hanging in - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

bubblze30 · 07-23-2003, 07:12 AM

[SIZE=3][COLOR=deeppink]H[COLOR=deeppink]Hi all. My womens group and relapse prevention instructor is on vacation for two weeks. With that I promised my self I would get to a meeting a day. Iam doing that but feel I need more. So I am hanging out in these room everyday also. The more verbal medicine the better. I can't tell you all how much reading these posts meen to me. I read almost all of them and will continue to do so. My daughter has been a handful these past few days. She is finished with her camp and must be bored. I try to tell myself hang in dont get so angry but I do sometimes then I feel bad and apologize. The thing is I want to learn how I can ween out the anger part so there will be no need for the appology. I just wish I could learn how. I know my behavior is coming from the way I was raised. That was not pretty,but how do I learn to deal in a different way. Any suggestions will be helpful. I am just greatful I recognize it and I am not running to drugs but I am also greatful I can run to these boards...............

SkyIsFalling42 · 07-23-2003, 07:24 AM

bubblez
You really have my admiration, you conviction to change your life inspires me. I wanted to share something with you about the anger you are discussing. My mom has always been a very angry person, she lashes out at everyone. God help us when she goes into the hospital, the staff sees her comming way ahead of time. (she has had a heart attack). I always want to get under the bed and hide, because of the way she acts. Since I lived with her most of my life, I grew use to this somehow. I have always known that when she is lashng out, she is scared for some reason, or feels threatened by something. I can read between the lines with people who do this. She has destroyed the very things she has always wanted for herself through this lashing out that she does. It is very painful to watch this self destruction.
My opinion is that if you can get to the bottom of where this anger is comming from...why you feel threatened, it would probably help you alot.
Because of the above with my mom, I am just now allowing myself the feelings of anger. I have always felt that they were unacceptable feelings, and they scared me to death. Letting the feelings of anger emerge and acknowleging them is very healing for me.
Welcome to the boards, and we hope that you keep posting.

bubblze30 · 07-23-2003, 07:31 AM

Wow I can't believe it It is like you were describing me when you were talking about your mom. I am not as bad but close enough to know that my daaughter must feel the same way wanting to hide when I am lashing out. They say I am bipolar abd suffer from depression and ptsd but all the meds they use on me dont seem to show a possitive outcome. I wait months and keep taking them but there is no sign of proggress. Thank you for your reply. All I can do is continue to watch my behavior and learn from it. I just pray to my higher power that she does not learn the behavior

2stop · 07-23-2003, 07:36 AM

I can so relate to what you wrote Bubblze, I have to give myself more time outs than my kids, but it usually helps if I let myself walk away, breathe and think about why I am really anfry, it usually has nothing to do with the kids in the first place, it is because I feel out of control, I am feeling unable to cope, I am tired, I am tired or sick, etc. etc. It is very difficult some days to work through it all and I lose my temper and have to apologize..and it just breaks my heart tohave to do it over and over..but as long as we're still trying kids undertsand more than we think..they know we are working our program or just flying by the seat of our pants..I have been amazed at some of the things my kidddo's have picked up on. Just hang in there, take it a day at atime and you will get better in this area.

SkyIsFalling42 · 07-23-2003, 07:43 AM

My mom has been taking Zoloft and it works well for her. For me..it was like watching a cornered wild animal-they will act in what ever way they can to keep from being hurt or killed. Not that im comparing my mom to an animal, im not. Just seems to be the same kind of survival instinct.
For me, the worse thing to live with was never knowing what she may say or do, how she was going to act.

2stop · 07-23-2003, 07:47 AM

I hope my kids don't have bad memories because of me..that would just kill me inside..I hope they learn one thing from my addiction, that people can change and get better..no matter the problem or how bad it is..they can go on with their lives.

