Need to vent

[MarylandGal]

Hi. I have about 2-1/2 weeks under my belt, but I am having so many problems right now that I'm amazed I haven't drank. If anyone has any advice, please feel free to chime in. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

In January I was laid off. Friday my unemployment is ending and I still am unemployed. I know it's not just me, because other people i know are having the same problem finding a job and are having similar experiences. The offers I have received seemed to be stepping into a fire - one was a company that has has a high turnover rate (I see the job ad in the paper every month). Another involved a 2 month temp project which the agency beat around the bush on the hours (it was a night job but they kept telling me that, "You'll have to go to the site and find out what the client want." WTF? Another involved a woman calling me from NY and talking to me for five minutes about a job in my area. Then she emailed me that I had the job and can I please start Monday? I moved on when she bawked at setting up an interview with the local company first.

Last week my car died and I maxed out my one credit card getting it fixed. This now leaves me with just enough money to live on for another month. I've applied for food stamps and have an appointment in two weeks for that. I have two kids, both with disabilities (Asberger's and severe ADHD) and I am lucky if the deadbeat pays once a year (he pays when he gets served with showcause papers and then stops cause he knows it takes six more months for enforcement to start the show cause process over)

Yesterday, my car started acting up again and I took it back to the shop. (Different problem). They told me my pistons needed to be replaced and the work around on that would be to add oil in it as needed (is going through 2 quarts of oil a day). The only time I'm really leaving the house is to go on job interviews, so right now that's not a huge issue.

My worse problem is I don't know what to do with my older son. He's had a hard time all his life socially and spent most of his years not talking to people much. He attended a school program for asperger's since seventh grade and made few friends. In the last two years he managed to 'blossom' socially and even school wise (he was in an advance program at school). A few weeks before school got out, he had a fallout with some kids, and has sunk into a severe depression. He's laying in bed all day crying, and I've spent hours upon hours trying to help him. I've tried to talk him into going to see a counselor, but he refuses. I don't know what to do.

I have added stress to all this. Over the last year or so, I've managed to isolate myself from people due to drinking. The one person I've had as a support system is moving next week.

I have a live-in boyfriend who is not helping at all with these matters. He is very clingy, and it's stressful just to go out to a meeting or spend time with my older son. I'll get snide remarks like, "Is that really were you were?" or he'll start asking how many guys were there, etc. If I want to go out for a walk in broad daylight he'll tell me that it's unsafe (I live in a decent neighborhood). Even yesterday he was telling me I shouldn't go to the pool alone with my kid.

I have to ask him to help around the house constanty, and he is working yet somehow I'm footing all the bills and way too often giving him gas money to get to work (he'll buy groceries 3/4 of the time and has wrote one $60 check for electricity). At first, he did ask me how much money I want a month, but I figured we'd just pay bills mutually. When I mention that the water bill has skyrocketed since he's been here, he doesn't offer to pay it, he starts telling me it's some other reason. I feel like he's using me - he was paying $750 a month rent before he moved here.

[DSodaNow]

Hi Marylandgal-

Wow, you do have a lot on your plate to deal with it. In regard to your job, you could always take a position and continue to keep looking. That way you will have some money coming in.

I am not sure what advise to offer you about your son. The only thing that I would suggest is therapy, but it sounds like you have looked into that. How old is he? If he is young enough you could insist on the therapy.

As for your boyfriend, it sounds to me like he is using you. You are not in a position to be covering increased living costs (btw...when my brother-in-law moved in with us our water bill also sky rocketed. I could not believe how much.) but you really are not in the position to be giving him gas money. If I were you, I would start asking him some questions. Such as where were you? What are you spending your money on?

It is hard to be going thru all this and even harder newly sober. This is a great site to turn to for support and has a lot of great people with great advise.

Keep posting and good luck with everything.

[Butterflywoman]

How are you doing?

[Fluttering]

Hi Maryland
Sorry things are so rough right now...

We do not always understand why things happen the way they do..but we do know the rough times pass and our Higher Power will and does provide...He didn't bring you this far to drop you on your head.... There are numerous community support systems available...

Please hang in there...Will keep you in my thoughts and sending hugs

[kj3880]

Hey, fellow Md gal...
You sound just like me.
I had to break it off with the old b/f, gal. I was in a similar sitch to you (barely making it) and I just had to cut and run. He didn't want me going to meetings either, and I need to go. Plus, how can he be the boss of you when he isn't even pulling his own weight??? You can do bad all by yourself. I'm lonely since I broke up with mine, but I'm not going to go back.
My son has mental issues too (OCD and severe anxiety). It's hard, it really is.
My ex doesn't pay anything at all, we've been apart 15 years, and nothing. Deadbeat dad.
And I have the car thing going on too.
Maybe we're twins?
Luckily I do have a job, still. Thank God.
I don't know, but if you want, PM me with what county you are in.
We could at least talk on the phone, maybe go to a meeting together if you are near??
KJ

[indigo]

Welcome I'm sorry you have so much on your plate, I can completely empathize with you as 3 out of my four children are mentally challenged. You're doing good quitting the booze, it will help clear your head so you can plan a way forward. I wish you all the love and support in the world.