Thanks - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

ButterflyChaser · 07-16-2003, 11:23 PM

sorry ya'll I've been so busy w/summer, being off of work this week, and if ya'll have kids (5yr olds) you know that I've been busy!

But I'm going to be fine, my dr says it'll take some more time for my ears to unplug, which they are doing now, he gave me some ear drops, my BF is out of my house

don't ask me why I'm

about it, guess I've just been use to him around fer so long! Ya know? My brother kinda threw him out, he was POed!! He's a protecter, and italian at that, so you all know how italians are, when it comes to family. He even said, it's too bad cuz Tim (my BF) is a nice guy, but ya just don't throw around a female who's 112 lbs when he's like 200lbs. He was like my drug I guess you can say, even if we are in a bad or good relationship, ending it is always kinda hard, ya know getting use to change is always scary!
I'm getting to know ya'll slowly but surely, & I just wanna say Thanx for making me feel safe & cared for. You've all really have touched me.
I feel special!!

Love,
Denise

(that's my name, so you all know now!!)

SkyIsFalling42 · 07-16-2003, 11:28 PM

Denise
We need to grieve for a lost relationship, no matter what that relationship was. It is still a loss. Allow yourself this. and give yourself the time you deserve to do it.
I am glad that you are not hurt too badly. And I am glad that you are now safe.

2stop · 07-17-2003, 08:10 AM

Glad to hear your ear will heal and the Bf is outta the house. I am half Italian too and my brother is the same way!
You just take good care of yourself and allow yourself time to heal. We're here for ya hon!

j42daY · 07-17-2003, 04:29 PM

Denise, letting go is hard, i lost a bf when i choice to get sober. He was an alcholic, addict and very abusive. for some reason though i couldn't get him off my mind. It's going to be hard, but don't run back to him. I wanted to go see mine so many times , but as i tal;ked to everyone they all told me not to, i deserve better and so do you. Actually on one of these boards someone told me : don't run back to your comfort zone where you are comfortable being less than you can be. Being comfortable doesn't always mean good. I'm not sure which wonderful lady told me that here, but thhose little words have made me strong. Hope it works for you. Life is just waiting for us, let's go find the best for a change and don't settle for anything less!
luv ya,
Shellie
Just 4 2day

Juls · 07-17-2003, 07:54 PM

Butterfly,

I definitely know how busy things can be with a young child. I hope that in spite of your feelings of loss, that you are able to find some much needed peace in your life.

I had one situation in my life where the man that I was with was like a drug to me. This was before I was ever addicted to narcotics, but I was addicted to that man. I went through eight years of hell. The highs were great, but the lows, well what can I say.

I don't know how, but somehow I finally got it out of my system. I thought I was in love with that guy, but I was so wrong. Maybe I finally built up enough self-esteem to realize I really did deserve better.

Juls

wakowife · 07-17-2003, 08:43 PM

i'm glad to hear that you will be fine, and so happy to hear that your b/f is out of that house. here's something my late brother always said:

Being alone is not so bad
When beign together is no so good.

think about that!!!

Bernadette

ButterflyChaser · 07-25-2003, 10:18 AM

I have such an "addictive personallity!!" I've always seemed to been in those kinda relationships (if that's whatcha wanna call it) where the man always talked down to me, etc...
emotional abuse is what they call it, it's like no matter how hard I would try, the more distant the bf would get!!! It kept hurting me, & in the long run I couldn't understand why I continue to hurt? He was getting PLEASURE out of MY PAIN!! That's sick, and to this day, I am still learning to understand that! To me, it's just pure sickness & all games being played! Why? Why? would anyone do that to someone? Cause gaining "sick abusive" power makes them feel macho inside? To me, they don't even like themseleves, I mean...how can they?? I just hate the feeling of being played, cuz I'm not a game player, I have a HUGE heart, & I feel that life is short, who has time for games??
Sorry ya'll, I don't even know where i was going with, but anyhow...thanks for listening!

