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10-19-2008, 05:24 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 11
| Any suggestions for the new chick?
Hi there! I'm new.... Here's my story.... I'm sure it's not unique - but it helps me to get it out.... I'm 33 and I do very well at work - I put in about 55 hours per week and I love it so much that the time flies by. I run about 25 miles per week and I lift three times a week. I appear healthy to everyone around me... no one knows how much I drink. It has bothered me for over a decade now - and I get so frustrated with myself. One week I'll be committed to not drinking at all and the next I'm back to three glasses of wine. I'm not the type for public meetings and that's why I'm hopeful that this forum will be helpful. I'm not trying to run away from anything - nothing traumatic has ever happened to me. I love my work and my friends and my family. Nature is so beautiful that it makes my eyes well up. I have a strong faith. What I'm saying is that I have no reason to drink - and yet I do. I crave that feeling that creeps into my brain after a glass of wine. It's so frustrating. Thanks for listening to me vent! |
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10-19-2008, 05:40 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Administrator  Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 22,832
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Hi and Welcome, I'm glad you found us. It sounds like maybe alcohol is helping to numb your feelings. I hid from my emotions for a long time too. Actually, I was a control-freak long before I started drinking and I would try to control all aspects of my life. I think it helped me to not have to focus on my real feelings. Anyways, you can stop drinking and we're here to offer support and information. And, of course, stopping drinking is only the beginning. That's when the real work begins.
__________________  And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver |
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10-19-2008, 06:13 PM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 11
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Thank you, Anna! I really appreciate your reply. I've felt so lonely through this process. I've talked to a few people and the reaction has always been the same - "a few glasses of wine is no big deal".... I've always been confused about what constitutes a real problem. I know that I think about it all of the time and that my face is totally puffy and I feel a rush after I justify getting another bottle. I'm smiling at the control freak thing. ;-) Something I'm working on... Thank you! |
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10-19-2008, 08:48 PM
| #5 (permalink) | |
| Forum Leader  Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 34,835
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Hmm...  Quote:
Welcome to SR.... 
__________________  Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery!  | |
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10-20-2008, 08:57 AM
| #7 (permalink) |
| Community Greeter  Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express
Posts: 9,928
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Welcome glad to have you on board, if you're hiding your drinking it might very well mean you have a problem and maybe you're hiding your problem from yourself too.
__________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté  |
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10-20-2008, 12:41 PM
| #8 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 11
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Thank you so much! I think that means.... I have a little problem. I recently (in the past two months) upped my daily intake from two to three glasses of wine each day. I freaked myself out this weekend.... two bottles in two days. I think of not drinking for the rest of my life and I literally freeze. What is that?!? I can't imagine not drinking - yet I see the effects that it's having - particularly on my face... My close friends are all considerably older and everyone seems to drink. I remember being young and swearing that I would never follow in the footsteps of my dad and my grandmother... and here I am... I guess it's good that I realize it. Thank you so much for listening to me. |
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10-20-2008, 05:53 PM
| #9 (permalink) |
| Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 22,832
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Alcoholism is a progressive disease. It may be slower or faster sometimes, but it will progress. And panicking when you think of not drinking is likely a sign of addiction. I couldn't imagine not drinking either, really literally couldn't imagine it. I realize, looking back, that it was the disease talking. Alcoholism is an insidious disease and it is also relentless. Do you want to stop drinking? If so, we are here to offer support. If you're not sure if you're an alcoholic, try stopping drinking for a fixed period - say a month, and see what happens. You'll probably find your answer.
__________________ And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver |
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10-21-2008, 08:48 AM
| #10 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 11
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Hi Anna! Yes - I want to stop drinking. Last night I didn't drink at all - this morning I'm really focused and I have to work late tonight so I figure that will get me two days in pretty easily... but I'm afraid that by tomorrow evening I'll be wrestling with this again. I usually make the promise to myself that I won't buy any alcohol for the house... then I bend that by inviting a friend out for a social drink. Any tips on how to get over myself when I start talking myself out of drinking? I can not imagine not having a drink for a whole month... wow... |
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10-21-2008, 08:57 AM
| #13 (permalink) |
| Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 22,832
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Yes! Those are my boys! What worked for me was to plan, plan, plan. I drank at home alone and so when my husband was away on business, that was a trigger for me to drink. When I got serious about stopping, I knew I had to make changes. So, I went out right after supper and went for a long walk. It was something I used to do before I started drinking and it was great to get back to it. When I got home, I immediately jumped into the bath, and pampered myself. It helped me get through the first few weeks and soon became a habit. Getting back to walking had so many benefits! One thing I learned is that one change causes a ripple effect. I started looking at nature and feeling a sense of peace. My legs became stronger. I started chatting with my neighbors. You can do this!
