Why don't I get the pink cloud?

[DSodaNow]

Hello Ladies,

I have been sober for a little more than four months and have been a part of this community for about three months. I have read your posts and on occassion solicited your help and I want to say Thank You for being a part of my recovery.

Sobriety has been a great thing for me and I can honestly say that looking from the outside a lot of things have improved in my life. My husband is always commenting on what great strides I have made and how I am so much happier and doing so much better. (I also quit my job shortly into sobriety. It was a really bad environment, but I have not found another one yet.)

The thing is... I want the pink cloud. I am so depressed and contantly dropping into these emotional bottoms that are almost so bad that I can't hardly drag myself up. I don't want to drink again, but I am not happy.

Why don't I get the pink cloud?

[lizw]

First of all congrats on your sober time.



Are you an AA member?
I am and my experience was I got the pink cloud first time round but I drunk after a year and didn't get the pink cloud 2nd time round.

Most of the people I see in AA who get the pink cloud are usually people who just come into AA and then stop drinking. Folks who relapse don't appear to get it all, even when they finally get some kind of stable (continuous) soberity.

I am unsure if non AAer's get it too.
A non AAer will have to pass comment on that...

I don't think it 'means' anything though, if you get it or if you don't get it. It's one of those things.

Apart from coming on here do you have any other kind of support? Getting and staying sober alone (in the real world) could be quite lonely.

[Lenina]

I never had a pink cloud. I remember one day about nine months into my first real sobriety I noticed I was singing to myself while doing housework. It shocked me! I realized I was feeling pretty darn good! I don't think it was pink cloud, though.

I have good days and bad days. Some are harder than others. I'm in a bit of a downturn now but I have some issues at work I'm hoping to resolve.

Is your health good? Any issues weighing you down? Do you have a sponsor or therapist to confide in?

I'll keep you in my thoughts. Don't give up. Sobriety is a good thing.

Love,

Lenina

[DSodaNow]

Thanks, ladies. This is my first time sober and I am doing the AA thing. I have a sponsor and am working the steps.

I also have a therapist that I see. I have had several people in my women's meeting suggest anti-depressants and my therapist has as well, but I am against any medication. I had a "over dose" on Celexa 6 years ago and I think that medication only masks the problems.

AA has been a struggle for me. I feel better at meetings, but I am struggling with the steps. I hear so many people share about how wonderful they feel and happy they are. And I want that! Then I get more bummed out and down on myself.

btw... this is my first time around. no relapses yet.

[lizw]

Take it easy eh? You don't have to think of the term 'relapse yet'. It really doesn't have to be a 'yet' for you.

Were you at with your steps?
Are you doing service at the group/s you attend?
Do you have much fellowship with other alkies?
How are you filling your time if you are not working?

There's a ton of things for you to think about!

I wouldn't feel too ripped off about not having the pink cloud. What goes up, must come down. If I had a dollar for every person I heard or met who relapsed after the pink cloud wore off, I'd have a few dollars....

Despite what your head tells you, you're doing good.

[Aysha]

The pink cloud was not so pink for me.

I have heard this alot from others as well for various reasons.
That pink cloud had me feeling like a million bucks. And yes like liz stated it was my first attempt at recovery when I got it.

The pink cloud for me was disasterous.
Because I got too comfortable and confident. I was getting a rush from recovery as I did with using.
And that caused me to really crash hard when it faded.
I relapsed and didnt handle it very well.

Some people dont get bad results. But some have. And I was one of them.
It also caused me to let my guard down.

Be happy with where you are. And thats clean and sober for 4 months.
Its not all its cracked up to be.

[kj3880]

Yes, I got the pink cloud, and I just got off of it about 2 weeks ago. Did you all notice my depressed posts????
So yeah, dont' feel ripped off. I'd rather be nice and steady than seriously up and down like me.
I'm on new psych meds, hopefully they help even it out for me.
KJ

[vegibean]

I would rather not have the pink cloud. I had it once and glad to say I don't this time. I don't want to live on it and then it's gone. As what lizw has said, I see a lot of people in the meetings that have a pink cloud and while happy for them I can't help but think "it's going to suck when all that good feeling is gone", LOL!!!!!

I've wondered on a couple of things why I'm not like others and you know what? I'm right where I need to be, I'm sober and this is my recovery/sobriety. I'm not going to wear it like the next person and vice versa. I don't know if that helps but you're sober and that's great!!!!

[dancinggirl]

What's a pink cloud?!

[deezaldog]

I agree with lizw, AA meetings for me have such an awsome open feeling. I am always welcome, never judged and free coffee!. Many say the meetings and people are their medicine. If they were diabetic they would take their medicine to feel better. If you dont attend AA mtgs try one. If you do and don't leave the mtg feeling better than when you went in then find another meeting.
Maybe you feel better than you realize. Were you miserable when, after drinking?
Life isnt a pink cloud all the time. But for me sobriety sure feels better than a hangover!

Hope you have a wonderful day. LOL Eliz

[HopeTo180]

"Life has it's ups and downs"
"Life sucks, then you die"
"Life's a merry-go-round"
"Life's a roller coaster"
"Take the good with the bad"
"Life's challenges"
These are just a few and I don't think a recovering alcoholic/user wrote them. People experiencing life wrote them.

"The pink cloud" is a moment in time where one is euphoric, on top of the world, has complete control of all that surrounds them. Even people that have never touched drugs or alcohol feel this, in fact, it is one of the dangers of deep diving. As a scuba diver we are trained to look for this emotion while at depth. This condition can be dangerous causing us to lose the recognition of danger.

