down hill

[nochance]

stopped the drink on the 9/6/08, since i stopped my sex drive has stopped as well, i know everone is different in recovery but did anyone else find this happin, went to doc about it he said it shoul have been the other way around.dont want any tabs for this problem just hope it fades away ,and if it does its taken it bloody time

[Anna]

I had a similar experience and I think it was because of how I felt when I stopped drinking. I had isolated, closed myself off, pretended to be someone I wasn't. When I stopped drinking, it was as if all that stuff fell away and I was left with the core of myself. I had to rebuild, and sexuality was one of the many things about myself, that I had to examine. It's good that you talked to your dr to eliminate any physical problem. Allow yourself time to adjust and to get used to your new life.

[CarolD]

For me...it was a lot to do with my age and experiences.

At 53...I had 3 children almost grown
I had been divorced twice and had lots of lovers
I had started menopause about 50...my hormones
were settleing down
My mind was no longer focused on sex.

....I decided to take a man free year.
It worked out so well....I am still happily
without a sexual partner.

Of course ...at 72 there are not a lot of canidates.

[SelfSeeking]

This has been on my mind, nochance, so thanks for starting this thread... Felt too shy to bring it up myself

My SO has been less than supportive of my sobriety (still brings alcohol into the house and drinks in front of me quite a bit). As the days go by, go figure, I feel less and less romantically inclined!

There are tons of physical reasons for a low sex drive but as they say the most important sexual organ is right between the eyes.

[Anna]

Yes, I think it has a LOT to do with emotional feelings.

And, those feelings may change as recovery begins and they may change again as recovery continues. I think, for me, it was about getting to know myself as I really was, and believing in that person.

[ananda]

So glad you posted...women are often hesitatant to share about this sorta stuff.

For me...I had no sex drive at all and when I got sober my periods and my sex drive came back.

I actually feel fortunate that my sex drive seems to be dissappearing again....I seem to do better without it!

I think as someone said it has a lot to do with where you are at in your individual journey in life. I know that I can be very happy without a sex drive....and I suppose (LOL) i could learn to be happy with one.

I do have to share my lack of sex drive or the appearance of my sex drive with those who are being effected by that. And I talk to a dr. as well. Found out they won't perscribe meds to stop the sex drive...don't get it ... whats wrong with a viagra in reverse???

[dancinggirl]

For me, I would feel more open and sexual while drunk....but very self-concious sober. I think there have been very few times I've had sex while sober! Alcohol lessens inhibitions, right? Well when that's gone, all my insecurities would come zooming back. While sober, I'm very aware of how I look, what's happening, making sure it's good, etc., etc......totally too aware of every moment, and not in a good way.

I'm thinking I just need to become aware of myself as a sober woman....kind of like growing up again. Hell, I just have to remember that the man isn't critiquing every moment....for goodness sakes, their brains aren't even the part getting the blood at that point in time! lol

[SelfSeeking]

Originally Posted by ananda

And I talk to a dr. as well. Found out they won't perscribe meds to stop the sex drive...don't get it ... whats wrong with a viagra in reverse???

Lol, sure they prescribe anti-sex drive pills! It's called hormonal birth control and anti-depressants!

[lizw]

I think it is a delicate subject and good on your for having the courage to ask.

Sex was just another thing I could use to manipulate people when I was drinking and in the last year I've started going to SLAA (sex and love addicts anonyous).

One of the things I have 'phases' of in my recovery, I've been sober 10 years now, is sexual anexiroa (excuse the bad spelling), as in the idea of having sex and having sex makes me feel sick.

I'm not saying you need this but rather that drinking/using has affected ALL areas of our lives, so it's pretty normal to expect some major changes, in ourselves, when we stop - for the good and for the bad.

:ghug2

[stillabovewater]

Originally Posted by nochance

stopped the drink on the 9/6/08, since i stopped my sex drive has stopped as well, i know everone is different in recovery but did anyone else find this happin, went to doc about it he said it shoul have been the other way around.dont want any tabs for this problem just hope it fades away ,and if it does its taken it bloody time

I have always had a high sex drive, but mine also seemed to disappear when I got clean. I can say that I look back and I am so so happy that it worked out that way. It gave me a chance to work on other issues and not trade one addiction for another or mess up the mental staircase I had begun from rock bottom. Good luck

[NOMOMERLOTMAMMA]

I think that I brought this up round this time last year lol.

I, like a lot of the women who've posted, used sex as a tool, a weapon, pretty much everything that sex shouldn't be used for, while I was drinking. I was drinking when I lost my virginity. So, obviously, I haven't had a lot of sober sex.

It's taken me awhile to get comfy with that aspect of myself, and also it's taken me awhile to realize that I am not a crazy freak naturally either. Throw in figuring out exactly what my sexuality is and it's been an interesting year.

I'm happy to say, although it's not anywhere near the frequency that my partner would like, things have gotten to a good place for me. I'm focusing on my spiritual life primarily, but I'm confident that there is a happy medium down the road. Be patient with yourself.

[mizztake33]

Hi nochance - my sex drive packed up and left when I stopped too. I think I felt less inhibited, less responsible, spontaneous almost.

I am also on anti-depressants, so that doesn't help either.

Good luck to you!