Best Things About Being Alone. - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

kj3880 · 08-05-2008, 06:56 PM

Hi Sisters in Recovery!
I want to start a thread that trumpets the good stuff about being alone, since so many of us are new to recovery and are observing the tradition of not dating for a year. Or there are those of us whose sig. others couldn't stop using when we did, so we had to cut 'em loose. I fall into both categories, so I'll start it off:

1. I get to keep all my money. And spend the excess, if there is any, however I want.

2. I can choose girly movies on tv every night of the week!

3. I get the whole bed to myself!

4. I can go to as many meetings as I need or want without explaining myself to anyone. And I can hang out with everyone after without having to rush home!

What else?

KJ

lizw · 08-05-2008, 07:42 PM

I don't have to cook 'real' dinners - eggs on toast is fine

I get to choose the radio station and it stays that way

The drivers seat in my car doesn't need to be moved everytime I get in

No hair in the bathroom sink

Only snoring to be heard in my bedroom at night is my own and I can sleep through that

Digginit · 08-05-2008, 07:56 PM

When you talk to yourself....even if you answer, nobody else will know.

I'm not sure that's a good thing...lol.

~dig

kj3880 · 08-05-2008, 09:04 PM

diggin,
c'mon, there has to be something you can think of that's nicer than that about your own company. help me out here. You're very smart.
kj

ananda · 08-05-2008, 09:08 PM

I can feel my feelings with out worrying about them affecting someone else.

If I don't feel like cleaning, nobody knows.

I only listen to music I like.

The spoons are where I want them to be.

The drapes are open when I want them open

I can be on the computer for as long as I want and no one can be upset

the list goes on and on, but I am a little down right now so thats all I can thing of.

ultimatum · 08-05-2008, 10:11 PM

I can go visit an old guy friend for a weekend without explaining myself

I am having doritos with sour cream for dinner, it is bliss and I don"t have to share

My apartment will be as hot or cold as I wish, and there is no one to complain about it

I have 7 sewing projects going right now, and never feel like I need to tidy up (my place is really small)

arieswoman · 08-05-2008, 10:29 PM

This is a GREAT topic, KJ!!! There are many good things and benefits about being alone:

You get to know yourself, who you are, what YOU like and (hopefully) learn to love yourself so much that you are happy with or without a man!

You get to spend time connecting with your Higher Power(who will always be there for you, even if the man is not).

You get to prove to yorself that you can take care of yourself, no matter what.

When you finally do get to be in a relationship again, it will be a much healthier one, because you are much healthier, and the relationship will be based upon good stuff like mutual trust, respect, and love - because you finally have learned to love, trust and respect yourself first.

You become empowered.

You may decide to just stay single, you love it so much!

**CarolD** · 08-06-2008, 09:18 AM

Eating in bed ...lights and TV on.

Showering at 3 A.M.

The only dirty underwear I wash are mine.

Cooking ..if I want...when I want...the way I want.

Living alone?
I'd rather be alone than to wish I were!

Absolutely worth a

from me!!

ananda · 08-06-2008, 09:45 AM

I get to make all the decisions

My house is my space

Digginit · 08-06-2008, 05:27 PM

I like being alone a little too much. I'm too comfortable alone and too uncomfortable around other people. One thing I LOVE about being alone is being able to lock up the house and the gates to my back yard. I LOVE to hang out in the sauna and at the pool in the buff...alone. The thought of being around other people really stresses me out.

dig

grateful2b · 08-06-2008, 05:47 PM

I love living alone...for all the above reasons..
plus I get to hang out in my underwear when I want...

but the BEST part is solitude and quiet...supports my innerwork...
love, love , love the solitude....

Surlyredhead · 08-06-2008, 06:03 PM

Ohhh...good topic:

When I leave the house and come back...everything is where it was when I left!!!

I have a lavender bedroom with a purple ceiling fan and no one nags me about it.

If I feel like crying, I can...just 'cause it feels good!