I know that I have lost the "tools of the trade" if you will, for dealing with the everyday ups and downs. Embracing the ups is the easy part. Not turning to drink, during the downs, is the tough one. At least now, I can redevelop the tools needed, instead of turning to drink, sobering up, only to find that I now have 394 problems to deal with.

[Paulie]

The pink cloud for me is when I realize I have no control over anything, when I realize I am powerless over people, places and things and that my HP is in control. I control my actions and responses to others, not others.

The pink cloud is when I stop comparing my insides to others outsides.

The pink cloud is when I accept myself knowing I am right where I am supposed to be at this given moment.

The pink cloud is when I am completley teachable and I understand and know in my heart that I do not have to do this recovery thing alone.

I suggest you stop trying to find it, and just let it happen.

I remember one day about nine months into my first real sobriety I noticed I was singing to myself while doing housework. It shocked me! I realized I was feeling pretty darn good! I don't think it was pink cloud, though.

Oh I think it was for sure!!!

[Toomutch]

Now that I know what a pink cloud is. I think mine comes around just like the clouds in the sky. I may be on one for awhile, but then it is suddenly gone., until the next one shows up. Do I make any sense. :P

[Paulie]

Originally Posted by Toomutch

Now that I know what a pink cloud is. I think mine comes around just like the clouds in the sky. I may be on one for awhile, but then it is suddenly gone., until the next one shows up. Do I make any sense. :P

Yep - perfect sense!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And that IMO is life on lifes terms.

[SelfSeeking]

I was pretty euphoric (for me! LOL) up until last Friday, when I got totally anxiety-ridden and depressed and I screwed my sobriety up that night. I'm 2 days in now and I have to say, I'm relieved I'm not euphoric. I just feel real. Hopefully someday "real" will be a little more up but til then I'm just happy not to be getting wasted!

[Paulie]

til then I'm just happy not to be getting wasted!

Some days that is what it is about.

Glad you made it back.

[Lily]

I was on a super duper pink cloud when I got clean back in 1991. This time around it isn't as "pink"

I kind of feel the same as Toomutch. Sometimes I am on a pink cloud and other times it is a black or dark cloud. :-) I do know that when I am not focusing on myself though, it gets a bit pinker.

The amount of times I say ME, MINE, I and NO is waaaay too much. When I get out of these and focus on others, serving others, it helps a lot! I am making a meal for a fellow NA gal tomorrow who is having surgery.

Keep staying clean and doing the next right thing. Your emotions will balance out and things will get better.

blessings, Sheila

[DSodaNow]

Thanks everyone!

Were you at with your steps?
Are you doing service at the group/s you attend?
Do you have much fellowship with other alkies?
How are you filling your time if you are not working?

I am still working on step nine. I do some service work at my home group. I speak to a lot of people before and after meetings, but I do not do a lot with them outside of our meetings. While I am not working, I have been working on a lot of things around the house and going to a lot of meetings. I have also gone on a few vacations.

I do know that when I am not focusing on myself though, it gets a bit pinker.

Lily- I really appreciate you pointing this out. I don't know why, but sometimes I get so focused on my misery. I wish I could get over being so selfish.

Thanks, again, everyone!

[ColdSweat]

Personally, I'm a manic-depressive, so it's hard for me to determine if it's a pink-cloud period of time or a time of mania. I too, have had bad experiences with medication (recovering addict, durr ha), prescribed and not, and refuse to take them. I used to deal with the downs by taking a drink (or 20), taking my pills, etc... now I just tend to lay in bed. I have to find a better way to deal with it, and I'm scared to death of shrinks, I will not go to one ha. Bad experiences with shrinks as well. But for now, a comfy, sober bed, with a good book, is fine. You're not alone DSoda

[nandm]

Originally Posted by ColdSweat

Personally, I'm a manic-depressive, so it's hard for me to determine if it's a pink-cloud period of time or a time of mania. I too, have had bad experiences with medication (recovering addict, durr ha), prescribed and not, and refuse to take them. I used to deal with the downs by taking a drink (or 20), taking my pills, etc... now I just tend to lay in bed. I have to find a better way to deal with it, and I'm scared to death of shrinks, I will not go to one ha. Bad experiences with shrinks as well. But for now, a comfy, sober bed, with a good book, is fine. You're not alone DSoda

You should check out our mental health forum. There is a lot of useful information on Bipolar disease. There is also a strong and supportive group of people there.

[splendra]

I think the pink cloud thing is possibly about brain chemistry. I used to get a lot of pink cloud feelings. I started to realize( I could feel my little Hypothalamus - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia pumping) that this feeling was not really healthy because it took me a way from reality. I made things bigger and more important then they really are in that mode.

Can anyone say grandiose? Feelings of grandeur? It is about obsession ya know and obsession can lead me right back into my crap. I like to feel good but I really don't need to feel that good ya know...

It comes down to controlling myself seeing what gets me into trouble and learning that following these "feelings" do me instead of me doing me. I do not want to be controlled by feelings or want of them.

[beingjenagain]

For me the pink cloud is just not being cloudy all day long! I like my new clear blue skies mind. Not cloudy and foggy!!
I realize that life is just life. it has its ups and downs and my sobriety isn't going to make everything perfect.
I am just happy to have the strength to deal with life sober and clear!
Blue Clear not Pink Cloudy

[ColdSweat]

Originally Posted by nandm

You should check out our mental health forum. There is a lot of useful information on Bipolar disease. There is also a strong and supportive group of people there.

Heyy, thanks, nandm . There are so many boards on this forum that it's rather overwhelming haha. Once I get used to the place I'll be sure to pop in. Thank you very much