__________________ And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver |
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10-21-2008, 11:16 AM
| #14 (permalink) |
| ever closer...  Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Greensboro, NC
Posts: 362
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If anyone thinks they have a problem then they most certainly do! Only you can be completely honest with yourself. To me it seemed others dismissed my drinking so they didn't have to look at themselves. Don't think about a month...One Day at a time! I have been sober for 6 months and it has been the best 5 1/2 months I have had in a long time. The first couple weeks was no joke!! And I was not a happy camper. Just keep posting and reading. this website was my lifeline in the early early days!!
__________________  BeingJenAgain |
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10-21-2008, 12:14 PM
| #15 (permalink) |
| AWOL :)  |
Welcome Run! I am glad you found us and want to nip this before it completely consumes you. If you know in your heart of hearts that it is a problem, then you know. I can remember my opiate use, when I got a REAL RX after having my hysterctomy the "rush" and excitement I felt just picking it up. It was a heart thing. This forum has helped me sooo much! The women on here are so supportive. I joined exactly one year ago and had only one relapse after I started posting regularly. I now I have 9 months clean and sober and I have learned that I can live w/out the buzz one day at a time. I am much more productive and the depression has lifted. Welcome and post away! blessings, Sheila |
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10-21-2008, 07:51 PM
| #16 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 11
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Thank you, Lily! I'm so glad that I've found all of you to talk with! Your strength inspires me. Man... you mentioned the depression thing - I'm usually very "up" almost hyper active and I feel so lethargic and I feel like I'm going to bawl... I've noticed that before when I stop... what in the world is that all about? Do you think it's part of the process or am I nuts? Thank you! |
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10-21-2008, 07:55 PM
| #17 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 11
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Thank you, JenAgain! ;-) I like the thought behind the name! It's true... I think about what it was like when I was 20 and had never had a drink and then I feel like I kind of lost myself a bit. When did the weekends become all about drinking? When did every day become about drinking? It's kind of sad but alcohol is one of my longest standing relationships... it's outlasted every guy I've ever dated. Funny - but not.... ehhhhhhhhh. |
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10-21-2008, 08:07 PM
| #18 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 11
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Thank you, Anna! They're so regal! I have a kitten (she's 11....but she'll always be my little girl!) Cats are awesome. I like your advice. It makes lots of sense and it's easy to follow. Physical activity is such a great stress reliever... the bath idea is great too! I'm going to get some stuff to pamper myself. I dyed my hair red last night - I feel like I need some visual reminder of this new life... if that makes any sense. I feel pretty depressed today and I've been trying to figure out what that's about. I'm usually pretty good at taking a step back and finding the reason behind the emotions I feel. But I'm having no luck here. This is way harder than quitting cigarettes... that felt like someone was pulling my brain stem out of my nostrils for about three days... but they never gave me a buzz. I'm a little fidgety. ;-) Gah. I'm also rambling... Thank you again for your support and for your advice. Someday soon I will be able to pass your kindness along by helping out another person. I'm doing this. |
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10-21-2008, 08:19 PM
| #19 (permalink) |
| To Thine Own Self Be True  Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,948
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Hi Run and welcome! It is wonderful to have you here. Like Anna, I had to change my patterns. I always drank after work while cooking dinner so I had to change up my routine. One thing I started doing was working out. So now, 5 1/2 months later I have lost 39 pounds! I also attend AA and spent lots of time here. You can do this and it is SO worth it!! |
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10-22-2008, 01:00 PM
| #20 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 11
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Wow! That's awesome! Congratulations! Wine and food - I understand that. I'm the host of a large scar due to impared motor function... cutting eggplant after glass number three... not such a great idea... ;-) Today I drove past the liquor store and it was calling me... then I thought about how eventhough this feels really unfamilliar right now it's better than waking up in the morning and realizing that I've gone back on my promise to myself again. It sounds like AA is really working for you too. I wonder about that - but I'm scared to go... Congratulations again! |
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10-22-2008, 01:44 PM
| #21 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: md
Posts: 3,002
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Yeah, for me, I knew that I had an addiction when I couldn't stop without help. I'm glad you are seeming to be able to stop so early on in your drinking. You don't have to reach a pit of despair to decide to get into recovery! I didn't either. A lot of folks, including my boyfriend at the time, tried to tell me that because I only took 40 mg a day of opiates (which is within the limits of the prescription that I had at the time) that I wasn't a "real" addict. Whatever that is. But trying to stop on my own and being unable to do it alone showed me that I was truly an addict. I didn't need to go through losing my job or home or kids to decide I wanted out of that life. Hopefully, you need to lose that stuff either. One thing I do want to caution you on: nobody, in my opinion, that has a drinking or using problem has just a "little problem." Any addiction to booze or drugs at all is a big problem, one that can potentially kill you. It's