sponser?

[Luckydog]

I just dont get this sponsorship thing....I have a temp sponsor;but ..........

What do I do w/her?????????

call her up and say what? she hasnt even called me all week.
I know little to nothing about her and dont really know what to say!! needless to say the things I do know...scare me to death and I feel she looks at me funny b/c this is my very first attempt ever towards recovery. she says "if I would have this...or that on my first attempt then wow..." and so on and on and on......

I have only been to 3 AA meetings; and I can say that I feel OUT OF PLACE. the first was scary b/c I didn't know what to expect. the second was right after the first meeting and I just stuck around to see if it was more of the same...today there were more ladies there but not a single one said anything to me....before or after the meeting. (??????)
I figure that trying new meetings will only make it worse for me b/c I am new to the concept of recovery anyway. I dont understand the "sponsor" and so far, I cant see it happening for me....esp after seeing the person for 60min!
What do I need to do to relieve this anxiety of meetings and re the sponsor things. I dont think just listening for 3 min to someone speaking is going to say much about either of us?

Lucky

[Paulie]

Hi Lucky -

First, why did you ask her to be your sponsor?

This is just my opinion. A sponsor should have something that you want, serenity, a peace about her, know what I mean. My sponsor, has recovery, I can hear it when she talks but the best thing about her, she calls me on my crap and she admits her own crap and we learn together.

I never understood this temp sponsor thing? You either have a sponsor or you don't. When I was in early recovery my sponsor had me call just to check in, it makes us accountable to do something. I would call and just say hi, having a good day or a bad day, nothing big.

Why don't you call her and ask her if she has an hour this week to meet you for coffee. You can talk and get to know each other. Ask her about her recovery, how long she has been clean, if she currently has a sponsor, and how she works the steps. Ask her what she excepts of you as her sponsee.

I understand the out of place feeling at meetings, belive me I have been there, but it gets easier, really it does.

And...if you really listen with your heart, you can learn alot in 3 minutes of listening to another addict talk about themselves, really you can.

Don't give up! Keep coming back. Give your sponsor a call. If after talking with her you don't feel comfortable than ask someone else. Try going to speaker meetings and listening to the speaker talk, that is a good way to get to know about someone. Ask someone else if you want but make the effort to get to know her. I don't know of any sponsor that calls new sponsees, it is usually the other way around because the sponsor wants to see if the sponsee is really serious about recovery and the first way to show her that you are is to call her.

It gets easier, I promise.

[Luckydog]

she volunteered b/c we are in the same program...as a temp sponsor...I have called her and she calls back but she is so 'distracted' at home... our calls were breif b/c it was never the right time to talk for her and I dont want to take time from anyone raising a family ya know? she kept saying she could talk but I could hear her kids needing this and that and just said we would talk later...then we met for an hour last week and she asked what I needed from a sponsor? heck, I dont know....I am brand spankin' new to all of this recovery!! what should I expect? is your answer to me that I need to call her all the time? I am not the one juggling a family and children..I feel as if I am imposing on her life.....maybe the coffee thing would be good for me and her to try...I will ask her.
I usually post somthing that is bothering me..then; once I "see" it on the post..I log off and do something about it..anything to make it different....lolol great therapy huh??

I also went a step further and called another number the program gave me but they werent home. I am reaching out and will cont to do so until I make the "connection" I am reading and hear so much about....I am making a lot of effort to fit_in and stay clean...............................

thanks Lucky

[phoenix]

I hear you,Lucky.I also hated picking up the phone and worried that I would be bothering the person.I still worry sometimes..lol.But if she offered her number,she must be willing to give up some time.And kids always wait until mom is on the phone to start needing something

Hang in,and keep doing the right things,meetings,phone calls and stuff,and soon it will feel more comfortable.Like so many things,it just takes time and practice

phoenix

[Luckydog]

thanks Phoenix,

hey, "thanks" esp about the kids comment...as I am not blessed w/that responsiblity I wouldnt have thought of that on my own!!!

Lucky

[Paulie]

Lucky -

You are doing great - keep taking it one day at a time. Give the coffee idea a try, tell her what you are telling us, she will help. Tell you that you don't know what to expect from her, it is okay, really.

[bubblze30]

All we can do is keep on trying. I strongly believe that if you don't give up you will stay clean. It is the one who throws in the towel that ends up lost in the strings of alchohol and drugs. As for the busy mom we are always busy but if we truley want to stay sober we are never to busy to talk to another recovering addict....She gave you the number for a reason. You may save her life as well as your own. Get more numbers Ther more the better. Some you use others you wont but having enough to pick and choose makes it easier.

[Luckydog]

well, I spoke w/my sponsor and she understood my confusion and frustration about not want to seem "needy" of her time....she said all the same things you gals do/did and we are going out for coffee this week just to chat...

I went to another meeting and a few gals my age gave me their numbers; I never asked they just said hi and if you need to talk just call...I just said thanks not knowing what else to say?. I am going to keep up w/meetings...I am just trying diff groups and times and hopefully a few will click w/me as they do w/everyone else.

thanks.
Lucky

[phoenix]

One thing to remember is that recovery is a two way street.When your sponsor is helping you,she is keeping her own recovery strong.Likewise,when members offer phone numbers,and are willing to talk to newcomers,they are doing what works for their own recovery.We keep it by giving it away

So just remember,we all need each other.That's how it works.

Hugs

phoenix

[Paulie]

Lucky -

You are doing just great. Your fear is normal and so is the feeling of being uncomfortable, I remember. I remember pulling up to meetings and sitting in the car and not even going in cause I was scared. Use those numbers you were given.

Take it just one day at a time, and keep posting, we all keep each other clean.