 |
|---|
 |
 |
 |
| | |
|
Alcohol Addiction 12 Steps
| | Narcotics Addiction 12 Steps
|
| |||||||
 |
| | Thread Tools | Display Modes |
10-06-2008, 02:36 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: North Carolina
Posts: 57
| Lost ...
I have been looking for some peace today and I can't seem to find it. It's definately not going to be in the beer but I can't help but think that will make me feel better. I have made such a mess out of my life this last year. I have always drank, I can't say it was controlled by any means, but sometimes I felt normal, like everyone else that could socially drink without reprocussions. It got much worse last year, and I saw it coming, but did nothing to stop it. I quit my job of 10 years and started a new one last year. I started drinking during the day to kill the time until I started my new job. I thought I was functioning well. The only thing I was managaing to do was slowly fog my head and put weight on my heart. I have been in therapy and have managed to stay sober for weeks of and on since then. My relationship with my family and friends has deteriated. I am putting them through hell and I don't seem to care, otherwise why do I continue to hurt them? My boyfriend and I split up several weeks ago. We were together for 6 years, he is tired of my drinking. His Mother was an alcoholic and he simply can't live like that anymore. Sometimes the pain of losing him is too much. I know he loves me and he is doing the best for himself and I would do the same in his shoes. But somedays I feel so lost, helpless and defeated. I have managed to keep the job and my finances in check, but when will that slip away too? Hopefully it won't, hopefully I will find my way and soon. I got up this morning and had a glass of wine for breakfast because I simply could not face myself. I look like crap, I feel like crap and I hate what I am doing to myself. I hope someone took the time to listen to me, I just really needed to get this off my chest. |
|      |
|
10-06-2008, 02:45 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Eh? :)
Posts: 1,199
|
Hey there, ScoobaDoo...good for you for posting! You say you just don't care anymore, but that's not really true, is it, or you wouldn't be here. There is a way to stop drinking, there are many ways, actually, and one of them will work for you. It WILL work for you if you're ready to stop this madness now. Don't think for one second that there aren't tons of people here right now who know exactly what you're feeling and what you're going through. We're here for you, sweetie, and we can help you get through this. And you know what? Just by posting this, I guarantee you that YOU have helped someone today, just be saying what they're thinking, too. Glad to meet ya and I look forward to getting to know you.  |
|
| |
|
10-06-2008, 03:00 PM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Day One's Can RIP!!!  Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Far & Wide
Posts: 241
|
. Hi ScoobaDo and Welcome to SR . . . I once felt so much the same way that you're feeling now and once I finally put the drink down for good, it made such a difference. There were lots of days that I felt despair and depressed but no matter what, I didn't drink. It took me a long time before I felt like a normal person again but the wait was worth it. Have you thought about seeking help in addition to your therapist and the boards here at SR? Maybe an out-patient treatment program or AA meetings. I know AA helped me not to feel so alone . . . I hope you find your way! Stay with us, OK?
__________________ Harley When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down "Happy." They told me I didn't understand the assignment. I told them they didn't understand life. |
|
| |
|
10-06-2008, 03:11 PM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Upstate,NY
Posts: 100
|
QUOTE...But somedays I feel so lost, helpless and defeated. That was exactly how I felt when I decided to stop drinking. I had to go to a detox because I was so hopeless and knew I couldn't go through withdrawl from alcohol without being checked. Not drinking was the most difficult decision I had to make and then having to admit I couldn't do it alone, really scared me, as I was a functional drunk and believed no one knew how much I drank. I am so glad that I did what I had to do, to get sober. You are a gracious lady and you deserve to be sober. A beer, glass of wine, etc is only the quick fix that turns ugly and makes me feel not deserving and hides all my pain for such a short time...and then I feel worse and hopeless again. Take it 1 day at a time...just don't drink today, and keep posting...we are here to help you.
__________________  Blessings~Terry_____________________________ Step One: There's a problem Step Two: There's a solution Step Three: I get to Choose which I want...problem? or solution? ~Father Martin~ |
| |
|
10-06-2008, 03:12 PM
| #6 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: North Carolina
Posts: 57
|
I have thought about going to AA, and my therapist highly recommends it, but I can't seem to get the courage to go. I am embarrased and I know I'll just sit there and cry. I know that sounds stupid. I know people will understand and help me. I don't want to admit that I can't do this alone. I am strong, this shouldn't be this hard!!! Now that sounds really stupid .... because if it wasn't hard I wouldn't be here looking for help, encouragement and guidance. |
|
| |
|
10-06-2008, 03:14 PM
| #7 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 160
|
Scoob, Welcome. You have recognized you have a problem and for the first time took some steps to find out how to fix it. That is why you are here. Keep reading and posting. Help others such as myself heal and it will be reciprocated. Be determined and please go pour out all your booze. |
|
| |
|
10-06-2008, 03:21 PM
| #8 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Palmer, AK
Posts: 770
|
I've cried in quite a few AA meetings and I've never been chastised for it. An old timer did throw a box of tissues at me though. Whatever my problems were, alcohol and drugs always made those problems worse. Not right away, but eventually.