SkyIsFalling42 · 07-25-2003, 11:37 AM

Chaser
I believe that you do have a big heart.
For me, I was picked that type of man because it was what I knew. It was on a sub conscious level that I was doing this. My childhood abuse and insecurity was my only security. It was what I knew how to deal with..the only way I knew how to function. Weird how we can do these things to ourselves without ever really meaning to.

wakowife · 07-25-2003, 01:38 PM

i think that's one of the biggest problems that an addict has. they dont think that they are worty of anything or anyone good, so they tend to be negative about themselves and that's where the whole self esteem thing comes i nto play. i know for me most of the time my husband would be the one to encourage me, when i think or according to me i know that i cant do something. with his help i was able to find a new career 3 years ago, and now i want to get my licence to do hair and he has encouraged me to go to school for it. just filed my grant papers. so lets keep our fingers crossed. but backt o the issue at hand. i believe that unconsisouly we accept the abuse because we feel that's all we are worthy of, especially in early recovery. hen as we get more time under our belt our self image and self esteem start to change and that's when we actually see the abuse that we have been accepting as normal behavior.

Bernadette

SkyIsFalling42 · 07-25-2003, 01:42 PM

Wife
I agree with you. Hey just had a thought......

You could cut my hair...oh that would be great!! no more sitting the hair cutting place and panicky feelings.....

07-16-2003, 11:23 PM	#1 (permalink)
ButterflyChaser Meow! Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Somewhere Over the Rainbow Posts: 1,023	Thanks sorry ya'll I've been so busy w/summer, being off of work this week, and if ya'll have kids (5yr olds) you know that I've been busy! But I'm going to be fine, my dr says it'll take some more time for my ears to unplug, which they are doing now, he gave me some ear drops, my BF is out of my house don't ask me why I'm about it, guess I've just been use to him around fer so long! Ya know? My brother kinda threw him out, he was POed!! He's a protecter, and italian at that, so you all know how italians are, when it comes to family. He even said, it's too bad cuz Tim (my BF) is a nice guy, but ya just don't throw around a female who's 112 lbs when he's like 200lbs. He was like my drug I guess you can say, even if we are in a bad or good relationship, ending it is always kinda hard, ya know getting use to change is always scary! I'm getting to know ya'll slowly but surely, & I just wanna say Thanx for making me feel safe & cared for. You've all really have touched me. I feel special!! Love, Denise (that's my name, so you all know now!!)

07-16-2003, 11:28 PM	#2 (permalink)
SkyIsFalling42 Big kitty nose hugs Join Date: May 2003 Location: Center of The World Posts: 1,261	Denise We need to grieve for a lost relationship, no matter what that relationship was. It is still a loss. Allow yourself this. and give yourself the time you deserve to do it. I am glad that you are not hurt too badly. And I am glad that you are now safe. __________________ Love In Spirit, Sky Where my heart is....... http://Writing.Com/authors/skyisfalling02 "Never Give In, Never Give In, Never Give In, Never, Never, Never." ~~Sir Winston Churchill~~

07-17-2003, 08:10 AM	#3 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,666	Glad to hear your ear will heal and the Bf is outta the house. I am half Italian too and my brother is the same way! You just take good care of yourself and allow yourself time to heal. We're here for ya hon! __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

07-17-2003, 04:29 PM	#4 (permalink)
j42daY Paused Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Palmyra, PA Posts: 12	Letting go Denise, letting go is hard, i lost a bf when i choice to get sober. He was an alcholic, addict and very abusive. for some reason though i couldn't get him off my mind. It's going to be hard, but don't run back to him. I wanted to go see mine so many times , but as i tal;ked to everyone they all told me not to, i deserve better and so do you. Actually on one of these boards someone told me : don't run back to your comfort zone where you are comfortable being less than you can be. Being comfortable doesn't always mean good. I'm not sure which wonderful lady told me that here, but thhose little words have made me strong. Hope it works for you. Life is just waiting for us, let's go find the best for a change and don't settle for anything less! luv ya, Shellie Just 4 2day

