6 months sober, shakey times... - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

joy-baby · 07-23-2003, 10:21 PM

hello friends....
i just recently came to this board and am glad to have found you. i've been clean since 1/29/03, but here lately, i've had a hard time staying that way. my drug of choice was vicodin, or percodan (who am i kidding? i would take any narcotic probably...) and tequila, mostly the narcotics though. i've had 6 surgeries in the last 5 years, so got quite a bit of the stuff legit from my surgeons.

i have a husband and three beautiful children. i also have chronic migraines and fibromyalgia and am still working on feelings of despair from the sudden death of my 59-year old mother 9 years ago. i feel like my whole life changed when she died, and often not for the better.

i have started to an AA program for women, but, honestly, just have a lot of trouble with the 12 step thing. i am really not a joiner at heart, just trying to stay sober. i went through a 3 month treatment plan and now am in aftercare on Friday mornings. twice, i have altered narcotic 'scrips and, only by the grace of God, was not arrested. i've been through rehab twice now...

so, guess i am just here to try and find some suport. my husband just struggles with this, i know. he's never taken pills or been in the hospital outside of the time he was born. he is very healthy and strong, and i feel like all i do is complain about hurting.

any help would be greatly appreciated.

God bless you all.

joy-baby
minnesota

2stop · 07-23-2003, 10:27 PM

{{WELcome}}-Glad you found us! I can relate to so much of what you wrote, from the drug of choice to physical problems. I have been a prescription drug addict since I was about ten, I am 31 now, married, two beautiful children and just a few months ago I got really serious about quitting, I've had a few relapses but am doing pretty well, it is so hard though I know! I hope to get to know you better, so keep posting an dmake yourself at home!

bikerprincess · 07-23-2003, 10:35 PM

You know Joy I can totally relate to where you are at. I have never been a joiner and ANYTHING that involved structure or committment was certainly not my bag!! I also had a sudden death of my grandaddy, who was my everything...and his death started a whirlind tornado downhill in my drug and alcohol use.

But I will tell you this.
I believed when I walked into an AA meeting, I was given the opportunity to turn my life around and STOP the unpredictable, dangerous, disasterous life I was leading by self medication and boozing myself to death.

I mean to even entertain the thought to reach for help...means that I made a decision to LIVE and I hold that very precious now.

I started the steps with the attitude of "well if I HAVE to do this to have the serenity these people have" I guess I will...but I don't really WANT to....and you know what?

Eight months later...my relationships both old and new are healthier, my decisions are healthier, my lifestyle is healthier...and the way I view myself and others is healthier.

I wouldn't give back the opportunity I got to do those steps now.
Maybe....you can see my point here.
Sometimes we get the GREATEST gifts doing something we really just have to do...on blind faith.

Give it a try....
Keep in touch
Anne

bubblze30 · 07-24-2003, 07:17 AM

Welcome to the boards. I to can relate to your story I have had 2 back surgeries and need a third. I took the medication they gave me the first sergery. I have now been clean a little over two years. I know it is hard with so much medical problems to look at. Just coming to these boards show you are strong and want to stay clean. You don't want to lose your family. So keep coming and post as many time as you need . I have been coming in here everyday because my womens group instructor is on vacation but my recovery is not. So please hold on tight these boards work for me and I hope they will work for you.

SkyIsFalling42 · 07-24-2003, 08:54 AM

Joy
You have my support 100%. What you are doing for you and your children is so wonderful. It is very hard to do I know, and I admire you. It is so hard for people who have not been through something this difficult to understand all of the mechanics of it. I share things with my man about what I am going through..I know he cant fully understand, but he does listen.
I am so sorry about the loss of your mother. My mother has fybromyalgia and I know that she is in pain often.
My thoughts and support are with you, I truly believe in you.

joy-baby · 07-24-2003, 04:52 PM

hello all...it was wonderful to sign on tonight and see all of the encouraging messages from you!!! i feel like i have found a Internet family here! things are about the same, i am going tomorrow for a massage anyway and that helps, even if it's just for a little while. i've had this headache now for a week, taking my migraine stuff to no avail and guess i will have to break down and take the shot tonight!!! isn't that sad???? the headache pain is difficult to live with, but the shot hurts so much!!! i guess i am a real baby, huh????

my husband and our boys are leaving Saturday for a week at Scout camp, that takes a little stress off of the house, even though our precious 7 year old daughter is rather demanding..i've probably made her that way....

you all seem to know what i am feeling, and that makes all the difference...thanks....