__________________ I am so thankful for my sobriety  |
|
| |
|
10-06-2008, 03:24 PM
| #9 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: North Carolina
Posts: 57
|
"Be determined and please go pour out all your booze" There is no more beer, no wine and I don't drink liquor. I am also running out of kleenex. For the first time today, I feel like looking in the mirror ... THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! |
|
| |
|
10-06-2008, 03:34 PM
| #11 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: North Carolina
Posts: 57
|
Well, I am at work, and now I am going to go home, open a new pack of TP, take a hot bath and read a good book and play with the Dog. (She's upset with me too.) Maybe you all will be here later and I can say Goodnight. Otherwise I WILL see you all soon. Again, thank you to all who have taken the time to let me cry and unload. |
|
| |
|
10-06-2008, 03:58 PM
| #13 (permalink) | |
| Day One's Can RIP!!! Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Far & Wide
Posts: 241
| Quote:
You say you're strong & it shouldn't be so hard? Well you're right but since it is hard and there are a million people out there who are willing to help, why wouldn't you take them up on it? If people need medication for diabetes or depression, they take medication. If us alkies need help, we can turn to AA. We're really a bunch of nice people (grin!). When I was seeing my therapist, there were several times when she had another client who was reluctant to go to an AA meeting for whatever reason. With everyone's permission, she had the person call me or I called them so I could talk to them about AA and meet them or take them to a meeting. Can you ask your therapist if she has other clients who go to AA, and with the permission of both of you, contact one another by phone or email and go to a meeting together? Just about any AA member has been in exactly the same place you are . . . embarrassed, scared . . . Walking into an AA meeting is the bravest thing you'll ever do for yourself! If you were close to me in PA, I'd be happy to go to a meeting with you!
__________________ Harley When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down "Happy." They told me I didn't understand the assignment. I told them they didn't understand life. | |
|
| |
|
10-06-2008, 04:58 PM
| #14 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: North Carolina
Posts: 57
|
Well - I looked in the mirror. I still look like and feel like crap-o-laa. But I do feel like the heavieness in my chest has lifted a bit. I actually smiled when I had another post from Harley. This emotional rollercoater is killing me, I want off! I got some really good advice and ideas, I never thought about asking if there were other clients like me that were scared or willing to help. I will see her on Thursday. I actually found a womens group close to my work and house so maybe I will think about going at lunch this week. I never realized there were so many meetings in my town. What's the matter with everybody There are like 50 today and 1 right around the corner! That way I don't have to run far when I get cold feet ....I went to AA about 15 years ago, hated it. Maybe because I wasn't ready, I was 23, I just drank too much and partied with my friends, I didn't belong there with people that lost their families, jobs, ended up in jail or on the street ... Yeah look who's laughing now, right? I better get it together and get the help I need and also maybe I save someone else along the way. I am feeling better but it's hard tp type looking through swollen eyes, I look a vampire! My Momma once said laughter was the best medicine, until I was laughing at her ~ so now I just laugh at myself. I am sorry if anyone is offended with my attempt at humor, but the more you will get to me the worse it gets, cornier. So I apologize. |
|
| |
|
10-06-2008, 05:09 PM
| #15 (permalink) |
| To Thine Own Self Be True  Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,099
|
Scooba, I am late getting here but I am SO happy that you are here! We all need each other. I am also an alcoholic and I have been sober for 5 months. Unbelievable really. That is by FAR the longest I have had in 10 years! If you call AA central, they will send a woman or two out to talk to you and take you to a meeting. They come to you! You can do this and I promise you that it will be the best decision you ever made. The first meeting I went to was a womens meeting, very good choice to start! I was scared and felt like a stupid drunk. But that only lasted for about 5 minutes into the meeting. Now whenever I walk into a meeting, I feel like I am home, truly. Keep yourself busy as you get sober. Walk that poor doggie that you have been neglecting. Start writing about your thoughts and feelings. Buy a Big Book and start reading! There is one online here. My first 30-45 days I read everything I could get my hands on, found this place and read and read and went to a lot of meetings. I had to kinda rewire my brain to be home sober. So, so glad you found us. You are not alone and never have to be again if you do not want to be. By the way, I cried through my first 10 meetings. Welcome Home!!!  |
|
| |
|
10-07-2008, 04:35 AM
| #19 (permalink) |
| Day One's Can RIP!!! Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Far & Wide
Posts: 241
|
. Good Morning ScoobaDo . . . . Hope you have a happy, sober day today!
__________________ Harley When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down "Happy." They told me I didn't understand the assignment. I told them they didn't understand life. |
|
| |
|
10-07-2008, 09:40 AM
| #21 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Eh? :)
Posts: 1,199
|
Scooba: seriously, I walked into AA, a woman said hello to me, and I burst into tears. lol You know what? I wasn't the only one that day to cry! There were men in there that cried while sharing, too. Crying just doesn't have the same social ramifications in an AA meeting as it would, say, in a grocery store. Heck! I've cried in my OWN store when I first came here...would just be reading this site and start bawling. Thankfully I have very few customers...haha...sigh. Stick around, you'll make great friends, feel better about yourself, plus help other people.
|
|
| |
|
10-07-2008, 05:23 PM
| #23 (permalink) |
| Day One's Can RIP!!! Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Far & Wide
Posts: 241
|
. Haven't read or heard of him but I looked him up on Amazon.com and his book got good reviews . . . people say his method works . . so I say read it!! He also has a book on the easy way to stop smoking . . . . now that's one I need to read!
__________________ Harley When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down "Happy." They told me I didn't understand the assignment. I told them they didn't understand life. |
|
| |
|
10-07-2008, 05:51 PM
| #24 (permalink) |
| Forum Leader  Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 11,160
|
Hi Scoob, Your post was so heartfelt, I feel like it must be a turning point for you. It brought back so many feelings that I had, before I was able to stop drinking. I absolutely hated myself and my life and I thought there was no way out. But there is. And, you can do this!
__________________ Anna  "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou |
|
| |
