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[susanb]

Hello- I am a 49 year young female with 4 years of sobriety on 8/9/03. I completed a long term treatment program ( 1 year) in 2000. My life has gone from one of serenity and peace to the craziness I had while out there in active addiction. Just tail spinning out of a 2 1/2 year "sick" relationship with another recovering man. I have gone thru jobs just as I did while using. I realize I am at the point in my recovery that take the honesty and hard work to make the changes with my character defects, to be able to have "sane" progress in my recovery. what an eye and heart opening (loaded with fear} this is. It is so very hard to make changes from the inside out, when I thought I was as close to perfect as possible without the drugs and alcohol. The gift, as I see it, in this progam is abstinenc. The rest of it, I am going to have to work for. At this point, I really have prayed about this, I feel I need to go to a house for others in recory, to continue my recovery. I am fighting menapause, depression, HepC. food issues and I AM CRAZY AS HELL - go figure huh? If anyone can help with finding a sober living community in Georgia or Florida, I could sure use the help and suggestions for finding on. Please help - it is so very hard to hold on to my sanity-it is soooo difficult losing your mind without having the excuse that I need a drink or a drug while doing this. Look forward to hearing from someone on this issue - so thankful for this site.


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SusanB



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07-15-2003 11:42 PM

[SkyIsFalling42]

Susan
Welcome!! Glad to see you here!
I too felt as though I was losing my mind at one point..I wasnt. I dont believe you are either. I do believe that this is how you feel.
Congrats on you sobriety, it really takes alot of commitment to do what you have done, you have my admiration!
Please know that you are not alone, there are many here who are struggling with the same issues as you.
First, I would suggest that you breathe!!! Slow down girl-what an overload!! I am still learning not to tackle all of my problems at once...they would overwhelm the national guard! One day, one hour, one minute, one problem at a time-however we need to do this.
Your ability to share your feelings here is wonderful. I hope that you keep posting. Someone will be along soon Im sure who can offer you really good insight!
Just remember you are not alone, and I am sorry that you are going through this.

[Paulie]

Hi Susan and welcome -

WOW - I have been exactly where you are, when I hit 5 years clean my head spun our of control.

Congrats on your 4 years, you must be doing something right, you are still clean. What happened for me is that I was clean after 5 years still but I wasn't working a program any longer. I had stopped going to meetings, stopped working the steps actively with a sponsor and stopped working with other women. I was 'spin dry'. It took me a few years to realize that during those years I relapsed with food not drugs. The only reason I didn't use dope was the fact that I live with a recovering addict and he didn't use. During those years if he would have used I would have to in a heart beat, but instead I used food as my drug. Then a got miserable enough to start working a program again, and today life is great again. Sure I have my struggles like everyone else, money, kids, job, blah blah blah, but again I can deal with it using the tools of the program. And I can say today 99% of the time I don't eat from emotions, and I can say for sure that if my SO came home from work tonight with a bag in his pocket I would leave not join him (just for today, I can't think past one day at a time).

I am rambling on here which is normal for me, but my point is how active are you working a program. Your statement about having to work for it is correct, sobrity is a gift that we have to work for each and everyday. the program is here for us, like me you just have to start working it again and things will change.

God Bless!!

We are here and we are glad you found us.

Keep coming back!!!