second day clean, first day sober

[kevynne]

It's only my first day of sobriety but I am already feeling encouraged that I can do this. I am not really craving alcohol right now but miss the relaxing, buzzed feeling. The problem is that my husband is drunk and stoned right now and I'm afraid he's going to try and pick a fight with me for being sober. I've been in the front room studying while he's been in the back room. I have not said anything about his drinking or smoking because I know that's not my place but he seems to be feeling defensive anyways. This is the part that worries me. How do I deal with him in a drunk and stoned state when I am trying to create a more positive routine for myself. I came home and studied and by the time I was ready to relax and have some ice cream, he was drunk which was not so relaxing for me. Still, I have to do this for me but I'm worried about what happens when he wants to yell at me or pick fights with me. I hope this works!

[chiynita]

Well at least you wont be trashed too. So it wont turn into one big sloppy drunk scene.
You can walk away. And do what you have to to keep a cool head and control the situation with a clear head.

[indigo]

Can you go into another room? even study in the bathroom! or take a walk and try to destress some give him a chance to calm down if he does. Thinking of you. You have your plate full sending positive thoughts.

[ColdSweat]

I know what it's like to try and be sober when you're around people who are drunk and stoned. My ma's an alcoholic and my dad's a big hemper. What I do is sit at my computer with my head phones on, and if she comes in I'll talk to her, but not say anything too important. Support's on your side hon.

[dancinggirl]

You might find that with a sober, clear head, you decide to not stay in this household situation. Sobriety is more important than ANYTHING. It literally is life or death here.

[ColdSweat]

^ I hear you there. To the 10th degree. But...when my mom was trying to get sober, she couldn't leave my dad because she needed his income to live. It's so hard when it's your significant other, or your parents. Legally, I have to live with my parents. You've got to have such a strong mind power and so much support to live around it and try to be sober. Conclusively, my ma went back to drinking. And this is my 4th day sober.

Kevynne, once again, support is on your side. Sober thoughts

[kevynne]

I could go into another room but the problem is that he always wants to pick the fight after I'm an hour or two into bed; Usually when he gets up in a drunken stupor to go find food. By that time I'm so tired that I just want to sleep and can't always think with a clear head. Also I just find myself getting so frustrated because I just want to sleep and no matter what I say he gets defensive. Somehow he always manages to pick fights with me the night before I have to get up early to study or if I have a big test and then I end up getting mad and wanting to fight back because I am so frustrated. I also get frustrated because I'll be studying and right in the middle of a Stats. question and he'll just stand and stare at me and if I ask him what he wants, he gets defensive and storms out, only to come back two minutes later. If I studied in the bathroom he would just knock on the door until I answered. How do I deal with that?

[Paulie]

We are powerless over people, places and things. But we are not powerless over how we react to them.

I know it may not be easy, but do not react to him picking a fight with you. Stay calm, at first it may make him madder, but maybe with some time, he will go away. From your post it shows you are aware of how you react, awareness is the first step to change.

[HopeTo180]

kevynne,
The odds of two people quitting at the same time is astronomical! Especially in the same household. You are doing the right thing and watching him only anchors your decision to quit. If he's a nasty drunk remember to dial 911 if he gets out of hand. Stay the course, don't let him cause you to change your convictions. Set a good example and see if he follows. There is nothing better than being able to turn to someone that's ahead of you in sobriety. You need a good change for your efforts. Treat yourself to a new hobby or activity (Yoga, tai chi, palates, gym membership) walking the neighborhood for new landscape ideas is my favorite. Life is simple, we complicate it! Keep posting and let us know how things are going. Prayers

[51anna]

It sounds like you're doing well.

I hope you can work out something in your routine, so your husband doesn't interfere with your sobriety.

[doorknob]

Can you study at the school library and then come home after he passes out?

[doorknob]

Originally Posted by HopeTo180

If he's a nasty drunk remember to dial 911 if he gets out of hand.

If you call 911, keep in mind that (if Oregon is like WA) he will have to go to jail, there will be an automatic no contact order placed by the court and will not be able to come back home for quite some time. I would only call if it's serious. My gf went to jail and couldn't come home for 60 days for hitting me on the shoulder. And she's the one that called, LOL!

[doorknob]

Sorry, didn't realize this was in the womens forum. Please remove!!!!

[beingjenagain]

For 5+ months I have been asking myself this same question. I don't think a day has gone by since I have been sober that my hud hasn't pissed me off. He continues to drink and I think he thinks that this is just a phase for me. I have noticed that in the past weeks he has been drinking less but it is still entirely annoying!! I just go to my room and ignore him. In the beginning I knew that it was just about me and all I could worry about was my recovery and not his issues but now that I am approaching 6 months I want more than this pain in my ass. In the past week I have been more vocal about my wants and how annoying he is to me. He is forever trying to turn things around to be my fault when now in my clarity I know they aren't. It seems now that it was easier to have a drunk passing out wife who didn't complain cuz she didn't remember what a jerk he had been!!!

Just keep vising and posting and know that you aren't alone. An older lady in my AA group talks about howit was with her alcoholic husband and she always says "I told myself 'you aren't gunna make me drink!'" and I always think of her while he is falling asleep on the couch and I am looking at him with disgust!!

[beingjenagain]

I guess I didn't answer the fight question...for the first couple months I just agreed with everything he said and played the whoa-is-me card with him. it seemed to stroke his ego and make hime quit bugging me. All the while I knew in my clear and sober head what I really thought! Eventally he just started ignoring me while he drank because my agreeing was not nearly as fun as fighting!

[TTOSBT]

Yup, I would go to a coffee shop or library to study.
I am sorry, I can imagine how hard that it.
My husband rarely drinks so it is a pretty calm environment in my home these days

[KissMeImIrish]

Awesome! Thats great!
way to keep a positive attitude!
Remember, one day at a time! :0)

[kevynne]

Thanks all, I do need to keep in mind that I'm am doing this for me and only me but it is still hard. I haven't been around in a couple of days but posted a new thread to let everyone know why so please read it and let me know what you think. Thanks