When you are being over sensitive

[ananda]

Hey guys...I could use some help. I think I might (or it has been suggested that I might) be being over sensitive.

So how do you deal with it when you feel like every one is against you. Common sense doesn't seem to be helping me much. I'm sure you have all been in that spot where self centeredness takes the form of seeing everything as an attack on you personally.

I am working very hard to center on others, fulfill my committments and all those things. I call my sponsor regularly...but we seem to not be able to connect these days.

I am also thinking that some time for meditation and alone time needs to be a part of my sobriety...not isolation ... believe me I really am not doing that.

So...what do you do when you get that feeling as a pervasive (is that a word?) part of every moment?

Thanks for any expereince and ideas that might help me to remain on a path of recovery.

[grateful2b]

ananda, usually when I find my self in that place, my understanding is that I need to focus on loving myself more, *unconditionally*. by opening my heart to me...because for me that is usually what is lacking...
Then when I have been able to do *that*, my whole energy shifts and I am able to see things and people differently.
I agree wholeheartedly with you on the meditation and time spent alone..For me it is critical, as it is where I find my truth and my voice and Light for the path before me......
Just some thoughts off the top of my heart
.. Grateful

[ColdSweat]

Big hugs to you hon. I always feel oversensitive. But, I'm half Italian and half Irish (which means I cry about everything... and then I pass out. Or used to ). It's probably why I have 10+ exes, and hoping against hope this one will stick. I feel oversensitive particularly though, when, say, I watch movies like "You Kill Me" or "A Love Song for Bobby Long", which are great movies, but I have trouble watching them because they make me want a drink extra-bad (both are movies about alcoholics). So I turn them off. Or close the book. But in real life, I try to be happy with who I am, and hope my loved ones accept it. If people aren't excepting you for who you are, extra-sensitive or not, then maybe they shouldn't be in your life? It's hard when it's a husband, or a mother, someone so very close to you. But at this stage in our lives (recovering, may it be 20 years or 20 days), it's important to keep feeling good about yourself, right? You are accepted here. I can never find the hug icon .

[zendust]

Originally Posted by ananda

Hey guys...I could use some help. I think I might (or it has been suggested that I might) be being over sensitive.

So how do you deal with it when you feel like every one is against you. Common sense doesn't seem to be helping me much. I'm sure you have all been in that spot where self centeredness takes the form of seeing everything as an attack on you personally.

These seem to be two separate issues.

Being overly sensitive means you would also be highly alert to "good" feelings towards you as well. Not just negative ones. So then, the second issue of "everyone being against you" is more what needs to be addressed.

I don't think it's possible that "everyone" could possibly be against you...so maybe it is your perspective that needs a little adjustment.

Till that adjustment happens, there are quite a few right here on the forum that seem to be quite fond of you...including me.

[51anna]

My advice is to focus on yourself and the path you are on.

I used to be overly-sensitive, but I have found, that in recovery, I am able to put other people's comments in perspective. It doesn't matter what others think of me. I am focused on where I am going and what I am doing today.

[NOMOMERLOTMAMMA]

Nan,

I strongly identify with what you have posted. I've been feeling the same way. I just don't feel like myself.

What I'm coming to realize is that MY EXPECTATIONS of the people around me are what's pulling me under. This past week I've had a whole bunch of expectations and it's all turned into crap... with my bewildered loved ones standing by going "WTF". They are just doing the best that they are capable of doing.

I need to get back to the place where I give love freely, where I give my friendship freely, and where I don't EXPECT anything from anybody in return. I need to stop controlling situations. I need to do the next right thing (I hate that saying but it fits) and let everything fall where it will, knowing that I am living my life the way it should be.

I hope that helps..

((((Nan))))

[51anna]

I work in retail and deal with customers all the time, too. I feel sorry for people that are nasty to me, and I know it's about them, not me. That's what keeps me going. I am definitely not over-confident, but I have enough confidence to know I am doing a good job and the problem is with them. With my boss and co-workers, my motto is to 'not react'. This is relatively new to me because I thought it was my right to express my feelings if I felt wronged. The thing is, it never made me feel any better and it often added to my problems. So, I am willing to overlook some things that I used to react to. However, I wouldn't stay in a position where I was disrespected on a regular basis. That would be too negative for me.

[ananda]

Thank you all for your responses. I need to let this stuff settle in a little. I do believe I am going through a shift....and going a little crazy with it

Jeeplady - yep...my past has been to shut down a part of me...which just seemed to make it show up in all sorts of odd complicated ways...and I believe led me toward my relapse vunerability. Perhaps together WE can find a way through this in a more skillful way.

CS...a love song for bobby brown is one of my favorite movies! Unfortuantely I was drinking as i watch. I definately struggle with letting relationships change....always want to have safety and some element of control....letting go seems to be a process that i have to go through...i don't seem to just decide and thats that.

Nomo, I definately have expectations of others and they definately have expectations of me...maybe expectations limit us????

Zendust - yep definately need a perspective change...anytime i say everyone or noone...i know i am not really seeing clearly.

Grateful2be - I do need faith in the path i am following .... thanks.

Anna - thanks...my focus has definately been a little off for about 3 weeks now!

for all of you! thanks.

[reginaterrae]

For a different perspective .....

What time of the month is it? Might there be hormones involved in your hypersensitivity? I remember when I first came into the program, it was such a revelation (not an easy one!) to begin to get in touch with my actual, real, in-the-moment feelings. Even physical feelings! I was so numb. I remember thinking that PMS was actually a GOOD thing, because it broke down my tough barriers and forced me to actually look at the emotional issues, the pain & fear, that I would rather drown in drama.