SkyIsFalling42 · 07-23-2003, 07:52 AM

Sis
They will see what you do..they will know what you have gone through. I think that they will thank you for what you are doing, a million times over. You are putting you and your kids above all else, how can they not love and admire you for that??

bubblze30 · 07-23-2003, 08:10 AM

I was just thinking some of the medications they tried on me I was using at the time maybe I will give them another try to see. I am sober now they might just work. My daughter is eight now and the sooner I stop this the better

2stop · 07-23-2003, 08:13 AM

I think they might help now too that you're sober..my husband pointed out to me that not one time was I ever sober while on an antidepresant and that's why they didn't work, I was/still am alittle comvinced they just won't ever work, but quite honestly I have never given thema real chance to...I hope you get back on them and that they work. My daughter is 8 too and my son is 10 and I keep telling myself I just have to get well this time..there's no other option but just to do it!

SkyIsFalling42 · 07-23-2003, 08:20 AM

You ladies are great in my book!!

bubblze30 · 07-23-2003, 08:24 AM

[COLOR=deeppink] Thank you both I cant tell you enogh that you are both a great deal of help to me. I really enjoy being able to (when I feel like crap or I feel good)come on these boards at any time.:shades: [COLOR=deeppink]

bubblze30 · 07-23-2003, 08:27 AM

Could one of you tell me how to change my color to deep pink ?

SkyIsFalling42 · 07-23-2003, 08:34 AM

Im sorry but I dont know how to change the colors.

Morniing Gory, Pauline or ann may know how?? One of the moderators.

bubblze30 · 07-23-2003, 08:53 AM

I have figured it out. Its nice to learn new things in recovery even if it is as silly as changing the color of my words. I think the color makes it a little more bright and fun...lol

2stop · 07-23-2003, 08:59 AM

I've been trying to figure this out too! Good for you!

I'll have to keep trying!!

2stop · 07-23-2003, 09:11 AM

You've inspired me try again Bubblze!! I hope this works!!!!!!

2stop · 07-23-2003, 09:13 AM

OMG!!! It really worked!!

This is too much fun!!!!

Ya all are so in trouble now!!

Okay, I'll stop now..........

bubblze30 · 07-23-2003, 09:19 AM

When you click on the color you want write your words in the box that appears(that was were I got messed up)do not have enhanced mode clicked.And then it works I am trying now to figure out how to have italic and color but I hope this help!!!!!!!

bubblze30 · 07-23-2003, 09:20 AM

Wayto go This is I adamit a lot of fun lol

2stop · 07-23-2003, 09:26 AM

I'm going to drive people crazy now!

I'd like to figure all that other stuff out too, but for now I am having fun with the COLOR!!

Jazziah · 07-23-2003, 03:05 PM

I am a new Mom and while I was growing up my Mom would lash out at me in the same way. I see my self getting mad at my son I just leave go out side and think for a sec. What realy has me pissed off? Is it at him becaous he his making a mess while I'm trying to feed him? or is it just my own frustration with everything that I am dealing with. I am 21 yrs old stay at home Mom with my first child who has some unexpected health issues. My Husband is gone at work all day. My son has nothing to do with these problems that I am facing. I also try to remember to ask myself does it make me or him feel better to yell at him out of anger or at all? I don't really know what else to say. Just a few things for you to think about.
I have a lot of respect for you, you see that you have a problem and you want to fix it. That takes alot to do.

SkyIsFalling42 · 07-23-2003, 06:39 PM

Jazziah
I just wanted to say that what you are doing now is the most important thing you will ever do in your life. being a mother is so very difficult, non stop, exhausting..I know I had 3 kids. I am sorry to hear of the health issues with your son.
It sounds as though you are on top of identifying your feelings, which is half the battle.
When our children grow up and they make mistakes..it is so hard for us moms to cope. It helps when we can say i did the best that I could.

bubblze30 · 07-24-2003, 07:37 AM

It is so nice to hear I am among friends who understand. I have tried to walk away but seem to get caught up in the moment. I will try harder though. Today it is raining so we will be stuck in the house all day. I will test myself and walk away if I see I am getting frustrated. Thank You for all your help. I will let you know how it goes.