2stop · 07-24-2003, 04:58 PM

~Joy-baby~

Good to see you! I know those migraines are hard with kids! I assume the shot you're referring to is Imitex? They DO hurt, but relief is so worth it ya know? I hope you get to feeling better soon. Keep us posted..I'll start to worry if I don't see ya around!!

j42daY · 07-24-2003, 06:43 PM

Joy, i feel ya. it feels like i do is complain to my husband. god love him cause i am truly blessed to have a second opportunity to be in a loving relationship. we split up 5 years ago when the "exciting life of crack cocaine" entered and took ahold of my life. i am also in a after care program and have 5 months clean. I struggle with back pain, migraines and of course the journey through recovery. These boards have gotten me through more than a few days, anytime i feel blue i come here and always feel better. Just know what we can't do alone we can go through together. Just for today
Shellie

joy-baby · 07-24-2003, 06:53 PM

yes, the shot i was talking about is Imitrex. i have them at home and have used them twice, guess i will have to do so before bed tonight because i can't not sleep for the 4th night in a row. sometimes my headaches go on for days. i know a lot of it is stress and in the "old day" i would have taken 4 vicodin this morning. of course, the longer you use, the more you need. i met this woman in recovery who was taking 50 a day!!!! she worked in a pharmacy and got them with a "5 figure discount." that was so sad. i am hanging in, just having a bad time of it all right now. my husband and i are going to hawaii Aug. 3-8, an award trip with his company, maybe i can have some stress free days then.

again, thanks to you all. i am glad to have found you.

2stop · 07-24-2003, 06:56 PM

I am so glad you get to go to Hawaii..a much deserved chance to rest and have some fun. I was born in Honolulu, an Army brat.

Well, take care of that migraine my dear and hang in there, okay? You're gonna make it!

joy-baby · 07-25-2003, 07:04 PM

hello friends...you guys are all the best...things are about the same with me, still fighting this headache i swear i've had all week. i did see my new psychiatrist this morning and she is going to make some adjustments in my meds, she said hopefully that will help with the anxiety and depression as well as my chronic pain. she thinks i have been taking some of the wrong things for my problems. i've had such trouble sleeping this week and am so tired right now...our boys and my husband are going to be gone all week to Scout camp, it will just be our daughter and me, things will be a little quieter anyway, but i will have to figure out what to do with her!!! monday morning, we are going to a little town close by to spend the night in a hotel and poke through bookstores and antique shops. i sell books on Ebay, so am always looking for a bargain!!

i still have the great urge to use, but have not.....i guess one hour at a time is all i can manage right now.

thanks to you all.....

joy

2stop · 07-25-2003, 10:29 PM

!I hope you get some rest soon. hang in there..you're doing good.~

joy-baby · 08-01-2003, 10:22 PM

hello all....since my last post, i have been in the hospital with my migraines, my doctor felt it best to give me Vicodin and I have had it twice now. i don't really feel the urge to start using again, even though Vicodin was my "drug of choice." my pain was so unbearable even the Imitrex didn't knock it out. my husband and i leave in 2 days for our trip to Hawaii. i guess now i am excited about going, even though i worry what will happen if the migraine hits me on hour 4 of the 8 hour flight!!

anyway, thanks again for all your help and support. i will check in when we are back home.

Vaya con dios.

SkyIsFalling42 · 08-01-2003, 10:24 PM

Hoping you have a wonderful trip!! See ya when you get back.

07-23-2003, 10:21 PM	#1 (permalink)
joy-baby Paused Join Date: May 2003 Location: Bloomington Minnesota Posts: 6	6 months sober, shakey times... hello friends.... i just recently came to this board and am glad to have found you. i've been clean since 1/29/03, but here lately, i've had a hard time staying that way. my drug of choice was vicodin, or percodan (who am i kidding? i would take any narcotic probably...) and tequila, mostly the narcotics though. i've had 6 surgeries in the last 5 years, so got quite a bit of the stuff legit from my surgeons. i have a husband and three beautiful children. i also have chronic migraines and fibromyalgia and am still working on feelings of despair from the sudden death of my 59-year old mother 9 years ago. i feel like my whole life changed when she died, and often not for the better. i have started to an AA program for women, but, honestly, just have a lot of trouble with the 12 step thing. i am really not a joiner at heart, just trying to stay sober. i went through a 3 month treatment plan and now am in aftercare on Friday mornings. twice, i have altered narcotic 'scrips and, only by the grace of God, was not arrested. i've been through rehab twice now... so, guess i am just here to try and find some suport. my husband just struggles with this, i know. he's never taken pills or been in the hospital outside of the time he was born. he is very healthy and strong, and i feel like all i do is complain about hurting. any help would be greatly appreciated. God bless you all. joy-baby minnesota

