Weird Question

[cmhcali]

Ok so I feel very weird asking this but I need to know why I feel this way and if other woman feel this way.

For some reason (I am 29) and for the past couple of years I have hated talking to men. At first I thought it was because I was in a relationship and I did not need men to be my friend or flirt with me and felt uncomfortable if they did. I blew this all of that maybe I did not like it because it was not fair to my at the time boyfriend.

Over time it got worse. I even hate talking to co-worker men any that could think I was pretty. I hate that maybe it is because I hate myself I do not know. But since my breakup 4 months ago it is still the same. Why is that? Does anyone feel similar? and what helped.

[Toomutch]

Your loyalty to your boyfriend made you feel guilty to talk to other guys, and it has carried with you. Now it is a habbit and you are still uncomfortable talking to men. Try not to be - you are doing nothing wrong. JMO

[51anna]

Actually, I was the opposite.

I was more comfortable talking to men (not flirting, just chatting), rather than women. I always compared myself to other women and I would focus on what they had or didn't have that I had. It was only in early recovery that I almost instantly found a couple of wonderful female friends.

[dancinggirl]

Oh I hear ya! I get pissed off at men because I find them often shallow when they speak to me without knowing me. I find that it annoys me that men will approach me because of how I look. I find them sometimes to be very simple/obvious in their reasons for approaching me and am insulted that they're thinking with their d**k. I find myself thinking that I'm annoyed that they are coming up to me when they don't know a darn thing about me and are choosing to talk to me only because of physical appearance.

Whoa! That came out of nowhere!!!

Disclaimer: I don't get pissed off ALL the time and in no way mean to feel this way about all men...but the feelings do pop up.

[cmhcali]

Toomutch this sounds about right. I guess I need to figure out how to get over it.

Anna I do not like talking to woman either I am always comparing myself and usually feel lesser than any woman. I always want what other woman have.

Dancinggirl - I get really irritated at the same thing. Sometimes I am in conflict. I have low self esteem yet part of me feels that everyman wants to have s@x with me so I must get annoyed with them like I am a s@x symbol what is up with that

[lizw]

Originally Posted by 51anna

I was more comfortable talking to men (not flirting, just chatting), rather than women. I always compared myself to other women and I would focus on what they had or didn't have that I had.

I can relate to this and had no female friends in recovery for a few years, until my sponsor at the time said to, 'well it wasn't the woman in the pubs buying you drinks was it...?'

Of course I was like, I am never phoning you again!
So rather than never phoning my sponsor again, I got some female friends.
I probably go through phases when men just irrate me too. It also seems to pass too.

[Toomutch]

I always got along better with guys for some reason. Yeah I knew that they more than likely had alterier (sp) motives, but for me they were easier to talk too than women. Maybe thats why I was proposed to 9 times - I was basically a tomboy and a spit fire, and needless to say a big flirt.
Now however it just depends on the person and not the gender. Some are hard to talk to and some are not.

[chiynita]

Hmm..Thats a tough one.
I have no problem talking to men as a friend or just in general.
But as soon as it gets on a different level. Like I get a compliment. Or anything along those lines. I get all weird feeling.
I have alot of intimacy issues with men. But mine came with my addiction. Men and sex or anything related makes my skin crawl.
Plus I dont like how I look now. I let drugs tear me down. Gained so much weight and just do not have a good self image.
It could be alot of things.

[ananda]

reminds me of when I read about the 3 sex....that many women feel like the 3 sex...cause they see women as less than due to society's issues and that they don't want to identify with women, yet they aren't men...so they see themselves as something that is not woman and not man. I relate to that.

Personally, my challenge in this sobriety is to learn to not close off from men or women...I hang mostly with women, but really need to be careful to not just write off 1/2 the human race...I found out we are more alike than different especially because of SR....I often suffer confusion over what sex the online people are and begin to seee that i associate certain things as male or female and they are really pretty darn inaccurate.

Been a great learning experience.

[Mala09]

I dislike sexism and for that reason I am wary of men when I first meet them because I so dislike the patronising attitudes or crude jokes or advice-giving that are still very prevalent in society. Many recovering male alcoholics have never had a chance to learn social skills and they come across very offensively in the rooms, but if they are serious about sobriety and making amends to women they have treated abusively, they smarten up fairly quickly.

Love & peace

Mala

[Lenina]

The first time I got sober I really felt I needed to be surrounded by women. Men and relationships were just too scary. I was working on myself full-time. I am grateful I recognized my insecurities and took the time to let myself heal and grow as a woman.

I had a history of getting involved with rats and verbally abusive men. (thanks Dad) It took a long time and a good therapist to help me learn I deserved better! I am now married to a wonderful, moral and ethical guy! What a difference! Oh, he's got his flaws, he's a huge slob but he's honest and always there for me. (unless it's time to clean house)

Still, I prefer the company of women for the most part and am very blessed to have strong, smart women in my immediate circle.

Just an observation of mine: they need us more than we need them as we get older.

Love,

Lenina

[cmhcali]

Thanks for the wealth of advice and encouragement. I have no desire to date!!! Not even attracted to anyone. I guess it is a result of getting out of a long relationship and also working on me which is a full time job. I am not craving alcohol but I am spiritually sick which I understand for the first time in my life...

[beingjenagain]

Hi Cmhcali! My troubles with talking seem to be both men and women. I don't want anyone not to like me and that makes me think and rethink all my conversations before they even come out of my mouth. I'm working on it and I hope you find your root too!!

[cmhcali]

Thanks Jen. I am trying to work on it too.