

I am glad you made a decision you are comfortable with. I hope you'll get some peace now and continue to concentrate on you. As for the little guy... that's a tough one. Maybe he can just meet you in a mutual place where you can hang around as he visits with dad. But then again would he stick around long enough to do more harm then good. Tough one, you'll do the right thing.

myles1 · 07-28-2003, 01:57 PM

Hi,

If you are at peace with your decision then you made the right one.

Just a suggestion it may be more confusing for your son if his Dad did get back in the picture. Your son is probably reacting to the stress of now. Myself when my son was reacting to stress when he was 5 we went to see a counsellor him and I and I picked up some great pointers for helping him through his stuff.

Ngaire

LettingGo · 07-28-2003, 03:10 PM

Things are going well still. I agree about forcing Dad to come around. I know I cannot force him, I was just upset and feel so frustrated and alone where my boy is concerned. I have true worry about his life, but Dad cannot give what he does not have. Thanks for the replies girls!

2stop · 07-28-2003, 03:13 PM

~{{LG}} sending hugs and love your way girl! hang in there. You are a smart, tough lady and you can fulfill any dream you desire. I believe in you.~

wakowife · 07-28-2003, 09:16 PM

glad to see that you have made a decision that you have peace with. as far as your son, he needs time to adjust, he's just 5 and he's very confused, where has his dad been up until now, and if he's active do you really want him around your son, and yourself. i think your son just needs some time to adjust to his new surroundings hang in there i know that you can do it.

Bernadette

ButterflyChaser · 07-29-2003, 10:06 AM

That's Grrrreat!! I don't know your story, but for whatever it's worth...I'm proud of you!!! You have a very positive attitude, and that's very important, I think you'll be just fine!!!
Keep the Faith....&...Congrats to you!! Ü

zoomer · 07-29-2003, 08:18 PM

One thing I found out about myself and kids is i now ask myself to pick and chose my battles. GG, I use to worry about everything! My poor daughter who is now 13 got the worst of it. She use to have this long beautiful hair and it was a killer to brush. when she got in the 3rd grade, she wanted it cut. I was so upset to cut it,but it turned out to be the best thing. no more crying on both parts and now my other 2 little girls sport shot hair styles to avoid the tears and tangles. I use to make sure my first girl had perfect matching clothes,now I just make sure they are clean. nails are a must in my house,they have to be kept short,but not as clean as before. I noticed if i did not harp on things that really did not matter,my kids and I had more fun. I now buy velcrow shoes so the can put the on thier selves and ignor "poopie head", when they call eachother names. I use to keep my house perfect,but now live with life's little messes. My kids know how to behave when they are with other people and can act themselves at home. Where as my first daughter acted out because I exspected so much from her when she was so young. I think back at how much I exspected her to know at five and shake my head in shame for exspecting too much. Good luck and make sure you laugh with your kids at least once a day!

07-25-2003, 03:18 PM	#1 (permalink)
LettingGo Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Utah Posts: 330	Moving on... Well, I moved out. I found a great little house and me and the kids moved this week. I feel good about the choice, really at peace. It was a huge mistake to get married and my ego is more bruised than my heart. I dont know that I can say the same for him. Now I just need to hang onto my sanity with the kids. My middle boy is tough to deal with as it is and it is getting worse fast. I am tempted to track his dad down and make him come and be a part of his life. He is the only one who has any control over my boy. That is sad cuz my boy is only 5. He really needs his dad, but I dont know that his dad has anything to offer, he is an addict who as far as I know is active. I just dont know, but I do know that I have made the right decision in getting my own place and deciding on divorce. Thanks to all for your support!

07-25-2003, 04:18 PM	#2 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,666	I'm glad you feel at peace with your decision, LG..sending {{BIG HUGS}} your way!! __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

07-28-2003, 03:13 PM	#7 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,666	~{{LG}} sending hugs and love your way girl! hang in there. You are a smart, tough lady and you can fulfill any dream you desire. I believe in you.~ __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

07-29-2003, 10:06 AM	#9 (permalink)
ButterflyChaser Meow! Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Somewhere Over the Rainbow Posts: 1,023	That's Grrrreat!! I don't know your story, but for whatever it's worth...I'm proud of you!!! You have a very positive attitude, and that's very important, I think you'll be just fine!!! Keep the Faith....&...Congrats to you!! Ü __________________ "If a Child feels Safe, Wanted & Loved, You are a Successful Parent!" ~~"A relationship is like sand in your hand. If held loosely in the palm of your hand it stays there, but as soon as you close your hand tightly it slips through your fingers!!~~

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

07-25-2003, 08:41 PM	#4 (permalink)
Chy Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: El Paso, Tx Posts: 5,886	LG, I am glad you made a decision you are comfortable with. I hope you'll get some peace now and continue to concentrate on you. As for the little guy... that's a tough one. Maybe he can just meet you in a mutual place where you can hang around as he visits with dad. But then again would he stick around long enough to do more harm then good. Tough one, you'll do the right thing.

07-28-2003, 01:57 PM	#5 (permalink)
myles1 Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec Posts: 797	Hi, If you are at peace with your decision then you made the right one. Just a suggestion it may be more confusing for your son if his Dad did get back in the picture. Your son is probably reacting to the stress of now. Myself when my son was reacting to stress when he was 5 we went to see a counsellor him and I and I picked up some great pointers for helping him through his stuff. Ngaire

07-28-2003, 03:10 PM	#6 (permalink)
LettingGo Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Utah Posts: 330	Things are going well still. I agree about forcing Dad to come around. I know I cannot force him, I was just upset and feel so frustrated and alone where my boy is concerned. I have true worry about his life, but Dad cannot give what he does not have. Thanks for the replies girls!

07-28-2003, 09:16 PM	#8 (permalink)
wakowife Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Ozone Park, New York Posts: 281	glad to see that you have made a decision that you have peace with. as far as your son, he needs time to adjust, he's just 5 and he's very confused, where has his dad been up until now, and if he's active do you really want him around your son, and yourself. i think your son just needs some time to adjust to his new surroundings hang in there i know that you can do it. Bernadette

07-29-2003, 08:18 PM	#10 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,356	One thing I found out about myself and kids is i now ask myself to pick and chose my battles. GG, I use to worry about everything! My poor daughter who is now 13 got the worst of it. She use to have this long beautiful hair and it was a killer to brush. when she got in the 3rd grade, she wanted it cut. I was so upset to cut it,but it turned out to be the best thing. no more crying on both parts and now my other 2 little girls sport shot hair styles to avoid the tears and tangles. I use to make sure my first girl had perfect matching clothes,now I just make sure they are clean. nails are a must in my house,they have to be kept short,but not as clean as before. I noticed if i did not harp on things that really did not matter,my kids and I had more fun. I now buy velcrow shoes so the can put the on thier selves and ignor "poopie head", when they call eachother names. I use to keep my house perfect,but now live with life's little messes. My kids know how to behave when they are with other people and can act themselves at home. Where as my first daughter acted out because I exspected so much from her when she was so young. I think back at how much I exspected her to know at five and shake my head in shame for exspecting too much. Good luck and make sure you laugh with your kids at least once a day!

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Moving Along	lexie1213	Women In Recovery	3	09-28-2005 10:16 AM