Uh-ohhhh

[scorpiogirl]

I am starting a new thread so it will get seen. I already posted this under my original thread but I think it will get lost there so hopefully, you guys will respond here. Bear with me.

Well, ladies, my head is running. I hate to admit it but it is. The last time I spoke with "him" was Friday. His voice sounded like something was wrong but he just said he was tired. He had decided to drive up the coast and do some inner searching. Ended it by saying he'd call next day (Sat). Well, it's Monday and I haven't heard from him. I did leave a couple of messages (only 1 per day & none today - which is good for me!), and never heard from him. So, now my head is saying, "see, he's pulling away before we even get together again". He's supposed to come visit me in 9 days & of course I'm thinking that he is going to cancel and back out. (this is an ex-fiance I'm talking about and I moved out of state. By him coming to visit, we were going to see if there was anything still there between us; if not, we'll just say friends as we have been).

I hate these diseases! I've been reading posts here and there on the topic of SLAA and agree with someone that said celibacy is not enough. It has to be an inside job through and through. I can't shut my head up though! I swear, I think it's just easier to NOT be with a man or even consider a relationship.

See, for all i know, he chose to stay away for the week-end and just be with himself. I mean, we're not in a relationship or anything so My head is out to get me!

[CarolD]

My mind would be telling me he's not interested in a re-run.
Why? Because he's not acting like a lover to be.

Or at least...not acting like any of my past lovers.
Where are the flowers? Long phone conversations?
Silly cards or charming letters?
JMO

[lizw]

Did you find any meetings in your area?

Okay. Have to retype all this as I thought he hadn't turned up to see you! And I got mad. I type with passion when I'm mad. Lol.

I'd try and let it go. Despite feeling it's not working out how it should, it's working out how god intended eh?

Dunno what I'd do if it was me. I'd be tempted to tell him to shove it, but then at the same time I'd also be asking myself why did I ring him, if he said he'd ring me and didn't?

IMO

[scorpiogirl]

Originally Posted by CarolD

My mind would be telling me he's not interested in a re-run.
Why? Because he's not acting like a lover to be.

Yeah, I hear ya. It was his idea to come visit me as he sayyyys he's still in love with me and there hasn't been anyone else. This is a man with 25 years of sobriety! (I have 20). We've talked lots on the phone about the topic and now.....whoosh! There he goes (I guess; I dunno).

I'm actually more concerned in how quickly my head got wrapped up in this and he's not even here to have eye-to-eye contact.

I must just step back into my day-to-day life and if he calls, we'll talk, if not, we won't. He's supposed to be here next week so I'm betting I'll hear from him before that. Sucky!

[scorpiogirl]

Originally Posted by lizw

Did you find any meetings in your area?......but then at the same time I'd also be asking myself why did I ring him, if he said he'd ring me and didn't?

There was only one meeting a week at an hour that I teach yoga. Harumph! Not even sure it exists cause it wasn't on the intergroup directory. But, I do have a SLAA big book! I just remembered! Thanks for reminding me!

As far as calling him (ringing him, how cute!), I didn't think it a big deal cause we have history together. Okay, I'm not going to try and 2nd guess anything. I'm going to try and not call again (or else I'll have egg on my face!) and see what happens. When I feel like calling, I'll either get on the boards here, journal or go to a meeting or gee, call my sponsor!

thanks for opening my eyes!

[ananda]

Hey scorpio

You sound so on track....That's what I have to look at all the time. For me it is much less about him and alot more about why I am reacting as I do. My reactions may be normal or may be irrational, but I better take a look at it too and not just what the other person did/didn't do. The nice thing is regardless of what goes on with someone else, if I can look at me and learn about me through the process....I gain so much! (course I also go completely crazy at times )

[lizw]

Originally Posted by scorpiogirl

There was only one meeting a week at an hour that I teach yoga. Harumph! Not even sure it exists cause it wasn't on the intergroup directory. But, I do have a SLAA big book! I just remembered! Thanks for reminding me!

As far as calling him (ringing him, how cute!), I didn't think it a big deal cause we have history together. Okay, I'm not going to try and 2nd guess anything. I'm going to try and not call again (or else I'll have egg on my face!) and see what happens. When I feel like calling, I'll either get on the boards here, journal or go to a meeting or gee, call my sponsor!

thanks for opening my eyes!

Can I ask if he is pre SLAA or after you started attending? My own interest, of course as I recently heard from one of the guys that I was involved with (pre SLAA) and talking to him sent me a bit wonky for a few days so I've cut it out.

[scorpiogirl]

Originally Posted by lizw

Can I ask if he is pre SLAA or after you started attending? My own interest, of course as I recently heard from one of the guys that I was involved with (pre SLAA) and talking to him sent me a bit wonky for a few days so I've cut it out.

Nah, him and I hooked up many years after I went to SLAA. It's just me. I know everything starts with me and ends with me. People are who they are and I have to live with me. True, he didn't call and that will reveal itself in good time. That said (sounded good, eh'?)..... It's my head that I want to shut up!!!

Thanks for staying connected with me and on top of it. You sound like you have your stuff together!

[zendust]

Try some meditation for the racing mind. (Believe me, I've been there.) It will help you to see more clearly.

[lizw]

Originally Posted by scorpiogirl

You sound like you have your stuff together![/color]

Dunno about that. Lol. I'm off to a meeting tonight because I have been so wonky on it. Found myself doing a few odd things over the weekend and after talking to my sponsor last night, I got the message - meeting ASAP.

[vegibean]

I have to treat men like alcohol. They're just bad ju-ju for me. I'm sorry that you're going through all that you are. I know it's hard, I think we've all been there. I just wanted to say that I've been single for almost two years now and I'm happy. One less thing to complicate my life while I get myself in order. Besides I also have two beautiful boys that need me more than a man right now.

Good luck with all of it and I hope you come out shining!!!!!!!

[NOMOMERLOTMAMMA]

I love that word: wonky. It's perfect.

[lizw]

Originally Posted by NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

I love that word: wonky. It's perfect.

I've no idea where it came from. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, maybe?

I've felt wonky for about a week. Off balance, not myself but not so bad I'm on my knees crying though and crappling with trying to pin point the problem and shake it off but unsure what the problem actually is...Wonky.