The remote control is MINE 100% of the time.

If I want Taco Bell at 2am, just because it is open, I can go.

I don't have to hide my girlie things.

I can hang my bras up to dry where ever I want!!!

I don't have to share the closet or drawers.

If I want to hang out in the house looking like something the Cat dragged in on the weekends I can.

M&Ms are so a food group, and no one tells me different.

grateful2b · 08-06-2008, 06:19 PM

oh, and I don't have to do the dishes til I'm good and ready...

ultimatum · 08-06-2008, 07:54 PM

I also find that I tend to stay slimmer when single, none of that food around that men can seem to eat and never gain weight from!

kj3880 · 08-07-2008, 08:56 PM

There's plenty of space in the bed for my labrador, and she's cuddlier than any man I ever had in my bed anyway! And furrier. And more loyal. And she doesn't argue with me. And she takes walks whenever I want, even at 4 in the morning.
She might even be smarter than some of them were!!! Uh-oh.
KJ

chiynita · 08-08-2008, 12:35 AM

I like this thread...Thx kj
I definately agree with the having the bed to myself.
I like not having to go through the BS that being in a relationship brings.
I dont like answering to anyone.
Ok..I am just gonna drop it like its hot.
I am just selfish and do what I want when I want and thats the best thing to me.

kj3880 · 08-08-2008, 08:16 AM

Chiy,
You're not being selfish at all taking time to be alone in early recovery and avoiding dating. You're taking care of you! And until we take care of ourselves succesfully for a while, we wouldn't be much good to anyone else either! Not dating the first year rocks!
KJ

daisyjane · 08-10-2008, 05:14 PM

Hi everyone!

This is my first post and I'm so glad I found this website. I'm less than a week out of an emotionally abusive relationship of 6 years so I'm enjoying lots of the above-mentioned items.

A few of mine:
I can do artwork at home and not hear it called "arts and CRAP"
I can watch TV in bed
I can have friends over without making sure it's OK (aka asking permission)
I can get the car I want in the color I want
I don't wake up with stomach pains
I am relaxed and calm
I don't worry all day that I've done something wrong
I can come and go as I please

There are so many more I'm discovering!

daisyjane · 08-10-2008, 05:15 PM

Hi everyone!

This is my first post and I'm so glad I found this website. I'm less than a week out of an emotionally abusive relationship of 6 years so I'm enjoying lots of the above-mentioned items.

A few of mine:
I can do artwork at home and not hear it called "arts and CRAP"
I can watch TV in bed
I can have friends over without making sure it's OK (aka asking permission)
I can get the car I want in the color I want
I don't wake up with stomach pains
I am relaxed and calm
I don't worry all day that I've done something wrong
I can come and go as I please

There are so many more I'm discovering!

butterfly19 · 08-10-2008, 06:07 PM

Thanks for a fun post KJ! Gave me a lot to think about and realize things I need to be thankful for!!!!

I can stay up late and fall asleep on the couch without having to worry that someone is sleeping in bed alone.
2. I can have my 2 cats and get a puppy without anyone complaining that there are too many animals in the house.
I can choose when and if I want to shave my legs! LOL
I don't have to smell someone else's morning breath or have that "man smell" around in the mornings!
I can drink plenty of soda and eat candy without being compared to a teenager!

Those are just a few! I do admit that it sometimes gets lonely, but one of these days the right person is going to come along and I bet I won't have quite as many reasons to want to be single again!!! Anyway, thanks for making me laugh girls!!!

