hhhhhheeeeelllppppp............. - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

myles1 · 07-14-2003, 03:15 PM

Hi Ladies,

I've met this guy and he's an 18 month sober addict.

And we seem to have hit it off but I'm a complete state of anxiety over it . He's perfectly nice, he likes a lot of the same things I do, he's in the program and I'm damn nervous. It doesn't make sense how I feel but then maybe it does after everything else that's happened with me and relationships.

I want to take it slow but I'm afraid I won't be able to.

Ngaire

myles1 · 07-14-2003, 03:22 PM

I feel miserably crazy.

2stop · 07-14-2003, 03:26 PM

uh-oh!! The miserably happy feeling!!

I know what you mean!! Just remember your recovery comes first and then the relationship, take it as slow as you can, I know that's hard!! And be so careful, but have fun too, shoot life ain't ALL serious!!:p

myles1 · 07-14-2003, 03:31 PM

You mean this is normal to feel this way?

Ngaire

2stop · 07-14-2003, 03:35 PM

Get me a pair of reading glasses quick! LOL!! I'm sorry I thought I read miserably happy! I'm sorry you're feeling torn and nervous, just like sobriety though take it all one day at a time! Hugs to ya!

myles1 · 07-14-2003, 03:39 PM

Oh I'm in agony. he just sent me a card on the e-mail saying he misses me.

I'm totally terrified!!!!!!!
Ngaire

2stop · 07-14-2003, 03:42 PM

I remember when I first got with my husband,,I heard him tell his mom on the phone that he could spend the rest of his life with me! OMG...I freaked out. The next week I was kicking him out!

he never gave up on me, but I remember how scared to death I was. The love hurt worse than the abuse from the other guys because I didn't how to deal with love, yet I wanted it so bad. it is terrifying, I know. just hang in there, write in a journal, keep posting, get it outside of your head.

2many2count · 07-14-2003, 03:50 PM

(((((((((myles)))))))))

Take it slow if your not sure! You are not obligated to jump into something right away. Tell him how you feel and see what happens then. He just might slow down and give you the space you need and things work out great!

Let us know......I'm curious.

Hugs,
2many

Paulie · 07-14-2003, 05:26 PM

Don't be afraid because of your past relationship, just learn from it. Take it slow, be friends and keep your program number 1.

I think alot of time people, especially us women are afraid because of how we were treated in the past, he is not your ex. But even more important, YOU are not the person you were then.

Friendship is the most important thing. My step daughter asked me the other day who my best friend was and I said 'you dad' that is true.

Follow your heart!!!!

SkyIsFalling42 · 07-14-2003, 05:32 PM

Myles

BREATHE GIRL BREATHE!!!! Ditto what these ladies said. Its all uncharted territory..and columbus had a blast..go with the flow, move with the groove, one day at a time and live!!! and enjoy!! and dont think about tomorrow!!!

Juls · 07-14-2003, 05:59 PM

Ngaire,

I was wondering where you've been.

I think what your feeling is perfectly normal, considering all what you've been through.

I agree with the others, take is slow if you can. I never could. It was like I had to find out right away if the guy was going to turn out to be a jerk, so I always gave them enough rope to hang themselves real quick.

For me, the best attitue was not to expect them to be Mr. Right. Or to put them up on a pedestal if they treated me halfway decent. Ngaire, I hope this man is a good man, and that he is good to you. You deserve it. BUT, at the first sign that he is not, just cut and run. Be open, but be cautious.

Juls

07-14-2003, 03:15 PM	#1 (permalink)
myles1 Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec Posts: 797	hhhhhheeeeelllppppp............. Hi Ladies, I've met this guy and he's an 18 month sober addict. And we seem to have hit it off but I'm a complete state of anxiety over it . He's perfectly nice, he likes a lot of the same things I do, he's in the program and I'm damn nervous. It doesn't make sense how I feel but then maybe it does after everything else that's happened with me and relationships. I want to take it slow but I'm afraid I won't be able to. Ngaire