07-23-2003, 10:27 PM	#2 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,666	{{WELcome}}-Glad you found us! I can relate to so much of what you wrote, from the drug of choice to physical problems. I have been a prescription drug addict since I was about ten, I am 31 now, married, two beautiful children and just a few months ago I got really serious about quitting, I've had a few relapses but am doing pretty well, it is so hard though I know! I hope to get to know you better, so keep posting an dmake yourself at home! __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

07-23-2003, 10:35 PM	#3 (permalink)
bikerprincess Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: St Louis, MO Posts: 190	Hey...Welcome You know Joy I can totally relate to where you are at. I have never been a joiner and ANYTHING that involved structure or committment was certainly not my bag!! I also had a sudden death of my grandaddy, who was my everything...and his death started a whirlind tornado downhill in my drug and alcohol use. But I will tell you this. I believed when I walked into an AA meeting, I was given the opportunity to turn my life around and STOP the unpredictable, dangerous, disasterous life I was leading by self medication and boozing myself to death. I mean to even entertain the thought to reach for help...means that I made a decision to LIVE and I hold that very precious now. I started the steps with the attitude of "well if I HAVE to do this to have the serenity these people have" I guess I will...but I don't really WANT to....and you know what? Eight months later...my relationships both old and new are healthier, my decisions are healthier, my lifestyle is healthier...and the way I view myself and others is healthier. I wouldn't give back the opportunity I got to do those steps now. Maybe....you can see my point here. Sometimes we get the GREATEST gifts doing something we really just have to do...on blind faith. Give it a try.... Keep in touch Anne

07-24-2003, 07:17 AM	#4 (permalink)
bubblze30 Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: mass Posts: 1,360	Welcome to the boards. I to can relate to your story I have had 2 back surgeries and need a third. I took the medication they gave me the first sergery. I have now been clean a little over two years. I know it is hard with so much medical problems to look at. Just coming to these boards show you are strong and want to stay clean. You don't want to lose your family. So keep coming and post as many time as you need . I have been coming in here everyday because my womens group instructor is on vacation but my recovery is not. So please hold on tight these boards work for me and I hope they will work for you. __________________ "What don't kill us. Will make us stronger"

07-24-2003, 08:54 AM	#5 (permalink)
SkyIsFalling42 Big kitty nose hugs Join Date: May 2003 Location: Center of The World Posts: 1,261	Joy You have my support 100%. What you are doing for you and your children is so wonderful. It is very hard to do I know, and I admire you. It is so hard for people who have not been through something this difficult to understand all of the mechanics of it. I share things with my man about what I am going through..I know he cant fully understand, but he does listen. I am so sorry about the loss of your mother. My mother has fybromyalgia and I know that she is in pain often. My thoughts and support are with you, I truly believe in you. __________________ Love In Spirit, Sky Where my heart is....... http://Writing.Com/authors/skyisfalling02 "Never Give In, Never Give In, Never Give In, Never, Never, Never." ~~Sir Winston Churchill~~

07-24-2003, 04:52 PM	#6 (permalink)
joy-baby Paused Join Date: May 2003 Location: Bloomington Minnesota Posts: 6	hello all...it was wonderful to sign on tonight and see all of the encouraging messages from you!!! i feel like i have found a Internet family here! things are about the same, i am going tomorrow for a massage anyway and that helps, even if it's just for a little while. i've had this headache now for a week, taking my migraine stuff to no avail and guess i will have to break down and take the shot tonight!!! isn't that sad???? the headache pain is difficult to live with, but the shot hurts so much!!! i guess i am a real baby, huh???? my husband and our boys are leaving Saturday for a week at Scout camp, that takes a little stress off of the house, even though our precious 7 year old daughter is rather demanding..i've probably made her that way.... you all seem to know what i am feeling, and that makes all the difference...thanks....

