suggestions needed

[pattyspaw]

I'm hoping for some helpful suggestions of not letting the man in my life get in the way of my getting sober; there are so many ways that I get irritated by stuff he does or doesn't do that I let it work against me and use it as an excuse to drink; my plan for tonight is to go to a meeting right after work and may stick around for a second meeting that means I won't get home until late; if I only go to the one meeting I will get home around 7:30, if I go to the second one I'll be home around 9:00; I don't want the meetings to be more about a way for me to avoid him than it is to get sober

[indigo]

Can you talk with him?

[pattyspaw]

I've told him about the stuff that irritates me and it doesn't change anything; I am thinking that I will approach the subject by telling him that there are some things that are just not acceptable any more and that I have just tried to be tolerant of and see if that gets the message across

[CarolD]

I divorced my husband for physical/emotional abuse...
several years before my alcoholism surfaced.
I dumped my supportive lover .. who still drank..
to protect my fragile sobriety.

Sooo...I have no advice to share on relationships
I can tell you ...for me...I'd rather be alone
than to wish I were..

About AA meetings....think of them as classrooms
for living sober. The more you go...the quicker you learn.

Eventually ...regardless of anything else
I had to want to be sober
more than I wanted to drink.

Please keep trying Patty...you are worth the fight.

.

[coffeenut]

You gotta do whats right for YOU. If that means 2 meetings, that's what it means. Don't let anything stand in your way. Not a thing.

[LuvinMe]

Control yourself and stop reacting to him. Who control your emotions? You? Him? Think about it...

[vegibean]

Remember that if nothing changes, nothing changes. I tried getting sober and was still with my X at the time and I looked around and everything in my life was still the same. I believe there is a real reason for not being in a relationship and it's so you can focus on YOU and not have something else getting in the way. I had a long talk with my X the other night when he wanted to come over and stay the night and I'M NOT READY!!!!!!! He doesn't go to al-anon, I'm working my steps, doing my program and I can't have any of the non-sense that he comes with right now...........nor any other man. Know what I mean? If it's not helping, maybe it's time to re-evaluate the situation and do something about it. There's my suggestion

I know for me, I have to be willing to go to any length, my sobriety and myself come first today. Good luck!!!!

[eleanor11]

I have a avery supportive partner who has seen me through hard times in my drinking and in sobriety.

He is a social drinker and for the last 3 months I have stopped going to "wet" places with him. This after too many years accompanying him, gritting my teeth while all around me get drunk till I decided I wasn't doing it anymore.

Problem: The nights he goes out I wait up cos he's gonna wake me so no point trying to sleep. Tosses and turns and next morning I am tired, irrirated and have no energy. We tried separate bedrooms but he didn't want it after one attempt.

What to do? I have got to break this cycle as I'm dreading the nights he goes out cos I know what's ahead. I'm not looking after me I know. I need the courage to change things but right now I'm too tired.

[Celebration1994]

When I got sober my h at the time was very supportive and happy for me. This was great, for a hot minute, until I realized I was changing, but he wasn't going to. My expectations were I would get sober and things would be great.

So as I changed and started feeling good about myself and wanted to be sober, he continued to still not change. I had to look at what I wanted for just ME, not us.

I wanted to be sober...I wanted to be happy, joyous and free...I wanted to be spiritual...I wanted to attend meetigs...I wanted to start a new career...I wanted to live life on life's terms...and many other gifts from sobriety. He was fine with life as it was.

I then had to look at what I wanted for us, and get honest with him and myself.
I looked at what am I bringing to this marriage and what is he bringing to this marriage, and would it work.

I had to separate what was my "stuff", and work on that...what was his "stuff", and let it go...and what was our "stuff", and would we both be willing to work on that. He was okay where he was, and said he had put up with me being a drunk for years, and now it was time for him to be happy. Well lo and behold I wasn't happy and decided I had to make some changes for me. I talked with people in AA, with counselers, with friends, and with my sponsor....The bottom line for me was I did not get sober to be miserable and on edge all the time....I told him that we needed time apart and he said no...I held my ground on that and we separated, we never did get back together.

For me I wanted to be sober, and be happy, joyous, and free, and live life to the fullest without dread, regret, etc, and I needed me to be sober to do this.

Affairs of the heart are a tuff issue, because of the feelings involved...but I always remember...my feelings are real and they are mine, but my sober decisions need to be based on facts, not feelings, because feelings are not always the facts.

Action and attitude, not drinking are my way of handling lifes bumps and bruises.

[eleanor11]

One of the difficulties is that we are taught to let others be. Our addiction is not theirs and we have to compromise. Yet 3 days of my week I am left in this lethargic, unhappy place and it's so draining.