Women with addictions???

[chickenlady]

Why do people think addiction is only for men? I feel so bad to have an addiction and being a woman living with it. In fact, someone said to me "I don't know how I could ever deal with it if my mom was an alcoholic." How am I less human? I still struggle with this.

[51anna]

Hi Chickenlady,

Addiction has no discrimination in who it chooses.

I do think, that women who are alcoholics, face more negativity than men. I think it's much less acceptable for women to be drunk, than for men.

I used to be bothered by offhand comments people made to me about alcoholics (not knowing that I was one). It's one of the reasons why I don't talk about my addiction, outside of SR. And, that's one of the reasons why I come to SR. I know that here, people understand.

[lizw]

I think there are alot of ignorant people in the world, and that I use to be one of them.



One of my excuses (when I was drinking) was I couldn't be an alcoholic because I was a woman....

The other thing I've noticed about these kinds of comments, is like myself, people are saying them to confirm or reinforce their own beliefs/thoughts. We can't have anything suggest we need to change now can we? (tounge in cheek) Alcoholics/addicts aren't the only ones who are 'know it all's'....

[kj3880]

I agree. Try being a female addict. People assume you were a prostitute (not that I would judge anyone for that if that's what they ended up doing, it just isn't part of my story.) People are harder on women. Even the men in here have been known to say they wouldn't date any of us. Kind of mean.
KJ

[CarolD]

Yes...those ignorant comments do sting.

You bring up a subject that is often discussed in many
AA Womens meetings. Not fair or true...but it happens
often in our lives.

I heard this recently ...and it's kinda silly...but...

"All women in recovery
need to wear a big R
so we could know who the wisest humans are"

Blessing

[grantstrength1]

I remember when I was in rehab I was sharing about how I used to eat meth off dental floss and stuff like that and this guy said "I just can't see you doing that." Ha, I've done worse than that even.
As 51 Anna said, this disease does not discriminate.

[Digginit]

Originally Posted by kj3880

Even the men in here have been known to say they wouldn't date any of us. Kind of mean.
KJ

Well, I was talking to an AA friend of mine who just ended a nasty relationship with a guy who is also in the program--yeah, same chick. We decided that we're better off not dating men with addictions too...lol. We decided that we should date normal people and try to act like them. Heh. Oh well.

~dig

[kj3880]

Diggin,
Who are normal people and where does one find them, lol? Although we addicts have our own brand of insanity, so do most of the so-called "normal men" that I've dated outside of recovery. Just a different kind of crazy.

The pickings in your 40s are kind of slim, I think. I'm resigned to be alone, forever if need be, until I meet someone really great. It wouldn't matter if they'd struggled with addiction in their past if they were really fantastic men, treated me great, and had come out of it better and wiser, as I think many of us do that recover.

Some of the people I've met in recovery are saner and more self-actualized than people I've met who never had addiction problems.

And maybe it's just me, but it seems that most of the single men my age that I do meet in my regular life who aren't in recovery (I meet a cross section of the population at work) do have a developing drinking problem. They just don't know it yet.
KJ

[indigo]

Welcome, I do think people are becoming aware of addicted women, women are often good at covering things up and often believe they've failed if they have addictions...not so we're human, we hurt.
Glad to meet you.

[Digginit]

kj...we did have that conversation, but we were being silly. I need a tongue-in-cheek icon to help me out here. Such a frequent problem for me.

Peace~
dig

[Japic05]

I would like to share what blew out of the water ALL of my concepts of an alcoholic/addict -

I am a true blue al-anon and struggled with the understanding of the disease of alcoholism/addiction - I was early in the program and it was suggested by my sponsor to go to open AA meetings and the bday nite meetings.

I went to one particular meeting. There was an older distinguished looking woman - you know the type - hair in place, nice clothes, nice jewelry - gorgeous, classy-looking woman. And I thought to myself - she must be someone's wife or mother - right?

W R O N G - The meeting started - she got up and not only did she celebrate 20 yrs of recovery that night - but she also shared part of her story as she gave some of her sponsees their bday chips.

I then realized I knew nothing about this disease.

I will be forever grateful for that and for each of you that share your e, s, & h - It has and continues to help me see my daughter as a beautiful woman who suffers from a horrible disease.

Today I know alcoholism/addiction is no respector of sex, race, national origin or any other factor - It just wants to destroy our loved ones and the family surrounding them.

HUGS to you all,
Rita

[Digginit]

Thank you for that. In my experience, family is the WORST place to discuss or even bring up the topic of addiction. It's not okay to be an addict, even in recovery. For your daughter to have a mom who at least gets it a little bit is wonderful for her and will be very valuable for her recovery, imho.

~dig

[kj3880]

Yes, Japic05, I agree. You sound like a very supportive and wonderful Mom. I'm hoping your daughter does well in her recovery and makes you proud.
KJ

[Japic05]

whether she does well in recovery or not - I am so grateful to recovery to be able to say - I'm proud of her and for her no matter what - just like each one of you - she is a wonderful person!
Here's a great picture of Her, AH & her youngest child.