07-14-2003, 03:26 PM	#3 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,666	uh-oh!! The miserably happy feeling!! I know what you mean!! Just remember your recovery comes first and then the relationship, take it as slow as you can, I know that's hard!! And be so careful, but have fun too, shoot life ain't ALL serious!!:p __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

07-14-2003, 03:35 PM	#5 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,666	Get me a pair of reading glasses quick! LOL!! I'm sorry I thought I read miserably happy! I'm sorry you're feeling torn and nervous, just like sobriety though take it all one day at a time! Hugs to ya! __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

07-14-2003, 03:42 PM	#7 (permalink)
2stop ~Author of My Life~ Join Date: May 2003 Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't.... Posts: 4,666	I remember when I first got with my husband,,I heard him tell his mom on the phone that he could spend the rest of his life with me! OMG...I freaked out. The next week I was kicking him out! he never gave up on me, but I remember how scared to death I was. The love hurt worse than the abuse from the other guys because I didn't how to deal with love, yet I wanted it so bad. it is terrifying, I know. just hang in there, write in a journal, keep posting, get it outside of your head. __________________ Many Hugs and Hope too, Tammie "Think of all the beauty still left around you and BE HAPPY." ~Anne Frank~ "Things do not change, WE change." ~Henry David Thoreau~

07-14-2003, 03:50 PM	#8 (permalink)
2many2count Member Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: dysfunction junction,nc Posts: 379	(((((((((myles))))))))) Take it slow if your not sure! You are not obligated to jump into something right away. Tell him how you feel and see what happens then. He just might slow down and give you the space you need and things work out great! Let us know......I'm curious. Hugs, 2many __________________ Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance, And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance....DANCE.

07-14-2003, 03:22 PM	#2 (permalink)
myles1 Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec Posts: 797	I feel miserably crazy.

07-14-2003, 03:31 PM	#4 (permalink)
myles1 Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec Posts: 797	You mean this is normal to feel this way? Ngaire

07-14-2003, 03:39 PM	#6 (permalink)
myles1 Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec Posts: 797	Oh I'm in agony. he just sent me a card on the e-mail saying he misses me. I'm totally terrified!!!!!!! Ngaire

07-14-2003, 05:26 PM	#9 (permalink)
Paulie It is what it is!!! Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Sobriety Posts: 5,525	Don't be afraid because of your past relationship, just learn from it. Take it slow, be friends and keep your program number 1. I think alot of time people, especially us women are afraid because of how we were treated in the past, he is not your ex. But even more important, YOU are not the person you were then. Friendship is the most important thing. My step daughter asked me the other day who my best friend was and I said 'you dad' that is true. Follow your heart!!!! __________________ I know more about how to live than I did yesterday, but not as much as I'll know tomorrow. Today, Ill learn something new~JFT, 1/27/06 The difference between a good day and a bad day, is about 2 days~Ann of SR

07-14-2003, 05:32 PM	#10 (permalink)
SkyIsFalling42 Big kitty nose hugs Join Date: May 2003 Location: Center of The World Posts: 1,261	Myles BREATHE GIRL BREATHE!!!! Ditto what these ladies said. Its all uncharted territory..and columbus had a blast..go with the flow, move with the groove, one day at a time and live!!! and enjoy!! and dont think about tomorrow!!! __________________ Love In Spirit, Sky Where my heart is....... http://Writing.Com/authors/skyisfalling02 "Never Give In, Never Give In, Never Give In, Never, Never, Never." ~~Sir Winston Churchill~~

07-14-2003, 05:59 PM	#11 (permalink)
Juls Member Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: California, USA Posts: 1,101	Ngaire, I was wondering where you've been. I think what your feeling is perfectly normal, considering all what you've been through. I agree with the others, take is slow if you can. I never could. It was like I had to find out right away if the guy was going to turn out to be a jerk, so I always gave them enough rope to hang themselves real quick. For me, the best attitue was not to expect them to be Mr. Right. Or to put them up on a pedestal if they treated me halfway decent. Ngaire, I hope this man is a good man, and that he is good to you. You deserve it. BUT, at the first sign that he is not, just cut and run. Be open, but be cautious. Juls

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