Love,

butterfly19

AliceinWndrland · 08-10-2008, 06:12 PM

Thanks everyone for this post! This actually helped me a lot this weekend... I had a date set up with someone I had met online, and something was nagging me, nagging me that I didn't want to go... finally I realized it was because - I'm jsut at a point where I'm really enjoying being on my own! Making a lot of changes in my life and my self, and I don't feel like adding someone else into the mix right now. Reading all these reasons helped me see - hey - I'm happy being with me!
AND, after I cancelled, he ended up getting really creepy - sending me messages, calling me late... so I'm DEFINITELY glad I cancelled! Obviously, my gut was telling me this guy was a creep!

ananda · 08-11-2008, 06:25 AM

more time for my dogs

cleaning up my bloody underwear without having to worry about someone being grossed out (can wait to get fixed!!!!)

kj3880 · 08-11-2008, 04:07 PM

Ananda, but I hate to tell you, if you're talking about getting a tubal ligation when you say getting fixed, you still get a period...sorry.
KJ

ananda · 08-11-2008, 08:53 PM

doing the big deal hystorectomy!!!! yeeeeepiiiiii

Since I live alone I can fart without being embarrassed! And if I cry no one can make fun of me or try to "cheer" me out of it. I can watch any show I want. I can sleep wtih the puppies on my bed. I can take a 2 hour bath. I can argue with the TV and no one ever finds any flaws in my logic

PEACE QUIET John prine, coffee and the tub.

I can eat my food with my fingers.

08-05-2008, 06:56 PM	#1 (permalink)
kj3880 Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: md Posts: 1,398	Best Things About Being Alone. Hi Sisters in Recovery! I want to start a thread that trumpets the good stuff about being alone, since so many of us are new to recovery and are observing the tradition of not dating for a year. Or there are those of us whose sig. others couldn't stop using when we did, so we had to cut 'em loose. I fall into both categories, so I'll start it off: 1. I get to keep all my money. And spend the excess, if there is any, however I want. 2. I can choose girly movies on tv every night of the week! 3. I get the whole bed to myself! 4. I can go to as many meetings as I need or want without explaining myself to anyone. And I can hang out with everyone after without having to rush home! What else? KJ

08-05-2008, 07:42 PM	#2 (permalink)
lizw God's Kid Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: New Zealand Posts: 1,240	I don't have to cook 'real' dinners - eggs on toast is fine I get to choose the radio station and it stays that way The drivers seat in my car doesn't need to be moved everytime I get in No hair in the bathroom sink Only snoring to be heard in my bedroom at night is my own and I can sleep through that __________________ ....blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God.

08-05-2008, 07:56 PM	#3 (permalink)
Digginit Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: usa Posts: 447	When you talk to yourself....even if you answer, nobody else will know. I'm not sure that's a good thing...lol. ~dig __________________ -- There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. We seek problems because we need their gifts.

08-06-2008, 09:18 AM	#8 (permalink)
CarolD Forum Leader Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Dallas, Ga. USA Posts: 15,398	Eating in bed ...lights and TV on. Showering at 3 A.M. The only dirty underwear I wash are mine. Cooking ..if I want...when I want...the way I want. Living alone? I'd rather be alone than to wish I were! Absolutely worth a from me!! __________________ Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery!

08-06-2008, 05:27 PM	#10 (permalink)
Digginit Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: usa Posts: 447	I like being alone a little too much. I'm too comfortable alone and too uncomfortable around other people. One thing I LOVE about being alone is being able to lock up the house and the gates to my back yard. I LOVE to hang out in the sauna and at the pool in the buff...alone. The thought of being around other people really stresses me out. dig __________________ -- There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. We seek problems because we need their gifts.

08-05-2008, 09:04 PM	#4 (permalink)
kj3880 Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: md Posts: 1,398	diggin, c'mon, there has to be something you can think of that's nicer than that about your own company. help me out here. You're very smart. kj

08-05-2008, 09:08 PM	#5 (permalink)
ananda Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 6,307	I can feel my feelings with out worrying about them affecting someone else. If I don't feel like cleaning, nobody knows. I only listen to music I like. The spoons are where I want them to be. The drapes are open when I want them open I can be on the computer for as long as I want and no one can be upset the list goes on and on, but I am a little down right now so thats all I can thing of.