2stop · 07-24-2003, 07:39 AM

Sending hugs your way! You're doing awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SkyIsFalling42 · 07-24-2003, 07:52 AM

Bubblze
Yes..please do let us know....a challenge can be exciting, even if you are challenging yourself!!

Challenges always interest me!!
I am rooting for you..I have confidence in you!!

07-23-2003, 07:12 AM	#1 (permalink)
bubblze30 Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: mass Posts: 1,355	hanging in [SIZE=3][COLOR=deeppink]H[COLOR=deeppink]Hi all. My womens group and relapse prevention instructor is on vacation for two weeks. With that I promised my self I would get to a meeting a day. Iam doing that but feel I need more. So I am hanging out in these room everyday also. The more verbal medicine the better. I can't tell you all how much reading these posts meen to me. I read almost all of them and will continue to do so. My daughter has been a handful these past few days. She is finished with her camp and must be bored. I try to tell myself hang in dont get so angry but I do sometimes then I feel bad and apologize. The thing is I want to learn how I can ween out the anger part so there will be no need for the appology. I just wish I could learn how. I know my behavior is coming from the way I was raised. That was not pretty,but how do I learn to deal in a different way. Any suggestions will be helpful. I am just greatful I recognize it and I am not running to drugs but I am also greatful I can run to these boards...............

07-23-2003, 07:24 AM	#2 (permalink)
SkyIsFalling42 Big kitty nose hugs Join Date: May 2003 Location: Center of The World Posts: 1,261	bubblez You really have my admiration, you conviction to change your life inspires me. I wanted to share something with you about the anger you are discussing. My mom has always been a very angry person, she lashes out at everyone. God help us when she goes into the hospital, the staff sees her comming way ahead of time. (she has had a heart attack). I always want to get under the bed and hide, because of the way she acts. Since I lived with her most of my life, I grew use to this somehow. I have always known that when she is lashng out, she is scared for some reason, or feels threatened by something. I can read between the lines with people who do this. She has destroyed the very things she has always wanted for herself through this lashing out that she does. It is very painful to watch this self destruction. My opinion is that if you can get to the bottom of where this anger is comming from...why you feel threatened, it would probably help you alot. Because of the above with my mom, I am just now allowing myself the feelings of anger. I have always felt that they were unacceptable feelings, and they scared me to death. Letting the feelings of anger emerge and acknowleging them is very healing for me. Welcome to the boards, and we hope that you keep posting. __________________ Love In Spirit, Sky Where my heart is....... http://Writing.Com/authors/skyisfalling02 "Never Give In, Never Give In, Never Give In, Never, Never, Never." ~~Sir Winston Churchill~~

07-23-2003, 07:31 AM	#3 (permalink)
bubblze30 Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: mass Posts: 1,355	Wow I can't believe it It is like you were describing me when you were talking about your mom. I am not as bad but close enough to know that my daaughter must feel the same way wanting to hide when I am lashing out. They say I am bipolar abd suffer from depression and ptsd but all the meds they use on me dont seem to show a possitive outcome. I wait months and keep taking them but there is no sign of proggress. Thank you for your reply. All I can do is continue to watch my behavior and learn from it. I just pray to my higher power that she does not learn the behavior __________________ "What don't kill us. Will make us stronger"

07-23-2003, 07:36 AM	#4 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,794	I can so relate to what you wrote Bubblze, I have to give myself more time outs than my kids, but it usually helps if I let myself walk away, breathe and think about why I am really anfry, it usually has nothing to do with the kids in the first place, it is because I feel out of control, I am feeling unable to cope, I am tired, I am tired or sick, etc. etc. It is very difficult some days to work through it all and I lose my temper and have to apologize..and it just breaks my heart tohave to do it over and over..but as long as we're still trying kids undertsand more than we think..they know we are working our program or just flying by the seat of our pants..I have been amazed at some of the things my kidddo's have picked up on. Just hang in there, take it a day at atime and you will get better in this area. __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