07-25-2003, 10:18 AM	#7 (permalink)
ButterflyChaser Meow! Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Somewhere Over the Rainbow Posts: 1,023	I have such an "addictive personallity!!" I've always seemed to been in those kinda relationships (if that's whatcha wanna call it) where the man always talked down to me, etc... emotional abuse is what they call it, it's like no matter how hard I would try, the more distant the bf would get!!! It kept hurting me, & in the long run I couldn't understand why I continue to hurt? He was getting PLEASURE out of MY PAIN!! That's sick, and to this day, I am still learning to understand that! To me, it's just pure sickness & all games being played! Why? Why? would anyone do that to someone? Cause gaining "sick abusive" power makes them feel macho inside? To me, they don't even like themseleves, I mean...how can they?? I just hate the feeling of being played, cuz I'm not a game player, I have a HUGE heart, & I feel that life is short, who has time for games?? Sorry ya'll, I don't even know where i was going with, but anyhow...thanks for listening! __________________ "If a Child feels Safe, Wanted & Loved, You are a Successful Parent!" ~~"A relationship is like sand in your hand. If held loosely in the palm of your hand it stays there, but as soon as you close your hand tightly it slips through your fingers!!~~

07-17-2003, 07:54 PM	#5 (permalink)
Juls Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: California, USA Posts: 1,101	Butterfly, I definitely know how busy things can be with a young child. I hope that in spite of your feelings of loss, that you are able to find some much needed peace in your life. I had one situation in my life where the man that I was with was like a drug to me. This was before I was ever addicted to narcotics, but I was addicted to that man. I went through eight years of hell. The highs were great, but the lows, well what can I say. I don't know how, but somehow I finally got it out of my system. I thought I was in love with that guy, but I was so wrong. Maybe I finally built up enough self-esteem to realize I really did deserve better. Juls

07-17-2003, 08:43 PM	#6 (permalink)
wakowife Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Ozone Park, New York Posts: 281	i'm glad to hear that you will be fine, and so happy to hear that your b/f is out of that house. here's something my late brother always said: Being alone is not so bad When beign together is no so good. think about that!!! Bernadette

07-25-2003, 11:37 AM	#8 (permalink)
SkyIsFalling42 Big kitty nose hugs Join Date: May 2003 Location: Center of The World Posts: 1,261	Chaser I believe that you do have a big heart. For me, I was picked that type of man because it was what I knew. It was on a sub conscious level that I was doing this. My childhood abuse and insecurity was my only security. It was what I knew how to deal with..the only way I knew how to function. Weird how we can do these things to ourselves without ever really meaning to. __________________ Love In Spirit, Sky Where my heart is....... http://Writing.Com/authors/skyisfalling02 "Never Give In, Never Give In, Never Give In, Never, Never, Never." ~~Sir Winston Churchill~~

07-25-2003, 01:38 PM	#9 (permalink)
wakowife Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Ozone Park, New York Posts: 281	i think that's one of the biggest problems that an addict has. they dont think that they are worty of anything or anyone good, so they tend to be negative about themselves and that's where the whole self esteem thing comes i nto play. i know for me most of the time my husband would be the one to encourage me, when i think or according to me i know that i cant do something. with his help i was able to find a new career 3 years ago, and now i want to get my licence to do hair and he has encouraged me to go to school for it. just filed my grant papers. so lets keep our fingers crossed. but backt o the issue at hand. i believe that unconsisouly we accept the abuse because we feel that's all we are worthy of, especially in early recovery. hen as we get more time under our belt our self image and self esteem start to change and that's when we actually see the abuse that we have been accepting as normal behavior. Bernadette

07-25-2003, 01:42 PM	#10 (permalink)
SkyIsFalling42 Big kitty nose hugs Join Date: May 2003 Location: Center of The World Posts: 1,261	Wife I agree with you. Hey just had a thought...... You could cut my hair...oh that would be great!! no more sitting the hair cutting place and panicky feelings..... __________________ Love In Spirit, Sky Where my heart is....... http://Writing.Com/authors/skyisfalling02 "Never Give In, Never Give In, Never Give In, Never, Never, Never." ~~Sir Winston Churchill~~

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