08-05-2008, 10:11 PM	#6 (permalink)
ultimatum Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Portland, OR Posts: 90	I can go visit an old guy friend for a weekend without explaining myself I am having doritos with sour cream for dinner, it is bliss and I don"t have to share My apartment will be as hot or cold as I wish, and there is no one to complain about it I have 7 sewing projects going right now, and never feel like I need to tidy up (my place is really small)

08-05-2008, 10:29 PM	#7 (permalink)
arieswoman Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Monterey,CA Posts: 58	This is a GREAT topic, KJ!!! There are many good things and benefits about being alone: You get to know yourself, who you are, what YOU like and (hopefully) learn to love yourself so much that you are happy with or without a man! You get to spend time connecting with your Higher Power(who will always be there for you, even if the man is not). You get to prove to yorself that you can take care of yourself, no matter what. When you finally do get to be in a relationship again, it will be a much healthier one, because you are much healthier, and the relationship will be based upon good stuff like mutual trust, respect, and love - because you finally have learned to love, trust and respect yourself first. You become empowered. You may decide to just stay single, you love it so much!

08-06-2008, 09:45 AM	#9 (permalink)
ananda Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 6,307	I get to make all the decisions My house is my space

08-06-2008, 05:47 PM	#11 (permalink)
grateful2b Leap of faith survivor Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: In the pines, in the pines.... Posts: 1,364	I love living alone...for all the above reasons.. plus I get to hang out in my underwear when I want... but the BEST part is solitude and quiet...supports my innerwork... love, love , love the solitude.... __________________ We are what we believe we are....C.S. Lewis You need to give up the life you have in order to have the life thats waiting for you...

08-06-2008, 06:03 PM	#12 (permalink)
Surlyredhead Life is Grand Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Detroit Posts: 1,117	Ohhh...good topic: When I leave the house and come back...everything is where it was when I left!!! I have a lavender bedroom with a purple ceiling fan and no one nags me about it. If I feel like crying, I can...just 'cause it feels good! The remote control is MINE 100% of the time. If I want Taco Bell at 2am, just because it is open, I can go. I don't have to hide my girlie things. I can hang my bras up to dry where ever I want!!! I don't have to share the closet or drawers. If I want to hang out in the house looking like something the Cat dragged in on the weekends I can. M&Ms are so a food group, and no one tells me different. __________________ Every Saint has a past and every Sinner has a future!

08-06-2008, 06:19 PM	#13 (permalink)
grateful2b Leap of faith survivor Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: In the pines, in the pines.... Posts: 1,364	oh, and I don't have to do the dishes til I'm good and ready... __________________ We are what we believe we are....C.S. Lewis You need to give up the life you have in order to have the life thats waiting for you...

08-06-2008, 07:54 PM	#14 (permalink)
ultimatum Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Portland, OR Posts: 90	I also find that I tend to stay slimmer when single, none of that food around that men can seem to eat and never gain weight from!

08-07-2008, 08:56 PM	#15 (permalink)
kj3880 Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: md Posts: 1,398	There's plenty of space in the bed for my labrador, and she's cuddlier than any man I ever had in my bed anyway! And furrier. And more loyal. And she doesn't argue with me. And she takes walks whenever I want, even at 4 in the morning. She might even be smarter than some of them were!!! Uh-oh. KJ

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)

08-08-2008, 12:35 AM	#16 (permalink)
chiynita My Heart Is With The Ocean Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Clifton Park, NY Posts: 5,698 Blog Entries: 21	I like this thread...Thx kj I definately agree with the having the bed to myself. I like not having to go through the BS that being in a relationship brings. I dont like answering to anyone. Ok..I am just gonna drop it like its hot. I am just selfish and do what I want when I want and thats the best thing to me. __________________

08-08-2008, 08:16 AM	#17 (permalink)
kj3880 Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: md Posts: 1,398	Chiy, You're not being selfish at all taking time to be alone in early recovery and avoiding dating. You're taking care of you! And until we take care of ourselves succesfully for a while, we wouldn't be much good to anyone else either! Not dating the first year rocks! KJ

