New here - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

justme623 · 10-01-2008, 03:15 PM

Hi everyone, just want to introduce myself. I have some concerns that maybe someone can help me with. The last 2 times I have relapsed after only about 1 week of being sober, have been because of some intimacy issues I have with my husband. I feel pressured a lot from my husband, though I know he doesn't mean it, we just have different drives, so to speak. I have always had this issue, even before marriage. Do you think it is fair of me to ask that we hold off for a while until I can get myself back together or at least some sober time?

anvilhead · 10-01-2008, 04:04 PM

you have the absolute right to say no anytime for any reason whatsoever and that should be good enough...........

ananda · 10-01-2008, 05:03 PM

talking about things is always the best place to start in a relationship. :ghug

caitlin666 · 10-01-2008, 05:22 PM

hi justme,

im exactly like you, before and within my marriage,
ive told my husband that its not him, but me, and could he not put any pressure on me which he is doing

however,
i see that hurt/dissapointed/lusty look on his face and feel so bad

i probably should just "do" it but i cant.

i know he dearly loves me and i him, but this getting to be a big issue as i hate hurting him

not much of a help reply as a "i have empathy" one

Great to have you on board justme, be good to yourself first, the rest will follow

justme623 · 10-02-2008, 11:44 AM

Caitlin - Thank you! I feel so badly as well. I don't want him to think that it has to do with the way I feel for him, same as you I guess. I should probably try to get into some therapy for this! Thanks again for your reponse.

Sugah · 10-02-2008, 12:07 PM

I, too, encourage the therapy route, as well as seeking out a program of recovery to help you deal with "life on life's terms." If you ask yourself the question: "What's more important? My sobriety or having sex with my husband?" it might help put it in perspective for you. I don't know anyone who's died from lack of sex, though I do know many who've died of alcoholism.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

SlvrMag · 10-02-2008, 12:11 PM

I'm going through the same thing, although my sex drive has dropped dramatically since I've been clean. He tells me how important sex is to him constantly...I GET IT ALREADY!

I really am not interested.I feel bad sometimes but hey, I'm not going to do it if I don't want to do it. You should not either.

10-01-2008, 03:15 PM	#1 (permalink)
justme623 Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 14	New here Hi everyone, just want to introduce myself. I have some concerns that maybe someone can help me with. The last 2 times I have relapsed after only about 1 week of being sober, have been because of some intimacy issues I have with my husband. I feel pressured a lot from my husband, though I know he doesn't mean it, we just have different drives, so to speak. I have always had this issue, even before marriage. Do you think it is fair of me to ask that we hold off for a while until I can get myself back together or at least some sober time?

10-01-2008, 05:22 PM	#4 (permalink)
caitlin666 Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: ireland Posts: 169 Blog Entries: 1	hi justme, im exactly like you, before and within my marriage, ive told my husband that its not him, but me, and could he not put any pressure on me which he is doing however, i see that hurt/dissapointed/lusty look on his face and feel so bad i probably should just "do" it but i cant. i know he dearly loves me and i him, but this getting to be a big issue as i hate hurting him not much of a help reply as a "i have empathy" one Great to have you on board justme, be good to yourself first, the rest will follow __________________ Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved. Helen Keller: Last edited by caitlin666; 10-01-2008 at 05:51 PM.

10-02-2008, 12:07 PM	#6 (permalink)
Sugah Om, Aum, Ohm... Mini Pool 2 Champion! Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh Posts: 4,597	I, too, encourage the therapy route, as well as seeking out a program of recovery to help you deal with "life on life's terms." If you ask yourself the question: "What's more important? My sobriety or having sex with my husband?" it might help put it in perspective for you. I don't know anyone who's died from lack of sex, though I do know many who've died of alcoholism. Peace & Love, Sugah __________________ There's a train leaving nightly called when all is said and done Keep me in your heart for awhile ~WZ ANS 01/29/86 - 08/04/08

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10-01-2008, 04:04 PM	#2 (permalink)
anvilhead Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 14,632	you have the absolute right to say no anytime for any reason whatsoever and that should be good enough...........

10-01-2008, 05:03 PM	#3 (permalink)
ananda Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 11,908 Blog Entries: 1	talking about things is always the best place to start in a relationship. :ghug

10-02-2008, 11:44 AM	#5 (permalink)
justme623 Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 14	Caitlin - Thank you! I feel so badly as well. I don't want him to think that it has to do with the way I feel for him, same as you I guess. I should probably try to get into some therapy for this! Thanks again for your reponse.

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