07-23-2003, 07:43 AM	#5 (permalink)
SkyIsFalling42 Big kitty nose hugs Join Date: May 2003 Location: Center of The World Posts: 1,261	My mom has been taking Zoloft and it works well for her. For me..it was like watching a cornered wild animal-they will act in what ever way they can to keep from being hurt or killed. Not that im comparing my mom to an animal, im not. Just seems to be the same kind of survival instinct. For me, the worse thing to live with was never knowing what she may say or do, how she was going to act. __________________ Love In Spirit, Sky Where my heart is....... http://Writing.Com/authors/skyisfalling02 "Never Give In, Never Give In, Never Give In, Never, Never, Never." ~~Sir Winston Churchill~~

07-23-2003, 07:47 AM	#6 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,794	I hope my kids don't have bad memories because of me..that would just kill me inside..I hope they learn one thing from my addiction, that people can change and get better..no matter the problem or how bad it is..they can go on with their lives. __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

07-23-2003, 07:52 AM	#7 (permalink)
SkyIsFalling42 Big kitty nose hugs Join Date: May 2003 Location: Center of The World Posts: 1,261	Sis They will see what you do..they will know what you have gone through. I think that they will thank you for what you are doing, a million times over. You are putting you and your kids above all else, how can they not love and admire you for that?? __________________ Love In Spirit, Sky Where my heart is....... http://Writing.Com/authors/skyisfalling02 "Never Give In, Never Give In, Never Give In, Never, Never, Never." ~~Sir Winston Churchill~~

07-23-2003, 08:10 AM	#8 (permalink)
bubblze30 Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: mass Posts: 1,355	I was just thinking some of the medications they tried on me I was using at the time maybe I will give them another try to see. I am sober now they might just work. My daughter is eight now and the sooner I stop this the better __________________ "What don't kill us. Will make us stronger"

07-23-2003, 08:13 AM	#9 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,794	I think they might help now too that you're sober..my husband pointed out to me that not one time was I ever sober while on an antidepresant and that's why they didn't work, I was/still am alittle comvinced they just won't ever work, but quite honestly I have never given thema real chance to...I hope you get back on them and that they work. My daughter is 8 too and my son is 10 and I keep telling myself I just have to get well this time..there's no other option but just to do it! __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

07-23-2003, 08:20 AM	#10 (permalink)
SkyIsFalling42 Big kitty nose hugs Join Date: May 2003 Location: Center of The World Posts: 1,261	You ladies are great in my book!! __________________ Love In Spirit, Sky Where my heart is....... http://Writing.Com/authors/skyisfalling02 "Never Give In, Never Give In, Never Give In, Never, Never, Never." ~~Sir Winston Churchill~~

07-23-2003, 08:24 AM	#11 (permalink)
bubblze30 Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: mass Posts: 1,355	[COLOR=deeppink] Thank you both I cant tell you enogh that you are both a great deal of help to me. I really enjoy being able to (when I feel like crap or I feel good)come on these boards at any time.:shades: [COLOR=deeppink] __________________ "What don't kill us. Will make us stronger"

07-23-2003, 08:27 AM	#12 (permalink)
bubblze30 Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: mass Posts: 1,355	Could one of you tell me how to change my color to deep pink ? __________________ "What don't kill us. Will make us stronger"

07-23-2003, 08:34 AM	#13 (permalink)
SkyIsFalling42 Big kitty nose hugs Join Date: May 2003 Location: Center of The World Posts: 1,261	Im sorry but I dont know how to change the colors. Morniing Gory, Pauline or ann may know how?? One of the moderators. __________________ Love In Spirit, Sky Where my heart is....... http://Writing.Com/authors/skyisfalling02 "Never Give In, Never Give In, Never Give In, Never, Never, Never." ~~Sir Winston Churchill~~

07-23-2003, 08:53 AM	#14 (permalink)
bubblze30 Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: mass Posts: 1,355	I have figured it out. Its nice to learn new things in recovery even if it is as silly as changing the color of my words. I think the color makes it a little more bright and fun...lol __________________ "What don't kill us. Will make us stronger"