08-10-2008, 05:14 PM	#18 (permalink)
daisyjane Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Bangor, Maine Posts: 3	Hi everyone! This is my first post and I'm so glad I found this website. I'm less than a week out of an emotionally abusive relationship of 6 years so I'm enjoying lots of the above-mentioned items. A few of mine: I can do artwork at home and not hear it called "arts and CRAP" I can watch TV in bed I can have friends over without making sure it's OK (aka asking permission) I can get the car I want in the color I want I don't wake up with stomach pains I am relaxed and calm I don't worry all day that I've done something wrong I can come and go as I please There are so many more I'm discovering!

08-10-2008, 05:15 PM	#19 (permalink)
daisyjane Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Bangor, Maine Posts: 3	Hi everyone! This is my first post and I'm so glad I found this website. I'm less than a week out of an emotionally abusive relationship of 6 years so I'm enjoying lots of the above-mentioned items. A few of mine: I can do artwork at home and not hear it called "arts and CRAP" I can watch TV in bed I can have friends over without making sure it's OK (aka asking permission) I can get the car I want in the color I want I don't wake up with stomach pains I am relaxed and calm I don't worry all day that I've done something wrong I can come and go as I please There are so many more I'm discovering!

08-10-2008, 06:07 PM	#20 (permalink)
butterfly19 ". . . Closer to Feelin' Fine" Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: WV Posts: 213	Thanks for a fun post KJ! Gave me a lot to think about and realize things I need to be thankful for!!!! I can stay up late and fall asleep on the couch without having to worry that someone is sleeping in bed alone. 2. I can have my 2 cats and get a puppy without anyone complaining that there are too many animals in the house. I can choose when and if I want to shave my legs! LOL I don't have to smell someone else's morning breath or have that "man smell" around in the mornings! I can drink plenty of soda and eat candy without being compared to a teenager! Those are just a few! I do admit that it sometimes gets lonely, but one of these days the right person is going to come along and I bet I won't have quite as many reasons to want to be single again!!! Anyway, thanks for making me laugh girls!!! Love, butterfly19 __________________ My Disgrace Is My Saving Grace

08-10-2008, 06:12 PM	#21 (permalink)
AliceinWndrland down the rabbit hole Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: near Boston, MA Posts: 277	Thanks everyone for this post! This actually helped me a lot this weekend... I had a date set up with someone I had met online, and something was nagging me, nagging me that I didn't want to go... finally I realized it was because - I'm jsut at a point where I'm really enjoying being on my own! Making a lot of changes in my life and my self, and I don't feel like adding someone else into the mix right now. Reading all these reasons helped me see - hey - I'm happy being with me! AND, after I cancelled, he ended up getting really creepy - sending me messages, calling me late... so I'm DEFINITELY glad I cancelled! Obviously, my gut was telling me this guy was a creep! __________________ Say it clearly and you make it beautiful, no matter what.

08-11-2008, 06:25 AM	#22 (permalink)
ananda Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 6,307	more time for my dogs cleaning up my bloody underwear without having to worry about someone being grossed out (can wait to get fixed!!!!)

08-11-2008, 04:07 PM	#23 (permalink)
kj3880 Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: md Posts: 1,398	Ananda, but I hate to tell you, if you're talking about getting a tubal ligation when you say getting fixed, you still get a period...sorry. KJ

08-11-2008, 08:53 PM	#24 (permalink)
ananda Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 6,307	doing the big deal hystorectomy!!!! yeeeeepiiiiii Since I live alone I can fart without being embarrassed! And if I cry no one can make fun of me or try to "cheer" me out of it. I can watch any show I want. I can sleep wtih the puppies on my bed. I can take a 2 hour bath. I can argue with the TV and no one ever finds any flaws in my logic PEACE QUIET John prine, coffee and the tub. I can eat my food with my fingers.

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