like saying you have "a little cancer." It's great to catch it early, I'm happy that you seem to have done that. But it doesn't mean you don't need treatment, at all. I'm not the type for meetings either. I didn't want to go. But I had to accept that I needed some support, cause this disease is no joke. It helps me to hear every week about the people who are still struggling with the devastation that active addiction brings. It's not so bad going to meetings. You might be surprised at some of the high-acheiving, successful, kind, intelligent people that you meet at AA. I was. I thought alkies and addicts would be a bunch of smelly, law-breaking, homeless people. But in reality, the smelly people are the ones who didn't get to go to AA! The ones who beat this thing are in the meetings. I have to accept (and I still sometimes struggle with this) that I don't know much about recovery. I need to learn about my disease. I need help. I'm just sharing what worked for me! Love from: KJ |
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10-22-2008, 02:20 PM
| #22 (permalink) | |
| To Thine Own Self Be True Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,948
| Quote:
I was often burning myself and the food. My husband commented last month on the fact that he never knew that I could actually bake cookies without burning them, myself or both. Oh vey. Thanks for the congratulations! I am very happy for the most part. Life is still life and stuff happens but I always try to remember that no matter what happens, if I do not drink today, it is a good day. Some days it is my pride that keeps me sober. I do not want to walk back into my meetings and announce myself as a newcomer again. And some days it is fear. I have a lot of healthy fear of alcohol today. I have not forgotten that 6 months ago, I drank almost every day and I drank out of shame, guilt, boredom, happiness, sadness, etc. I am afraid to go back there. What if I drink and the blow to my self confidence is so bad that I don't get sober again? What if I don't have another recovery in me? What if I drink and drive (I used to) and kill someone or myself and leave my children without a mother? What if? Nope, I am not willing to take that chance today. Today, I am worth more. People ask me if I miss it? Nope, I really don't. I did often enjoy a good glass of wine but there are plenty of other pleasures in the world to experience that do not endanger my life. I can not tell you how much I enjoy my experience in AA. I have an amazing group of women that I can call friends today. Beautiful, confident, successful, serene women that used to abuse alcohol. Today we all focus on our health and help each other along that journey. Today I am learning to be the healthiest that I can be physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. And we have so much fun. I have not felt this carefree and full of gratitude since college (maybe even before that). I am a better wife, mother, employee, citizen, friend, sister and person today. I am learning that in AA and working the 12 steps with my sponsor. I take responsibility for everything today! I apologize if I am rude to a sales clerk. I am helpful to others as much as I can. If you do decide to check out AA, I have a suggestion. Call AA central in your area, find a WOMENS meeting that you can attend, show up 15 minutes early and stay 15 minutes after to help clean up. You will be amazed at how welcome you feel! And you do not have to speak. If you are asked to, you are always welcome to say "No thank you, I would like to listen tonight". While you are there, listen and watch. You will see the women that have peace and serenity about them. These are the women to listen to and introduce yourself to. Ask them about other good meetings. You will be glad that you did. If you are not ready for that, that is okay. Keep coming back here and don't drink, no matter flippin what! Try out this sobriety thing for a while. The wine is not going anywhere. It will always be there if you decide to go back.  | |
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10-23-2008, 01:52 PM
| #23 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: New Jersey
Posts: 273
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How are you doing today Run? You remind me much of myself... I'm young, ambitious and athletic. My first day of sobriety was Monday Oct 20, I signed up on SR yesterday. I feel confident today that I can bet this alcohol and substance addiction, but it's the weekends that worry me. I have a 2 1/2 year old son and he keeps me busy, but I still find time to drink wine or martini's and I regret it every time. So I hope I stay strong this weekend... I enjoy coming here and reading peoples post... but I still feel alone through this. I don't really know anyone here and I'm not sure how to get involved in the posting part either to get the support that I KNOW I need. Well good luck... I hope you are still staying strong!! |
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10-23-2008, 03:43 PM
| #25 (permalink) | |
| Day One's Can RIP!!!  Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Far & Wide
Posts: 244
| Quote:
Welcome, Run. I've been out of town for a few days so I'm trying to catch up with new members on the forum. Sounds as tho you've collected a few days of sobriety. That's definitely something to be proud of! I noticed that a couple of times you've made reference to not drinking "for the rest of your life" or you are "afraid that by tomorrow evening I'll be wrestling with this again" or "not having a drink for a whole month." Just try not to drink for today. Break it down into the smallest parts that you need to in order to manage it (a minute, an hour, a day) and tell yourself that you just won't drink for that amount of time. And there is no benefit to you by thinking or worrying about tomorrow . . . . because you really can't say anything for certain about tomorrow. Stay in the moment and keep the focus on today . . . Instead of inviting someone out for a drink, why don't you ask them to go to a movie, out for coffee or some other activity that doesn't involve drinking (maybe grab a bite to eat in a restaurant that doesn't serve alcohol) I'm glad you've joined our forum . . . there's always room for more!
__________________ Harley When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down "Happy." They told me I didn't understand the assignment. I told them they didn't understand life. | |
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