In what way do you feel attacked? Are there particular kinds of things that you feel like people are on your case about? If you can examine those areas, you might find that it is YOU who are down on yourself about it, and it's making you oversensitive to even casual comments. Then you take a self-critical, objective look, a searching inventory on this issue: and you find, either 1) you are being too hard on yourself and the inventory allows you to put it in perspective and let up, or 2) maybe there's something there and you need to pray for the willingness to change, maybe there's even an amends that you need to make, and THEN you'll be able to let up on yourself.

And don't be shy about just coming in here and venting, because sometimes people are just mean.

And there's nothing wrong with wanting to spend time alone, actually I think it's VERY HEALTHY.

[ananda]

Thanks Regina

I did do an inventory earlier this week and was to share with my sponsor on Wednesday, but life stuff (her's) got in the way....that was fuel to the flame with how I had been feeling....but it really is ok...it happens. She and I will review it ASAP and i have already began the process of prayer and meditation regarding this. I have made a couple of amends that were very obvious, but will need to review this 4th step thourouly for further amends...It would be really easy right now to make amends for existing as that is how i can be when i'm overly sensitive

I always did see "PMS" as like you said "I remember thinking that PMS was actually a GOOD thing, because it broke down my tough barriers and forced me to actually look at the emotional issues, the pain & fear, that I would rather drown in drama." So very true for me.

I shouldn't be PMSing right now but who knows you aren't the first to mention this btw Just a extra question...I didn't have periods for years, but they came back when i got sober big time...but sometimes only 2 weeks appart..so hard to judge on the PMS stuff...but my quetion is...I am having a hysterectomy in a few weeks along with a bladder repair...they will NOT be removing the overies...will I still have PMS?? and if so, how will I know what my cycle is without periods to judge by?

Just if you happen to know or have any ideas.

[lizw]

I know when I am being overly sensitive when it is not 1 person I start to have ill feelings for but 100. Everyone p***es me off or it feels like they are hurting me.

Being tired is never good either, it seems to trigger this stuff for me. And 9 times out of 10, that is what it is for me. So sleep is the cure.

However this week I have been overly sensitve to other things (not insults or comments which I assume must be meant for me) and last night when I was writing in my journal, I noticed that I've a bit of stuff in my life that is 'not going my way' so instead of talking about that with my sponsor, recovery friends etc... I go off and get focussed on something else to make me feel better - it's a bit like drinking really.

I feel a bit more grounded/centred/in reality today than I have for a few days. And I'm grateful for it.

I know you've had a rough time of late and I hope some of it is passing.

[ColdSweat]

Originally Posted by ananda

CS...a love song for bobby long is one of my favorite movies! Unfortuantely I was drinking as i watch. I definately struggle with letting relationships change....always want to have safety and some element of control....letting go seems to be a process that i have to go through...i don't seem to just decide and thats that.

The one with John Travolta and Scarlette Johanson? One of my faves of all time, man! The book was great too, Off Magazine Street by Ronald Everret Capps . It's hard not to drink with that movie, heh. I can't watch it until I'm a little more stable (6 days! ha)... Know what you mean about relationships. I am clingy and overbearing... but lucky for me I've found someone who is the same way haha. I don't know if it'll last, I sincerely hope it does, he does so much for me. I do believe there's someone out there for everyone. You will find it too

[reginaterrae]

Originally Posted by ananda

Just a extra question...I didn't have periods for years, but they came back when i got sober big time...but sometimes only 2 weeks appart..so hard to judge on the PMS stuff...but my quetion is...I am having a hysterectomy in a few weeks along with a bladder repair...they will NOT be removing the overies...will I still have PMS?? and if so, how will I know what my cycle is without periods to judge by?

Just if you happen to know or have any ideas.

Hmm, I don't know. I think as long as you still have ovaries, you will still have PMS. I guess you will have to get a lot more sensitive to your other cyclical symptoms! Mood ... bloating ... cravings?

[vegibean]

That's when I feel like I need to step back. Sometimes getting others input is over-kill for me. That's when I like to be quiet, center myself, do some meditating and self talk. Try to really look at the situation. Other people are generally about themselves. I know my father used to tell me all the time (I'm a people pleaser) that people are always going to be out for them no matter what and when it comes down to saving someone's @ss, they're always going to pick themselves and that's so true. I believe people will be there for you but as far as putting themselves out there, no.

I don't know what you're going through, maybe you are being over sensitive. I get like that sometimes and I'll really let things get to me, cry like a baby, LOL!!!!!

No one is going to be better to you than you!!! I don't know if any of that helps but I hear ya on the "being alone" thing. I don't isolate either but sometimes I've just had enough of people and I have to get some quiet time.

[kj3880]

In the NA literature it is said that addicts (including alcoholics) have a strong tendancy to be oversensitive. It might be one of the main reason we all needed to use, to dull those feelings...
So it's something that many or most of us share with you. Most of the time, when I feel over-whelmed, I do start to call the women in my NA network. I have a lot of phone numbers, so that if my sponsor is busy, I can talk to someone else about what's going on.
I can tell you that I really like you and that I'm your friend. Does that help?
Love from KJ

[BUTTERFLY-7]

Hy: ananda, I know how u feel I also been accused of
been over sensitive, or as they will call it been (Dramatic)
lately I been feeling like the whole world is against me


what can I tell U 2 Help U Honestly not much Just don't Isolate
that is our #1enemie I try meditating,or walking
distracting the mind talking about it helps 2
sorry Hun I wish I had more 2 advices but I guess
that we are in the same Boat I'll B 4r Us