Powerless & frustrated... need to vent...

[Tisa2U]

My son's father called & woke me up this AM. Andrew has run away yet again. I'm grateful that the conversation between Andrew's father & I didn't devolve into a screaming match this time. Perhaps we're both too worn out??? We've talked until we're blue in the face to Andrew... tried counselling, psychiatry & medications (but they keep changing his diagnosis), reasoning, threats, positive reinforcement, inpatient and outpatient behavioral therapy, alternative schools, groups, mentoring, and a thousand other things. Nothing has stopped, or even curtailed Andrew's lying, stealing, running away, or violent acting-out. He'll be 18 in November, & doesn't in any way appear to be ready or able to take care of himself. I'm not able to have him here with me, since I'm not fully self-supporting yet. His father is considering an assisted-living group home for boys with mental/emotional/behavioral problems.
There's no answers. I'm tired of blaming myself & my addiction. I'm tired of blaming his father & his authoritarian attitudes. I'm tired PERIOD. My heart hurts. My head hurts.
Prayers are needed.

[indigo]

You're not alone, there can be many reasons for Andrews behaviour, has he been tested genetically?.If you have a sympathetic doctor go see her/him, you can't juggle everything.

[lizw]

Take it easy.


My sponsor told me the other day, that with everyone she knows (kids, grandkids, friends and others) who is struggling, every morn she gives them to god/her HP and asks him/her/it to look after them for that day.

I thought it was a really nice, peaceful thing to do.

[Tisa2U]

Thanks Indigo & LizW. He just got picked up by his father at the police station. Andrew was caught shoplifting again, thereby violating his probation. Knowing I'm powerless is one thing... gracefully turning him over to God is quite another. So much easier said than done!!! I wasn't planning on hitting a meeting tonight, but it might be a good idea to change my mind.

[mle-sober]

That sounds horrible and very very difficult. We love our kids so much and want everything to work for them. I'm sorry this is happening in your life and with your son. I hope and pray that he finds balance and serenity as he ages. I think you are doing all you can by loving him, staying on your own path of recovery and taking care of yourself. I'm so sorry.

[Impurrfect]

(((Tisa)))

Wow, I can understand that this must be totally exhausting and hard to deal with. I don't have any great advice, other than make sure you take care of YOU. Handing over someone you love to HP is hard, but I finally started doing it when I realized that worrying, stressing and trying to fix someone wasn't getting either of us anywhere (except getting me worn out).

Sending you big hugs and prayers!

Amy

[51anna]

Oh Tisa, it sounds like you've both tried to help your son as much as you can. And, I know it's hard to not ourselves. I hope that your son will turn his life around and you can be a strong, sober Mom when that happens.

[ananda]

I have a son with some problems. He is 29 and at some point along the way I had to realize that I can't fix the problems (even if I caused them to start with). Every morning I say "may chris find and follow his spiritual path, may we walk skillfully through our karma" That really really helps me stay centered with love.

[Tisa2U]

Thank you, all. I'm waaaayyy too tired to worry much today. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. I managed to get out of myself for a while today doing service work, which always helps. Anytime I feel too sorry for myself, I spend some time with the local nursing home or hospice. That usually brings the gratitude on quick, fast, & in a hurry!!!

[Toomutch]

Sorry you are hurting over you son and I can understand your frustration.

Just reasure him that you love him, really thats all you can do.

Be good to yourself