07-24-2003, 04:58 PM	#7 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,666	~Joy-baby~ Good to see you! I know those migraines are hard with kids! I assume the shot you're referring to is Imitex? They DO hurt, but relief is so worth it ya know? I hope you get to feeling better soon. Keep us posted..I'll start to worry if I don't see ya around!! __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

07-24-2003, 06:43 PM	#8 (permalink)
j42daY Paused Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Palmyra, PA Posts: 12	Joy, i feel ya. it feels like i do is complain to my husband. god love him cause i am truly blessed to have a second opportunity to be in a loving relationship. we split up 5 years ago when the "exciting life of crack cocaine" entered and took ahold of my life. i am also in a after care program and have 5 months clean. I struggle with back pain, migraines and of course the journey through recovery. These boards have gotten me through more than a few days, anytime i feel blue i come here and always feel better. Just know what we can't do alone we can go through together. Just for today Shellie

07-24-2003, 06:53 PM	#9 (permalink)
joy-baby Paused Join Date: May 2003 Location: Bloomington Minnesota Posts: 6	yes, the shot i was talking about is Imitrex. i have them at home and have used them twice, guess i will have to do so before bed tonight because i can't not sleep for the 4th night in a row. sometimes my headaches go on for days. i know a lot of it is stress and in the "old day" i would have taken 4 vicodin this morning. of course, the longer you use, the more you need. i met this woman in recovery who was taking 50 a day!!!! she worked in a pharmacy and got them with a "5 figure discount." that was so sad. i am hanging in, just having a bad time of it all right now. my husband and i are going to hawaii Aug. 3-8, an award trip with his company, maybe i can have some stress free days then. again, thanks to you all. i am glad to have found you.

07-24-2003, 06:56 PM	#10 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,666	I am so glad you get to go to Hawaii..a much deserved chance to rest and have some fun. I was born in Honolulu, an Army brat. Well, take care of that migraine my dear and hang in there, okay? You're gonna make it! __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

07-25-2003, 07:04 PM	#11 (permalink)
joy-baby Paused Join Date: May 2003 Location: Bloomington Minnesota Posts: 6	hello friends...you guys are all the best...things are about the same with me, still fighting this headache i swear i've had all week. i did see my new psychiatrist this morning and she is going to make some adjustments in my meds, she said hopefully that will help with the anxiety and depression as well as my chronic pain. she thinks i have been taking some of the wrong things for my problems. i've had such trouble sleeping this week and am so tired right now...our boys and my husband are going to be gone all week to Scout camp, it will just be our daughter and me, things will be a little quieter anyway, but i will have to figure out what to do with her!!! monday morning, we are going to a little town close by to spend the night in a hotel and poke through bookstores and antique shops. i sell books on Ebay, so am always looking for a bargain!! i still have the great urge to use, but have not.....i guess one hour at a time is all i can manage right now. thanks to you all..... joy

07-25-2003, 10:29 PM	#12 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,666	!I hope you get some rest soon. hang in there..you're doing good.~ __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

08-01-2003, 10:22 PM	#13 (permalink)
joy-baby Paused Join Date: May 2003 Location: Bloomington Minnesota Posts: 6	hello all....since my last post, i have been in the hospital with my migraines, my doctor felt it best to give me Vicodin and I have had it twice now. i don't really feel the urge to start using again, even though Vicodin was my "drug of choice." my pain was so unbearable even the Imitrex didn't knock it out. my husband and i leave in 2 days for our trip to Hawaii. i guess now i am excited about going, even though i worry what will happen if the migraine hits me on hour 4 of the 8 hour flight!! anyway, thanks again for all your help and support. i will check in when we are back home. Vaya con dios.

08-01-2003, 10:24 PM	#14 (permalink)
SkyIsFalling42 Big kitty nose hugs Join Date: May 2003 Location: Center of The World Posts: 1,261	Hoping you have a wonderful trip!! See ya when you get back. __________________ Love In Spirit, Sky Where my heart is....... http://Writing.Com/authors/skyisfalling02 "Never Give In, Never Give In, Never Give In, Never, Never, Never." ~~Sir Winston Churchill~~

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