Finding a sponsor

[margo]

Hi Ladies - last night was my second NA meeting. Same place, but different home group, although there were a few familiar faces from Tuesday night's meeting (which was awesome, BTW!). On Tuesday night I'd picked up some literature after the meeting, and after last night's meeting one of the guys who'd been there on Tuesday night came over to say hello and gave me some more pamphlets. I asked him a few questions about different meetings and the like, although I never mentioned the word "sponsor." Then out of the blue, as one of the girls was walking by, he said to her, "This is Margo and she's looking for a temporary sponsor." This caught both her and myself by surprise, and she looked less than thrilled at the idea - I felt like we were both put on the spot and I was pretty ticked off at him for doing that without my asking him to do so. She then took me to meet another woman, introduced me to her, and then did same thing as the guy had done by saying to her that I was looking for a temporary sponsor! I felt very uncomfortable about the whole thing - I hate being put on the spot like that. Both women gave me their phone numbers, but I don't feel ready to ask either of them to be a temporary sponsor to me.

So I guess what I'd like to know is, what is the best way to go about finding a sponsor? Is it a good idea to go to a few meetings first and see if there's someone you "click" with? There was a lady I met on Tuesday night who I liked very much - I don't know exactly how long she's been in the program, but I do know that she has an extended time in. She also spoke at that meeting (which the two women from last night did not) and I liked what she had to say. Also, she approaced me on Tuesday night and talked to me and also gave me her phone number. Any suggestions anyone has on this topic would be appreciated as I realize the importance of finding the right sponsor.

Thanks!

[SkyIsFalling42]

Margo
How unpleasant is can be when some people take an initiative that isnt theirs to take!!!
I would fully agree with you...to take time to make this decision..it is an important one that does concern your life.
I would sure want to have someone sponsor me that I "click" with. Accomplishment is the goal..and true friendship is a key factor!!
Just my 1/2 cents worth

[bikerprincess]

My experience:

I waited till my 28 day sober to ask a sponsor to sponsor me. It was either pick somebody or KILL somebody for me...and I do not suggest people wait.

My suggestion:

Ask your Higher Power to help you make the decision, and pick someone you trust, you respect, AND you admire,and you want the recovery that they have.

It sounds like the woman you met Tiesday...might be a fine answer.

And you can change...if you have to.

Good Luck!
Anne

[Paulie]

Is it a good idea to go to a few meetings first and see if there's someone you "click" with?

Absolutely!!!!!!!! I agree with Anne, ask your HP to guide you, ask Him if the lady you met on Tuesday night is the right one.

That guy should work his own program, not YOURS, remember principles before personalities, I think I smell some control issues on his part LOL!

Personally, I never really understood the temporary sponsor thing. I hear that in meetings now too. I am not sure what that means. You either have a sponsor or you don't.

Again, just my 4 cents here my friend, but I think people are ready for a sponsor from day 1 of sobriety. We need the support of a sponsor even if we don't start working the steps on day 1. Fear tells us that we aren't ready yet.

and about working the steps....I am so excited for you to start. Scary - yes, but an awesome experience.

Does that help? Hope so!

[Ann]

Hi Margo

Ditto to the above LOL. Seriously, a sponsor should be someone that you respect and who you would feel totally comfortable sharing with. I also think the Tuesday night lady sounds good, but you may want to meet with her for coffee and just chat and see how comfortable you are. And then ask her if it feels right and if it doesn't enjoy the coffee and keep looking.

My sonsor is a wonderful she-devil with a heart of gold who calls me on any BS and who has given me wonderful support and advice through the years. She is one of the original skillet whackers, and can hug like nobody else.

I am so happy for you that the meetings are going well. And I promise you that it just keeps getting better and better.

Hugs and love
Ann

[SkyIsFalling42]

Gosh!!! you ladies said it all What a wonderful troop we have!!

[3rd step 4 life]

YOU ALL HAVE REALLY GOOD THINGS TO SAY AND I'M SO GLAD YOU ALL ARE HERE. I HAVE FOUND THAT WEATHER PEOPLE SHARE OR NOT AT A EACH MEETING ISN'T THE IMPORTANT THING. FINDING SOMEONE THAT HAS WHAT YOU WANT IS. OBSERVATION HELPED ME, WATCHING PEOPLE TO SEE IF THEY WALKED THE TALK. ANYONE CAN SAY WHAT SOUNDS GOOD BUT LIVING IN THE SOLUTION IS WHAT COUNT'S. TEMPORARY SPONSER'S ARE FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE NEW WHO WANT TO START THE STEPS AND THEY MAY NOT HAVE PERMANATE HOUSING ( 1/2 WAY HOUSE, TREATMENT AND SO ON) OR ARE A LONG WAY FROM THE HOME GROUP FOR EXTENDED PERIODS OF TIME. ALOT OF TIMES IT'S A STARTING PLACE, A DESIGNATED PERSON YOU CAN CALL BEFORE YOU HAVE HAD TIME TO PICK THAT PERSON YOU KNOW AND TRUST TO BE YOUR PERMANET SPONSER. I ASKED MY TEMPORARY SPONSER TO BECOME PERMANET AFTER I DID MY 5th STEP. AND NOW WE HAVE BECOME FRIENDS. BUT I MET HER WHILE I WAS STILL AT THE VA TREATMENT, AND WE DIDN'T HIT IT OFF BUT SHE HELPED ME ANYWAY, AND I ENDED UP STICKING AROUND AND RELOCATING. I HAVE FOUND THIS TO BE TRUE IN MY OBSERVATIONS AND IN MY OWN EXPERIENCE; MY SPONSER IS NOT MY BEST FRIEND NOR SHOULD SHE BE THAT WOULD AFFECT HER OBJECTIVITY AND ABILITY TO CALL ME ON MY B.S.. I DON'T WANT SOMEONE SO MUCH LIKE ME. I NEED A DIFFERENT PERCEPTION WHEN I CAN'T THINK, KIND YET OBJECTIVE.

LOL FINDING THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

IT WORKS IF YOU WORK IT!
(/_\) SANDY B.