07-23-2003, 08:59 AM	#15 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,794	I've been trying to figure this out too! Good for you! I'll have to keep trying!! __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

07-23-2003, 09:11 AM	#16 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,794	You've inspired me try again Bubblze!! I hope this works!!!!!! __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

07-23-2003, 09:13 AM	#17 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,794	OMG!!! It really worked!! This is too much fun!!!! Ya all are so in trouble now!! Okay, I'll stop now.......... __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

07-23-2003, 09:19 AM	#18 (permalink)
bubblze30 Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: mass Posts: 1,355	When you click on the color you want write your words in the box that appears(that was were I got messed up)do not have enhanced mode clicked.And then it works I am trying now to figure out how to have italic and color but I hope this help!!!!!!! __________________ "What don't kill us. Will make us stronger"

07-23-2003, 09:20 AM	#19 (permalink)
bubblze30 Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: mass Posts: 1,355	Wayto go This is I adamit a lot of fun lol __________________ "What don't kill us. Will make us stronger"

07-23-2003, 09:26 AM	#20 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,794	I'm going to drive people crazy now! I'd like to figure all that other stuff out too, but for now I am having fun with the COLOR!! __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

07-23-2003, 03:05 PM	#21 (permalink)
Jazziah Paused Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: San Diego Posts: 22	I am a new Mom and while I was growing up my Mom would lash out at me in the same way. I see my self getting mad at my son I just leave go out side and think for a sec. What realy has me pissed off? Is it at him becaous he his making a mess while I'm trying to feed him? or is it just my own frustration with everything that I am dealing with. I am 21 yrs old stay at home Mom with my first child who has some unexpected health issues. My Husband is gone at work all day. My son has nothing to do with these problems that I am facing. I also try to remember to ask myself does it make me or him feel better to yell at him out of anger or at all? I don't really know what else to say. Just a few things for you to think about. I have a lot of respect for you, you see that you have a problem and you want to fix it. That takes alot to do.

07-23-2003, 06:39 PM	#22 (permalink)
SkyIsFalling42 Big kitty nose hugs Join Date: May 2003 Location: Center of The World Posts: 1,261	Jazziah I just wanted to say that what you are doing now is the most important thing you will ever do in your life. being a mother is so very difficult, non stop, exhausting..I know I had 3 kids. I am sorry to hear of the health issues with your son. It sounds as though you are on top of identifying your feelings, which is half the battle. When our children grow up and they make mistakes..it is so hard for us moms to cope. It helps when we can say i did the best that I could. __________________ Love In Spirit, Sky Where my heart is....... http://Writing.Com/authors/skyisfalling02 "Never Give In, Never Give In, Never Give In, Never, Never, Never." ~~Sir Winston Churchill~~

07-24-2003, 07:37 AM	#23 (permalink)
bubblze30 Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: mass Posts: 1,355	It is so nice to hear I am among friends who understand. I have tried to walk away but seem to get caught up in the moment. I will try harder though. Today it is raining so we will be stuck in the house all day. I will test myself and walk away if I see I am getting frustrated. Thank You for all your help. I will let you know how it goes. __________________ "What don't kill us. Will make us stronger"

07-24-2003, 07:39 AM	#24 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,794	Sending hugs your way! You're doing awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!! __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

07-24-2003, 07:52 AM	#25 (permalink)
SkyIsFalling42 Big kitty nose hugs Join Date: May 2003 Location: Center of The World Posts: 1,261	Bubblze Yes..please do let us know....a challenge can be exciting, even if you are challenging yourself!! Challenges always interest me!! I am rooting for you..I have confidence in you!! __________________ Love In Spirit, Sky Where my heart is....... http://Writing.Com/authors/skyisfalling02 "Never Give In, Never Give In, Never Give In, Never, Never, Never." ~~Sir Winston Churchill~~

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